“The day I gave birth to my child was the happiest day of my life, I’ll never forget it.” This is a common thing I hear and read from other parents when it comes to their child’s birthday. Everytime I read or hear it, a few things happen; I get overwhelmed with guilt, my PTSD gets triggered, I get sad and many other things happen. May seem odd right? Of course, I feel happiness, joy, pride and all things that come with my child getting older but, I also get hit with a lot of unwanted things as well. Even as I write this now, I’m triggered and writing this post as a way to cope, since my son’s birthday is less than 48 hours away. So, why would I be feeling anything but, happiness, joy, excitement etc when it comes to my son’s birthday? For me, my birthing experience clouds my son’s entrance into this world with pain, trauma, and almost death, and that energy carries forward to affect what’s supposed to be a joyous day.
Let’s talk about how that can be, and ways I cope with it to allow as much joy, happiness and excitement in so I can be as mindful and present as I can be for such a special day.
Not, everyone’s birthing experience is the same
If you had a fairly easy and/or average birthing experience I am overjoyed for you and I can understand how this would make very little sense to you. But, we do not all experience pregnancy the same nor do we have the same birthing experiences. For some of us our birthing experiences become a very dark cloud full of unwanted energy, memories, and triggers.
My birthing experience was beyond painful, traumatic, involved over 42 hours of labor, metal rods placed in my cervix, my epidural being given late, and I almost died. As you can imagine, having all of that happen doesn’t make giving birth a memory my brain likes to go to often. Being reminded of my birthing story makes me relive it, causes PTSD, and a spiral of unwanted emotions that follow. I don’t think of my birthing story often but, what is going to trigger the memories of my birthing story the most? The day it happened; which also happens to be the day I am celebrating my child entering the world.
The day becomes a tug of war
I end up in this tug of war between emotions, triggers, and flashbacks. I deeply want to be mindful and present to soak up the joy, laughter and excitement of my son growing and celebrating. And yet, I get tugged and pulled to the other side. Where I am reminded of what almost dying feels like, of losing my entire family, the pain I experienced, the mental health crisis it caused my husband to go through having to watch, and the guilt I feel for the joy not outshining all of the trauma, and pain. I have moments where I simply break down and cry, where looking at my son can cause me to shake, and the shame/guilt spiral can get out of control.
So, how do I cope, center, and enjoy the day
In other PTSD-related situations, it’s advised to avoid triggers, but your own child’s birthday isn’t really avoidable and you don’t really want it to be. I dig into my tool kit of coping skills and pull out and use any and/or all of them that I need to be mindful and present.
Distraction– Sometimes your best option is to simply distract yourself and try to redirect your energy, thought, and emotions. This isn’t always my favorite option though because, it’s more of a bandaid and it does not allow you to be completely present in the joy and excitement of the day.
Use distress tolerance skills– A few distress tolerance skills are really helpful to recenter and get yourself back to wisemind especially if flashbacks are an issue. So,use the STOP skill to literally stop and take a moment. Or chose the TIPS skill to redirect your body and rewire your current thought pattern.
Acknowledge- Take the time to name it. Name what it is you are exactly feeling and/or experiencing and why. Giving a name to it give it power, and you need to know what you are feeling or dealing with in order to cope effectively.
Let go of judgement– Stop judging yourself and your emotions for feeling anything other than joy. All emotions are valid and serve a purpose you just have to keep them at a justifiable level. So, let go of judgement if you get triggered, need to step away for a moment, or for simply feeling what you feel.
Set aside time for mindfulness practices– Take the time to set aside your own alone time to practice mindfulness. This allows you to set yourself up for success, experience the emotions you need to fully and safely, and may lessen the amount of triggers and/or unwanted emotions you may feel.
Practice Self- care for yourself– Even though this day is suppose to be all about your child it’s okay to take some time to love yourself through self care activities as well. To help you with any triggers or unwanted emotions coming up. Giving yourself some self love allows you to have enough to give to your child on as well.
Practice Radical Acceptance– When we are triggered by trauma and events some of the most freeing work you can do is to work on radically accepting the situation and event for what it is was, and how it affects you. Doing this allows the intensity of emotions to lessen, our understanding of the situation to change, and opens up a door for healing to begin.
Wrap Up
The reality of trauma is that the body and mind can hold memories of the traumatic experience, long after the situation itself has passed. These memories can be triggered by certain sights, sounds and places, as well as dates throughout the year that are significant to the trauma in some way like our child’s birthday. So, if you notice that each year, around the time of your child’s birthday you start to feel increasingly anxious, withdrawn or emotional, or unable to sleep. Or in the lead up; you start to experience flashbacks or bad dreams. You may be experiencing a memory of trauma. Remember, don’t judge yourself, practice mindfulness, use your skills, practice self care and radical acceptance. So, you can hopefully be present and mindful for what you want to be a joyous celebration.
The basis of life is in the five elements. We only live and survive because of earth, air, fire, water, and spirit. The earth is beneath us, provides us shelter, stability, and nourishment. A place to call home. We breathe the air around us, it fills our lungs and our blood with life-giving oxygen. Fire gives us heat, protection, and helps us cook our food. And water? Well, we are made up of over 60% of this element and need it to survive, as well. Spirit is the magical fountain within each of us; our individual source. Within Spirit, all the basic four elements come together to work in harmony with one another. These elements are also the foundation of modern natural witchcraft.
As practitioners of magic, we understand the power and significance of the elements in our craft. Understanding the elements and their energies can help us deepen our connection with the natural world and enhance our magical abilities.
Let’s learn how to use this knowledge to enhance our magical practice and deepen our connection with the natural world. I’ll do a sequence of articles on each element. This one will serve as the introduction to the topic.
Before we begin
Before we begin, it is important to note that elemental magic is a complex form of magic that requires a deep understanding of the elements and their properties. It is essential to approach elemental magic with respect and caution. It is also important to note that this guide is intended to serve as a starting point for your elemental magic journey. It is not an exhaustive guide, and you should continue to research and learn about elemental magic as you practice it. It is also important to note that not all witches, and practitioners use the same correspondences for the elements. It can differ from person to person, practice to practice and from culture to culture.
What is Elemental Magic?
Elemental magic refers to the magic of the elements of nature: earth, air, fire, water, and spirit.. Spells and rituals will typically consist of using a single element most related to the goal of the caster. They may also contain more than one, even all of the elements like when using them to cast a magic circle, working with the watchtowers, or creating an altar. Most elemental magic requires only basic ingredients that can be found anywhere: bowls of water, stones, candles, and so on. This makes it perfect for learning the foundations of magic.
Energy
Before we dive into the elements themselves we have to touch on energy. Energy is the foundation of all elemental magic. The words and actions accompanying a spell are the least important part. The words and actions of the spell serve only to guide your focus on the energy involved.
There are huge stores of energy in your body. You will learn to tap into this energy when doing elemental magic and to transfer it. When a spell calls for you to inscribe a rune into the dirt, the physical motion’s purpose is to help you transfer your personal energy. There is also the energy already present in each element which we will discuss later.
Depending on your practice and your magical journey this may not be news to you but, for others it might be. There are more than 4 elements to work with, there are at least 5! If you started your path and journey in wicca or alchemy or have studied Chinese, Japanese, Buddhist, Greek, some Indigenous north american tribes,some African tribes , and Babylonian cultures this won’t be news to you. If it is new for you we will go over the most commonly used five elements in rituals and spells; earth, air, fire, water, and spirit aka ether.
Each of these five elements is a fundamental building block of the universe and symbolically represents the various stages or forms of matter. Each of these elements also has its own qualities and correspondences. In most if not all traditions, each element is associated with very specific correspondences and used in specific ways based on their nature.
The five elements are most often invoked during the consecration of a magic circle, or at the very beginning of a ritual. Each element is linked to a cardinal direction. As each element is called and welcomed into the circle it is termed ‘calling the quarters’. Calling the quarters can be simple or it can be dramatic, poetic, and complex. It can work in a theme such as the human body if it is a ritual for healing or it can be written to target a specific pantheon of gods and goddesses. The possibilities are endless! If you need to learn more about how to cast a magic circle or calling the quarters you can read all about here.
Let’s explore the characteristics, correspondences, and how to work with each element below.
Up First, EARTH
The earth element is powerful in so many ways. The earth is our planetary home. It is where all life abounds and is the source of our sustenance. The natural cycles of the earth are growth, harvest, decay, and regeneration. A myriad of topographical landscapes are found all over the earth complete with diverse flora and fauna. But the earth is not simply the living things that inhabit it. The earth consists of deep caves, reaching mountains, and dense forests.
Depending on the tradition and even the individual, earth’s magical properties will vary. When the earth element means growth and grounding to one person, it may mean death and psychic abilities to another. In Wicca and other western magical traditions, it is one of the 5 major elements from which all life is sustained. The earth is inherently our mother.
Earth embodies the embodiment of stability, grounding, and material abundance. It is the fertile soil that nurtures life, the mountains that rise with unwavering strength, and the foundation on which we build our spiritual journeys. Just as the Earth provides sustenance for all living beings, this element enables witches to manifest their desires, anchor their intentions, and connect with the physical world. It aligns us with the rhythms of nature and helps us find balance, resilience, and prosperity.
Earth is often connected with the practical aspects of life, including abundance, prosperity, physical health, and fertility. It influences our connection to the physical body and the material realm. Earth magic is especially potent for grounding and centering oneself, establishing boundaries, and bringing stability during times of chaos or emotional upheaval. By harnessing the Earth element’s energy, witches can create foundations for their intentions and manifest their desires in a tangible and grounded manner.
From a blade of grass to a mighty mountain, witches use the earth element in their magic and spiritual practice for many different purposes. In spell work, Earth is often used for grounding and centering, to make a spell stick, or to bring abundance and prosperity. So, sit with the element and follow your intuition to use the element in the way the best serves you.
Earth Folklore
When it comes to the Earth, much of the focus of our folklore focuses on how our planet was actually formed. These myths shed a great deal of light on our magical associations with the element Earth, especially in regards to rebirth, fertility, and death. The name Earth comes from the Norse goddess Jord, pronounces “yurdth,” who was a personification of Earth. While she is not an official goddess of the Norse pantheon as she was a jotnar, it is believed she coupled with Odin to bear a son known as Thor. Jord was believed to be the life force of the planet, causing trees to fruit and seeds to sprout at her touch, thus strongly associating her with fertility, birth, and new beginnings.
Her personification was adopted by a number of cultures across Europe and eventually became known as Mother Earth or Mother Nature. Greek Mythology has a similar goddess known as Gaia. According to Greek creation myths, Gaia (the Earth) emerged from Chaos. Without assistance, she bore Uranus the Sky who then fertilized her. From this union, the Titans were born of which the Gods and Goddesses were born. As such, Gaia is the personification of Earth, the mother of all life. In Roman mythology she is referred to as Terra, meaning Earth. In the babylonian myth earth is literally the great goddess Tiamat’s body split in half.
Similar myths can be found in every culture around the world, but they all have two things in common, the Earth is usually a feminine figure associated with birth and life.
Apart from creation myths, Earth also appears as the golem. According to Jewish folklore, a golem is an animated human-like creature made of mud and clay. Through ritual work, a creature could be brought to life using clay and mud to do the life-givers bidding. Some reports say to bring the golem to life, the Hebrew equivalent of the word “shem” was written on a piece of paper and placed in the golem’s mouth while other reports say “emet” which means truth was written on the forehead of the golem. To “kill” the golem the paper was removed or the last letter of the word truth was removed to turn the word into dead.
The rest of our Earth folklore focuses on ley lines, a grid of Earth energies that circle the globe that connect important sacred sites. In the British Isles, these lines were sometimes referred to as “fairy paths” and it was believed to be dangerous to walk along them for fear of being snatched by the fairies. In general, these lines not only connected sacred sites, but also certain hilltops in the countryside, and were liminal places between realms. We still view them as such today, recognizing the energy found among them is potent as well as liminal.
Earth Correspondences
First, what is a correspondence? A correspondence is an item or symbol that is meant to connect you to a specific energy thru it’s representation. It is seen also as an item to respect, honor, and venerate that energy as well whether it be a deity, an archetype energy , or to connect to an element like I will list below for you to use.
Gender: Feminine
Planet: Venus, Saturn
Time: Midnight
Season: Winter
Direction: North (although if the closest body of earth to you is a different direction, use that instead)
The earth element works in conjunction with all other elements to sustain life on this planet. In fact, it IS the planet. Think about how earth works with the others: earth feeds fire, requires water for growth, produces air (trees/plants) in conjunction with water. But can also suffocate fire and air and impede water. We live on the earth, our feet and homes planted in the soil, and grow our food in the earth. Without earth, we would not survive. Earth is nurturing, grounding, loving, growing, replenishing, moving, sowing, and reaping.
Ways to connect to Earth
If you are an earth zodiac sign, your most powerful magic will facilitate the earth element to make change. Earth magic doesn’t have to be complicated, unless you want it to be. Here are some easy ways to cast earth magic and harness the energy of the earth element:
growing and maintaining a magical garden
making herbal infusions and brews
burying spells i.e. witch’s bottles and jars
using different kinds of dirt and sand in your spells
Air, the element of wisdom, communication, reasoning, logic, and breath. It is the perfect element to work with during the fall months because this shifting of the seasons often requires us to look inward and assess our situation; to take a deep breath and let go of what no longer serves us; to communicate our truths.
The air element is powerful in so many ways. The air is felt through the breath, the skin, and the view of the swaying trees. It is movement in the purest form as the wind travels around the globe spreading seeds for life, changing the landscape of the earth, and allowing the creatures of the sky to move amongst us. The air holds clouds, birds, and the stars above us.
Air is a force that is both seen and unseen, carrying the energies of communication, intellect, inspiration, and transformation. Just as the wind whispers secrets through the trees, Air symbolizes the realm of thoughts, ideas, and the power of the mind. It holds the potential for clarity, mental agility, and the swift currents of change. By tapping into the essence of Air, witches can amplify their intellectual capacities, enhance their intuition, and facilitate the free flow of energy within their craft.
Air magic encompasses themes of intellect, communication, inspiration, and travel. It aids in enhancing mental clarity, fostering effective communication, and seeking truth and wisdom. By working with the Air element, witches can harness its energy to stimulate creativity, promote clear thinking, and invite swift transformation in their lives. It serves as a conduit for ideas to take flight and for intentions to be carried far and wide.
Depending on the tradition and even the individual, air magical properties will vary. When the air element means communication or activation to one person, it may mean emotions and abundance to another. From a gust of wind to a gentle exhale, witches use the air element in their magic and spiritual practice for many different purposes.
Air Folklore
Much of the folklore associated with Air encompasses weather magic and the wind itself. In Greek mythology, the Anemoi were the four winds, each of them corresponding to the four cardinal directions. They were the children of Eos, goddess of dawn, and Aeolus, Keeper of the Winds.
The first of the sons was Boreas, the god of the north wind and bringer of cold winter air. He is often depicted with a beard in a short, pleated tunic and said to have a violent temper. When Orithyia, a princess of Athens, refused to marry Boreas, he stole her away to marry her in the clouds where they later had two sons and two daughters together. From then on, Boreas was seen as a relative by marriage and they called upon him for protection when attacked by neighboring kingdoms. In 480 B.C. Boreas supposedly sank 400 Persian ships that threatened the Athenians.
The second son, Zephyrus or Zephyr, is the god of the west wind. He is the gentlest of the winds, blowing in Spring and warmer weather. Zephyrus appears in a number of stories, each one often depicting a different lover both male and female. His amorous relationships make him a fertility god, which makes sense since he is said to bring in Spring, the ultimate icon of fertility.
The god of the south wind, Notus, is associated with the hot, desiccating winds of Summer that blew in after the Summer Solstice. It was him that brought late summer storms, destroying crops in his wake.
And finally, there was Eurus, god of the east winds, who was believed to be responsible for the turbulent winds during storms at sea. Seafarers would often try to appease Eurus to ensure a safe trip and would place protection charms on their ships to ward off ill will.
In other traditions, Air is deeply associated with breath, the life-giver. In ancient Greece, this breath of life was referred to as pneuma, which later became translated into soul or spirit. I’ll address pneuma in more detail in later posts, but I wanted to mention it here because, without breath, life ceases to exist, and as such a number of superstitions arose around breath. For example, when passing by a cemetery one should hold their breath to avoid breathing in the spirit of someone who recently passed. In multiple cultures around the world, we see tales of the night hag, a demon who sits on your chest and steals your breath away, a phenomenon now referred to as sleep paralysis. For centuries in England, it was believed cats should suck an infant’s breath away, causing the baby to die. In 1791, a jury in Plymouth, England convicted a cat of infanticide while in 1929 in Nebraska, a supposed doctor claimed to have witnessed a cat “lying on the baby’s breast, pay on either side of the babe’s mouth, the cat’s lips pressing those of the child and the infant’s face as pale as that of a corpse, its lips with the blueness of death.” This idea persists even in modern times, despite their not being any evidence that cats suffocate babies in this way. However, the idea that breath is linked to life is an important one, giving Air its association with life and death.
Air Correspondences
Remember, a correspondence is an item or symbol that is meant to connect you to a specific energy thru it’s representation. It is seen also as an item to respect, honor, and venerate that energy as well whether it be a deity, an archetype energy , or to connect to an element like I will list below for you to use.
If you are an air zodiac sign, your most powerful magic will facilitate the air element to make change. Air spells don’t have to be complicated, unless you want them to be. Here are some easy ways to cast air spells and harness the energy of the air element:
make a wish while blowing bubbles OR divine a message using bubbles
burn incense as offering to the gods and to manifest your intentions
write your air spell on a piece of paper, take it to the top of a cliff, let it blow away in the wind
keep a magical grimoire or book of shadows
make a wish and blow out the birthday candles
smoke-cleanse your home with burning herbs to rid it of negativity
blow a dandelion seed-head and make a wish
balloon magick (although not recommended for the environment nowadays)
storm magick: harnessing the energy of a storm to manifest your air spell
cloud scrying: divination using the patterns in clouds to tell the future
cloud bursting: moving air with the power of your mind
whispering air spells into the wind
working with air element fairies and spirits
volunteering your time or resources to a local bird rescue (the energy you offer to these creatures may help manifest your intentions)
automatic writing
writing and reciting poetry
learning and playing an instrument (particularly woodwind, flutes or stringed)
singing your intentions
chanting your intentions
daily words of affirmation
feather magick: divination or spells
The Unique Magic of the Air Element
The air element works in conjunction with all other elements to sustain life on this planet. Think about how air works with the others: air fuels fire, moves earth, makes clouds with water. You may notice how some of the air element’s magical properties and associations cross over with the elements. That’s because they all work together flawlessly in the circle of life. As for air, we inhale and exhale air, it cools us off, but it can also be destructive and blow down houses. Without air, we would not survive. Air is whirling, twirling, twisting, freeing. Whipping, swirling, caressing, calling, kissing, misting, clouding, flying. Speak it into existence, whisper it into the wind.
Let’s Dive into the Element of Water
The water element is powerful in so many ways. Humans are predominantly comprised of water. Water flows into and through our bodies and is necessary for our continued existence. We are suspended in a life giving liquid while growing inside of the womb. Water falls gently from the sky to nourish the earth and help the flora to grow and thrive. The water embraces sea creatures, an unexplored underwater landscape, and falls from the sky above to feed the earth.
Water, the element of fluidity and intuition, mirrors the ebb and flow of life itself. It represents the vast seas, serene lakes, and soothing rivers that nourish the Earth and all living beings. In the realm of emotions, Water governs the depth of our feelings, encouraging us to embrace vulnerability, intuition, and empathy. By connecting with the Water element, witches can navigate the currents of their emotions, tap into their psychic abilities, and embark on a journey of healing and spiritual transformation.
Water magic encompasses themes of emotions, intuition, healing, purification, and spiritual transformation. It allows witches to dive deep into their emotions, heal past wounds, and connect with their inner wisdom. By working with the Water element, practitioners can harness its energy to enhance their psychic abilities, facilitate emotional healing, and invoke a sense of divine flow and receptivity within their craft.
Water, the element of emotions, healing, purification, and renewal. It is the perfect element to work with during the winter months because it is during winter that we spend time reflecting and setting goals for the future. This reflection process often includes shadow work where we confront past traumas to heal and break bad habits. Shadow work is by no means easy and takes more than a little self-reflection to work, but Water can help with the process greatly, especially in the beginning stages.
From an ocean wave to a dew drop, witches use the water element in their magick and spiritual practice for many different purposes.Depending on the tradition and even the individual, water’s magical properties will vary. When the water element means dreams and emotions to one person, it may mean destruction and purification to another.
Water Folklore
Humans have always been deeply connected with water, which makes sense considering we are mostly comprised of water and need it to survive. Just a couple days without water and we die. Our ancestors knew this as well and discovered quite quickly that water had the ability to sustain and restore life, as well as take it away. Throughout history and across all cultures, water was revered, being associated with deities, spirits, souls, and the Otherworld. One of the most famous tales is of the River Styx, the river in Hades or the Underworld that separates the living world from that of the dead. To cross said river, you had to secure passage from Charon, the ferrymen, by paying him a coin. However, water folklore goes back even further.
Before the Roman invasion, much of Europe was inhabited by a series of tribes, united by a common language and similar spiritual beliefs, called the Celts. The Celts believed water to be sacred and viewed it as a liminal place, a place between our world and the Otherworld. As such, a series of myths arose around major water sources across Europe. When the Romans, who had their own set of water beliefs and rituals, invaded, they meshed many of the Celtic ideas of water with their own. These traditions were so prevalent and such a cornerstone of society, that when the Christians invaded sometime later, they found it impossible to squash the pagan beliefs. Instead of trying to stamp it out, they wrote over the pagan names with Christian names (much like they did with our holidays), thus preserving much of the folklore related to water, even to this day. From wells and springs to rivers and lakes to the wide-open ocean, folklore abounds.
Across Europe, especially in the UK, there are several sacred wells and natural founts or springs riddled with folklore. While different in location and water type, it was generally believed that these sources of water were imbued with healing properties that could cure just about any ailment. Archeological sites, folklore, and existing wells inform us that there were a number of sacred wells designated across Europe as healing wells.
But not all folklore surrounds freshwater sources. Being as vast and dangerous as it is, the ocean has played a dominant role in human history and thus has its own magical properties and folklore. You could write an entire book on sea folklore and witchcraft, and people have, so I am just going to give a brief overview here. The ocean played a major role in the development of civilizations around the world. For a long time, the ocean was impassible and untameable, which led our ancestors to tie the sea to destruction, instability, and chaos.
And these are all just bodies of water! There is numerous folklore about dew, mists, and rain! Again, there is absolutely too much folklore on these subjects to include in this post, so I’m going to very briefly summarize. Dew has long been a prized magical ingredient, especially in protection and glamour magic. Especially lazy and dirty women and children were believed to be taken away by faeries where they were carefully cleansed by morning dew becoming more beautiful upon their arrival home. Most famously, however, dew was often collected and applied before sunrise on May Day (Beltane) to heal and as a glamour. On the Summer Solstice, it was believed that dew would increase one’s strength. Across Europe, especially in Britain, dew was believed to have curative properties. It was often applied to the eyes to help eye pain or rubbed on warts and freckles to remove them. Dew collected from stones with depression or cups called Bullaun Holes were used by wise women and men in medicines to enhance their restorative qualities. Sometimes the dew was collected with a white rag and tied around the ailing part to help it heal faster.
While dew was often seen as a healer, mists were viewed as a magical veil that was used by spirits of the Otherworld to shroud themselves. Furthermore, Celtic folklore suggests that not only did the fae and other spirits arrive with the mist, but the mist could carry you away as well, bringing you to the water if you weren’t careful. With mist and fog, it is believed all manner of devilish creatures can walk the Earth. People often report seeing black dogs, an omen of death, in the mists or hearing the luring voices of women calling them out to sea. However, in the Haudenosaunee myth The Maid of the Mist, the maiden is a savor who warns her village of impending doom. In almost all legends, the mists act as a portal or gateway between realms, thus becoming an excellent hedge riding tool for astral travel.
Rain, on the other hand, as a complete set of unique myths, but in most cases, rain is associated with life, fertility, and healing. Originally, the rain was associated with spontaneous generation and was believed that frogs and worms came directly from rain, thus associating it with life, abundance, and fertility. Oden, a Norse god of fertility among other things, was also associated with the rain. I’m sure you can figure out what the rain was meant to be in this case. In Greek mythology, rain is believed to be the tears of Calandra, daughter of Hades, mourning the death of her beloved, Orestes, son of Zeus. Zeus and Hades, upon hearing of their love, struck down Orestes and locked Calandra in the clouds to mourn for all eternity. Rainwater has been used in all manner of magical ways, including spells for rejuvenation, healing, protection, cursing, and nourishment. Rainwater alone deserves a post of its own, which I’ll likely do this year sometime in April because “April showers bring May flowers…”
I’ve only scratched the surface of water folklore. There is plenty more from Asia, Africa, and the Americas that wasn’t touched on here. There simply isn’t enough time for me to cover everything in great detail, but this folklore provides a deeper understanding of how important water has been throughout human history. It is the bringer of life and death, a healer and a curse. Without water and all its amazing, properties humans would not be where we are today. It nourishes our bodies, helps our cells and organs function and while aiding plants in creating food. It helps us and our planet maintain a relatively constant temperature and allows cell membranes to form a double layer.
Water Correspondences
Remember, a correspondence is an item or symbol that is meant to connect you to a specific energy thru it’s representation. It is seen also as an item to respect, honor, and venerate that energy as well whether it be a deity, an archetype energy , or to connect to an element like I will list below for you to use.
Nature Spirits: Undine, nymph, mermaid, finfolk, lake ladies, water maidens, Cailleach, water horse, kelpie, bean-nighe, banshee, white woman, washerwoman, water cows, faeries associated with wells, streams, ponds, or lakes
Colors: Blue, silver, white, gray, seafoam, indigo, aquamarine, bluish-silver, black
Food and Drink: water, tea, apple, pear, coconut, strawberry, watermelon
If you are a water zodiac sign, your most powerful magick will facilitate the water element to make change. Water magic spells don’t have to be complicated, unless you want them to be.
The water element works in conjunction with all other elements to sustain life on this planet. Think about how water works with the others: water extinguishes fire or is evaporated by fire, water feeds the earth, water is made with and moved by air. We require water to live and our bodies are made up of at least sixty percent water. The planet is mostly made up of water. Water is our great mother, the creator, and yet in an instant becomes the great destroyer. But remember, where there’s destruction then after comes creation.
Next, The element of Fire
Fire isn’t just without. It comes from within. It’s as much a part of this world as it is a part of ourselves. Fire drives away the darkness. It warms our cold bones and stirs the passions inside of us. Fire does not have its own physical existence like the other elements. It comes into being as light and heat in a powerful and dramatic fashion and then once it has consumed an object, it disappears back into another realm. Fire is often linked to the masculine energies as it is protective. Fire is depicted in volcanoes, the phoenix, and transformations.
Fire is quite the element, associated with new beginnings, energy, courage, anger, passion, lust, war, and purification. It’s the perfect element to work with during the summer months when the Sun is at its strongest, the ultimate source of Fire. Fire is also the perfect element to work with when trying to enact change, especially social change.
Fire dances with an intense and captivating energy, embodying the qualities of passion, creativity, willpower, and transformation. It is the spark of inspiration that ignites our desires, fuels our ambitions, and drives us forward. Just as fire can both nurture and consume, the Fire element in witchcraft represents the potent force of change, the catalyst for spiritual growth, and the embodiment of personal power. By harnessing the essence of Fire, witches can kindle the flames of their intentions, manifest their desires, and embody the transformative nature of this element.
Fire magic encompasses themes of passion, willpower, courage, purification, and transformation. It empowers witches to ignite their creativity, fuel their ambitions, and embrace their personal power. By working with the Fire element, practitioners can tap into their inner strength, channel their intentions with fiery determination, and embark on a path of self-discovery and transformation.
From a candle’s flame to a bonfire, witches use the fire element in their magical craft for many different reasons. Depending on the tradition and even the individual, fire magical properties will vary. When the fire element means passion and success to one person, it may mean emotions and cleansing to another.
Fire Folklore
Fire has long been coveted by humankind as not only a life-bringer but as a source of transformation as well. How we first acquired Fire is debatable and we will likely never know, but the fact that we did allowed humans to prosper and ultimately dominate our surroundings. There are myths found in every single culture around the world explaining how humans first acquired Fire, from the Greeks to the Cherokee to the Hindus to the Aztecs. Almost all of these stories tell a story of theft, the Fire is stolen from some greedy source and given as a gift to humans. In Greek mythology, the titan Prometheus stole Fire from the gods, giving it to man along with the skill of metalwork because he loved humans more than the Olympians who had banished his family to Tartarus. This gift resulted in the progress of civilization and ultimately resulted in Fire temples across Greece.
In various Native American tribes in the Pacific Northwest and First Nations, Fire was stolen by Coyote, Beaver, or Dog and given to humans, while in Algonquin myth it is Rabbit that steals Fire from a man and his two daughters to share with other humans. The Cherokee myth, however, is my favorite of the Native American Fire myths. After both Possum and Buzzard failed to acquire Fire, Grandmother Spider weaves a web to sneak into the land of the light, where she steals Fire from the Sun and hides it in a clay pot. She brings the clay pot back, giving it to humans so they may see in the dark. In Rig Veda, a Hindu text, it is Matarisvan who steals Fire that had been hidden away from humans. All of these myths reveal the nature of Fire; that is it deeply associated with trickery and chaos, most likely because we may think we have control over Fire, but ultimately it is in control. Furthermore, Fire is extremely destructive but transformative, thus leading to the progress of civilization in all of these stories.
Fire was so revered by our ancestors that shrines, temples, and festivals were dedicated to Fire. In Ancient Greece, every private and public hearth or prytaneium was regarded as a sanctuary for the hearth goddess Hestia. In Greek mythology, Hestia was assigned the duty by Zeus to feed and maintain the fires in the Olympian hearth with the fat from animal sacrifices to the gods. As such, she was usually given the first offering during a sacrifice so that she may share a portion with the gods to maintain their Fire.
Hestia’s Roman equivalent, Vesta, played a much more prominent role in Roman culture. She was very rarely depicted in human form, but instead as a flame. Vesta’s temple in the Forum Romanum only allowed entry to Vesta’s priestesses known as Vestals. The Vestals tended the sacred hearth fires of Vesta which were believed to be indispensable for the preservation and continuity of the Roman State.
Across the ocean, two important Celtic deities were honored for their sacred flames. The first was Brigid, who later was Christianized St. Brigid. Brigid, who is deeply associated with holy wells, was also associated with sacred flames. In Kildare, Brigid’s sacred fire was tended to by priestesses since pre-Christian times. However, it wasn’t just Brigid who was associated with Fire in Celtic lore. Belenus (Belus or Baal), whose name means “Shining One,” was one of the most widely worshipped of the Celtic deities. He was the Celtic god of the Sun and was celebrated year-around, but honored specifically at Beltane, an ancient Fire festival on May 1st.
Other Sun gods from around the world, including Ra, Aten, Nanahuatzin, Helios, and Sol, were worshipped year around with the Sun’s heavenly movement. Early humans recognized that as the Sun traveled through the sky that it drove the changing of the seasons. From this knowledge, myths arose to explain what happened to the Sun god during each transformation. In modern Wicca, the equivalent of this story traces the birth and death of the God, who represents the Sun. These myths were so prevalent around the world that early Christianity adopted them and associated them with Jesus.
Apart from Fire’s association with deities, it has long been viewed as a protective force. This likely arose from the fact our early ancestors found that keeping fires lit through the night safeguarded against beasts of the night. Fire quickly became associated with warding off evil spirits, especially in the case of childbirth. Multiple cultures around the world light candles and lamps and keep them burning to ward against demons waiting to pounce on the newborn child and mother. This custom still persists in parts of Britain, Scandinavia, and Germany, where candles and fires are lit around the new baby to keep evil spirits away.
Fire has also been used as a form of divination and as an omen. As mentioned earlier, the extinguishing of Hestia’s and Vesta’s fires were believed to be ruin and bad luck. The Banyoro in Central Africa and the people of British New Guinea will not hunt the following morning if their fire goes out overnight, an omen of bad luck and death. In modern Greece, the behavior of logs in a fire is said to foretell the future. Crackling means that good news or a friend is coming, while sparks and ash flying are believed to foretell trouble and anxiety brewing. On the other hand, in parts of Britain cinders were read to predict major future events, such as births, marriages, and deaths.
The vast amount of folklore around Fire suggests a few things. First, Fire is an important source of life. It warms, cooks food, and inspires. Second, Fire is an important protector and purifier, yet has the ability to consume all that it touches. In modern times, witches use fire for these same reasons, often as in protection rituals, and to send messages to the spirit world.
Fire Correspondences
Remember, a correspondence is an item or symbol that is meant to connect you to a specific energy thru it’s representation. It is seen also as an item to respect, honor, and venerate that energy as well whether it be a deity, an archetype energy , or to connect to an element like I will list below for you to use.
Gender: Masculine
Planet: Sun, Mars
Time: Noon
Season: Summer
Direction: South (although in the Southern hemisphere, North may work better for you)
Tarot Cards: Wands or Swords (depends on belief system)
The fire magical properties are fueled by air. So, essentially, air can be used to fan or increase fire. Water may be heated by fire OR in larger quantities can put out the fire. Fire cooks or burns up earth or can be extinguished by earth.
People who are fire signs tend to be very passionate, driven people. They are sometimes easy to enrage, and love working with the fire element in their magick. If you are a fire sign, fire magic spells and charms will be your most potent form of witchcraft.
Candle spells
Sun-bathing / re-charging by sunlight
Burning papers with wishes/intentions in bonfires
Burning old belongings to release old habits and negativity
Hearth magick: cooking, brewing, baking, etc.
Fire scrying: divination in candle flames and bonfires
Smoke scrying: divination with smoke
Burning Incense and Smoke-cleansing
Storm magick, particularly harnessing the energy of lightning
Burning candles as offerings to gods, ancestors, spirit guides
Blacksmithing and forging
Working with crystals linked to the fire element
Following your passion in life
The Unique Magic of the Fire Element
Fire is creative and destructive. It warded off wild animals, intruders, and illness for our ancestors. It also kept them warm and provided a means of cooking. But it could also destroy entire villages and forests, destroying life as we know it. Fire dries/evaporates water, is fueled/extinguished by air, and is fueled/extinguished by earth. The interaction with fire all depends on the amount of each element used. Without heat and fire, our ancestors wouldn’t have survived and neither would we. In Greek mythology, fire was gifted to humans by a god. Let the fire element cleanse you of your past and prepare a path for the future.
Lastly, the element of spirit
This fifth element is not recognized by all paths. It has been known as Akasha or Aether. No matter what you call it Spirit or Ether (or Soul!) is the element of self-awareness, wholeness, and transcendence. It is a bridge that connects the spiritual and physical soul. It is often represented as white or purple. It is the crown chakra in eastern religious practices and the halo in Abrahamic traditions. Spirit is the element called forth in ritual as it is the force that connects us to the magickal realm.
Spirit is the ethereal essence that exists beyond the physical realm, encompassing the divine, the collective consciousness, and the interwoven tapestry of all existence. It is the universal life force that breathes energy into every being and every element. Spirit, in witchcraft, represents the connection to the divine, intuition, spiritual growth, and the transcendent nature of our existence. By embracing the essence of Spirit, witches can tap into the boundless wisdom of the universe, commune with higher beings, and embark on a transformative journey of spiritual awakening.
Spiritual magic encompasses themes of intuition, divination, spiritual growth, and connection to higher beings. It allows witches to tap into their innate wisdom, connect with spirit guides and ancestors, and seek guidance from the divine. By working with Spirit, practitioners can deepen their understanding of the unseen, explore their spiritual gifts, and experience profound transformations within their spiritual journeys.
Spirit Folklore
Spirit has always existed within folk beliefs, with some of the earliest forms appearing in animistic religions and spiritual practices around the world. Animism, which is derived from the Latin anima which means breath, Spirit, or life, is the idea that all things, living and non-living, have a Spirit within them. It is this Spirit or energy that modern-day witches use when working with magical correspondences, and it’s the foundation of nature-based spiritualities around the world.
Later, humankind began differentiating living Souls or Spirit from that of non-living objects through the use of blood. Prior to the reign of Psammetichus (664-610 BC), Egyptians equated wine with blood, saying it was the life force of those that had warred against the gods. For this reason, they didn’t leave wine as an offering and believed that drunkenness would drive a man mad for the drunkard supposedly had consumed the life-blood of their ancestors. We see modern manifestations of this idea in Christianity with wine being part of the sacrament as the blood of Christ. The idea that the Soul was derived from blood is also found in a number of myths around the world, including a Chaladae myth which says that humans and animals were born from the blood of a decapitated deity when it mixed with clay.
Later, the Soul became something intangible as the breath of life. In Genesis ii. 7 we see an allusion to this: “And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and man became a living soul.” In Greece, this breath of life was referred to as stoic pneuma, which originally meant “air in motion” or “breath” and later became religiously known as the Soul or Spirit. It was believed to be a mixture of Air and Fire that when combined created life. Pneuma was adopted by Judaism and Christianity, sometimes being used to describe the Spirit and other times to describe the wind. No matter the religion, however, Spirit is often a central focus, and protecting the Spirit or Soul is believed to be fundamental in ascending into the afterlife.
Other topics that can be considered tied to the folklore of the spirit or soul would involve soul eaters, demons, ghosts, mental illness and much more but that is for another time. If you want to learn more about demons though you can check out my previous class on them below.
Spirit Correspondences
Remember, a correspondence is an item or symbol that is meant to connect you to a specific energy thru it’s representation. It is seen also as an item to respect, honor, and venerate that energy as well whether it be a deity, an archetype energy , or to connect to an element like I will list below for you to use.
Crystals and Gemstones: Quartz, pearl, opal, amethyst
Animals: Dove, deer, cat
Ways to connect to Spirit
The spirit magical properties are fueled by everything. Every thread of energy, and everything in between weaving to hold the multiverse, universe, and collective together. The way we think of the spirit element today is rooted in the Greek thinking of Aether as the fifth element, it was literally the air the gods breathed. How to connect to those propeties will all revolve around your spiritual beliefs, and practices, and how you choose to connect to the divine both within and without yourself.
Spirit works with all the elements in the same manner: Spirit supports each of the elements and each of the elements supports Spirit. Spirit cannot be separated from the other elements as it is infused in all that we do.
We have talked a lot about the elements but, have you ever heard of the elementals? Or elemental spirits? Let’s take some time to talk about them now.
What are Elementals?
Elementals are considered interdimensional beings, which means that they can move through different planes. Likewise, they maintain a strong bond with Nature, which is why many cultures consider them protectors or guardians of the earth. Physician and alchemist Paracelsus (1493 – 1541) mentioned elementals in his works, highlighting the hybrid quality of these entities, as they are neither humans nor spirits
Each of these beings has the function of guarding and protecting everything that is within its realm of influence. They are considered lower spirits, incapable of incarnating in the material world, so they are generally invisible to us. However it has been claimed that they are capable of assuming human form and other appearances.
These guardians watch over our planet and can aid us in our spiritual journeys if treated with respect. Let’s explore all four types of elementals and see how you can invoke them in your practice.
Gnomes, the Elementals of Earth
Gnomes and gnomids are the elementals of the Earth. They look like old men with their long white beards and ceremonial charm, and reside in the underbrush found in trees, roots, and soil. They can live in the mines of the earth or take care of the hidden treasures that lie there. Gnomes are the guardians of all treasures and precious metals hidden under mountains and deserts.
As Earth elementals, they also like gardens, hence the custom of placing figures of gnomes around the green areas of the home, to call for their protection and wisdom. Though generally a bit grumpy, gnomes are happy to help humans in their earthly quests. They stand ready to impart deep wisdom upon us. As keepers of material safety, you can ask Gnomes for protection in physical matters, and for aid in doing what’s right for the planet.
Their planet is Mars and their zodiac signs are Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn.
To invoke an Earth elemental, salt can be used as an offering on a plate. You can also bury a coin in the soil to ask them to intercede with the spirits of the earth, so that prosperity and riches come to our lives. Spend time outside and let your intuition guide you to a spot that is special.
Undines, Water Elementals
Undines derive their name from the Latin word unda, meaning “wave”. They come in different shapes such as mermaids or nymphs, but are also thought of as the collective body of water itself. Undines are present in each drop of water.
Their presence represents beauty and dreams. They like to live in and protect the waterways and are relatively benign elementals, historically aiding sailors in safe passage. They are the most closely linked to humans and their appearance can be that of beautiful angels.
To keep Undines present in your daily life, think of water as a close friend. Treat it with reverence; never waste it. With increased honor for this sacred element, the Undine is sure to support your emotional life. Their planets are Saturn and Mercury, and their zodiac signs Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces.
Invoking water Elementals
To invoke the elementals of Water in your practice, work with the cycles of the moon. Perform rituals on full and new moons (also known as Esbats).Set up an altar with water at the center. Allow it to soak up the energy of the moon (Moon Water), and then mindfully drink or bathe in the water the next day.
Salamanders, Elementals of Fire
The Salamander does not necessarily appear as the slithery amphibian one might think, though it does often appear in a reptilian form, closely related to dragons. Fire elementals can appear as little balls of light that glide across water. They are thin and dry, very similar to the grasshopper or cricket, although much larger in size.
The Fire element is associated with two opposites: Creation and destruction. Salamanders can cause, control and extinguish fire. They can root out negative forces, hexes and curses that fall on a person. Fire elementals also have the ability to clean and purify all low passions and all vices, helping to make a change that allows improving everything that hinders one’s development. Their planets are the Sun and Jupiter, and its zodiacal signs Aries, Leo and Sagittarius.
Invoking Fire Elementals
Invoke the Salamander with a flame. Safely light a fire, burn a candle or incense, and practice gazing at the flame’s licks or at the smoke. Feel the warmth of the fire lighting your own internal flame. Call upon the Salamander to reignite lost passion, or give you the strength to carry through difficult tasks. The Salamander is ready to aid in your evolution.
Sylphs; the Elementals of Air
A Sylph, like air, is ethereal. It does not take on a physical form but is seen in wispy fancies, much like clouds. Though some folks actually see fantastical flurries of light and color, the Sylph can appear mentally, even in the thinnest of air.
These creatures of Air are said to look like very beautiful children with rosy faces. They can be the most mischievous in character and they represent thought. They are directly related to inspiration, knowledge, communication and travel.
The spirits of Air are the ones that cause the winds and shape the clouds, they have a preponderant role in the growth of plants, flowers in particular. Sylphs are carriers of the life-sustaining energy that nurtures all living things, the breath. On subtle levels, sylphs transmit the currents of Spirit from heaven to earth. Their planets are the Moon and Venus, and their zodiac signs Gemini, Libra and Aquarius.
Invoking Air Elementals
Working with Sylphs is all about intention. Because they lack form, the Sylph is greatly comforted by your faith alone. Pay respect to the Eastern sky, or pay extra attention to the breezes that caress your cheek. To invoke the Sylph in your ritual or spell, practice different forms of breathwork, or gaze at clouds and stars. Look to Sylphs for inspiration and clearing mental blocks.
Conclusion
While the five elements are linked with the beauty of the self and the natural world, each element also contains a darker component. It is through these components that change comes in drastic forms. The earth shakes with tremors, the water rises in tsunamis, the air rises as tornadoes, and fires rage out of control. Each element should be respected for its ability to exist in all forms and treated accordingly.
Take time to work with the powers of each element in your practice. As you journey down the pagan path, usually an element will feel natural to your own magickal working. Embrace it and relish in working with your element, but don’t forget that they all work in tandem with one another!
To expand your knowledge about this path and if you’d rather listen than read; you can watch my free class with Divination Academy on YouTube below!
About Me : I have been a solitary grey magic practitioner for 15 + years. First and foremost, I consider myself a mystic and seeker of all knowledge. I am dedicated to the restoration, and re-enchantment of Magic in society, across this realm, and in each and every soul I come across in life! I am here to create a container that promotes healing, duality, and raw authenticity. I do this by guiding you on your personal journey to understanding your unique magic and sacred contracts. I facilitate this for you through embracing your shadow, duality and learning to live in energetic balance while not wearing a mask. When you work and learn from me you do so from your “darkness” as much as your “light” and in a way to truly harness and accept it not to just go thru it on the way to your light. But, I teach you how to truly embrace it, work with it, and use it alongside your light as a partner. I hold up a mirror for you to be able to see your authentic reflection looking back. Then have the courage to take the next step and do the uncomfortable but vital inner work to completely remove your mask. By facing all of your past wounds, traumas, and hurts. Allowing you to see both the dark and light within your story and take each chapter and alchemize it into something that is so powerful. your unique internal flame will shine so bright you will always be able to go within and find it on a dark cold night. You will learn how to truly live in duality and energetic balance to allow growth, and alignment with your sacred contracts and purposes. to finally move on and truly let the things that hold you back in this life from healing and manifesting go. To see everything I offer; like personalized shadow work sessions, womb healing, eBooks for you to work through on your own, Tarot sessions for guidance and more! Go to my shop!
Energy! Nothing is solid; Everything is made up of energy. Me. You. Your family. The chair you’re sitting on. Your bed. The ground you walk on. That’s why energy work is so important. The language of our higher self is spoken to us through our intuition and intuition communicates with us through the language of energy. It allows us to understand the world around us, both in practical everyday matters and in the mystical and sacred stuff!
Because we are always moving in a sea of energy, and that energy is feeding our energetic body, it informs us of what is happening around us. It is important that we pay attention to how this process works. Just as we can live better by knowing how the food we eat affects us, we can do the same with knowing how energy affects us, and how to nurture it and bring ourselves into mental and physical balance.
On top of this, we can use energy to pick up information around us and become more intuitive. Having great intuitive skills enhances our lives, giving us comfort knowing where to go and what to do through our inner guidance. By learning how to develop our intuition coupled with learning about energy, we become powerful in our connection to divine wisdom.
Why knowing about energy is so important
Part of being good at rituals, spells, magick is having a solid relationship with energy. If you think about it with any magickal work that you are doing you are working with energy. It’s incredibly important to understand that energy and to know how to work with it in order to find the most success in your work.
You have to develop a relationship with energy in order to be able to work with it in the best way. Everything in the world is made up of energy so the more types of relationships you have the more success you will find.
Energy Work
What is energy work, and what are some of the options out there? Energy work is simply put tapping into the body’s own frequencies to promote well-being.
Energy work is any work that involves changes to the human energy field or subtle body. It is commonly used as part of a holistic healing regimen or alternative medicine. The practitioner makes adjustments to the flow of life energy using various techniques including acupuncture, acupressure or may use crystals or their own energy through Reiki or Laying on of hands.
Energy work is the intentional effort to manipulate your or someone else’s energy for spiritual, emotional, or physical healing. There are countless modalities of energy work practices in cultures around the world. You can perform energy work on yourself or seek it out from a professional.
Energy work affects both the subtle body system (the energetic body) and the physical body in various ways. The subtle body system shows up differently across cultures. Here are some of the subtle body systems we see across the world: chakras and nadis (Hinduism), meridians (Chinese Medicine), the three cauldrons (Celtic), aura (cross-cultural), Ojos de luz (Incan energy system), and the list goes on. Most cultures around the world have some reference of an energy or subtle body system.
Energy work and magic
Magic is probably the purest, the most basic, and the oldest form of energy work there is. Plus if you think about it almost all magical workings can be classified as energy work. Because magic itself is the practice of manipulating and changing energy. You do not have to practice witchcraft to do Energy Magic. You are just you. you have a power within you that is divine. This power allows you to merge, draw upon, and contain for a few moments an ancient force and then propel it in the direction where someone asks for help.
History
Energy work has been around for 1000’s of years across many cultures.
The ancient eastern medicine masters learned 5,000 years ago that energy makes up everything in the Universe, including our bodies and our minds. While the Western world is beginning to scientifically prove that everything is energy, the Eastern philosophies have figured out how to manipulate it to create health, wellness and even abundance.
The spiritual tradition of energetic healing was commonly used throughout ancient India and China. In India, energetic work is based in the belief of Prana, or universal energy, breathing life into all things. In China, vital life-giving energy is referred to as Chi. Chi is made up of two opposing forces, Ying and Yang. When these forces are balanced, optimal health is displayed.
Energy Flow
All energy does is flow. It is us who have blockages that makes the flow of energy need to re-route itself. This stream of life-force energy is always flowing through you. The more you allow it the more it will flow.
Within the natural world there is a primal energy force. It is what people sense when they are out in nature, that uplifting energy that makes people feel better. But what we sense as humans only scratches the surface. This energy is as ancient as the Earth, and it stems from an energy that is as ancient as the Universe itself. Magic is created using this primal, natural force of nature. The caster of any spell is a conduit for this energy.
Energy System- Chakra system
Chakras are wheels of energy within our bodies and interwoven with our auras. If your chakras are blocked, negative vibrations, attachments and illness occurs. The seven chakras are the main energy centers of the body within Indian culture and practice within the buddhist and hindu religions. Chakra translates to “wheel” in Sanskrit, and you can imagine them like wheels of free-flowing positive energy. Chakras are used to describe the way energy “moves” throughout the body. Each of the seven chakras are said to correlate with different abilities, expressions, and types of health.
Each person has 7 major chakras aligned along the spine from the top of your head to the bottom of your spine. When energy flows freely through our chakras, it flows freely through our entire bodies including our physical, emotional, mental, and astral bodies. When the chakras are blocked or imbalanced, energy doesn’t flow and therefore causes issues throughout the person’s entire being.
Root Chakra
Your root chakra is a spinning wheel of energy located at the base of your spine. It’s color is dark red to black and links us to the energy of the earth beneath us. If you’re grounded and connected to the Earth’s energy, your root chakra will be unblocked and spinning freely. You attract financial prosperity and have a level head.
The Muladhara, or root chakra, represents our foundation. On the human body, it sits at the base of the spine and gives us the feeling of being grounded.
When the root chakra is open, we feel confident in our ability to withstand challenges and stand on our own two feet. When it’s blocked, we feel threatened, as if we’re standing on unstable ground.
When Your Root Chakra is Blocked…
When your root chakra is blocked, you may feel scattered and have financial problems or money blocks. You feel disconnected to the earth and anxious. You may even have back or hip pain or problems – reasons to unblock chakras ASAP. In addition, your spirituality may suffer when it comes specifically to ancestor work. Why? Because the ancestors dwell in the earth, in the roots of the World Tree below our feet. And as our root chakra connects us to the earth, it also connects us to our ancestors.
Sacral Chakra
Your sacral chakra is the wheel of energy located between your navel and coccyx. It spins in the area of your reproductive organs and is the color orange. The sacral chakra represents sexual health and creativity. When it’s unblocked, you express your sexuality in a healthy way AND creativity flows into all aspects of your life.
The Swadhisthana, or sacral chakra, helps inform how we relate to our emotions and the emotions of others. It also governs creativity and sexual energy. Those with a blocked sacral chakra could feel a lack of control in their lives.
When the sacral chakra is blocked…
Your sacral chakra governs sexuality, so when it’s blocked sexuality isn’t expressed or satiated. You may have blocked sexual energy, be confused about your sexuality, have low libido OR struggle with imagination and creative thought put into action. Illness, infertility and infection with sexual or urinary organs may also be present. For men – prostate issues may also arise. And, as the sacral chakra is located near the lower intestines and bowels, your digestive system may also suffer. Mentally, your creative ideas might not come to fruition if the sacral chakra is blocked.
Solar Plexus
Your solar plexus IMO is one of the most important chakras in your body. It’s located between the bottom of the sternum and above the belly button. The solar plexus is a yellow color and connects us to the divine energy of the sun and the light. It is your energy zone that supports self esteem, courage, and your personal power. If your solar plexus is healthy, you exude confidence and tackle goals with clarity and fervor. People may see you as vivacious and lively.
The third chakra, the solar plexus chakra, speaks to your ability to be confident and in control of your life. Think back to the last time you had butterflies or felt a pit in the stomach: That’s the Manipura chakra at work.
If your solar plexus chakra is blocked, you might feel overwhelming amounts of shame and self-doubt. Those with open sacral chakras are free to express their true selves.
When your solar plexus is blocked…
you may struggle with self esteem and confidence. You look in the mirror and don’t recognize your true power and beauty. Depression may result from a blocked solar plexus, as well as struggles with career paths, maintaining healthy relationships, making new friends, etc. Digestive illness and problems may surface. A blockage of masculine energy could also be present because of disconnection with the sun.
Heart Chakra
Your heart chakra is located over and through your heart. In the middle and middle-left of your chest. It’s green in color and manages all things related to love in your life – romantic love, friendships, family members, etc. It also governs self-love. If your heart chakra is freely aligned, you give and accept love freely, maintain healthy relationships, and love yourself wholly.
The Anahata, or heart chakra, is the bridge between the lower chakras (associated with materiality) and the upper chakras (associated with spirituality). As the name suggests, this chakra can influence our ability to give and receive love—from others and ourselves.
Someone with a blocked heart chakra will have difficulty fully opening up to the people in their life. If someone’s heart is open, they can experience deep compassion and empathy.
If your heart chakra is blocked…
you have trouble loving yourself and may engage in reckless behaviors to self-medicate the emptiness. Low self esteem and feeling isolated from others. You may be overly-defensive and don’t trust others. You may also have heart or lung problems. Arterial and vascular problems may also arise from a blocked heart chakra. If your heart chakra is imbalanced, you likely have problems loving yourself and others. And lose your fervor for love.
Throat Chakra
Your throat chakra is located over your throat in the middle of your neck. It’s blue in color and governs how you speak to others and how you speak of yourself. Communication is the key aspect of the throat chakra and relates to ALL forms of communication including writing and music. It’s how you express (or don’t) express your truth. If your throat chakra is functioning well, you communicate your feelings and needs with others in a healthy manner AND express your true self.
The Vishuddha, or throat chakra, gives voice to the heart chakra and controls our ability to communicate our personal power.
When it’s functioning at full capacity, it allows us to express ourselves truly and clearly. Someone with a blocked throat chakra will feel like they have trouble finding the words to say how they truly feel.
When your throat chakra is blocked…
you may have a problem with pathological lying or simply “stuffing down” your feelings. You are afraid to be yourself and express your truth. Communication is blocked in your relationships and with yourself. Throat, digestive and thyroid problems may occur.
Third eye
Your third eye is located between your brows, slightly above the bridge of your nose. It’s purple in color and allows you to see the truth in others, energy in the spiritual realms, and brings clarity of mind and soul. When your third eye is open, you see the beauty in the world and in others, as well as being able to see auras, invisible truths, etc. Your ability to tap into psychic awareness comes easily.
As we move up the body, we’re getting closer to communion with the divine. The Anja, or third-eye chakra, controls our ability to see the big picture and connect to intuition. Think of it as the eye of the soul: It registers information beyond the surface level.
Visions and intuitive hits are not uncommon for someone with an open third-eye chakra.
When your third eye is blocked…
You have a spiritual block and don’t see the beauty in others or the world around you. Signs from the universe go unnoticed. You feel disconnected from others and your own spirituality. Headaches, sinus infections, eye problems and other head illnesses may occur. This is a common chakra blocked with many people due to the way society functions. We are taught not to believe, not to see. To focus on what’s directly in front of us. And therefore, ignore our third eyes.
Crown Chakra
Your crown chakra is located at the very top of your head and is the color white. It is your direct link to the energy of the universe – to Source energy a.k.a. God,Goddess, or the Divine. Its your source of spiritual connection and gives you the ability to hear god’s voice, accept divine healing, and feel the presence of your guides and angels.
The Sahasrara, or crown chakra, the highest chakra, sits at the crown of the head and represents our ability to be fully connected spiritually. When you fully open your crown chakra—something very few people ever do!—you’re able to access a higher consciousness.
When your crown chakra is blocked…
you may not believe in god or any other power outside of physicality. Hearing divine guidance or feeling the presence of spirit guides is non-existent. You may feel “unlucky” or angry because of past traumas. You’ll feel disconnected spiritually and alone in the universe. Headaches, migraines, and other neurological illnesses may occur. Sensory processing issues could surface, as well as issues with dizziness and regulating temperature and sensory stimulus.
Chi-China
Chi is your life force, the energy that flows through you and through everything. It is that which gives you life.
The concept of chi (also spelt Qi) has its roots in Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) and Martial Arts. But the idea of a vital life force energy and its role in our health can be found in many cultures. For example, in yoga and Ayurveda we describe this life force as Prana.
Chi energy moves through the body like breath and blood and is nourished by a healthy diet, enough sleep and movement practices, however its qualities go beyond the physical or tangible.
Chi can be described as the purest energy that arises out of consciousness, awareness, stillness – through you into your body and all expressions of life. Chi in short can be described as the essence of your true self. Chi is the bridge between physical form and pure awareness
Chi energy is like a bridge between your form, which is your body, your thoughts, emotions, sensations, and the formless which is your essence, consciousness, awareness. In a way, when we trace chi back from form to formless, this is the journey of being on the spiritual path. Various practices including Qigong, Tai Chi, yoga, pranayama (breathing exercises), acupuncture and working with marma points all work to support the free flow of chi or prana. They work on strengthening chi and removing any blockages.
The Three Celtic Cauldrons
What is it? Well, the Cauldron of Poesy is a medieval Irish bardic poem extolling the virtues of a trio of metaphysical cauldrons located within the human body.
The three cauldrons the poem talks about are the Cauldron of Warming, the Cauldron of Motion, and the Cauldron of Wisdom. Each cauldron is positioned in a different part of the human body. The Cauldron of Warming is located within the pelvic region, in the depths of our bellies. The Cauldron of Motion is located in the center of the chest, where our heart and lungs reside. Lastly, the Cauldron of Wisdom can be found within our head or sitting on top of it like a crown.
The poem further explains that when we’re born, these spiritual cauldrons are situated differently. Upon birth, the Cauldron of Warming is found in the upright position—basically how we expect a cauldron to sit normally. It is said to contain the basic energy and wisdom we need to live, breathe, grow, and survive at the instinctual level. It can be upset by sickness or unhealthy choices, though.
The Cauldron of Motion is supposedly on its side when we are born, meaning that it is partially empty. Being situated close to the heart, we can connect the Cauldron of Motion to what inspires us—what makes us move. As we pursue what we love and immerse ourselves in culture, the cauldron shifts into the upright position. When we deny ourselves artistry and emotional exploration, we can feel drained and unbalanced. If we immerse ourselves too much, we can flood ourselves and unbalance ourselves physically and mentally.
Lastly, we come into the world with the Cauldron of Wisdom completely overturned and empty. This cauldron guides our spiritual development—exploring the divine, our own places in the universe, and each other. We can upright and fill this cauldron as we become aware of our purpose and seek to make wise choices on our paths.
Each cauldron can be in one of three positions: upright, tilted, or inverted. The position indicates the ability of a cauldron to function. An upright cauldron can hold and ‘cook’ its ingredients; a tilted cauldron allows ingredients to slip away; an inverted cauldron cannot hold on to anything.
Why to use this method?
It resonates with a threefold idea of how many have viewed human consciousness/divinity. Coincidentally, there are a multitude of practices and belief systems from all over the world that see the human soul as being made of three parts. In the Modern Tradition of Witchcraft, we identify the three parts as the animal/physical self (our most basic raw form), the conscious self (that which is aware on this plane—it has reason, emotion, and artistry), and the self-divine (our connection to the tapestry of the universe, the gods, and our own god-selves). So we could connect each of the parts to a different cauldron: animal/physical self to the Cauldron of Warming, conscious to the Cauldron of Motion, and self-divine to the Cauldron of Wisdom.
kabbalistic tree of life in Jewish mysticism
a 2,000 year old poem is a description of Ten Sefirot-Ten Energies is the basis for the Tree of Life –a Kabbalistic map developed in the south of France in the 12th century in the mystic school of Rabbi Isaac the Blind. The Tree depicts the flow of energy from the infinite source (above)to the finite expression/manifestation (“below”).
In Transformational Kabbalah the Tree of Life becomes a pragmatic tool for seeing how and why things, people, and events manifest in our lives -and how and why we go about creatively manifesting things, people, and events.
Prana
Life force (Prana) simply means energy. All matters in the universe are made up of energy. It is not just about our physical body we are talking about here. Even, our thoughts and feelings are also energy waves which actually can be measured through proper instruments. Pranic healing requires no physical touch. Pranic healing is a three-step process in which it accelerates the body’s inner healing ability to heal at all levels like physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.
Medicine Wheel
The medicine wheel (also called the Sun Dance Circle or Sacred Hoop) is an ancient and sacred symbol used by many Tribes. It signifies Earth’s boundary and all the knowledge of the universe. The Indigenous medicine wheel represents the alignment and continuous interaction of the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual realities.
The Medicine Wheel, sometimes known as the Sacred Hoop, has been used by generations of various Native American tribes for health and healing. It embodies the Four Directions, as well as Father Sky, Mother Earth, and Spirit Tree—all of which symbolize dimensions of health and the cycles of life.
Quantum Healing
Quantum healing is a pseudoscientific mixture of ideas which purportedly draws from quantum mechanics, psychology, philosophy, and neurophysiology. Advocates of quantum healing assert that quantum phenomena govern health and wellbeing.
Quantum healing is a term coined by Deepak Chopra to describe how our thoughts, beliefs and attitudes affect the way we experience illness and health in our lives. According to this principle, our consciousness does not just control the function of our brain and nervous system.
Working with your Energy- Raising the Vibe
You have probably heard others talking about raising their vibe or going to a higher vibration. When they are saying this they are talking about energy work.
When you raise your vibration you become consciously aware of your mental and emotional state. As this awareness increases so does the perception of your blocks. But keep in mind that this is all good information.
A lot of people think that raising your vibration means that you’re going to feel better, lighter, and even imagine stepping into fantasy picture of riding in on a unicorn. Additionally, while “raising your vibration” sounds like a lovely result, (and of course it is), its the entire process that will show you where you are out of balance with that higher vibe.
Let’s say for instance, you want to be more loving. So your light body will begin to hold more love. But as you hold more love, you will be shown all the frequencies that are out of alignment with love. This is not the fun part. So now you are seeing things like hatred, trauma, disgust, rejection all come to the surface because you are holding more light, and these shadows can no longer be hidden.
But hang in there! Don’t throw away all your amazing work just because it is getting hard. It’s all part of the experience.You actually have the chance here to do the spiritual healing work to release these stale emotions, memories and experiences that will change your entire life!
With a higher vibration, you’re able to hold higher states of consciousness and this consciousness lift will help you move through your inner blocks more and more quickly.
Raising Your Vibration means that a lot of your old trauma, past memories, and old energy is revealed so that you can heal it and bring in a new higher vibration to hold in your mind, body and soul.
Reiki
Reiki is a Japanese style of bodywork founded by Mikao Usai. The name translates to “spiritually guided life force energy”. It is a spiritual and vibrational healing intervention without the involvement of physical manipulation. Reiki is spiritual in nature but is not a religious practice, the intent is to maintain physiological balance through a subtle vibrational field.
Reiki has been used to treat ailments alone or as a supplemental treatment to promote recovery and enhance the quality of life.
To learn more about reiki you can watch the Divination class series on it below.
Polarity Therapy
This method was founded by osteopathic physician Randolph Stone in 1947. Polarity Therapy is a holistic wellness practice used in alternative medicine. Inspired both by Ayurvedic and Traditional Chinese Medicines, the intent is to rebalance the distribution of energy throughout the body using a mix of bodywork, exercise, nutrition, and counseling to alleviate or prevent health issues.
Ayurveda
Ayurveda is derived from the Sanskrit words ‘ayur’ – life and ‘veda’ – knowledge, translating to knowledge of life. This natural medicine practice originated in India over 3,000 years ago and is based on the idea that diseases are a result of an imbalance within one’s consciousness. In India, Ayurvedic medicine is regarded as equal to conventional Western medicine.
Ayurveda treatment starts with an internal purification process, followed by a special diet, herbal remedies, massage therapy, yoga, and meditation. The primary concepts of the practice are universal interconnectedness, the body’s natural constitution (prakriti), and life forces (doshas). Herbs, plants, oils and spices are all commonly used in Ayurvedic treatment.
Currently there is no national standard in the US for Ayurvedic medicine, so be sure to research your practitioner’s background and experience and consult your medical professional before using herbal medicine.
Centering
Centering gives you perspective on your own energy by allowing you to differentiate between what is yours and what is in the environment around you.
Think of centering like cleaning up your house after several weeks of not putting things away where they live. There are half-finished projects, maybe a couple dishes, you haven’t unpacked a shopping bag. All of those material possessions belong somewhere.
It’s the same with your energy. Whenever you experience extreme emotions, little bits of your energy can become detached. This can make you feel sort of, spread too thin. Centering helps you to call back and reattach all your bits of energy and helps you feel whole again.
If you don’t have any energy fragments scattered around, centering can simply gather and focus your energy so that it’s ready to work toward your next intention. To learn more about centering send me a message on facebook and ask me how to get access to my witchcraft basics bootcamp for a week of detailed work on centering!
Method:
Lay down or sit comfortably. Enter a meditative state by focusing on your breathing.
Find your center. This is the place where all of your energy radiates from. For me, this is the center of my pelvic region in my root chakra. Some people find their energy center is the middle of their forehead at the third eye chakra. Yours may be somewhere else entirely. Wherever it is, feel the energy circulating from it.
Now visualize that you—and your energy center—are the nexus of a galaxy. Orbiting all around you are stars and planets and comets and meteors. These are your energy fragments.
Notice that some of the orbits are large while others are nice and close to the center. Feel the gravity of your center grow and pull the furthest fragments of energy closer to you.
As the gravity of your center continues to grow stronger, the bits of your energy galaxy circulate right near your center. Everything is back in it’s home, and your energetic universe is harmonious.
At this point, you are centered and can ease yourself out of the meditation. Sometimes it’s nice to hang out in your energy galaxy, though. It’s a good opportunity to close up any energy leaks and to get to know your energy a little better.
Take note of how you feel in contrast to how you felt before you centered.
Grounding
Grounding is a term used to help center and calm a person’s energy and emotions. It is a process that helps us to energetically and physically connect deeper to the healing frequencies of the Earth and puts us more in a present state of awareness.
Grounding is a way to connect you to the earth and to your purpose. It gives you the opportunity to take a strong stand in your intention.
To learn more about grounding you can learn about it here in the study guide from my previous class I taught on it. Grounding &earthing
Breathwork
What is breathwork? It’s breathing, but not like you know it. Think of breathwork like an active meditation, where you change your breathing pattern to boost mental, physical and spiritual health.
Breathing also helps move energy and you can use the breath to facilitate its movement in and around your body. As you breathe in, imagine drawing in pure divine energy. This can be very powerful. As you breathe out you can imagine you are sending energy out in a particular direction. Send out the negative energy you may have accumulated, sort of like dirt or pollution, into the ground where it will be neutralized.
Sound Healing
Sound Healing is a powerful therapy that combines different healing sounds, music, and sound healing instruments to improve our multidimensional well-being by creating a beautiful experience where all layers of our luminous energy field (body, mind, soul, spirit) are awakened gently and lovingly.
Integral Sound Healing is highly effective at triggering our relaxation response, which counters the many symptoms caused by chronic stress, while helping to balance our whole being.
Sound Healing Instruments that are easy to play can be applied both on the body and off-the-body, whilst also incorporating vocal sounds and tones.
Sound Therapy techniques are delivered using instruments such as Tibetan and crystal singing bowls, gongs, drums, tuning forks, and more, both during a one-on-one sound healing session or sound bath
Work with crystals
Crystals are such amazing tools to help us harness energy and use it in a much more effective way in our lives, and magical practices. Using crystals help us be in alignment with the energies surrounding us and can also help us call on certain energies when we want to use them.
Crystals come directly from the earth and therefore vibrate with healing earthly energy. All of our medicines come from the earth and so why can’t natural resources also provide some sort of healing? They can! This includes crystals and stones of various types and colors.
Thought alignment
An important key to working with energy, is using your thoughts. Energy follows thought. Using your thoughts and your imagination are the tools for directing, manipulating and controlling energy.
With every thought we think, energy reacts to that thought by moving. So learn how to manipulate your energy and the energy around you with your imagination. When you do so, you’ll tap into your intuitive guidance system because energy is the language of your intuition. By moving energy with your intention and your imagination, you can control and move energy to pick up intuitive information about things. For example, you can expand your energy field to connect with a place or area you would like to pick up intuitive information about.
Protection And Energy
There are ways you can shield yourself from negative energy or energy that you don’t want to experience. The amplitude of your energy, which is the LOUDNESS of your energy, will overwhelm the energy of other things. Have you ever noticed that when you’re near someone who is extremely happy and excited, the energy rubs off on you? By the same token if you are near someone who is very, very depressed, sad and down, that you feel it as well? Sometimes their energy is so “loud” that you can’t help but absorb it and feel the way they do. If you are a sensitive person you’ll pick up and absorb all the nuances of that energy until it becomes yours. The solution is to turn up your own energy so it shields you from energy of those around you. If your energy is ‘louder’ than the “Negative”nergy around you, you will drown it out and not be affected by it. You can stay light and happy yourself. Remind yourself to observe those people and not absorb their feelings, thoughts and energy. Remember energy follows thought. If you can’t do that, then your intention can create an energetic shield against the negative energy.
Here’s how to do that.
Step 1: Pull your energy back in to yourself – close to your physical body with your intention.
Step 2: Imagine a shield, like a force field, or a wall made of steel, titanium, or diamond, whatever is strong to you.
Step 3: You can physically move away from the ‘source’.
You can imagine being in an energetic egg of protection with energy that allows the good to come in but the bad bounces off. You can also use a physical shield, by putting something between you and the negative energy source, or simple step back, or walk away.
The last energy work type I’ll discuss here is called shielding. In my opinion, this is the most important energy work practice that you can learn as an energy manipulator. If you can commit to starting a daily shielding practice and keeping it up, you are committing to keeping your energy safe and secure.
Shielding is a way of keeping your energy safe. You set up a barrier to separate the feelings, emotions, and thoughts of others from your own space. It can prevent energetic vampires from draining your energy, and it protects your energy from spirit attacks and other unfriendly things. It’s a great way to help protect empaths from absorbing all of the negative emotions of other people as well.
Shielding can be especially useful before going to areas with lots of people like a concert, convention or fair. These types of events have a lot of free-floating energy that can be overwhelming.
You can build a shield around anything you want to protect: your loved ones, children, and pets, your home, your car.
Method:
Ideally, you would ground and center before you build a shield.
Sit down or lie down. You could stand up to do this, but it helps to close your eyes, which—while standing—could potentially make you get wobbly.
Visualize your body surrounded by a sphere of glowing light. Make sure it completely surrounds you with no cracks or weak areas.
Imagine the light forming to your body like a second skin. Let it lock into place around you.
Now visualize that the outside of this shield is shining and reflective like a mirror. Imagine negative energy coming toward you and bouncing off the mirror back to its sender.
This is a basic, yet effective method of shielding yourself from negativity. Do you feel safe and protected after shielding?
Alternatives:
If this shield doesn’t feel strong enough to you, or it just doesn’t feel right, try something else. Here are some other ideas for shields you can test that may feel more comfortable or satisfying. Construct them in the same way, by visualizing them surrounding you.
A whirlpool or hurricane of water swirling around a calm eye of the storm where you are
Big gusts of wind or a tornado blowing around you and sending away negative energy
A sphere of burning flames to incinerate any negative energy that tries to get close
Mountains of solid, impenetrable rock
A tangle of thorns sticking out away from you, with beautiful flowers on the inside
Clouds of smoke and mist that obscure you from enemies
Anything else you can imagine! Whatever feels right to you.
If you would like to expand your knowledge on energy and energy work you can purchase my Ebook on the topic in the shop, and reach out me for a booking on many different types of energy services I offer for 1:1 guidance, and clearing. Or if you’d rather listen than read; you can watch my free class with Divination Academy on YouTube below!
About Me : I have been a solitary grey magic practitioner for 15 + years. First and foremost, I consider myself a mystic and seeker of all knowledge. I am dedicated to the restoration, and re-enchantment of Magic in society, across this realm, and in each and every soul I come across in life! I am here to create a container that promotes healing, duality, and raw authenticity. I do this by guiding you on your personal journey to understanding your unique magic and sacred contracts. I facilitate this for you through embracing your shadow, duality and learning to live in energetic balance while not wearing a mask. When you work and learn from me you do so from your “darkness” as much as your “light” and in a way to truly harness and accept it not to just go thru it on the way to your light. But, I teach you how to truly embrace it, work with it, and use it alongside your light as a partner. I hold up a mirror for you to be able to see your authentic reflection looking back. Then have the courage to take the next step and do the uncomfortable but vital inner work to completely remove your mask. By facing all of your past wounds, traumas, and hurts. Allowing you to see both the dark and light within your story and take each chapter and alchemize it into something that is so powerful. your unique internal flame will shine so bright you will always be able to go within and find it on a dark cold night. You will learn how to truly live in duality and energetic balance to allow growth, and alignment with your sacred contracts and purposes. to finally move on and truly let the things that hold you back in this life from healing and manifesting go. To see everything I offer; like personalized shadow work sessions, womb healing, eBooks for you to work through on your own, Tarot sessions for guidance and more! Go to my shop!
The snow is beginning to melt, the scent of decay is all around as the plants unthaw and use the nutrients they’ve been hibernating in to come back to life. We hear the chirping of birds and critters running around among the foliage. All around us we see the awakening of the earth from its winter slumber and the emergence of new life sprouting. March is a time to focus on renewal, rebirth, fertility, growth, prosperity, and fruitfulness. March is the month we welcome the first rays of sunshine of spring and we begin to feel the harsh Winter start to dissipate. It’s the month we stop going inwards to look behind us and instead we look ahead with hope. We begin to prepare for planting our crops, and the return of the beloved Sun and the Spring. This is the most fertile time of the year to plant seeds of intention for manifestation for the rest of the year. Lay them in the ground that has been hibernating soaking up nutrients all winter long. March is the month when we watch as Winter slowly fades off, the days become noticeably longer, and spring is waving at us just over the horizon. March is a month of deep, profound, transformational change. Let’s spring into March and look at all the ways you can connect to the energy of March to allow yourself, your magic, and your intentions to really bloom and blossom this year.
History In The Month Of March
The month of March is the 3rd month of the Julian and Gregorian Calendars but was originally the first month of the Roman calendar year, called Martius named for Mars, one of the most important Gods of the Roman state. This month later took on a little more significance in history when it became known for the Ides of March. Also known as March 15th, the date of the assassination of Julius Caesar in 44BC and later making it considered an unlucky day by many and for some still today it is considered an unlucky day.
Zodiac signs for the month of March
Those born in March are said to be born under either the sign of the two fishes Pisces or the headstrong ram Aries.
Those under the sign Pisces are typically born between February 18th and March 20th. Pisces is, fittingly, a water sign, represented by the sign of the two fishes. They’re all known for being emotionally fluid, vacillating between feelings, and being very in tune with their feelings and those of others. Pisces are typically loyal, intuitive, and creative, and they are very sociable.
Those under the sign of Aries are typically born between March 21st and April 19th. Aries is the first sign of the Zodiac which makes it fittingly represented by the sign of the ram. They’re are known for being headstrong , bold, and ambitious. They love to charge a head into any situation without fear and fiery courage. Aries lights up the room with their vibrant and enthusiastic confidence.
Sacred Days And Celebrations In March
Every Single month has sacred and important days and celebrations to help you connect to the energies of the month. Plus they usually are a lot of fun to take part in! Below you will find a list of the sacred days and celebrations for the month of March! The common themes you will find are fertility, new beginnings, the welcoming of spring, the rebirth of the sun, renewal, and hope. Also take note how this month has a lot of really important holidays taking place all around the rebirth of the sun. Plus all the ideas of hope, joy , and celebration of surviving the long harsh, cold winter together. But, first we are going to talk about a few that take centerstage during this month like the hope in new beginnings with the spring equinox and Ostara.
The Spring Equinox and Ostara
The Spring Equinox is celebrated with many different holidays and traditions like the most common one being Ostara on the wheel of the year. This time is ripe with fertile energy all about growth, rebirth, planting seeds for harvest, and duality. The Spring Equinox aka Vernal Equinox, is the time when day and night are equal. During this time, the direct rays of the sun hit the equator, making day and night equal in length. The most important part of the day is when the sun hits its zenith, the precise moment when the sun is perfectly lined up with the equator. This moment marks the first day of spring, with the light triumphing over the darkness. Which is why we see so many cultures celebrating it with festivals like Ostara. Ostara is the celebration of rebirth and renewal, it is the Sabbat; a holiday marked on the pagan wheel of the year. Ostara is one of the eight Sabbats in the Wheel of the Year calendar. Ostara, is the dawn of the fertile season on the Wheel of the Year. The word Ostara comes from the Anglo-Saxon goddess name, Eostre. Eostre represented spring and new beginnings. It marks the start of the astrological year as well and is considered the New year for many different cultures and tribes around the world as they welcome back the sun. If you want to learn more about this sacred day you can read my guide all about it HERE.
St. Patrick’s day
The month of March later became even more significant with the arrival of St. Patrick’s Day in 461 BC. St. Patrick’s day is on March 17 which refers to the anniversary of Saint Patrick ‘s death in the year 461. Still considered Ireland’s patron saint to this day, Saint Patrick was born in the 4th century in Great Britain. Now, this holiday is packed with parades, good luck charms, and all things green. The event started as a religious holiday, but over time it’s become a celebration of Irish culture and excessive drinking. Now, keep in mind there are a lot of myths around this day and a lot of misrepresented history. Like some saying the “snakes” he drove out were pagans and others arguing that is untrue and being used to oppress them even today. I might be writing an article covering all the different stories around this holiday but, until then I recommend to look at all the different stories surrounding this holiday.
Other sacred days and holidays
Nowruz -Persian New Year
Easter Sunday
Hilaria
Purim
Anthesteria- a Greek festival of Dionysus
Holi
Eid al-Fitr
Good Friday
Pal m Sunday
passover
Shunbun no Hi- Shintoism celebration of the spring equinox
International Women’s day
Anna Perenna March 15th
Mamuralia March 14th or 15th
Lady Day – March 25
The Ides of March – March 15th, the date of the assassination of Julius Caesar in 44BC and considered an unlucky day by many
Liberalia- Roman festival of the God of Liber
Māgha Pūjā: This Theravādin Buddhist holiday is observed on the first full moon day of March
The Borrowing Days – March 28, 29, 30
Sikh: Hola Mohalla
Women’s history month
Mardi Gras
March Magical & Witchcraft Themes
In magic and witchcraft, March is often associated with themes of rebirth, renewal, and transition to name just a few. As the month marks the arrival of spring in the Northern Hemisphere, it symbolizes the awakening of the earth from its winter slumber and the emergence of new life. With March being named after and associated with the planet mars it is deeply connected to vitality, fertility, and the movement of energy in getting things done. This makes it one of the most fertile months for manifestation, growth, and planting new seeds.
With March being the bringer of spring, the bringer of new life; it is the ideal time for us to literally plant seeds in the ground for us to harvest in the fall to feed our families through the long harsh winter. This makes it a month not only about the fertility and potential waiting in the ground but, also a month that allows us to look forward to the year ahead. A month to welcome in joy, hope, and endless possibilities with the rebirth of the Sun. This month is ripe with the energy of fertility, new beginnings, and possibilities. This energy of new beginnings also comes with a sense of cleanliness, the need to purify. Channel into this energy when setting intentions, doing manifestation work, and your magical workings this month and watch them bloom like never before.
Another key theme with spring and the point of the wheel of the year we are tuning our energies into with the month of March is renewal, rebirth, and transition. These themes make it a very key time to be willing to go deep within yourself to connect to your true creative force. To figure out how to awaken that force within you that makes the courageous moves towards making your goals and dreams come true. Now that the earth is unthawing from the Winter. It is a month to maintain balance, and to work with your duality and shadow. When doing this you allow yourself to be open to the massive amount of transformational, transitional, and renewing energy this month has to offer.
The Gods And Goddesses Of March
With every season and month there are certain themes, magic, and energies we have the ability to connect to including deities.Everyone works with and views deity energy a little differently. Whether you view them as archetypes of the human consciousness, representations of the source energy, or as being entities on their own, there are certain deities that now is the time to connect to and honor them in the most sacred and amplified way.( Don’t forget to grab my eBook in the shop to help you explore this)
During this month a few deities take center stage because they have festivals or sacred days during this month to help you connect with them in a very intimate way. The deities that are going to be the best for you to connect to right now are going to be those who represent spring , the changing of the seasons, and the sun; like Persephone and Demeter. Especially since this is the time of the year those two are together on Earth. Deities that can connect you to fertility, fruitfulness, and growth are also great to call to this time as well. Don’t forget one of the most pivotal moments of this month is when the sun is reborn with joy and hope. So, don’t be afraid to connect with deities of the sun as well!
This time is also a very liminal time. This month gives us access to one of the two times during the year the veil is the thinnest, and we can have access to other realms and the crossroads with much more ease. Deities that have the ability to bring you wisdom, guidance, and access to you shadow shelf like Hecate, the Morrigan, and Persephone are amazing to call to and work with during this time. Being guides with you along the road to renewal as the season change to spring preparing you for fresh new growth. Below we will talk about some of the deities you can work with this month. I could never list them all here.
Persephone
First up, the goddess who has held my heart for many years. The one I rejoice during this month as I greet her again as she returns from her quality time with her beloved Hades; Persephone. In Greek mythology, Persephone is the goddess of agriculture, the spring, the Underworld, duality, and the wife of Hades. Prior to her marriage with Hades she was known as Kore, which means “daughter” or “maiden”. I find this to be crucial to her story and representation of rebirth, because, before she grabbed power in her marriage to Hades, the gods hadn’t even given her a name or her own place of power. Which makes no sense to me because she was born from two of the most powerful deities. Persephone is the daughter of Zeus, the chief god, and Demeter, the goddess of agriculture. For her to have such little power, be sheltered, and not have her own place of power within the pantheon was in injustice she would rectify through the power of rebirth and duality by becoming Hades wife. As the wife of Hades, Persephone governs the realm of the dead by his side with grace, compassion, and might. Persephone’s presence in the Underworld brings a sense of balance between life and death. While Samhain marks Persephone’s descent into the underworld when she ascends to her throne as the queen of the underworld. Spring marks her journey and ascent, some say guided by the torch light of Hecate back to Earth. To spend her agreed upon quality time with her mother. With her return we also see the return of lush green grasses, plentiful fields of grains, and sweet smelling flowers decorating the landscape as they bloom. Persephone’s return is associated with the fertility of the earth and the abundance of the harvest, signifying a time of growth, vitality, and the fulfillment of potential. Her story during this month reminds us of the need for balance between life and death, darkness and light, and the constant cycle of change that occurs in nature and in our own lives. Allowing us to move forward from the darkness and introspection into a place blooming with growth and the life of new beginnings. She encourages us to embrace change and new beginnings to fully claim the power that was always rightfully ours. To learn all about this alluring, intriguing, and transitional goddess, and see her story in a whole new light. Plus meet her in a guided meditation you can watch my class all about her here! Plus I promise you will be getting a guide to work with her soon!
Estore Next up we have one of the most important goddess of spring is; Eostre. She is the Germanic goddess of fertility, rebirth, and dawn. Sometimes referred to as the goddess Ostara, this deity was associated with springtime because this was the season when the days began to lengthen and the sun became stronger. She was also associated with the hare and the egg, which were symbols of fertility and new life. Unfortunately, we don’t know much else about her or how she was worshipped since we only really see her name in passing outside of one text. She’s mentioned in the writings of an 8th century monk known as Venerable Bede, who reported that pagan Anglo-Saxons in medieval Northumbria held festivals in her honor during the month of April.
Inanna -Ishtar
Inanna is a primal ancient goddess who emerged from the Cradle of Civilization as we know it now; Mesopotamia. Some know her as Ishtar while others know her as Inanna-Ishtar. Inanna is the Goddess of Fertility, Love, Procreation, War, Death, and Spring: she is a complex Goddess embodying ALL aspects of the divine feminine. Ancient peoples who went against the gender-binary were cult members. She is a goddess who brings self-empowerment, protection, love, strength and abundance. She will aid in your spiritual endeavors and will also help heal and bring to light your shadows. Inanna is a fierce goddess who dominated the gods’ realms, boldly journeyed through the Underworld, and acquired her innate wisdom from the god Enki. Her worship involved celebrating the spring equinox and the renewal of life. She is even featured in the Epic of Gilgamesh, Inanna and the Huluppu-Tree, and The Descent of Inanna. Plus the “Ishtar Gate” was part of Nebuchadnezzar’s Babylon. While she is a goddess of ancient Sumerian origin, her worship eventually spread throughout the ancient Middle East to Akkadia, Assyria, Greece and Phoenicia (among others). Her name means “Lady of Heaven”, derived from ancient Sumerian word nin-a-nak. She is often portrayed as a beautiful young woman with a pair of wings. Her sacred animal, the lion, accompanies her in her travels. Inanna carries her symbol, the eight-pointed star, in most manifestations. The Queen of Heaven sits upon a lion throne and holds a snake-scepter. Working with her this month allows you to connect to one the most primordial energies we have representing the return of Spring.
Mars
Last up, we have the deity this month is named after; the Roman god of war and protector of crops Mars. He is a powerful deity associated with military power, aggression, and conflict. Mars is the Roman God of war, and one of the most important Gods in ancient Rome, second only to his father Jupiter. One of his most important festivals kicks off this month on the first; Feriae Marti. He is the son of Jupiter and Juno. Plus the father of Romulus and Remus, the legendary founders of Rome; whom we just celebrated last month during Lupercalia. By the way he fathered with the priestess Rhea Silvia by rape. This is why many Romans considered themselves the sons of Mars. Mars represents strength, courage, and the relentless pursuit of victory, often depicted with symbols like the spear, shield, and the wolf or woodpecker, animals sacred to him Since he represented the virtue and strength of nature and youth, he was often part of rituals dedicated to military practice. Especially, the ancient Italian practice of Ver Sacrum, the Sacred Spring: when citizens made the sacred decision to remove the new generation from the territory as soon as it became adults .Essentially sending them out to found new communities and military strongholds. It was though that, Mars welcomed the expelled young people under his tutelage and protected them until they founded a new community. Working with him this month allows you to connect with the energy of renewal with a bold strength and boundless courage.
The Correspondences For March
First, what is a correspondence? A correspondence is an item or symbol that is meant to connect you to a specific energy thru it’s representation. It is seen also as an item to respect, honor, and venerate that energy as well whether it be a deity, an archetype energy, the zodiac energy the moon is currently or for time of the year like a month, which I will list below for you to use. Remember this is just a start to the list for you. You can use any correspondences that connect the magical themes and energies of March. Just follow your intuition on what you choose to work with!
Celebrations- St. Patrick’s Day, The Ides of March, Pi Day, Mothering Sunday, Ostara, Spring Equinox
Trees- Alder & Ashe
How To Connect To The Magic Of March
We’ve talked a lot about all the different types of energies the month of March has and gives us access to work with. So, how can you specifically connect to those energies? In your every day life you can make sure your affirmations and manifestation work align with the energies of growth, prosperity, hope, renewal, new beginnings, the Sun, and fruitfulness. Allow yourself to wake up from your months of deep introspection and welcome the reborn Sun with hope and anticipation. You can also celebrate and honor any of the sacred days and holidays like Ostara, the spring equinox and Nowruz with renewal rituals, planting seeds of manifestation, and welcoming in the season of spring.
Some Rituals and spell workings during this time that will be really intensified will be based on renewal, new beginnings, rebirth, and manifestation. Other spells that will have some significant meaning right now and help you connect to the energy of March should be centered around planting new seeds, fertility, and manifestation. While using the boldness of this month to make fearless steps towards your goals. This month is another month when you can really get some clear and transformative messages from your guides. As we are in a liminal time of transition welcoming the birthing moment of the Sun once again. As we emerge from the dark, cold, harsh days and nights of Winter. You can do this through any means of divination you prefer but, fire gazing is one to think about to align with the correspondences of this month.
Don’t forget to connect to the magic of March by centering their rituals, and spell workings around the themes of cleansing and purifying as well. Since, this theme is central to the month as nature goes through it’s own cleansing as it awakens from it’s slumber. Try connecting to this purifying energy by taking a ritual bath, doing a cleansing floor wash, or smoke cleansing your home with an herb bundle. Rituals and spell workings during this time that will be really intensified will be based on prosperity, wealth, growth, and rebirth. You can do things like create a lucky money bag, a prosperity bowl, cast abundance spells or perform some spells using egg magic. Egg magic is very potent this month connecting you to one of the universal symbols of rebirth in throughout the world. To learn more about egg magic check out my guide HERE.
Elemental magic with the element of water and fire. You could even work with the element of Earth when you start planting
Seed magic
Simmer pot for cleansing, renewal, removing unwanted energies
Purification and cleansing rituals and spells using water
Start collecting magical dirt to be used for magicl purposes
Transformation and transition spells and rituals
Shadow work based on transition, fertility, new beginnings, welcoming the light. If you would like to learn more about shadow work you can purchase my eBook here; you can book me for a 1:1 session as your guide here; and you can watch my free class previously taught on it through Divination here. Plus don’t forget to head to the shop and register for my new course that is beginning at the end of this month!
Abundance, good luck, and fertility spells; egg spells are especially potent this month
add the symbol of the hare to your altar or spell workings
plan and prep for your garden. Maybe even begin planting it if you can
go on a mindful and intentional walk in nature to take in the sights, smells, and sounds of the landscape and critters awakening from their winter slumber
celebrate the spring equinox with any of the holidays across the Earth like Ostara
Set SMART goals and intentions for your manifestations for the spring
Ritual bath for purification, cleansing, and renewal
work with deities of fertility, Spring, and the Sun
Divination like fire gazing or water scrying
Make some sun water and use it in kitchen magic, cleansing, and to amplify spell work
do journaling and inner work to look at your mother daughter relationship like Demeter and Persephone
Use the fertility of this month for potent womb healing
celebrate St. Patrick’s day by studying it’s history and Irish culture
feed local foxes or volunteer at a local rescue
Learn more about green magic and perform some
Duality and the month of March
Since, I am a grey witch I look for the duality in every single energy I work with including sacred times like a month of the year like the one we are currently in, March. This month is a really easy one for me to connect to the duality of it. As the phrase goes “March comes in like a lion and out like a lamb”. It is a month that starts with a fierce, bold, strength as we will still have the last few stormy weeks of Winter left. Then it ends with the caring, gentle, and welcoming embrace of the blooming Spring. As we walk around in nature we see the duality in stark clarity as well. As we take in the snow not yet melted on the ground, the scent of death from the plants just beginning to peak out , the sound of bird chirping as they jump from tree to tree, and the air no longer has a stinging cold bite. This month also marks the duality of the transition point we all experience when the sun is reborn on the March Equinox. The March equinox marks the solar waxing energies of Spring in the Northern Hemisphere and the waning energies of Autumn in the Southern Hemisphere happening simultaneously. No matter where we are in the world we can tap into the duality that expresses itself in so many ways on this sacred day. This includes: Yin and Yang, waxing and waning, giving and receiving, Ascent and descent, Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine, light and dark, beginnings and endings, (re)birth and death (embodied in tales such as that of Persephone and Inanna). Not only that in many religions and cultures around the world, their God is reborn or rises at Spring like with Jesus in Christianity and Osiris in Egypt. Lastly the dualities of this month are seen in the Seed itself that we plant during this month. The seed which manifests in both Spring and Autumn in different ways. While also representing the cyclical nature of life and death itself that permeate the month of March as well.
Spring Forward With March To Bloom The Rest Of The Year
We talked about many things in this blogpost including the history, some celebrations, the different energies and magical themes we can work with during this month. Along with how to connect to those energies, deities we can honor and worship, and how to work with the magic of March. March is a uniquely magical time that invites everyone to plant the seeds for hope with the arrival of spring. While also reminding us of the harshness of Winter sill surrounding us with snow storms that we have to be resilient and get through. However you choose to connect to the many energies March has to offer you; from rebirth, fertility, growth, fruitfulness, cleansing and wealth enjoy how the refreshing energy of spring will bring a new sense of life to you and your magic. And watch things bloom throughout the year like they never have before.
In this new special 6 month shadow work program I will help you realign your inner world, discover all the versions of you in the shadows, and show you how to integrate your shadows into your own authentic identity. When you purchase and register for this 6 month course you will get pre-recorded lessons, eBooks, journal prompt workbooks, weekly guided sessions, ( with one week off for integration) one womb healing session, and access to a discord chat for all those who are taking the course with you. We begin the last Monday of March for orientation week and then session for courses start the first Monday of April! There will be limited spots so hurry and register today.
About Me : I have been a solitary grey magic practitioner for 15 + years. First and foremost, I consider myself a mystic and seeker of all knowledge. I am dedicated to the restoration, and re-enchantment of Magic in society, across this realm, and in each and every soul I come across in life! I am here to create a container that promotes healing, duality, and raw authenticity. I do this by guiding you on your personal journey to understanding your unique magic and sacred contracts. I facilitate this for you through embracing your shadow, duality and learning to live in energetic balance while not wearing a mask. When you work and learn from me you do so from your “darkness” as much as your “light” and in a way to truly harness and accept it not to just go thru it on the way to your light. But, I teach you how to truly embrace it, work with it, and use it alongside your light as a partner. I hold up a mirror for you to be able to see your authentic reflection looking back. Then have the courage to take the next step and do the uncomfortable but vital inner work to completely remove your mask. By facing all of your past wounds, traumas, and hurts. Allowing you to see both the dark and light within your story and take each chapter and alchemize it into something that is so powerful. your unique internal flame will shine so bright you will always be able to go within and find it on a dark cold night. You will learn how to truly live in duality and energetic balance to allow growth, and alignment with your sacred contracts and purposes. to finally move on and truly let the things that hold you back in this life from healing and manifesting go. To see everything I offer; like personalized shadow work sessions, womb healing, eBooks for you to work through on your own, Tarot sessions for guidance and more! Go to my shop!
I have been feeling this strong pull to talk about goals all week now. Maybe it’s because we entered March this month and by now at least 43% of us who set goals around the New Year have already given up on them or hit huge obstacles to deter us. Maybe it’s because, I have had to do so much adjusting to my own goals already this year because, of life changing, my family needing different levels of my time and support now, and honestly I really was unprepared for what my new goals were actually going to entail and how much my life was going change with it all. I have had to rewrite, and re-evaluate my goals and personal development plan many times already this year to make sure they are still SMART goals for me.
Goals have many benefits to having them intentionally in your life. I know some people reading this blogpost will know what goals are and already use them intentionally pretty often in their lives by using things like bullet journals, vision boards, and creating 5 year plans. While others reading this post will know what goals are but, loosely use them by having goals; as in some day dreams, like some day I want to own my own business or own a home etc. And others even yet may not use goals at all. That can happen for many reasons, not knowing what you even want, mental health issues, etc.
No matter what your current relationship is with goals this will benefit you. I was a person who did all the things like bullet journaling, setting goals for the day, week, month, year, etc, having a goal board. I loved having goals in my life but, even than I would have a lower success rate than I would like and lower follow through than I was proud of. Than I was taught this skill in DBT and all of that changed! My life completely up leveled. ( I Still have some major set backs I am navigating through) but, I set over 150+ goals last year and I met all, but about 20 of them by the end of last year. Continue reading to learn all about this skill and how to have it do the same for and your life!
First, What Are The Benefits of Goals
I touched on it earlier that there are many benefits to setting goals so what are they? First, the benefits really can be endless. Because, each goal you choose to set is going to have it’s unique set of benefits it will bring you personally when you achieve it. There, are some overarching benefits you can experience every time you set and achieve a goal we can take a look at next.
One of the many benefits goals can bring to you and your life is providing you with a sense of direction, and something to actually strive and work for. In a way our goals guide our sense of purpose and being and fuel our motivation for life in general. For myself, personally when I don’t intentionally have goals I am working on, and I have a plan on how I will achieve them my depression, my bpd. and my overall mood stability is honestly, just shit. When I don’t have a goal/s I am working on actively, is one of the times when I will completely disappear and sink into the depths my emotions can at times drown me in. If you have nothing you are striving for it can make it hard to want to be an active participant in your life.
Another benefit you can experience by intentionally having and using goals in your life is the mental health benefits you get from achieving a goal like the sense of building mastery. Building Mastery is when you do something that causes you to feel a rush of pride and a sense of accomplishment. You are doing something completely, fully and that you are literally able to master as you are doing this. I get this sense of feeling every time I achieve a goal I have set and honestly it can get quite addictive at times and it really does help keep my emotions stable.
The last benefit I will talk about is how setting goals and having them be an intentional part of your life is how you create a life worth living, how you get anything you want, and how you find happiness. If you want to get anything in life you have to actually do something to obtain it or achieve it. This is just simply how the universe we exist in works. It is how energy works and its one of the keys to manifestation I feel many miss. We can’t just put the energy out into the universe with our thoughts, You can dream, and tell yourself some day you will have the life that makes you feel fulfilled and is your soul purpose. But, how you actually make that happen is by deciding what you want to achieve, making a plan how to use them using SMART goals and than you follow thru with your plan.
What are SMART Goals?
We have spent some time talking about the benefits of using goals in general and what they can possibly bring to your life. Now, let’s talk about what are SMART goals specifically. First, SMART is an acronym that stands for S-specific, M-measurable, A-Attainable, R-Relevant, and T-Timely, but, we are going to break down what each of those means in a just a little bit.
SMART goals are a very detailed, layered, and specific way to set your goals so that you can attain them with ease and have a much higher chance of success. I really look at SMART goals as goals on steroids with purpose and intention. When you set your goals using this method you are creating a very clear image of what your goals are, how you are going to achieve them, when you will achieve them and how you will keep yourself accountable and motivated. Now, let’s look at what each step in SMART goals stands for and how to do it to achieve your goals.
S Stands For Specific- Be As Specific As You Can Be
The S stands for specific. When it says be specific it means be as specific as you possibly can be. You need to be very clear about what it is that you want to accomplish and achieve. Every part of the goal you need to be able to visualize, know in and out, and know what it is you want out of it. The clearer you are about what it is you truly want to achieve the more you will be able to plan, the more you be able to manifest and the more motivated you be to follow through with your plan to achieve your goals to build a life worth living. It really just is easier to achieve and accomplish your goals when you are specific when you set them.
M Stands for Measurable- Make Your Goal Trackable
The second letter in SMART for SMART goals stands for Measurable. What this means is making your goal when you are setting it measurable in some way. Giving yourself a way to know when you have actually accomplished. This also is a way to add urgency behind your goals and takes them out of a place of being a some day goal, a dream, or wish and makes them actually become reality. It keeps you accountable to yourself as well knowing you will be coming back to your goal at that time to take stock and see what you have been able to accomplish.
A Stands for Attainable-Make Your Goal Realistic
The third letter in SMART for SMART goals stands for Attainable. I personally really need this letter in the acronym and I feel most of us overlook this letter too often when we are setting goals both intentionally and unintentionally. There are times I use to set goals I knew there was most likely no way I was going to achieve them and set way too many at once for many reasons; perfectionism, my OCD, and I simply always have a million and one things I want to get done. When you get to this letter though it is to make sure you are being intentional with setting your goals to set yourself up for success to achieve them. Remember one of the main reasons to set goals is to achieve them and create a life worth living for. Why wouldn’t we want to make sure we are setting ourselves up for the highest level of success by making sure it is something we can actually realistically do.
R Stands For Relevant- Make Sure This Goal Is Something You Should Be Working On
The fourth letter in SMART for SMART goals stands for Relevant. This step in goal setting is when you take a moment and you reflect on the goal you are setting and working towards. You reflect to determine if this goal is currently relevant to your life right now. For example, if one of your goals for the year is to start a garden in your backyard but, you live in Minnesota like I do and the ground is frozen still. This may not be the relevant and right time to be setting and working towards this goal. Some other things to reflect on with your goals to make sure they are relevant are.
T Stands For Timely- Set A Time You Will Achieve It By
The fifth and final letter in SMART for SMART goals stands for Timely. This letter is all about putting urgency into achieving your goals. This is when you set a very clear and specific time you will meet your goal by. Whether you set a specific date or you state you will achieve this goal within 30 days, 90 days or whatever it is you choose. But, it needs to be a very clear and specific timeframe you pick. When you set a specific and clear timeframe you will achieve your goals by, you are putting energy into your manifestation and making it a priority for you brain to focus on accomplishing it. This also creates a sense of accountability for your goals as well you will either be coming back to it in celebration or to reevaluate your plan, make adjustments and keep working towards your goal if needed.
What Does A SMART Goal Look like put all together?
Now that you know what SMART stands for and you have a detailed break down of what each letter means and how it can really impact your goal setting. Let’s take a look at what this looks like when you actually set a goal using the SMART goals method. Below I will list some of my own personal smart goals I had set this last year in my personal development plan and you can see how specific and detailed it is when you write your goals out this way.
I will complete my Diary card for DBT treatment every day at 10 pm as part of my night time routine for 30 days in a row. After 30 days I will do so until I graduate DBT
I will take my prescribed medications every morning as part of my morning routine for the next 30 days. After 30 days I will continue to do so until they are no longer prescribed.
I will create a detailed smart goal board by January 1st in my office based on my completed personal development plan.
Every Sunday I will either find or create affirmations for me to use every day of the week. After creating my affirmations I will recite and/or write my affirmations every day as part of both my morning and night routine.
I will meditate daily during Olyver’s nap as part of my daily routine.
I will cleanse, and purify our entire home every single Sunday as part of my weekly cleaning reset routine
I will eat three meals a day for 7 days in a row when my body tells me I am hungry. I will track this in my bullet journal. After 7 days in a row I will eat three meals a day for 3 weeks in a row, than 30 days.
I will track my family’s spending daily in our budget planner workbook as part of my nightly routine before bed.
I will particpate and observe in every new moon and full moon of the year as part of my biweekly routine and my spiritual practice. I will do this by following all the steps in my book of shadows.
I will read from a book for at least 30 minutes every single day after I put Olyver to bed.
I will update and create this year’s family binder by the end of January.
I will write in my gratitude log twice daily as part of my morning and nightly routine.
I will participate in all required sessions for my DBT program weekly until I graduate the treatment program.
I will go back and re-evaluate, and update or modify my goal board and personal development plan to make sure my goals still are current SMART goals for me.
Ways To Implement SMART Skills
We have talked about the benefits of SMART goals, what they actually are, how to set them, and what they look like so, now let’s talk about how we can take SMART goals and implement them in different way and different skills in our life to be able to really specifically assist us with our mental health and our lives as a whole.
Accumulating Positive Emotions; Long Term
There is a core DBT skill we can use to help us make sure we are working towards creating a life worth living and maintaining our values and goals while doing so, and it is called Accumulating positive emotions for the long term. This skill is really about making changes in your life so that positive events will occur in the future. This skill implements your SMART goals and the values and morals you used to create your smart goals. I personally use this skill whenever I am feeling like life is becoming to much and I can’t catch a break. Or when I am just having a hard time with a sense of direction due to overwhelm. Let’s walk thru how to implement your SMART goals while using this skill.
Avoid avoiding- Start now to do what is needed to build the life you want. If you are not sure what to do than you follow all the steps below
Identify Values that are currently important to you- Ask yourself what Values currently mean the most to you in your life right now?
Identify ONE value to work on NOW- What is really important to me, right now to work. This one is important for me and a huge reason why I use this skill. It really allows my focus and get myself into a positive and productive state.
Identify a few goals related to this value- This is where you will come back to your smart goals you created earlier and identify what goals you have created that are related to this value.
Choose one goal to work on now- Do a pros and cons list or a priority ranking if necessary to select which goal it is you want to work on.
Identify small actions steps towards your goal- Ask yourself what small steps can you take to get to your goal?
Take one action step now- It is exactly what it says. Pick one of those small action steps you brainstormed and go and do that action step.
Below I have a blank example of the DBT worksheet to use when using this skill and an example of me using this skill as well
The second way that you can take your SMART goals and implement them in your life to help you up-level your life is by creating a personal development plan. A personal development plan is something I came up with while in DBT treatment and learning how to set SMART goals and the accumulating positive emotions for the long term skill. As I have touched on many times before I have OCD so I get obsessive, I plan all the time, and I over do it with the amount of tasks I take on which leads to massive burn out and often. It had become common for me to have so many goals and so many projects I was working on I never could fully finish or get things to my vision because I wasn’t setting clear enough goals. I also loved how much joy, building mastery, and productivity in peace it brought me.
So, I sat down for a month straight every single night and every moment I had to create this personal development plan which combines those two skills SMART goals and getting from values to specific actions steps ( the breakdown of Accumulating positive emotions for the long term) and I took it and amplified it and wrote out a breakdown of every single goal I wanted to meet last year. Every single one. I created every step it would take to meet the goal, ranked its priority and made sure they fit the values and pillars of my life I wanted to focus on and that were important to me. My overall goal while creating this one was to completely overturn my life and create a life I wanted to stay alive for.
When creating your personal development plan there are some questions you want to focus on as you create it with your SMART goals. These questions help you create the plan as a whole and they help you make sure it truly is created based on your SMART goals. Below is the list of questions to use when creating your personal development plan with SMART goals.
Once you have those questions in the forefront of your mind and you feel ready to really plan with SMART goals its time to create your personal development plan. Let’s talk about how we do that, the steps to do that and what each step looks like. I will even show you some pages of each step of my own personal development plan as we go.
Step 1- Decide on your Values/Pillars of you plan. The first step to creating a personal development plan is to help create focus and guidance with your plan and to make sure your SMART goals are in alignment with your core values. What you do here is decide on the core values/pillars/categories you want to focus on and your goals to be based on. The amount of this can be whatever it is you would like it to be from 3- 19, mine had the later. Do whatever is going to work for you that doesn’t lead to any unwanted feelings like overwhelm, shame, or judgement. Below is the list of the values/pillars/categories I focused on last year.
Step 2- Brain dump. This step for me is honestly the hardest because, I want to control the amount of the things on it, or to make it even and sometimes it can be difficult for me to release the judgement as I am brain dumping and letting things come to as they come. What you do here is you let your mind run wild, you let go, and you intuitively write any and all goals you could think of you would want to accomplish that fit into those values you had picked out just before this.
Step 3- Evaluate your brain dump. The third step to creating your personal development plan is taking a look at your brain dump and simply eliminating anything that may not be realistic or just doesn’t fit your priorities or values. There is no need to judge yourself for having written it down just simply acknowledge it and decide to save it for a different time or that it doesn’t fit your values and that’s okay.
Step 4- SMART goals. The next step in creating your personal development plan is either adding in SMART goals you had previously written out and created or you create them now. Don’t forget to follow all of the steps to create SMART goals we talked about above.
Step 5- Priority Rankings. This step helps you create some order to your SMART goals. In this step you will literally go through and rank the order of priority each goal has to me of importance to complete. When it comes to importance that can mean different things; so think about whether it is more urgent because of time and season, the level of happiness it could bring you, or if there would be negative consequences if you do not achieve that goal. You can even use pros and cons lists if you need here to help you rank them.
Step 6- SMART GOAL action steps. The sixth step in creating a personal development plan is writing out and planning all of the action steps you will need to take to achieve and meet your SMART goals. It really is that simple, you will write out every single action step you will have to take to meet your goal. This helps you in so many ways. It helps eliminate overwhelm, creates structure, and sets you up for success by having a clear vision of what to do.
Step 7- Plan when you achieve your goals. The final and last step of creating your personal development plan is planning when you will achieve them. This step gives you a sense of urgency, a deadline, and a schedule for your plans. I also personally love this step because, it helps me remember that my personal development plan is all about getting the life I want by the end of the year. It is about progress and not perfection and building things one day at a time. When it comes to planning it will be up to you what that schedule looks like. If you are only planning for 1 month, 3 months, or 6 months that is totally fine. I just did a year because that was the purpose of my personal development plan.
Those are all the steps to creating your personal development! Now you can use this help you up-level your life and create a life that is worth living for you. Here are a few other extra tips to help make creating your personal development plan a little easier. Use a bullet journal or something that is durable and that you can come back to over and over again. When you are creating your plan color coordinate your plan through each step by categories. Having things color coordinated just makes it easier and quicker when you are sorting through all the information and creating each step of your plan.
Create A Goal Board
If you don’t want to get as detailed as a personal development or if you want a visual representation of your personal development plan for you to see in your physical space often; you can create a goal board. Some people like to also refer to these as vision boards and other names as well. For me, I just do not vibe with calling it a vision board. A vision board doesn’t have the energy of action behind it. It feels like a lofty someday dream. And when I goal set and plan I want to do so in conviction, determination and with active movement of energy behind it. Creating a goal board can look quite literally whatever you can come up with that motivates you, draws your eye to it and that works with the space you have. Do whatever is going to work best for you to serve as visually reminder of your SMART goals. I personally love being able to visually see when they checked off or are moved to they accomplished section it definitely gives you a special kind of rush!
Things To Be Cautious About With SMART Goals
We have spent a lot of time talking about the many benefits and positive aspects to SMART goals. Well because, they really truly are an amazing thing to do and a great way to really up-level your life and create one that is worth living for. With that being said there are some things to keep in mind when you are using SMART goals intentionally in your life and when you are creating them.
Be aware of Tunnel vision. What I mean by this is when you are working very intentionally with SMART goals in your life sometimes they become all you can see. They become your focus, and the main thing you care about. You can become obsessed. Which can lead to some damaged interpersonal relationships, missed opportunities, failed responsibilities, and neglecting some of your other values.
Be aware of Inflexibility. When working with SMART goals sometimes you can get rigid, and very set with sticking to the plan you created to meet it. I mean why wouldn’t we want to? We took the time to actively plan ahead and create a way we are pretty confident will help us achieve our goals. One of the main points of creating SMART goals is this very thing. Even with that being the case sometimes things just don’t work as well as we thought they would, or our lifestyle changes, or there are things going on in the world that change how we have to function in it. Whatever it is don’t allow yourself to be unwilling to change and adapt your SMART goals and how you will achieve them instead of being so loyal to them you choose to not meet or achieve them at all.
Be aware of Perfectionism. This one is really one I personally have to make sure I check in on often. I really struggle with this one and the cycle it can cause, especially with goals. When working with SMART goals intentionally in your life, it may be very hard to work on goals at all if you aren’t perfect and if you make mistakes. For example, if you do really well working towards a goal every single day for two weeks and than for some reason like mental health, or your schedule you miss one day and the shame spiral begins. For me if it gets bad enough I will walk away from a SMART goal completely. Be aware of this need and desire for perfectionism and remember it is all about progress not perfection. It’s about creating a life worth living by the end of your SMART goal not the entire time you are working on it.
Using SMART Goals Can Shift Your Alignment And Manifestation
We have talked a lot about SMART goals the many mental health benefits and how they can help you create a life worth living by creating very specific and detailed goals. Let’s talk about one last and final reason you really should start using SMART goals in your life today and that’s the benefits it can bring to your manifestation and alignment. Using smart goals will automatically shift you into a more aligned mindset to connect to the energies and frequencies you are seeking to connect to. When you are aligned with those frequencies your ability to manifest a life worth living and your dreams becomes much easier to do.
When you use smart goals you also put the movement and energy needed to make your manifestations come to fruition. SMART goals help you ensure that you are not missing the crucial part of your manifestation which is active movement of energy behind your manifestation. You can not only align your thoughts and words for manifestation through shadow work, and/or affirmations but, you still have to do the actions, put in the work and move the energy. SMART goals really just forces you to do that. You can’t achieve your SMART goal if you don’t follow through with your steps and plan.
Start Using SMART Goals Today
I have walked you through many reasons why you should use SMART goals in your life, What a SMART goal is, how to use them in your life, and the benefits using them can bring to you. SMART goals have literally changed my life in more ways than I can even begin to list. They have helped me bottom line shift my perspective and my life to one that I find worth living each and every day and that is the best reason of all to add SMART goals to your life today. Now that you know how to from this article you can go and do the same! Intentionally live with smart goals to create a life worth living!
Come join me the first Saturday of January to revolutionize how you set your goals for 2025. Let me show you hand in hand how to create my personal development plan. You will leave with your entire years worth of SMART goals planned, a way to keep yourself accountable, and have a clear path on how you meet every goal you set. https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/4ZKQ6FXMUGGEJ
Have you been feeling stuck, emotionally unstable, missing joy in your life, or having a hard time connecting to yourself and your magic? Do you want to start the new year from a different headspace? I have the answer for you to start out this new year from a place feeling grounded, present, and ready to manifest your dream life. Come join me for this special one time only two day event teaching you how to integrate the practice of Mindfulness to your magic and life!
What is mindfulness? Mindfulness is the practice of purposely bringing one’s attention to the present moment without judgment. It allows you to move from just existing in life to thriving, get back to wise mind, create a place to heal and grow in, and most important of all, align you with joy while creating a life where you truly thrive! This skill is a core skill in DBT, the therapy that changed my life! To register for this special two day event visit the link below! https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/JY5UBMB2TA27L
There are so many reasons your life, your home, or you could need a complete reset. It could be simply because it’s the end of or beginning of the month. I personally do one of these at the beginning of every month and am even writing this blog post for all of you as I work through mine. I just feel so much more organized ( my OCD needs this), refreshed, grounded, motivated and prepared to head into whatever the new month may be bringing me.
But, like I said there are so many reasons to do one and sometimes this happens once a week in my home even. It could be you have visitors coming soon and would just feel more comfortable doing one prior. For me, it’s not about worrying about how they will view me or my home it’s about making sure I have nothing but, positive and lively energy in my home/ safe space BEFORE I allow others into it.
It could also be for mental health reasons; maybe you just got behind on your daily or weekly tasks and now the only way to begin is to simple reset it all.
Or, maybe you have a really busy schedule coming up for the next few weeks and you just want to feel prepared and ready and get as much done beforehand to make it a little less stressful.
No, matter the reason why you, your home, or your life may need an entire top to bottom reset it doesn’t matter but, this guide is for you! Keep in mind this is tailored to myself, my needs, my brain, my family, and my lifestyle so, ALWAYS tailor it to fit YOU. Take what you need and leave what you don’t. I know not all of this will be for everyone. I have OCD and DID so, I am both obsessive and have memory issues so , I do some things a couple different ways to ensure it is all done correctly. My entire family of 3 are also all Neurodivergent so some things not every family will need.
The purpose of doing a reset
I touched on earlier that there are many reasons why you may be wanting to do one but, what’s the purpose and what benefits do you get from doing one?
First, organization no matter how organized of a person you are you, your system will need a revamp, a declutter, and a reboot from time to time to remain efficient because, you, your life, and your family are constantly changing. Also a HUGE part of being organized is using systems and schedules and resets have to be apart of that sense we reset in so many ways in our lives from weekly, monthly, seasonally, yearly and so on.
Second, doing this brings you so many different mental health benefits. From building mastery, using smart goals, boosting self esteem, confidence, lessoning anxiety, gaining motivation and helping you build a life worth living.
Third, it’s honestly the best cope ahead plan you could ever create for yourself and consistently use. It helps you make sure you are prepared, have a plan in place and are set up in the best way possible for success including having ways to cope with obstacles affectively. If you want to learn more about how to create a cope ahead plan you can read more here in my previous blog post.
The Checklist
We have talked about what it is, how it can benefit us so how do we do one? I have a master checklist for this in a few places, my family binder, my bullet journal (BUJO), and in my personal development plan (PDP). You can choose to do it however works best for you!
I love bullet journals though mainly because they are so customizable. You get to make them exactly what you want, you can buy them in different sizes and you can use so many different kinds of writing utensils as well.
Once you decide where you want to create your master check list next is adding your items on it. Below I will walk you through what is on mine and later we will go into detail of what I do specifically for each one.
Brain dump
Budget
Personal Organization
Reflection of the past month
Family Organization
Clean Home
Set this Month’s Goals and Intentions
Schedule (s)
Take some time to Rest
Self-Care
Choose your pillar(s) for the month
If this looks like a lot or overwhelming for you, you can always take out things you don’t feel you need. Also remember this isn’t something that you have to do in one day either. Some times I get it all done in a Day, sometimes in 2 or 3, and sometimes I plan it out and spend and entire week doing this, usually it is during the last week of the month or the first.
Let’s break down the Checklist
Let’s get down to the nitty gritty details of each thing on my master checklist, what that category or thing means, how I do and what benefits I get from doing it!
Brain dump
If you have never done one of these before or heard of what they are it really is exactly what it sounds like. It’s sitting down and literally dumping everything out of your brain for a given topic or purpose. This time you will be using it to brain dump your master Ta Da list or as others call it a To list. I personally just don’t like the To Do List it makes it seem so much more of a dreaded forced obligation so I call them Ta da lists. As a way to go ” Ta Da” I did it and congratulate myself for getting it done. Whichever you choose to call it or even something else that is how you are going to approach this brain dump.
Here is how you are going to do it. I try my best to do these when my son is napping or asleep and my husband is preoccupied so, I can have the ability to be in my own space and not be interrupted. I like to make sure my brain dumps get all of my attention when I am doing them for a few reasons. One, so I don’t forget anything and another reason sometimes things come up for me that I need to do that I either didn’t know at all or I didn’t realize how important they were to me.
Once, I am in my own quiet space or sometimes I listen to music as well to help my brain focus so if you need that it’s okay too. I grab my bullet journal, you can use whatever it is you want to; a notebook, a pad, a piece of paper, a post it note, whatever it is you want to use. But, once I have my bullet journal I set up my pages the way I like to with my 4 categories. You don’t have to do this, a lot of people suggest not having any categories at all and just writing whatever it is that comes to you with no structure at all. For me, due to my OCD in order for my brain to even be able to express itself enough to know what it wants at all it needs some type of structure. Without it, leads to chaos, massive anxiety and dissociation. My 4 categories sometimes change but, typically it’s some version of this Admin, projects, cleaning, and goals setting. You can pick whatever you need for your categories and how many as well. For me, four honestly is picked because that is how many I can fit evenly on my page layout.
When, I have my categories written in and my page set up drawn in. I take a few deep breaths and I go through and write whatever comes to me in each category. I pick one category at a time and focus on that but, if you just want to write whatever comes to you and jump around you can too. Follow your brains direction. Do this until you are done. Once you feel you got it all out, take a look at all you have written this brain dump, just became your new Ta Da list. The next step is to plan out how, and when you will get things done and in what order. If you need help on how to do that I highly suggest using the Post It method I take about in this article it just is going to be on a grander scale.
Otherwise, you can just simply rank them in priority one a piece of paper based on level of importance, how they make you feel when you will complete them, how much time they will take, if it is something you can complete now or need to prep for, do you have all the items needed to complete it if it needs some and anything else you may need to consider. Than use your plan your created to complete your Ta da list and enjoy the overflowing of emotions your will be flooded with when you build this level of mastery.
Budget
Even though this item would also be on my ta da list from my brain dump under the admin section it’s so important I feel it needs it’s own stand out section. Now as a preface, by no means am i well off, nor am I the best at money and some fininacial guru. I actually am not the best with it. I have a lot of intellectual knowledge I have learned since becoming and adult but, for many reasons I’ve spent majority of my adult life in poverty. My family as I am writing this is struggling quite badly financially for many reasons. We have dealt with eviction, homelessness, and also having more money than we need and renting a fairly nice new home and leasing brand new cars.
With, all that being said I still no matter how little money my family is going to have or how much; write out and create a budget for the month at least and sometimes for the week. At times I even go as far as tracking and writing one out daily. If you have no idea of what your finances even look like there is no way to even begin to plan what the rest of your life is going to look like. I know I hate it too. But, there are things about the world and society that in order to thrive in it we do have to accept and come into some kind of alignment with and at least creating a budget and having a view of what it will look like gives you a bridge and opportunity to do that. Below is one of the planner pages I like to use and this is a budget book I have been using for a few years now https://www.amazon.com/Sort-Your-hit-Out-Paycheck/dp/1079491058
This will look different for everyone so, make sure you do whatever it is that speaks to you and makes your soul happy and feel organized and ready to take on life. When it comes to what personal organization is and should be. It’s whatever you need to do for yourself to keep you personally on track and living the life you want to live. If you have a family and/or kids it’s not their schedules or home school lesson plans. It’s YOUR personal schedule, your personal goals, your personal development tools, your self care needs, and so much more.
My personal organization is really centered around my bullet journal. I create Daily, weekly, and monthly spreads. I create habit trackers, self care trackers, any checklists I need for any of my own projects I do for me that don’t involve the family like my teaching schedule, RFAN agendas, content scheduling for her and so on. I even take the time here to pick out or create affirmations and put them in my bullet journal for me to come to when I may need them later and as reminders to. If you needs ideas for inspiration Pinterest is my favorite place to get inspiration for bujo spreads from. Let me know in the comments to if that’s something you want to see a future blog post about as well.
Reflection of the Past Month
This step is one of the most important ones for me and I hope it becomes that way for you as well. It is so important to me because doing this helps give me direction for my next month, helps me realize what worked and what didn’t in my planning from the previous month or reset, and it grounds me in my reality.
When you do this you are essentially taking stock, and holding yourself accountable. You are evaluating your plan from before and finding what worked that you can use this time and what didn’t that may need to be changed. You are forcing yourself to really look at truly where are in at in both your life and your goals. Which makes sure you are grounded fully in what your reality is. Sometimes this affect is not what we want especially if we are stuck in a cycle of avoidance and it can be overwhelming but, it’s also what we really need as well if we are seeking a reset to begin with.
How I choose to reflect usually looks like me leafing through my bullet journal and looking to see what is I had accomplished and what I had not. What I had decided to no longer pursue and why. Did I make and leave any notes for myself to come back to? Than I end up in Meditation, and doing other things like going thru my personal development plan for that month and year, my goal board and other things. Once I have done all that I typically have a pretty clear vision of what it is I want my life to look like by the end of this reset and how I can make that happen.
Family Organization
No matter what family looks like for you, you and a pet, your partner and yourself, a single parent, or a family with multiple generations in one home when it comes to a monthly reset you have to consider them in your reset. They affect your schedule, how you can organize, how much time you have and what goals you can have the ability and freedom to set for yourself. However it looks to you make sure you don’t forget this. For me, this is updating my family binder, my family command center, double checking my son’s and husbands schedules like medical appointments, creating our home school lesson plan, and planning any family outings we may be doing that month. If you want to learn more about creating a family binder or command center don’t worry I have blog post coming soon to break those down into much more detail.
Deep clean your entire home
When I say deep clean I mean you are going to go thru each and every room top to bottom and clean all of it, reorganize anything that needs it, you can even redecorate it if you need to, and declutter. If you don’t need any planning tools to accomplish just go ahead and get it all done and this list should be coming from you brain dump as well. So, don’t forget to include any cleaning tasks that had come up for you when you had been making that earlier. If you want a little more structure you can always create a master checklist that you keep in your bullet journal and/or your family binder. My check list breaks it down to the cleaning deep cleaning tasks, decluttering, and reorganization.
Doing this as part of your reset may seem like not that big of deal but, if your environment isn’t set up for you to grow, and flourish in no matter how hard you try to, you won’t get as tall and beautiful as you were meant to be. Deep cleaning your home sets your environment up to be in energetic alignment with the life you are trying to create with this reset. It builds mastery, it cleanses out old, stagnant and unwanted energy, and it sets you up for success in the rest of your plans and goals going forward.
Set this month’s goals
So far a lot of what we have talked about has been about getting ready for your next steps, your next, the next month etc. But, what is it you are actually doing this all for? Well your goals of course! The things that are going to make your soul sing with joy, and make your life worth living for. So, now is the time to set those goals and I bet if you go back and look at that brain dump you did it will help spark some ideas for you on what you want you goals to be if you are struggling to think of some.
One thing I want to talk about briefly is how to actually set active goals that you will accomplish is making sure to use the DBT skill SMART goals. It’s an acronym for an effective, and detailed way to set goals and actually achieve them. I Talk about it in a few of my previous blog posts in the personal development section of the site and I do plan on talking about it in much more detail in another blog post coming up.
So, what does smart stand for; S-specific, M-measurable, A-attainable, R-relevant, T-timely. If you follow this template for creating your goals it makes it very difficult to fail actually. You can also create a PDP using this skill and than make to use things like reminders, and affirmations to help you meet your goals if that is something that works for you. It does for me so no shame in it at all.
Schedule(s)
When it comes to doing a reset on your life a crucial part to doing that is knowing where your time is going to be spent and how much of it you have to spend on each one of your goals or that you can dedicate to achieving them. So, make sure to take the time to get your schedule in order. Whether that means you need to break down your daily schedule by the hour and write it out in your bullet journal like I do, or simply syncing up your google or apple calendar on your phone, or filling in a physical calendar for your home, or redoing your calendar for your command center.
Do whatever it is you need to do to get your schedule organized and in some place for you to easily access it when you need it. Like I said I am obsessive so, I use a bullet journal daily schedule spread, my google calendar, a family command center and a weekly schedule board. I also make sure to include my son’s schedule and my husband since I am the keeper of that in our home.
Take Some Time to Rest
The whole point of a reset is to make sure you are completely refreshed, reenergized, motivated, prepared, and just ready to take on anything this next phase and time frame will be throwing at you. And to set you up to meet all of your goals you have set. How can we do that if we are tired, and have a depleted battery. So, make sure to take time while you are doing this to rest, relax, recharge, take care of yourself, and do things that replenish your desire. If you need some ideas on how to do this thru the act of self love you can check you my previous blog post on the topic here for loads of ideas. https://modgepodgemystic.com/the-magic-of-self-love-and-how-to-maintain-it-thru-self-care/
Self Care Prep
For some this may not be a thing that is need for you. For me, I need to plan and prep for many reasons, it also is an act of self care for me as well. I have to plan out my self care. I have to pick what I am going to be doing and when. One thing I do for self care is play video games and every single day I have blocks of time in my schedule to make that happen. As in literally written into my schedule. I also have to create affirmations, quotations, and reminders for myself to be in my bullet journal and around my house, including a self care habit tracker for my bullet journal. So, for my prep for my reset I take the time to create those reminders, get any items I may need restocked, and make sure I have it planned into my schedule.
Choose your Pillar(s) for the month
What do I mean by this? I took a seminar a few years ago I believe with Sisters Enchanted. If you have never checked them out you can do so here; https://thesistersenchanted.com/ and their was a huge golden nugget I took away from it that I now use in so many different ways in my life. She talked about how in life we get really overwhelmed and dissatisfied and try to do so many things at once, and have our focus in so many different places all the time. If you know me at all this is like the state of being I naturally live in. If you are just now finding me and starting to get to know me. Take a look at my site and you will see I have my hands in a lot of things and I often hear that people are inspired by my and admire me for how much I get done. I often hear how they don’t know how I get done what I get done and how I am involved in so many different things.
And than she talked about having pillars in life, our goals, and the things we focus our minds and energy on. And how in life she had learned that no matter how hard she tried to have more she could only ever realistically focus on three at a time. That only three areas or things of your life will you be able to focus your attention on and actually bring to fruition to it’s fullest and how you truly intend to. This really spoke to me. I still want to fight it all the time and do more than 3. So, that is why I can’t set pillars for an entire year but, I do them for each reset, and month typically. So, each month I focus on 3 specific areas of my life.
I also have teachers that have taught about focusing on 1 area at a time and having one pillar or word you focus on. So, pick which one is going to fit best for you or modify it to something different if you want to. I recommend though don’t try to go past 3, every time I do I end up with either a chaotic time period or half manifested intentions.
Reap the benefits
We have talked about why you should do a complete reset, the many benefits of doing one, what should be on your checklist, how to do each thing on that checklist and now it is time for you to go and do one! Take everything that you learned from this post, tailor what you need to and go and create your very own master check list and completely reset your life. You could have it done by this weekend even! The benefits you would get our numerous and honestly I can’t speak to what it does for me personally each and every time I do one. Enjoy alignment, manifestation of your desires and intentions, meeting your goals, having a clean and organized home, and truly living a life worth living you are excited to wake up to and participate in each and every day.
Come join me the first Saturday of January to revolutionize how you set your goals for 2025. Let me show you hand in hand how to create my personal development plan. You will leave with your entire years worth of SMART goals planned, a way to keep yourself accountable, and have a clear path on how you meet every goal you set. https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/4ZKQ6FXMUGGEJ
Have you been feeling stuck, emotionally unstable, missing joy in your life, or having a hard time connecting to yourself and your magic? Do you want to start the new year from a different headspace? I have the answer for you to start out this new year from a place feeling grounded, present, and ready to manifest your dream life. Come join me for this special one time only two day event teaching you how to integrate the practice of Mindfulness to your magic and life!
What is mindfulness? Mindfulness is the practice of purposely bringing one’s attention to the present moment without judgment. It allows you to move from just existing in life to thriving, get back to wise mind, create a place to heal and grow in, and most important of all, align you with joy while creating a life where you truly thrive! This skill is a core skill in DBT, the therapy that changed my life! To register for this special two day event visit the link below! https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/JY5UBMB2TA27L
Being overwhelmed is something we all experience at times in our lives. Some much more than others. ( My hand is definitely raised) With the current state of the world and the collective I feel myself and others are hitting their thresholds much quicker than usual or than we would like to be. Feeling overwhelmed has unwanted side effects and consequences for everyone us even though it may look different. I know for myself it may even look different from day to day.
Usually though when I am overwhelmed I get very snippy with my husband, and even passive aggressive. I have much lower patience with my son and end up not following my parenting philosophy when he is struggling and I make it worse. I will cancel things I had planned and avoid contact with others.
And if it gets bad enough I will start to avoid everything. I won’t do anything and will cancel everything. I will dissociate from myself and reality and in some of the worst cases another personality takes complete control of me for awhile and depending on which one, it can have even worse consequences than just being overwhelmed.
So, what can we do about?
I said we all experience it at times so we can’t avoid it. It will happen no matter what your best intentions are, how organized you are, or how well you maintain boundaries. This will happen no matter what simply because we are humans and living life and life is overwhelming at times and so are other humans. So, it’s unavoidable. But, even with that being true there are things we can do both before it happens to prepare and things we can do when it’s happening.
Before it happens
Before we ever even get overwhelmed and start to spiral we can have one of my favorite DBT skills created and on hand for us to use when this happens, called the cope ahead plan.
What is a cope ahead plan?
It is exactly like it sounds. It is a plan you create before a situation happens for how you will cope effectively if/when it does happen. In other words this is your cheat sheet/ to do list you pull out that tells you what to do when your emotions may be making it difficult to problem solve, cope, or be in wise mind.
Another benefit to creating one of these plans is the sense of ease and confidence it gives you that allows you to stop ruminating about things that haven’t happened yet. As someone with OCD I use these plans to even help me break free from routines that get triggered unintentionally. I even use these to make me able to be around other people especially family.
So, how do you create one?
First thing you do is DESCRIBE. You describe the situation that is likely to happen get very detailed about the situation. You check the facts with what you are describing and make sure you are being justified with your description and not letting emotions influences the description but, do note what emotions you are feeling
Second, DECDE what problem solving or coping skills you want to use for this specific situation. What skills will assist you the best with the specific feelings this situation is making you feel. Be detailed!
Third, IMAGINE THE SITUATION in your mind as vividly as possible. Imagine and immerse yourself in the situation as if it is happening now in the present.
Fourth, REHEARSE IN YOUR MIND COPING EFFECTIVELY. This one is the most important part of the skill and the part I feel most forget, myself included at times. When it says rehearse it means rehearse. You fully act out your actions, you say the words you want to say, you respond emotional the way you want to respond, you rehearse every part of what you coping effectively will look and feel like to you. You do this as many times as you need to. Until you feel prepared and any anxiety or unwanted feelings dissipate.
Fifth, PRACTICE RELAXATION AFTER REHEARSING. It is exactly what is says. Go and do something relaxing to bring your emotions back to wise mind after rehearsing.
After doing all those steps you now have a cope ahead plan. I recommend writing out this plan on a sheet of paper especially what you want to say. It makes rehearsing it easier to do and you can come back to it over and over again if its a situation you have to cope ahead for often in your life.
So, what skills for coping should you put in your cope ahead plan?
Every single cope ahead plan will look different for each person and situation but, let me give you some ideas of what can go in your cope ahead plan for when you are just feeling overwhelmed with life, you have been down, off track, and avoiding things/events/others. The list I will go over below is not all inclusive and some things may not work for you change it up to fit your needs.
1. Get ready for the day
When I am overwhelmed in life whether it be due to metal health, a busy schedule or just life being life one of the first things to go for me is personal hygiene. I don’t shower for days, brush my teeth, my hair ends up in a ponytail nonstop, and I only change my clothes if they get wet from doing the dishes or something. So, for me to get back any sense of control and joy I force myself into the shower, I put clothes on that make me feel joy not just simply comfortable, I brush my teeth, do my hair and anything else I haven’t done in awhile. Every time I always surprise myself by how much more rejuvenated I feel after doing this and how much of the fog lifts.
2. Declutter
Another thing for me that will start to go is cleanliness of my physical space. Even though I am aware for me something not being clean is extreme and most would think it is still perfectly clean. It still affects me, my mental health and my emotions if it isn’t as clean as my brain would like it to be. So, I start to declutter. I tell myself to just focus on decluttering so I don’t swing to far one way and go from avoiding things by doing nothing to avoiding things by distraction and doing way to much. That just creates a different type of overwhelm to now be coping with. So, be careful and mindful of that.
3. Get outside
Even if it is just for 1 minute step outside in some way. I know that it isn’t always ideal or safe to do. I live in Minnesota and sometimes it’s just too damn cold to go outside and it hurts. Not only because I am a witch and pagan so, for me it’s spiritual and religious self care but, there is actual science behind it! When we go outside and make contact with the earth we get an influx in energies we need that cause us to reset and cleanse. Plus the fresh air in our lungs is invigorating and gives you more energy as well.
4. Build mastery
What this means is doing something completely that makes you feel like an absolute master at that skill when you are done. Whether it be something like sweeping your kitchen floor, making your bed, washing your hands, writing your grocery list or creating something. Doing this helps you feel self esteem and confidence and reminds your brain what it feels like to accomplish something while reminding you that you can still accomplish things even when feeling unwanted emotions.
5. Organize some part of your life
Whether it be your schedule for the week, your to do list, a meal plan or anything else you need to organize, plan, and schedule some part of your life. Doing this again helps you feel a sense of accomplishment, self esteem, and makes you feel like there is a little less for you to have to worry about and feel overwhelmed over. Doing this can also help you with checking the facts of why you became overwhelmed in the first place.
6. Do some type of self care activity
It does not matter what type of self care you do, physical, mental, emotional, intellectual, etc. you simply just need to do whatever your intuition is calling you to do that is all about taking care of you. It is about recharging your battery. Connecting you to joy. And reigniting your flame of desire.
7. Do a brain dump
This one might not work for everyone it is really going to depend on your brain and your own needs for order and organization. For some doing a brain dump will only overwhelm them more and for others like me it helps keep me realistic and it stops my brain from thinking it is never ending. Seeing it all written down on one page makes my see that there is an end in sight and that it is tangible for me to reach and the sense of overwhelm will subside and a sense of motivation starts to take over.
8. Use the Post it Method
This is a skill one of the DBT therapist taught us in group one day as bonus skill. I modified it for my own use so I will tell you both ways to use this one.
The first one is using to get you to do things. What you do is you grab some sticky notes and a pen and you get yourself in wise mind and you ask yourself what are the top ( however many you choose) things you have been avoiding and procrastinating doing? You write them on a post note and place them somewhere you will have no choice but, to see them to use as motivation to get you to complete the task. Once you do you get to remove the post it note and feel another boost of accomplishment, self esteem, and confidence to further enhance your motivation.
The second one, is using it to restrict how many things you do. This for me was way more important for my OCD. My issue isn’t really not doings things. It’s taking on and doing to many things. So, how I modified this was when it came to getting my posts it I limited the number I was allowed to write. I picked a number and I could only choose that many task to get done and do that day. And when I had completed them all I wasn’t allowed to go and create new ones and add more. If they were gone it meant I had to relax and no longer work on my to do list.
Again, this helps give you that sense of accomplishment and it gives a structure on how you will do it. You also get that visual reinforcement as well that you have a skill to use to cope effectively.
9. Spend some extended time in Wise mind
Everyone has different skills and ways they get themselves into wise mind. If you don’t know what wise mind is; it’s using both your emotional mind and reasonable mind to access the wisdom within you. It’s seeing value and in both your reason and your emotions. It’s bringing your left brain and your right brain together. It’s walking the middle path and existing and thinking in duality.
It’s our goal to be in this state of mind as often as we can be and to try and make most if not all of our decisions from this place so we can live a life worth living. Spending some extended time in this state of mind can help us to check the facts, realign, and be able to move forward in an effective way. So do this however you need to. Again it will look different for all of us whether it’s meditating, using the stone flake on the lake technique, the spiral staircase, or breathing techniques.
Create your Cope ahead plan to fit you and your needs
The list and ideas in this blog post are just the very beginning of the options you have to put in them and it doesn’t even include all of them I use for this specific situation either because, it can change time to time. So, use this as a starting place, experiment and create a cope ahead plan that will best benefit you when you feel overwhelmed. No matter how that looks, by avoiding things, doing to much or something else entirely. Keep that plan in a safe spot and pull out any time you need it remembering you created it just for that moment and feeling to help you.
With Valentine’s Day just behind us and love in the air and on almost everyone’s mind and hearts I want to talk about a type of love that I feel is overlooked, self love. Don’t get me wrong I am very guilty of this in my life and often. Having those moments, days, weeks, months, and even years where you simply don’t feel worthy, your self- esteem is low, your self confidence is down, and you just aren’t in love with yourself and who you are.
To be perfectly honest I am even writing this because I need this reminder and focus myself right now. Self-Love is something I have been struggling to remember in moments of doubt, hardship, and sadness lately. The unwanted affects that have been happening are affecting all areas of my life, my relationship with myself, my husband, my son and my students. I have not been the best most authentic version of myself as a mother, wife, teacher, and the divine individual that I am.
What is Self-Love?
Before, I talk more about the unwanted affects of not having self love as an intentional focus in your life let’s talk in depth about what Self- Love is. In it’s most simple and basic definition self-love is being in love with every part of yourself.
That’s it. Seems simple right? But, it’s much more than this because what does that even mean and look like to be in love with every part of yourself? What does that even feel like?
When I really think about those questions and dig deep at what it means to really truly love every part of yourself I get flooded with the amount of ideas and thoughts of what it truly means and at the same time I feel like I will only be able to articulate such a small amount of what this act and feeling truly encompasses.
Self love feels like placing a very high value on your own well being and happiness with oneself. It feels like knowing your worth and never settling for less. It feels like no guilt when taking the time to take care of your own needs and not sacrificing my well-being to please others or for others well being. It feels like deep acceptance with of every part of your body, soul, mind, and personality as divine being. It feels like confidence in your gifts, blessings and abilities and leaving no room for self doubt to flourish.
Self love looks like saying no to things that truly do not bring you joy, a sense of accomplishment and do not align with my soul purpose or values. It looks like setting boundaries with those you love and removing those that don’t respect them. It looks like being proud, confident and accepting of your body to take care of it and express yourself with it in the ways you want to. Self love looks like boldly living your soul purpose and doing what you love.
Above all else to genuinely and wholeheartedly love every part of yourself should come first. Self- Love is so powerful and honestly the best love you will ever have. And the most profound you will ever experience to further growth, healing, and transformation.
When you love who you are wholeheartedly your relationships will be healthier, your life will be happier and you will be aligned with your sacred contracts and soul purposes. If you are a parent you will connect with your child more and be able to be the emotional intelligent and loving parent you want to be. You be happier and it will shine through to those around you and you will choose to things and people that only bring you happiness.
When you have a strong relationship with self-love it shows yourself and others the standards in how we want to be treated. How we want others to treat us and how we treat ourselves. It helps us to decide our boundaries and have the ability and fortitude to maintain them.
Unwanted affects of low self love
When you have a weak relationship or outright lack one with self love like I touched on early you will definitely see some unwanted affects to you, your life, and your relationships. It may differ from person to person but, here are some ways it may affect you.
You may have an issue with self esteem and self worth which can lead to many issues when interacting with others like being a people pleaser, or always apologizing or pushing others away. You may be more emotionally imbalanced and moving from one emotion to the next including depression, explosive anger, and anxiety.
You may lack motivation to work towards your goals or to set some to begin with due to being indecisive. You may not be kind to yourself by taking care of your body physical and be uncomfortable in it which can lead to many different affects on your relationships with others and how your present yourself to the world.
The list of possible unwanted side affects could go on and differ for all the main point is if you don’t make this relationship a priority every area of your life will take a hit as well and you will be lacking connection to one of the most potent energies to foster a happy and healthy life and well being.
Your happiness and well-being are important; protect it by always valuing who you are and maintaining a secure relationship with self-love. As is with any relationship you have to do things to maintain it and communicate effectively with it. The things you do to main self love, those acts are called Self-care.
What is Self-care?
Self-care is the act of valuing, respecting, and caring for your mind, body, and soul. It is the act and doing things that allow you and help you to embrace your flaws, your strengths and abilities. Self care is doing things that make you feel more like yourself.
Self care is a deliberate choice to gift yourself with people, places, things, events, and opportunities that recharge our battery and foster our connection to self love. These activities do this by focusing on promoting whole health, body, mind, spirit, and soul. When all these areas of your life are aligned you foster such a deep connection of love to oneself and have the ability to connect to it much easier.
Types of Self-care
The key to self-care it should be something that you enjoy and not feel like an obligation.
Emotional self-care– Helps you get in touch with your feelings in a way that makes you feel centered and in wise mind with them. This is about becoming more in tune with out emotions. It’s about checking in with yourself, becoming more mindful of your triggers and thinking patterns while finding a way to work through it
Spiritual self-care- The act of spiritually looking after yourself cane be accomplished by simply doing tings that make your heart and soul flourish, whether this be by connecting to you soul, your magic, or a deity/ higher power/ source/ universe/multiverse. This doesn’t have to mean anything to do with a religion though. You are simply making sure what you are doing is nourishing your soul.
Physical self-care- This is all about looking after your body, doing what you need to stay healthy and connected to your physical self. Taking care of our bodies is a large component of self care, but it doesn’t have to include vigorous exercise routine.
Social self-care- Anything, or event that gets your around others. We are social creatures and we recharge when we are around others. This may look different depending on being an extrovert or introvert and your comfort level around others so make sure to honor that and keep that in mind.
Intellectual/ mental self-care- Anything that stimulates your mind, helps you working towards your goals, learning new things and expanding your understanding of the world around you.
Recreational self-care- Self care that encourages you to tap into your inner child and simply have fun
Financial Self-care- This type of self-care allows you to cultivate a healthy relationship with money so you can reduce stress
Environmental self care- This type of self-care allows you to find the right environment so you can truly thrive
As you just read above there are so many areas of your life where you can use self care you to nourish every aspect of yourself and when every aspect of yourself is nourished and you are happy how could you not be able to connect yourself and wholeheartedly exist in self love?
Ideas to practice each type of self care
Physical- go for a walk drink some water take a shower or bath wear an outfit you feel confident in Dance alone to favorite music
Emotional-Journal therapy express emotions do shadow work
Spiritual- yoga meditate Prayer connect to a deity go to an altar
Financial- Make a budget create goals
Recreational-do a hobby you love make art listen to music Take a road trip
Social-Call a friend Go see family attend a social event join a club
Intellectual-Study a topic you enjoy watch a youtube video put together a puzzle read a book
No matter how you choose to practice self care whether it is from this list or something you choose on your own do it with intention to connect to and foster your self love in the most affective way for your life, happiness and to benefit your relationships. Keep an eye out for a blog post coming on magical and witchy ways to practice self care and self love!
For me it’s anything that encompasses growth for yourself and your life.
It’s the intentional acts and/or reflection you are doing to grow as a person to better yourself, your soul, your community, your family, and your life.
This is what we do to be happy, feel whole, and to help us both uncover our sacred contracts and divine purposes, to live our life in accordance with them to fulfill them!
Which means this can encompass and cover ALOT of things!
From shadow work and reflection to taking care of your physical health, developing your own belief system, seeking mental health help and using the skills they teach you, to goal setting and more!
This topic is a deep seeded passion of mine!
Let me tell you why and why I feel I have so much to share on this topic!
In 2015 I got married to my amazing husband after being together for 4.5 years already, I turned 25 shortly after that and I completely broke.
Quarter life crisis
If anyone doesn’t think this is a thing. I promise you it is.
My depression and anxiety got so bad, I would curl up into a ball while shaking and crying on the floor in front of the door to our house because I had to leave it to go to work or the store for groceries.
It got to the point where, I called into work so many times, had used all my PTO, FMLA, Sick pay all of it that I was fired. All while I was lying to my husband about it.
Telling him I had been going to work and getting sent home early or if he went in after me that I had taken a half day of PTO that morning.
Because, I had no idea what was going on and how do you explain to others I literally can not get my body or mind to leave my house without a severe breakdown.
And being fired from my job only made things worse for me.
I shame spiraled hard and fast!
I had never failed like that before.
I am not going to lie it took much longer than I would have liked to get to the point where I could even begin to think about personal development and how to get there.
It took me an entire year of literally just being depressed and anxious and sitting in front of a tv to numb myself and a lot of weed.
But, than I hit this moment when I was shaking, crying, and about to throw up again from the anxiety of how much longer can I keep feeling like this? How much longer am I going to be able to do this mentally, emotionally and physically?
And if I won’t be able to do this much longer than what am I going to do? How am I going to get out of this space?
This moment sparked my personal development obsession and journey!
Where I spent the next 5 plus years gobbling up everything I could get my hands on, blogs, books, therapies, self help books, podcasts, youtube videos, learning how to bullet journal, taking workshops, retreats and classes, and so much more.
In that 5 plus years I succeeded and failed many times. Went thru CBT, DBT, and a handful of trauma therapies. Dealt with isolation, depression, anxiety and more. Was diagnosed with OCD, Bipolar 2 disorder, PTSD, a binge eating disorder, BPD, DID, Severe anxiety and depression.
I have done the work to no longer meet criteria for some of those and a few I have gotten to a very healthy and manageable level. That doesn’t mean I am cured and I still have days and moments and situations where I struggle.
So, let me help you do that too!
Let me be a support to you!
Let me be a guide to you!
Let me teach you what worked for me and help you sift thru the many ways you can work on your personal development in all areas of your life, like self care, physical health, mental health, and your own personal belief systems and values!
I Know right away some of you have clicked on this to come at me with guns blazing ready to argue with me. To let me know how wrong I am, how young I am so how could I possibly know, and to tell me how I am anti feminist or in an unhealthy marriage.
I am going to tell you that you are wrong.
I am going to stick to the statement I made in this blog post title.
And I am going to ask that you hear me out. Read this until the very end and than tell me you don’t think and feel the same way.
My marriage and why you should even read this
I am going to get very personal in the post. I am going to talk about some deep things that have happened and are happening now in my marriage and how not viewing my marriage as 50/50 and equal is how we are still together today.
After meeting right out of high school at 18, getting engaged after only 6 months and moving i with each other, getting married after 4 years and now being together for 13 years ( married for 8) not having this 50/50 mindset is a key factor to us still being together today.
Unlike so many around us that have already divorced or will be soon. And we have outlived the national average for a marriage of 7-8 years and beat the statistics so far of meeting as teens and being too young to stay together.
It has not been all sunshine and rainbows and we more than understand ups and downs in marriages. How hard they can be to navigate, how you can get disconnected and/or grow apart or start to venture down different paths. We have been thru many things life has thrown our way and things we have done to hurt each other. But, all of that will be for later posts.
My marriage never would have survived being 50/50
What we are going to focus on in this post is this idea I keep seeing blowing up on social media; that marriages and/or partnerships if they are healthy are equal and/or 50/50. I get the appeal of thinking like that and I get the idea of how this is thought to be healthy.
But, man am I so thankful my marriage doesn’t function this way.
My marriage never would have made it this long if we had this mindset.
We would have been doomed from the start and set up for failure and I would not be who I am today as an individual nor would my husband if we had this 50/50 mindset.
With this mindset my husband should have left me a long time ago.
And let me tell you why.
What does this 50/50 mindset actually mean?
Like I touched on before I get the appeal of this mindset. I 10000% understand that equal share of responsibility, support, and dealing with life with your partner sounds like and feels like the most balanced way to go through life with a partner.
It seems fair. Let me tell you why it is not.
That isn’t the definition of fair.
Fair doesn’t mean equal like so many think it does. I myself was included in this until a therapist of mine taught me otherwise.
Fair means that something is impartial, just, and not achieving an advantage over another.
For something to be just is going to be subjective based on the people, places, and events involved and it will change and fluctuate all the time.
This fluctuating and subjectiveness is exactly why our goal and my goal is for things to be fair and not 50/50. It gives room for grace in your marriage/ partnership whereas the 50/50 mindset does not.
50/50 leaves no room for grace and support
Grace is critical to a marriage/ partnership. Both giving/ showing your spouse/partner grace and them being able to reciprocate for you when you need it.
And being in a 50/50 mindset leaves no room for grace to be in it.
50/50 means 50/50 no matter what at all times.
It means each person has their own weight to carry, their equal share of the responsibilities and its up to them to carry it so their spouse/ partner can carry theirs. It’s some peoples definition of teamwork.
With this rigid look on duties, responsibilities, and teamwork how could there be grace and true support when its needed? And without that how would you ever expect a relationship to last?
I can tell you with 100000% certainty my husband should have left me, my marriage should no longer be intact and I myself in all honesty may not have lived this long to give birth to my son, go thru therapy and treatment, hold my husband in grace now, and be writing this blog post now for you to be reading.
So, what is grace in a marriage/partnership?
I keep saying my marriage or any marriage won’t make it without grace in it which is why a 50/50 relationship doesn’t always set you up for success.
So, what is grace in a relationship?
Grace in a relationship allows for support. It allows goodwill to enter the marriage/ partnership.
It allows for one spouse/partner to be able to have bad day. It allows for give and take.
It allows for one partner to say ” my load is too heavy right now, I can’t carry it all. Is it okay if I don’t take this on right now? ” It allows for your partner or you to ask for help from the other and know you can get it.
It allows for you to be able to say you need support, to ask for it, and to receive it.
It allows for a partner to say ” hey I need you to carry 80% today I can only handle 20%.” and for the other partner to be willing and able to do that knowing that when the scales tip the other way the same amount of grace will be given to them.
It allows to truly build a team, a life, and marriage built on support.
How can not being 50/50 in a marriage look like in use and its impact
What does this look like in an actual marriage/ partnership? Let me tell you about its biggest impact on mine. How its kept us together and even me alive.
This mindset in our marriage really got put to the test shortly after I turned 25 so about 6 years ago, shortly after we got married and had been together for about 6 years at that point.
I had a quarter life crisis at the point, I completely broke to the point where I almost was or maybe should have been hospitalized. I couldn’t even leave my home, literally. If I tried I’d curl into a ball on the floor in front of my door shaking and crying in a panic attack.
It was my lowest point in my life.
I’ll have a blog post coming soon to dive really deep into that topic.
If we had the mindset of 50/50 and equal at this time my husband should have left for what happened next and the weight he carried for me and for the length of time he did it.
I lied to him about going to work, used all my time off, fmla etc, and had gotten fired.
I than spent the next three years in such a bad depression and having other mental health illnesses causing more instability, My husband was the only one who could work and we eventually ended up homeless because not even that could bring me back to carrying my own weight.
And thru it all my husband carried almost all my weight we were easily 80/20 or 90/10 no matter what he had going on because I simply couldn’t do it. I couldn’t carry a larger amount than that.
And he did so for over 3 years! Without resentment, without blame, and without pressure to push me back to carrying a larger amount of the weight. And doing so allowed me to have time for so much reflection, growth and therapy and I’m in a place we both never could have dreamed to be in.
That grace and willingness was possible because we both knew than and know now that every single day we take a look at it and see how much of the total weight we each are able to carry and in what areas.
It made it possible for me to hold him in the same space now as he goes through what I did and now it’s his turn to heal and grow while I carry most of the weight and hold him in grace and support.
Some days we are 60/40, some days 50/50, some days 80/20, and others 95/5.
Some days my husband carries more weight and others I do.
In some areas he takes on more and in others I do.
We both know that we are there to carry whatever the other needs us to in order for us to be a team truly, to grow together, and support each other when we need it, how we need it, for how long we need it for.
We both know we have a true partnership, and team and know how to truly give and take in a relationship, to be fair, and supportive of one another.
I challenge you to question your idea of a marriage and if 50/50 is truly what you want
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