Every single month has it’s own energy, and frequencies we can connect to that is unique. When we connect to the month’s energy and frequencies we can find ourselves living a much more aligned, and magical life. We have the ability to amplify our magical workings, intentions, and manifesting. Let’s talk about March, March is named after the Roman God Mars. It is the 3rd month of the Gregorian calendar and was the first month of the Roman Calendar year. This month is tied to the coming of Spring in the Northern Hemisphere during the Spring Equinox.
With this month being named after Mars and connected to the coming of Spring, this month is packed full of magic. It Is a time to focus on renewal, rebirth, fertility, growth, prosperity, and fruitfulness. This time is also a very liminal time which makes it a great time for cleansing, purifying, and protection magic and work. This is the most fertile time of the year to plant seeds of intention for manifestation for the rest of the year. Let’s spring into March and look at all the ways you can connect to the energy of March to allow yourself, your magic, and your intentions to really bloom and blossom this year.
History In The Month Of March
The month of March is the 3rd month of the Julian and Gregorian Calendars but was originally the first month of the Roman calendar year, called Martius named for Mars, one of the most important Gods of the Roman state. This month later took on a little more significance in history when it became known for the Ides of March. Also known as March 15th, the date of the assassination of Julius Caesar in 44BC and than became considered an unlucky day by many and for some still today it is considered an unlucky day.
The month of March later became even more significant with the arrival of St. Patrick’s Day in 461 BC. St. Patrick’s day is on March 17 which refers to the anniversary of Saint Patrick ‘s death in the year 461. Still considered Ireland’s patron saint to this day, Saint Patrick was born in the 4th century in Great Britain. Now, this holiday is packed with parades, good luck charms, and all things green. The event started as a religious holiday, but over time it’s become a celebration of Irish culture.
Prior to this for 1000s of years in antiquity the month of March was a time that was honored by humans and a time they looked forward to. They could welcome the first rays of sunshine of the spring months and begin to feel the harsh Winter start to dissipate. They would begin to prepare for planting their crops, and honoring the Spring equinox and the return of their beloved Sun and Spring. March has always had a place of special significance for humans.
March Magical & Witchcraft Themes
In magic and witchcraft, March is often associated with themes of rebirth, renewal, and transition to name a few. As the month marks the arrival of spring in the Northern Hemisphere, it symbolizes the awakening of the earth from its winter slumber and the emergence of new life. With March being named after and associated with the planet mars it is deeply connected to vitality, fertility, and the movement of energy in getting things done.
With March being the bringer of spring, the bringer of new life, and the time for us to literally plant seeds in the ground for us to harvest in the fall to feed our families through the long harsh winter. This month is ripe with the energy of fertility, new beginnings, and possibilities. This energy of new beginnings also comes with a sense of cleanliness, the need to purify and amplified protection. Channel into this energy when setting intentions, doing manifestation work, and your magical workings this month and watch them bloom like never before.
Another key theme with spring and the point of the wheel of the year we are tuning our energies into with the month of March is renewal, rebirth, and transition. These themes make it a very key time to be willing to go deep within yourself to find any hidden truths, to figure out how to maintain balance, and to work with your duality and shadow. When doing this you allow yourself to be open to the massive amount of transformative and transitional energy this time has to offer.
The Gods And Goddesses Of March
With every season and month there are certain themes, magic, and energies we have the ability to connect to including deities. Everyone works with and views deity energy a little differently. Whether you view them as archetypes of the human consciousness, representations of the source energy, or as being entities on their own, there are certain deities that now is the time to connect to and honor them in the most sacred and amplified way.
During this month a few deities take center stage because they have festivals or sacred days during this month to help you connect with them in a very intimate way. The deities that are going to be the best for you to connect to right now are going to be those who represent spring and the changing of the seasons, like Persephone and Demeter as this is the time of the year those two are together on Earth. Deities that can connect you to fertility, fruitfulness, and growth are also great to call to this time as well.
This time is also a very liminal time. This month gives us access to one of the two times during the year the veil is the thinnest, and we can have access to other realms and the crossroads with much more ease. Deities that have the ability to bring you wisdom, guidance, and access to you shadow shelf like Hecate, the Morrigan, and Persephone are amazing to call to and work with during this time.
The Correspondences For March
First, what is a correspondence? A correspondence is an item or symbol that is meant to connect you to a specific energy thru it’s representation. It is seen also as an item to respect, honor, and venerate that energy as well whether it be a deity, an archetype energy, the zodiac energy the moon is currently or for time of the year like a month, like I will list below for you to use.
Celebrations- St. Patrick’s Day, The Ides of March, Pi Day, Mothering Sunday, Ostara, Spring Equinox
Trees- Alder & Ashe
How To Connect To The Magic Of March
We’ve talked a lot about all the different types of energies the month of March has and gives us access to work with. So, how can you specifically connect to those energies? In your every day life you can make sure your affirmations and manifestation work align with the energies of growth, prosperity, and fruitfulness. You can celebrate and honor any of the sacred days and holidays like Ostara, and the spring equinox with renewal rituals and welcoming in the season of spring.
You can connect to the liminal energies of March by doing shadow work based on duality, balance, and your inner child. Remember you can amplify this energy and the benefits of the work by calling on deities that are available to you during this month like, Persephone and Hecate.
Witches can connect to the magic of March by centering their rituals, and spell workings around the themes of cleansing and purifying by taking a ritual bath, doing a cleansing floor wash, or smoke cleansing your home with an herb bundle. Rituals and spell workings during this time that will be really intensified will be based on prosperity, wealth, growth, and rebirth. You can do things like create a lucky money bag, a prosperity bowl, or perform some spells using egg magic.
Other Ways To Celebrate And Connect To March
When we want to use the energy around us to affect our magical practices and rituals we can amplify that by doing things in our every day life to align with the energy as well. You can align with the energy of abundance, wealth, and prosperity with affirmations, mantras, intention goal setting and going on a hunt for a four leaf clover. You can do things like making sure you get yourself outside breathing the fresh air and getting in touch with the earth. You can do things to express your creativity like dying eggs for Ostara.
This month is so full of rebirth, and renewal energy it is a perfect time to refresh your home with spring cleaning, reorganizing and changing up your home decorations if you feel the pull this can extend to your altar as well. You can also make sure you connect to the energy of spring, and rebirth by either planning your upcoming gardens or starting to plant your first seeds you can harvest in the fall.
Spring Forward With March To Bloom The Rest Of The Year
We talked about the history of the month of March, celebration days, the energies you have access to connect to, deities you can call to and honor, how you can connect to the energies, rituals you can do and how to make the month of March apart of your every day alignment in life. However you choose to connect to the many energies March has to offer you; from rebirth, fertility, growth, fruitfulness, cleansing and wealth enjoy how the refreshing energy of spring will bring a new sense of life to you and your magic. And watch things bloom throughout the year like they never have before.
I have been feeling this strong pull to talk about goals all week now. Maybe it’s because we entered March this month and by now at least 43% of us who set goals around the New Year have already given up on them or hit huge obstacles to deter us. Maybe it’s because, I have had to do so much adjusting to my own goals already this year because, of life changing, my family needing different levels of my time and support now, and honestly I really was unprepared for what my new goals were actually going to entail and how much my life was going change with it all. I have had to rewrite, and re-evaluate my goals and personal development plan many times already this year to make sure they are still SMART goals for me.
Goals have many benefits to having them intentionally in your life. I know some people reading this blogpost will know what goals are and already use them intentionally pretty often in their lives by using things like bullet journals, vision boards, and creating 5 year plans. While others reading this post will know what goals are but, loosely use them by having goals; as in some day dreams, like some day I want to own my own business or own a home etc. And others even yet may not use goals at all. That can happen for many reasons, not knowing what you even want, mental health issues, etc.
No matter what your current relationship is with goals this will benefit you. I was a person who did all the things like bullet journaling, setting goals for the day, week, month, year, etc, having a goal board. I loved having goals in my life but, even than I would have a lower success rate than I would like and lower follow through than I was proud of. Than I was taught this skill in DBT and all of that changed! My life completely up leveled. ( I Still have some major set backs I am navigating through) but, I set over 150+ goals last year and I met all, but about 20 of them by the end of last year. Continue reading to learn all about this skill and how to have it do the same for and your life!
First, What Are The Benefits of Goals
I touched on it earlier that there are many benefits to setting goals so what are they? First, the benefits really can be endless. Because, each goal you choose to set is going to have it’s unique set of benefits it will bring you personally when you achieve it. There, are some overarching benefits you can experience every time you set and achieve a goal we can take a look at next.
One of the many benefits goals can bring to you and your life is providing you with a sense of direction, and something to actually strive and work for. In a way our goals guide our sense of purpose and being and fuel our motivation for life in general. For myself, personally when I don’t intentionally have goals I am working on, and I have a plan on how I will achieve them my depression, my bpd. and my overall mood stability is honestly, just shit. When I don’t have a goal/s I am working on actively, is one of the times when I will completely disappear and sink into the depths my emotions can at times drown me in. If you have nothing you are striving for it can make it hard to want to be an active participant in your life.
Another benefit you can experience by intentionally having and using goals in your life is the mental health benefits you get from achieving a goal like the sense of building mastery. Building Mastery is when you do something that causes you to feel a rush of pride and a sense of accomplishment. You are doing something completely, fully and that you are literally able to master as you are doing this. I get this sense of feeling every time I achieve a goal I have set and honestly it can get quite addictive at times and it really does help keep my emotions stable.
The last benefit I will talk about is how setting goals and having them be an intentional part of your life is how you create a life worth living, how you get anything you want, and how you find happiness. If you want to get anything in life you have to actually do something to obtain it or achieve it. This is just simply how the universe we exist in works. It is how energy works and its one of the keys to manifestation I feel many miss. We can’t just put the energy out into the universe with our thoughts, You can dream, and tell yourself some day you will have the life that makes you feel fulfilled and is your soul purpose. But, how you actually make that happen is by deciding what you want to achieve, making a plan how to use them using SMART goals and than you follow thru with your plan.
What are SMART Goals?
We have spent some time talking about the benefits of using goals in general and what they can possibly bring to your life. Now, let’s talk about what are SMART goals specifically. First, SMART is an acronym that stands for S-specific, M-measurable, A-Attainable, R-Relevant, and T-Timely, but, we are going to break down what each of those means in a just a little bit.
SMART goals are a very detailed, layered, and specific way to set your goals so that you can attain them with ease and have a much higher chance of success. I really look at SMART goals as goals on steroids with purpose and intention. When you set your goals using this method you are creating a very clear image of what your goals are, how you are going to achieve them, when you will achieve them and how you will keep yourself accountable and motivated. Now, let’s look at what each step in SMART goals stands for and how to do it to achieve your goals.
S Stands For Specific- Be As Specific As You Can Be
The S stands for specific. When it says be specific it means be as specific as you possibly can be. You need to be very clear about what it is that you want to accomplish and achieve. Every part of the goal you need to be able to visualize, know in and out, and know what it is you want out of it. The clearer you are about what it is you truly want to achieve the more you will be able to plan, the more you be able to manifest and the more motivated you be to follow through with your plan to achieve your goals to build a life worth living. It really just is easier to achieve and accomplish your goals when you are specific when you set them.
M Stands for Measurable- Make Your Goal Trackable
The second letter in SMART for SMART goals stands for Measurable. What this means is making your goal when you are setting it measurable in some way. Giving yourself a way to know when you have actually accomplished. This also is a way to add urgency behind your goals and takes them out of a place of being a some day goal, a dream, or wish and makes them actually become reality. It keeps you accountable to yourself as well knowing you will be coming back to your goal at that time to take stock and see what you have been able to accomplish.
A Stands for Attainable-Make Your Goal Realistic
The third letter in SMART for SMART goals stands for Attainable. I personally really need this letter in the acronym and I feel most of us overlook this letter too often when we are setting goals both intentionally and unintentionally. There are times I use to set goals I knew there was most likely no way I was going to achieve them and set way too many at once for many reasons; perfectionism, my OCD, and I simply always have a million and one things I want to get done. When you get to this letter though it is to make sure you are being intentional with setting your goals to set yourself up for success to achieve them. Remember one of the main reasons to set goals is to achieve them and create a life worth living for. Why wouldn’t we want to make sure we are setting ourselves up for the highest level of success by making sure it is something we can actually realistically do.
R Stands For Relevant- Make Sure This Goal Is Something You Should Be Working On
The fourth letter in SMART for SMART goals stands for Relevant. This step in goal setting is when you take a moment and you reflect on the goal you are setting and working towards. You reflect to determine if this goal is currently relevant to your life right now. For example, if one of your goals for the year is to start a garden in your backyard but, you live in Minnesota like I do and the ground is frozen still. This may not be the relevant and right time to be setting and working towards this goal. Some other things to reflect on with your goals to make sure they are relevant are.
T Stands For Timely- Set A Time You Will Achieve It By
The fifth and final letter in SMART for SMART goals stands for Timely. This letter is all about putting urgency into achieving your goals. This is when you set a very clear and specific time you will meet your goal by. Whether you set a specific date or you state you will achieve this goal within 30 days, 90 days or whatever it is you choose. But, it needs to be a very clear and specific timeframe you pick. When you set a specific and clear timeframe you will achieve your goals by, you are putting energy into your manifestation and making it a priority for you brain to focus on accomplishing it. This also creates a sense of accountability for your goals as well you will either be coming back to it in celebration or to reevaluate your plan, make adjustments and keep working towards your goal if needed.
What Does A SMART Goal Look like put all together?
Now that you know what SMART stands for and you have a detailed break down of what each letter means and how it can really impact your goal setting. Let’s take a look at what this looks like when you actually set a goal using the SMART goals method. Below I will list some of my own personal smart goals I had set this last year in my personal development plan and you can see how specific and detailed it is when you write your goals out this way.
I will complete my Diary card for DBT treatment every day at 10 pm as part of my night time routine for 30 days in a row. After 30 days I will do so until I graduate DBT
I will take my prescribed medications every morning as part of my morning routine for the next 30 days. After 30 days I will continue to do so until they are no longer prescribed.
I will create a detailed smart goal board by January 1st in my office based on my completed personal development plan.
Every Sunday I will either find or create affirmations for me to use every day of the week. After creating my affirmations I will recite and/or write my affirmations every day as part of both my morning and night routine.
I will meditate daily during Olyver’s nap as part of my daily routine.
I will cleanse, and purify our entire home every single Sunday as part of my weekly cleaning reset routine
I will eat three meals a day for 7 days in a row when my body tells me I am hungry. I will track this in my bullet journal. After 7 days in a row I will eat three meals a day for 3 weeks in a row, than 30 days.
I will track my family’s spending daily in our budget planner workbook as part of my nightly routine before bed.
I will particpate and observe in every new moon and full moon of the year as part of my biweekly routine and my spiritual practice. I will do this by following all the steps in my book of shadows.
I will read from a book for at least 30 minutes every single day after I put Olyver to bed.
I will update and create this year’s family binder by the end of January.
I will write in my gratitude log twice daily as part of my morning and nightly routine.
I will participate in all required sessions for my DBT program weekly until I graduate the treatment program.
I will go back and re-evaluate, and update or modify my goal board and personal development plan to make sure my goals still are current SMART goals for me.
Ways To Implement SMART Skills
We have talked about the benefits of SMART goals, what they actually are, how to set them, and what they look like so, now let’s talk about how we can take SMART goals and implement them in different way and different skills in our life to be able to really specifically assist us with our mental health and our lives as a whole.
Accumulating Positive Emotions; Long Term
There is a core DBT skill we can use to help us make sure we are working towards creating a life worth living and maintaining our values and goals while doing so, and it is called Accumulating positive emotions for the long term. This skill is really about making changes in your life so that positive events will occur in the future. This skill implements your SMART goals and the values and morals you used to create your smart goals. I personally use this skill whenever I am feeling like life is becoming to much and I can’t catch a break. Or when I am just having a hard time with a sense of direction due to overwhelm. Let’s walk thru how to implement your SMART goals while using this skill.
Avoid avoiding- Start now to do what is needed to build the life you want. If you are not sure what to do than you follow all the steps below
Identify Values that are currently important to you- Ask yourself what Values currently mean the most to you in your life right now?
Identify ONE value to work on NOW- What is really important to me, right now to work. This one is important for me and a huge reason why I use this skill. It really allows my focus and get myself into a positive and productive state.
Identify a few goals related to this value- This is where you will come back to your smart goals you created earlier and identify what goals you have created that are related to this value.
Choose one goal to work on now- Do a pros and cons list or a priority ranking if necessary to select which goal it is you want to work on.
Identify small actions steps towards your goal- Ask yourself what small steps can you take to get to your goal?
Take one action step now- It is exactly what it says. Pick one of those small action steps you brainstormed and go and do that action step.
Below I have a blank example of the DBT worksheet to use when using this skill and an example of me using this skill as well
The second way that you can take your SMART goals and implement them in your life to help you up-level your life is by creating a personal development plan. A personal development plan is something I came up with while in DBT treatment and learning how to set SMART goals and the accumulating positive emotions for the long term skill. As I have touched on many times before I have OCD so I get obsessive, I plan all the time, and I over do it with the amount of tasks I take on which leads to massive burn out and often. It had become common for me to have so many goals and so many projects I was working on I never could fully finish or get things to my vision because I wasn’t setting clear enough goals. I also loved how much joy, building mastery, and productivity in peace it brought me.
So, I sat down for a month straight every single night and every moment I had to create this personal development plan which combines those two skills SMART goals and getting from values to specific actions steps ( the breakdown of Accumulating positive emotions for the long term) and I took it and amplified it and wrote out a breakdown of every single goal I wanted to meet last year. Every single one. I created every step it would take to meet the goal, ranked its priority and made sure they fit the values and pillars of my life I wanted to focus on and that were important to me. My overall goal while creating this one was to completely overturn my life and create a life I wanted to stay alive for.
When creating your personal development plan there are some questions you want to focus on as you create it with your SMART goals. These questions help you create the plan as a whole and they help you make sure it truly is created based on your SMART goals. Below is the list of questions to use when creating your personal development plan with SMART goals.
Once you have those questions in the forefront of your mind and you feel ready to really plan with SMART goals its time to create your personal development plan. Let’s talk about how we do that, the steps to do that and what each step looks like. I will even show you some pages of each step of my own personal development plan as we go.
Step 1- Decide on your Values/Pillars of you plan. The first step to creating a personal development plan is to help create focus and guidance with your plan and to make sure your SMART goals are in alignment with your core values. What you do here is decide on the core values/pillars/categories you want to focus on and your goals to be based on. The amount of this can be whatever it is you would like it to be from 3- 19, mine had the later. Do whatever is going to work for you that doesn’t lead to any unwanted feelings like overwhelm, shame, or judgement. Below is the list of the values/pillars/categories I focused on last year.
Step 2- Brain dump. This step for me is honestly the hardest because, I want to control the amount of the things on it, or to make it even and sometimes it can be difficult for me to release the judgement as I am brain dumping and letting things come to as they come. What you do here is you let your mind run wild, you let go, and you intuitively write any and all goals you could think of you would want to accomplish that fit into those values you had picked out just before this.
Step 3- Evaluate your brain dump. The third step to creating your personal development plan is taking a look at your brain dump and simply eliminating anything that may not be realistic or just doesn’t fit your priorities or values. There is no need to judge yourself for having written it down just simply acknowledge it and decide to save it for a different time or that it doesn’t fit your values and that’s okay.
Step 4- SMART goals. The next step in creating your personal development plan is either adding in SMART goals you had previously written out and created or you create them now. Don’t forget to follow all of the steps to create SMART goals we talked about above.
Step 5- Priority Rankings. This step helps you create some order to your SMART goals. In this step you will literally go through and rank the order of priority each goal has to me of importance to complete. When it comes to importance that can mean different things; so think about whether it is more urgent because of time and season, the level of happiness it could bring you, or if there would be negative consequences if you do not achieve that goal. You can even use pros and cons lists if you need here to help you rank them.
Step 6- SMART GOAL action steps. The sixth step in creating a personal development plan is writing out and planning all of the action steps you will need to take to achieve and meet your SMART goals. It really is that simple, you will write out every single action step you will have to take to meet your goal. This helps you in so many ways. It helps eliminate overwhelm, creates structure, and sets you up for success by having a clear vision of what to do.
Step 7- Plan when you achieve your goals. The final and last step of creating your personal development plan is planning when you will achieve them. This step gives you a sense of urgency, a deadline, and a schedule for your plans. I also personally love this step because, it helps me remember that my personal development plan is all about getting the life I want by the end of the year. It is about progress and not perfection and building things one day at a time. When it comes to planning it will be up to you what that schedule looks like. If you are only planning for 1 month, 3 months, or 6 months that is totally fine. I just did a year because that was the purpose of my personal development plan.
Those are all the steps to creating your personal development! Now you can use this help you up-level your life and create a life that is worth living for you. Here are a few other extra tips to help make creating your personal development plan a little easier. Use a bullet journal or something that is durable and that you can come back to over and over again. When you are creating your plan color coordinate your plan through each step by categories. Having things color coordinated just makes it easier and quicker when you are sorting through all the information and creating each step of your plan.
Create A Goal Board
If you don’t want to get as detailed as a personal development or if you want a visual representation of your personal development plan for you to see in your physical space often; you can create a goal board. Some people like to also refer to these as vision boards and other names as well. For me, I just do not vibe with calling it a vision board. A vision board doesn’t have the energy of action behind it. It feels like a lofty someday dream. And when I goal set and plan I want to do so in conviction, determination and with active movement of energy behind it. Creating a goal board can look quite literally whatever you can come up with that motivates you, draws your eye to it and that works with the space you have. Do whatever is going to work best for you to serve as visually reminder of your SMART goals. I personally love being able to visually see when they checked off or are moved to they accomplished section it definitely gives you a special kind of rush!
Things To Be Cautious About With SMART Goals
We have spent a lot of time talking about the many benefits and positive aspects to SMART goals. Well because, they really truly are an amazing thing to do and a great way to really up-level your life and create one that is worth living for. With that being said there are some things to keep in mind when you are using SMART goals intentionally in your life and when you are creating them.
Be aware of Tunnel vision. What I mean by this is when you are working very intentionally with SMART goals in your life sometimes they become all you can see. They become your focus, and the main thing you care about. You can become obsessed. Which can lead to some damaged interpersonal relationships, missed opportunities, failed responsibilities, and neglecting some of your other values.
Be aware of Inflexibility. When working with SMART goals sometimes you can get rigid, and very set with sticking to the plan you created to meet it. I mean why wouldn’t we want to? We took the time to actively plan ahead and create a way we are pretty confident will help us achieve our goals. One of the main points of creating SMART goals is this very thing. Even with that being the case sometimes things just don’t work as well as we thought they would, or our lifestyle changes, or there are things going on in the world that change how we have to function in it. Whatever it is don’t allow yourself to be unwilling to change and adapt your SMART goals and how you will achieve them instead of being so loyal to them you choose to not meet or achieve them at all.
Be aware of Perfectionism. This one is really one I personally have to make sure I check in on often. I really struggle with this one and the cycle it can cause, especially with goals. When working with SMART goals intentionally in your life, it may be very hard to work on goals at all if you aren’t perfect and if you make mistakes. For example, if you do really well working towards a goal every single day for two weeks and than for some reason like mental health, or your schedule you miss one day and the shame spiral begins. For me if it gets bad enough I will walk away from a SMART goal completely. Be aware of this need and desire for perfectionism and remember it is all about progress not perfection. It’s about creating a life worth living by the end of your SMART goal not the entire time you are working on it.
Using SMART Goals Can Shift Your Alignment And Manifestation
We have talked a lot about SMART goals the many mental health benefits and how they can help you create a life worth living by creating very specific and detailed goals. Let’s talk about one last and final reason you really should start using SMART goals in your life today and that’s the benefits it can bring to your manifestation and alignment. Using smart goals will automatically shift you into a more aligned mindset to connect to the energies and frequencies you are seeking to connect to. When you are aligned with those frequencies your ability to manifest a life worth living and your dreams becomes much easier to do.
When you use smart goals you also put the movement and energy needed to make your manifestations come to fruition. SMART goals help you ensure that you are not missing the crucial part of your manifestation which is active movement of energy behind your manifestation. You can not only align your thoughts and words for manifestation through shadow work, and/or affirmations but, you still have to do the actions, put in the work and move the energy. SMART goals really just forces you to do that. You can’t achieve your SMART goal if you don’t follow through with your steps and plan.
Start Using SMART Goals Today
I have walked you through many reasons why you should use SMART goals in your life, What a SMART goal is, how to use them in your life, and the benefits using them can bring to you. SMART goals have literally changed my life in more ways than I can even begin to list. They have helped me bottom line shift my perspective and my life to one that I find worth living each and every day and that is the best reason of all to add SMART goals to your life today. Now that you know how to from this article you can go and do the same! Intentionally live with smart goals to create a life worth living!
Come join me the first Saturday of January to revolutionize how you set your goals for 2025. Let me show you hand in hand how to create my personal development plan. You will leave with your entire years worth of SMART goals planned, a way to keep yourself accountable, and have a clear path on how you meet every goal you set. https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/4ZKQ6FXMUGGEJ
Have you been feeling stuck, emotionally unstable, missing joy in your life, or having a hard time connecting to yourself and your magic? Do you want to start the new year from a different headspace? I have the answer for you to start out this new year from a place feeling grounded, present, and ready to manifest your dream life. Come join me for this special one time only two day event teaching you how to integrate the practice of Mindfulness to your magic and life!
What is mindfulness? Mindfulness is the practice of purposely bringing one’s attention to the present moment without judgment. It allows you to move from just existing in life to thriving, get back to wise mind, create a place to heal and grow in, and most important of all, align you with joy while creating a life where you truly thrive! This skill is a core skill in DBT, the therapy that changed my life! To register for this special two day event visit the link below! https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/JY5UBMB2TA27L
There are so many reasons your life, your home, or you could need a complete reset. It could be simply because it’s the end of or beginning of the month. I personally do one of these at the beginning of every month and am even writing this blog post for all of you as I work through mine. I just feel so much more organized ( my OCD needs this), refreshed, grounded, motivated and prepared to head into whatever the new month may be bringing me.
But, like I said there are so many reasons to do one and sometimes this happens once a week in my home even. It could be you have visitors coming soon and would just feel more comfortable doing one prior. For me, it’s not about worrying about how they will view me or my home it’s about making sure I have nothing but, positive and lively energy in my home/ safe space BEFORE I allow others into it.
It could also be for mental health reasons; maybe you just got behind on your daily or weekly tasks and now the only way to begin is to simple reset it all.
Or, maybe you have a really busy schedule coming up for the next few weeks and you just want to feel prepared and ready and get as much done beforehand to make it a little less stressful.
No, matter the reason why you, your home, or your life may need an entire top to bottom reset it doesn’t matter but, this guide is for you! Keep in mind this is tailored to myself, my needs, my brain, my family, and my lifestyle so, ALWAYS tailor it to fit YOU. Take what you need and leave what you don’t. I know not all of this will be for everyone. I have OCD and DID so, I am both obsessive and have memory issues so , I do some things a couple different ways to ensure it is all done correctly. My entire family of 3 are also all Neurodivergent so some things not every family will need.
The purpose of doing a reset
I touched on earlier that there are many reasons why you may be wanting to do one but, what’s the purpose and what benefits do you get from doing one?
First, organization no matter how organized of a person you are you, your system will need a revamp, a declutter, and a reboot from time to time to remain efficient because, you, your life, and your family are constantly changing. Also a HUGE part of being organized is using systems and schedules and resets have to be apart of that sense we reset in so many ways in our lives from weekly, monthly, seasonally, yearly and so on.
Second, doing this brings you so many different mental health benefits. From building mastery, using smart goals, boosting self esteem, confidence, lessoning anxiety, gaining motivation and helping you build a life worth living.
Third, it’s honestly the best cope ahead plan you could ever create for yourself and consistently use. It helps you make sure you are prepared, have a plan in place and are set up in the best way possible for success including having ways to cope with obstacles affectively. If you want to learn more about how to create a cope ahead plan you can read more here in my previous blog post.
The Checklist
We have talked about what it is, how it can benefit us so how do we do one? I have a master checklist for this in a few places, my family binder, my bullet journal (BUJO), and in my personal development plan (PDP). You can choose to do it however works best for you!
I love bullet journals though mainly because they are so customizable. You get to make them exactly what you want, you can buy them in different sizes and you can use so many different kinds of writing utensils as well.
Once you decide where you want to create your master check list next is adding your items on it. Below I will walk you through what is on mine and later we will go into detail of what I do specifically for each one.
Brain dump
Budget
Personal Organization
Reflection of the past month
Family Organization
Clean Home
Set this Month’s Goals and Intentions
Schedule (s)
Take some time to Rest
Self-Care
Choose your pillar(s) for the month
If this looks like a lot or overwhelming for you, you can always take out things you don’t feel you need. Also remember this isn’t something that you have to do in one day either. Some times I get it all done in a Day, sometimes in 2 or 3, and sometimes I plan it out and spend and entire week doing this, usually it is during the last week of the month or the first.
Let’s break down the Checklist
Let’s get down to the nitty gritty details of each thing on my master checklist, what that category or thing means, how I do and what benefits I get from doing it!
Brain dump
If you have never done one of these before or heard of what they are it really is exactly what it sounds like. It’s sitting down and literally dumping everything out of your brain for a given topic or purpose. This time you will be using it to brain dump your master Ta Da list or as others call it a To list. I personally just don’t like the To Do List it makes it seem so much more of a dreaded forced obligation so I call them Ta da lists. As a way to go ” Ta Da” I did it and congratulate myself for getting it done. Whichever you choose to call it or even something else that is how you are going to approach this brain dump.
Here is how you are going to do it. I try my best to do these when my son is napping or asleep and my husband is preoccupied so, I can have the ability to be in my own space and not be interrupted. I like to make sure my brain dumps get all of my attention when I am doing them for a few reasons. One, so I don’t forget anything and another reason sometimes things come up for me that I need to do that I either didn’t know at all or I didn’t realize how important they were to me.
Once, I am in my own quiet space or sometimes I listen to music as well to help my brain focus so if you need that it’s okay too. I grab my bullet journal, you can use whatever it is you want to; a notebook, a pad, a piece of paper, a post it note, whatever it is you want to use. But, once I have my bullet journal I set up my pages the way I like to with my 4 categories. You don’t have to do this, a lot of people suggest not having any categories at all and just writing whatever it is that comes to you with no structure at all. For me, due to my OCD in order for my brain to even be able to express itself enough to know what it wants at all it needs some type of structure. Without it, leads to chaos, massive anxiety and dissociation. My 4 categories sometimes change but, typically it’s some version of this Admin, projects, cleaning, and goals setting. You can pick whatever you need for your categories and how many as well. For me, four honestly is picked because that is how many I can fit evenly on my page layout.
When, I have my categories written in and my page set up drawn in. I take a few deep breaths and I go through and write whatever comes to me in each category. I pick one category at a time and focus on that but, if you just want to write whatever comes to you and jump around you can too. Follow your brains direction. Do this until you are done. Once you feel you got it all out, take a look at all you have written this brain dump, just became your new Ta Da list. The next step is to plan out how, and when you will get things done and in what order. If you need help on how to do that I highly suggest using the Post It method I take about in this article it just is going to be on a grander scale.
Otherwise, you can just simply rank them in priority one a piece of paper based on level of importance, how they make you feel when you will complete them, how much time they will take, if it is something you can complete now or need to prep for, do you have all the items needed to complete it if it needs some and anything else you may need to consider. Than use your plan your created to complete your Ta da list and enjoy the overflowing of emotions your will be flooded with when you build this level of mastery.
Budget
Even though this item would also be on my ta da list from my brain dump under the admin section it’s so important I feel it needs it’s own stand out section. Now as a preface, by no means am i well off, nor am I the best at money and some fininacial guru. I actually am not the best with it. I have a lot of intellectual knowledge I have learned since becoming and adult but, for many reasons I’ve spent majority of my adult life in poverty. My family as I am writing this is struggling quite badly financially for many reasons. We have dealt with eviction, homelessness, and also having more money than we need and renting a fairly nice new home and leasing brand new cars.
With, all that being said I still no matter how little money my family is going to have or how much; write out and create a budget for the month at least and sometimes for the week. At times I even go as far as tracking and writing one out daily. If you have no idea of what your finances even look like there is no way to even begin to plan what the rest of your life is going to look like. I know I hate it too. But, there are things about the world and society that in order to thrive in it we do have to accept and come into some kind of alignment with and at least creating a budget and having a view of what it will look like gives you a bridge and opportunity to do that. Below is one of the planner pages I like to use and this is a budget book I have been using for a few years now https://www.amazon.com/Sort-Your-hit-Out-Paycheck/dp/1079491058
This will look different for everyone so, make sure you do whatever it is that speaks to you and makes your soul happy and feel organized and ready to take on life. When it comes to what personal organization is and should be. It’s whatever you need to do for yourself to keep you personally on track and living the life you want to live. If you have a family and/or kids it’s not their schedules or home school lesson plans. It’s YOUR personal schedule, your personal goals, your personal development tools, your self care needs, and so much more.
My personal organization is really centered around my bullet journal. I create Daily, weekly, and monthly spreads. I create habit trackers, self care trackers, any checklists I need for any of my own projects I do for me that don’t involve the family like my teaching schedule, RFAN agendas, content scheduling for her and so on. I even take the time here to pick out or create affirmations and put them in my bullet journal for me to come to when I may need them later and as reminders to. If you needs ideas for inspiration Pinterest is my favorite place to get inspiration for bujo spreads from. Let me know in the comments to if that’s something you want to see a future blog post about as well.
Reflection of the Past Month
This step is one of the most important ones for me and I hope it becomes that way for you as well. It is so important to me because doing this helps give me direction for my next month, helps me realize what worked and what didn’t in my planning from the previous month or reset, and it grounds me in my reality.
When you do this you are essentially taking stock, and holding yourself accountable. You are evaluating your plan from before and finding what worked that you can use this time and what didn’t that may need to be changed. You are forcing yourself to really look at truly where are in at in both your life and your goals. Which makes sure you are grounded fully in what your reality is. Sometimes this affect is not what we want especially if we are stuck in a cycle of avoidance and it can be overwhelming but, it’s also what we really need as well if we are seeking a reset to begin with.
How I choose to reflect usually looks like me leafing through my bullet journal and looking to see what is I had accomplished and what I had not. What I had decided to no longer pursue and why. Did I make and leave any notes for myself to come back to? Than I end up in Meditation, and doing other things like going thru my personal development plan for that month and year, my goal board and other things. Once I have done all that I typically have a pretty clear vision of what it is I want my life to look like by the end of this reset and how I can make that happen.
Family Organization
No matter what family looks like for you, you and a pet, your partner and yourself, a single parent, or a family with multiple generations in one home when it comes to a monthly reset you have to consider them in your reset. They affect your schedule, how you can organize, how much time you have and what goals you can have the ability and freedom to set for yourself. However it looks to you make sure you don’t forget this. For me, this is updating my family binder, my family command center, double checking my son’s and husbands schedules like medical appointments, creating our home school lesson plan, and planning any family outings we may be doing that month. If you want to learn more about creating a family binder or command center don’t worry I have blog post coming soon to break those down into much more detail.
Deep clean your entire home
When I say deep clean I mean you are going to go thru each and every room top to bottom and clean all of it, reorganize anything that needs it, you can even redecorate it if you need to, and declutter. If you don’t need any planning tools to accomplish just go ahead and get it all done and this list should be coming from you brain dump as well. So, don’t forget to include any cleaning tasks that had come up for you when you had been making that earlier. If you want a little more structure you can always create a master checklist that you keep in your bullet journal and/or your family binder. My check list breaks it down to the cleaning deep cleaning tasks, decluttering, and reorganization.
Doing this as part of your reset may seem like not that big of deal but, if your environment isn’t set up for you to grow, and flourish in no matter how hard you try to, you won’t get as tall and beautiful as you were meant to be. Deep cleaning your home sets your environment up to be in energetic alignment with the life you are trying to create with this reset. It builds mastery, it cleanses out old, stagnant and unwanted energy, and it sets you up for success in the rest of your plans and goals going forward.
Set this month’s goals
So far a lot of what we have talked about has been about getting ready for your next steps, your next, the next month etc. But, what is it you are actually doing this all for? Well your goals of course! The things that are going to make your soul sing with joy, and make your life worth living for. So, now is the time to set those goals and I bet if you go back and look at that brain dump you did it will help spark some ideas for you on what you want you goals to be if you are struggling to think of some.
One thing I want to talk about briefly is how to actually set active goals that you will accomplish is making sure to use the DBT skill SMART goals. It’s an acronym for an effective, and detailed way to set goals and actually achieve them. I Talk about it in a few of my previous blog posts in the personal development section of the site and I do plan on talking about it in much more detail in another blog post coming up.
So, what does smart stand for; S-specific, M-measurable, A-attainable, R-relevant, T-timely. If you follow this template for creating your goals it makes it very difficult to fail actually. You can also create a PDP using this skill and than make to use things like reminders, and affirmations to help you meet your goals if that is something that works for you. It does for me so no shame in it at all.
Schedule(s)
When it comes to doing a reset on your life a crucial part to doing that is knowing where your time is going to be spent and how much of it you have to spend on each one of your goals or that you can dedicate to achieving them. So, make sure to take the time to get your schedule in order. Whether that means you need to break down your daily schedule by the hour and write it out in your bullet journal like I do, or simply syncing up your google or apple calendar on your phone, or filling in a physical calendar for your home, or redoing your calendar for your command center.
Do whatever it is you need to do to get your schedule organized and in some place for you to easily access it when you need it. Like I said I am obsessive so, I use a bullet journal daily schedule spread, my google calendar, a family command center and a weekly schedule board. I also make sure to include my son’s schedule and my husband since I am the keeper of that in our home.
Take Some Time to Rest
The whole point of a reset is to make sure you are completely refreshed, reenergized, motivated, prepared, and just ready to take on anything this next phase and time frame will be throwing at you. And to set you up to meet all of your goals you have set. How can we do that if we are tired, and have a depleted battery. So, make sure to take time while you are doing this to rest, relax, recharge, take care of yourself, and do things that replenish your desire. If you need some ideas on how to do this thru the act of self love you can check you my previous blog post on the topic here for loads of ideas. https://modgepodgemystic.com/the-magic-of-self-love-and-how-to-maintain-it-thru-self-care/
Self Care Prep
For some this may not be a thing that is need for you. For me, I need to plan and prep for many reasons, it also is an act of self care for me as well. I have to plan out my self care. I have to pick what I am going to be doing and when. One thing I do for self care is play video games and every single day I have blocks of time in my schedule to make that happen. As in literally written into my schedule. I also have to create affirmations, quotations, and reminders for myself to be in my bullet journal and around my house, including a self care habit tracker for my bullet journal. So, for my prep for my reset I take the time to create those reminders, get any items I may need restocked, and make sure I have it planned into my schedule.
Choose your Pillar(s) for the month
What do I mean by this? I took a seminar a few years ago I believe with Sisters Enchanted. If you have never checked them out you can do so here; https://thesistersenchanted.com/ and their was a huge golden nugget I took away from it that I now use in so many different ways in my life. She talked about how in life we get really overwhelmed and dissatisfied and try to do so many things at once, and have our focus in so many different places all the time. If you know me at all this is like the state of being I naturally live in. If you are just now finding me and starting to get to know me. Take a look at my site and you will see I have my hands in a lot of things and I often hear that people are inspired by my and admire me for how much I get done. I often hear how they don’t know how I get done what I get done and how I am involved in so many different things.
And than she talked about having pillars in life, our goals, and the things we focus our minds and energy on. And how in life she had learned that no matter how hard she tried to have more she could only ever realistically focus on three at a time. That only three areas or things of your life will you be able to focus your attention on and actually bring to fruition to it’s fullest and how you truly intend to. This really spoke to me. I still want to fight it all the time and do more than 3. So, that is why I can’t set pillars for an entire year but, I do them for each reset, and month typically. So, each month I focus on 3 specific areas of my life.
I also have teachers that have taught about focusing on 1 area at a time and having one pillar or word you focus on. So, pick which one is going to fit best for you or modify it to something different if you want to. I recommend though don’t try to go past 3, every time I do I end up with either a chaotic time period or half manifested intentions.
Reap the benefits
We have talked about why you should do a complete reset, the many benefits of doing one, what should be on your checklist, how to do each thing on that checklist and now it is time for you to go and do one! Take everything that you learned from this post, tailor what you need to and go and create your very own master check list and completely reset your life. You could have it done by this weekend even! The benefits you would get our numerous and honestly I can’t speak to what it does for me personally each and every time I do one. Enjoy alignment, manifestation of your desires and intentions, meeting your goals, having a clean and organized home, and truly living a life worth living you are excited to wake up to and participate in each and every day.
Come join me the first Saturday of January to revolutionize how you set your goals for 2025. Let me show you hand in hand how to create my personal development plan. You will leave with your entire years worth of SMART goals planned, a way to keep yourself accountable, and have a clear path on how you meet every goal you set. https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/4ZKQ6FXMUGGEJ
Have you been feeling stuck, emotionally unstable, missing joy in your life, or having a hard time connecting to yourself and your magic? Do you want to start the new year from a different headspace? I have the answer for you to start out this new year from a place feeling grounded, present, and ready to manifest your dream life. Come join me for this special one time only two day event teaching you how to integrate the practice of Mindfulness to your magic and life!
What is mindfulness? Mindfulness is the practice of purposely bringing one’s attention to the present moment without judgment. It allows you to move from just existing in life to thriving, get back to wise mind, create a place to heal and grow in, and most important of all, align you with joy while creating a life where you truly thrive! This skill is a core skill in DBT, the therapy that changed my life! To register for this special two day event visit the link below! https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/JY5UBMB2TA27L
Being overwhelmed is something we all experience at times in our lives. Some much more than others. ( My hand is definitely raised) With the current state of the world and the collective I feel myself and others are hitting their thresholds much quicker than usual or than we would like to be. Feeling overwhelmed has unwanted side effects and consequences for everyone us even though it may look different. I know for myself it may even look different from day to day.
Usually though when I am overwhelmed I get very snippy with my husband, and even passive aggressive. I have much lower patience with my son and end up not following my parenting philosophy when he is struggling and I make it worse. I will cancel things I had planned and avoid contact with others.
And if it gets bad enough I will start to avoid everything. I won’t do anything and will cancel everything. I will dissociate from myself and reality and in some of the worst cases another personality takes complete control of me for awhile and depending on which one, it can have even worse consequences than just being overwhelmed.
So, what can we do about?
I said we all experience it at times so we can’t avoid it. It will happen no matter what your best intentions are, how organized you are, or how well you maintain boundaries. This will happen no matter what simply because we are humans and living life and life is overwhelming at times and so are other humans. So, it’s unavoidable. But, even with that being true there are things we can do both before it happens to prepare and things we can do when it’s happening.
Before it happens
Before we ever even get overwhelmed and start to spiral we can have one of my favorite DBT skills created and on hand for us to use when this happens, called the cope ahead plan.
What is a cope ahead plan?
It is exactly like it sounds. It is a plan you create before a situation happens for how you will cope effectively if/when it does happen. In other words this is your cheat sheet/ to do list you pull out that tells you what to do when your emotions may be making it difficult to problem solve, cope, or be in wise mind.
Another benefit to creating one of these plans is the sense of ease and confidence it gives you that allows you to stop ruminating about things that haven’t happened yet. As someone with OCD I use these plans to even help me break free from routines that get triggered unintentionally. I even use these to make me able to be around other people especially family.
So, how do you create one?
First thing you do is DESCRIBE. You describe the situation that is likely to happen get very detailed about the situation. You check the facts with what you are describing and make sure you are being justified with your description and not letting emotions influences the description but, do note what emotions you are feeling
Second, DECDE what problem solving or coping skills you want to use for this specific situation. What skills will assist you the best with the specific feelings this situation is making you feel. Be detailed!
Third, IMAGINE THE SITUATION in your mind as vividly as possible. Imagine and immerse yourself in the situation as if it is happening now in the present.
Fourth, REHEARSE IN YOUR MIND COPING EFFECTIVELY. This one is the most important part of the skill and the part I feel most forget, myself included at times. When it says rehearse it means rehearse. You fully act out your actions, you say the words you want to say, you respond emotional the way you want to respond, you rehearse every part of what you coping effectively will look and feel like to you. You do this as many times as you need to. Until you feel prepared and any anxiety or unwanted feelings dissipate.
Fifth, PRACTICE RELAXATION AFTER REHEARSING. It is exactly what is says. Go and do something relaxing to bring your emotions back to wise mind after rehearsing.
After doing all those steps you now have a cope ahead plan. I recommend writing out this plan on a sheet of paper especially what you want to say. It makes rehearsing it easier to do and you can come back to it over and over again if its a situation you have to cope ahead for often in your life.
So, what skills for coping should you put in your cope ahead plan?
Every single cope ahead plan will look different for each person and situation but, let me give you some ideas of what can go in your cope ahead plan for when you are just feeling overwhelmed with life, you have been down, off track, and avoiding things/events/others. The list I will go over below is not all inclusive and some things may not work for you change it up to fit your needs.
1. Get ready for the day
When I am overwhelmed in life whether it be due to metal health, a busy schedule or just life being life one of the first things to go for me is personal hygiene. I don’t shower for days, brush my teeth, my hair ends up in a ponytail nonstop, and I only change my clothes if they get wet from doing the dishes or something. So, for me to get back any sense of control and joy I force myself into the shower, I put clothes on that make me feel joy not just simply comfortable, I brush my teeth, do my hair and anything else I haven’t done in awhile. Every time I always surprise myself by how much more rejuvenated I feel after doing this and how much of the fog lifts.
2. Declutter
Another thing for me that will start to go is cleanliness of my physical space. Even though I am aware for me something not being clean is extreme and most would think it is still perfectly clean. It still affects me, my mental health and my emotions if it isn’t as clean as my brain would like it to be. So, I start to declutter. I tell myself to just focus on decluttering so I don’t swing to far one way and go from avoiding things by doing nothing to avoiding things by distraction and doing way to much. That just creates a different type of overwhelm to now be coping with. So, be careful and mindful of that.
3. Get outside
Even if it is just for 1 minute step outside in some way. I know that it isn’t always ideal or safe to do. I live in Minnesota and sometimes it’s just too damn cold to go outside and it hurts. Not only because I am a witch and pagan so, for me it’s spiritual and religious self care but, there is actual science behind it! When we go outside and make contact with the earth we get an influx in energies we need that cause us to reset and cleanse. Plus the fresh air in our lungs is invigorating and gives you more energy as well.
4. Build mastery
What this means is doing something completely that makes you feel like an absolute master at that skill when you are done. Whether it be something like sweeping your kitchen floor, making your bed, washing your hands, writing your grocery list or creating something. Doing this helps you feel self esteem and confidence and reminds your brain what it feels like to accomplish something while reminding you that you can still accomplish things even when feeling unwanted emotions.
5. Organize some part of your life
Whether it be your schedule for the week, your to do list, a meal plan or anything else you need to organize, plan, and schedule some part of your life. Doing this again helps you feel a sense of accomplishment, self esteem, and makes you feel like there is a little less for you to have to worry about and feel overwhelmed over. Doing this can also help you with checking the facts of why you became overwhelmed in the first place.
6. Do some type of self care activity
It does not matter what type of self care you do, physical, mental, emotional, intellectual, etc. you simply just need to do whatever your intuition is calling you to do that is all about taking care of you. It is about recharging your battery. Connecting you to joy. And reigniting your flame of desire.
7. Do a brain dump
This one might not work for everyone it is really going to depend on your brain and your own needs for order and organization. For some doing a brain dump will only overwhelm them more and for others like me it helps keep me realistic and it stops my brain from thinking it is never ending. Seeing it all written down on one page makes my see that there is an end in sight and that it is tangible for me to reach and the sense of overwhelm will subside and a sense of motivation starts to take over.
8. Use the Post it Method
This is a skill one of the DBT therapist taught us in group one day as bonus skill. I modified it for my own use so I will tell you both ways to use this one.
The first one is using to get you to do things. What you do is you grab some sticky notes and a pen and you get yourself in wise mind and you ask yourself what are the top ( however many you choose) things you have been avoiding and procrastinating doing? You write them on a post note and place them somewhere you will have no choice but, to see them to use as motivation to get you to complete the task. Once you do you get to remove the post it note and feel another boost of accomplishment, self esteem, and confidence to further enhance your motivation.
The second one, is using it to restrict how many things you do. This for me was way more important for my OCD. My issue isn’t really not doings things. It’s taking on and doing to many things. So, how I modified this was when it came to getting my posts it I limited the number I was allowed to write. I picked a number and I could only choose that many task to get done and do that day. And when I had completed them all I wasn’t allowed to go and create new ones and add more. If they were gone it meant I had to relax and no longer work on my to do list.
Again, this helps give you that sense of accomplishment and it gives a structure on how you will do it. You also get that visual reinforcement as well that you have a skill to use to cope effectively.
9. Spend some extended time in Wise mind
Everyone has different skills and ways they get themselves into wise mind. If you don’t know what wise mind is; it’s using both your emotional mind and reasonable mind to access the wisdom within you. It’s seeing value and in both your reason and your emotions. It’s bringing your left brain and your right brain together. It’s walking the middle path and existing and thinking in duality.
It’s our goal to be in this state of mind as often as we can be and to try and make most if not all of our decisions from this place so we can live a life worth living. Spending some extended time in this state of mind can help us to check the facts, realign, and be able to move forward in an effective way. So do this however you need to. Again it will look different for all of us whether it’s meditating, using the stone flake on the lake technique, the spiral staircase, or breathing techniques.
Create your Cope ahead plan to fit you and your needs
The list and ideas in this blog post are just the very beginning of the options you have to put in them and it doesn’t even include all of them I use for this specific situation either because, it can change time to time. So, use this as a starting place, experiment and create a cope ahead plan that will best benefit you when you feel overwhelmed. No matter how that looks, by avoiding things, doing to much or something else entirely. Keep that plan in a safe spot and pull out any time you need it remembering you created it just for that moment and feeling to help you.
With Valentine’s Day just behind us and love in the air and on almost everyone’s mind and hearts I want to talk about a type of love that I feel is overlooked, self love. Don’t get me wrong I am very guilty of this in my life and often. Having those moments, days, weeks, months, and even years where you simply don’t feel worthy, your self- esteem is low, your self confidence is down, and you just aren’t in love with yourself and who you are.
To be perfectly honest I am even writing this because I need this reminder and focus myself right now. Self-Love is something I have been struggling to remember in moments of doubt, hardship, and sadness lately. The unwanted affects that have been happening are affecting all areas of my life, my relationship with myself, my husband, my son and my students. I have not been the best most authentic version of myself as a mother, wife, teacher, and the divine individual that I am.
What is Self-Love?
Before, I talk more about the unwanted affects of not having self love as an intentional focus in your life let’s talk in depth about what Self- Love is. In it’s most simple and basic definition self-love is being in love with every part of yourself.
That’s it. Seems simple right? But, it’s much more than this because what does that even mean and look like to be in love with every part of yourself? What does that even feel like?
When I really think about those questions and dig deep at what it means to really truly love every part of yourself I get flooded with the amount of ideas and thoughts of what it truly means and at the same time I feel like I will only be able to articulate such a small amount of what this act and feeling truly encompasses.
Self love feels like placing a very high value on your own well being and happiness with oneself. It feels like knowing your worth and never settling for less. It feels like no guilt when taking the time to take care of your own needs and not sacrificing my well-being to please others or for others well being. It feels like deep acceptance with of every part of your body, soul, mind, and personality as divine being. It feels like confidence in your gifts, blessings and abilities and leaving no room for self doubt to flourish.
Self love looks like saying no to things that truly do not bring you joy, a sense of accomplishment and do not align with my soul purpose or values. It looks like setting boundaries with those you love and removing those that don’t respect them. It looks like being proud, confident and accepting of your body to take care of it and express yourself with it in the ways you want to. Self love looks like boldly living your soul purpose and doing what you love.
Above all else to genuinely and wholeheartedly love every part of yourself should come first. Self- Love is so powerful and honestly the best love you will ever have. And the most profound you will ever experience to further growth, healing, and transformation.
When you love who you are wholeheartedly your relationships will be healthier, your life will be happier and you will be aligned with your sacred contracts and soul purposes. If you are a parent you will connect with your child more and be able to be the emotional intelligent and loving parent you want to be. You be happier and it will shine through to those around you and you will choose to things and people that only bring you happiness.
When you have a strong relationship with self-love it shows yourself and others the standards in how we want to be treated. How we want others to treat us and how we treat ourselves. It helps us to decide our boundaries and have the ability and fortitude to maintain them.
Unwanted affects of low self love
When you have a weak relationship or outright lack one with self love like I touched on early you will definitely see some unwanted affects to you, your life, and your relationships. It may differ from person to person but, here are some ways it may affect you.
You may have an issue with self esteem and self worth which can lead to many issues when interacting with others like being a people pleaser, or always apologizing or pushing others away. You may be more emotionally imbalanced and moving from one emotion to the next including depression, explosive anger, and anxiety.
You may lack motivation to work towards your goals or to set some to begin with due to being indecisive. You may not be kind to yourself by taking care of your body physical and be uncomfortable in it which can lead to many different affects on your relationships with others and how your present yourself to the world.
The list of possible unwanted side affects could go on and differ for all the main point is if you don’t make this relationship a priority every area of your life will take a hit as well and you will be lacking connection to one of the most potent energies to foster a happy and healthy life and well being.
Your happiness and well-being are important; protect it by always valuing who you are and maintaining a secure relationship with self-love. As is with any relationship you have to do things to maintain it and communicate effectively with it. The things you do to main self love, those acts are called Self-care.
What is Self-care?
Self-care is the act of valuing, respecting, and caring for your mind, body, and soul. It is the act and doing things that allow you and help you to embrace your flaws, your strengths and abilities. Self care is doing things that make you feel more like yourself.
Self care is a deliberate choice to gift yourself with people, places, things, events, and opportunities that recharge our battery and foster our connection to self love. These activities do this by focusing on promoting whole health, body, mind, spirit, and soul. When all these areas of your life are aligned you foster such a deep connection of love to oneself and have the ability to connect to it much easier.
Types of Self-care
The key to self-care it should be something that you enjoy and not feel like an obligation.
Emotional self-care– Helps you get in touch with your feelings in a way that makes you feel centered and in wise mind with them. This is about becoming more in tune with out emotions. It’s about checking in with yourself, becoming more mindful of your triggers and thinking patterns while finding a way to work through it
Spiritual self-care- The act of spiritually looking after yourself cane be accomplished by simply doing tings that make your heart and soul flourish, whether this be by connecting to you soul, your magic, or a deity/ higher power/ source/ universe/multiverse. This doesn’t have to mean anything to do with a religion though. You are simply making sure what you are doing is nourishing your soul.
Physical self-care- This is all about looking after your body, doing what you need to stay healthy and connected to your physical self. Taking care of our bodies is a large component of self care, but it doesn’t have to include vigorous exercise routine.
Social self-care- Anything, or event that gets your around others. We are social creatures and we recharge when we are around others. This may look different depending on being an extrovert or introvert and your comfort level around others so make sure to honor that and keep that in mind.
Intellectual/ mental self-care- Anything that stimulates your mind, helps you working towards your goals, learning new things and expanding your understanding of the world around you.
Recreational self-care- Self care that encourages you to tap into your inner child and simply have fun
Financial Self-care- This type of self-care allows you to cultivate a healthy relationship with money so you can reduce stress
Environmental self care- This type of self-care allows you to find the right environment so you can truly thrive
As you just read above there are so many areas of your life where you can use self care you to nourish every aspect of yourself and when every aspect of yourself is nourished and you are happy how could you not be able to connect yourself and wholeheartedly exist in self love?
Ideas to practice each type of self care
Physical- go for a walk drink some water take a shower or bath wear an outfit you feel confident in Dance alone to favorite music
Emotional-Journal therapy express emotions do shadow work
Spiritual- yoga meditate Prayer connect to a deity go to an altar
Financial- Make a budget create goals
Recreational-do a hobby you love make art listen to music Take a road trip
Social-Call a friend Go see family attend a social event join a club
Intellectual-Study a topic you enjoy watch a youtube video put together a puzzle read a book
No matter how you choose to practice self care whether it is from this list or something you choose on your own do it with intention to connect to and foster your self love in the most affective way for your life, happiness and to benefit your relationships. Keep an eye out for a blog post coming on magical and witchy ways to practice self care and self love!
For me it’s anything that encompasses growth for yourself and your life.
It’s the intentional acts and/or reflection you are doing to grow as a person to better yourself, your soul, your community, your family, and your life.
This is what we do to be happy, feel whole, and to help us both uncover our sacred contracts and divine purposes, to live our life in accordance with them to fulfill them!
Which means this can encompass and cover ALOT of things!
From shadow work and reflection to taking care of your physical health, developing your own belief system, seeking mental health help and using the skills they teach you, to goal setting and more!
This topic is a deep seeded passion of mine!
Let me tell you why and why I feel I have so much to share on this topic!
In 2015 I got married to my amazing husband after being together for 4.5 years already, I turned 25 shortly after that and I completely broke.
Quarter life crisis
If anyone doesn’t think this is a thing. I promise you it is.
My depression and anxiety got so bad, I would curl up into a ball while shaking and crying on the floor in front of the door to our house because I had to leave it to go to work or the store for groceries.
It got to the point where, I called into work so many times, had used all my PTO, FMLA, Sick pay all of it that I was fired. All while I was lying to my husband about it.
Telling him I had been going to work and getting sent home early or if he went in after me that I had taken a half day of PTO that morning.
Because, I had no idea what was going on and how do you explain to others I literally can not get my body or mind to leave my house without a severe breakdown.
And being fired from my job only made things worse for me.
I shame spiraled hard and fast!
I had never failed like that before.
I am not going to lie it took much longer than I would have liked to get to the point where I could even begin to think about personal development and how to get there.
It took me an entire year of literally just being depressed and anxious and sitting in front of a tv to numb myself and a lot of weed.
But, than I hit this moment when I was shaking, crying, and about to throw up again from the anxiety of how much longer can I keep feeling like this? How much longer am I going to be able to do this mentally, emotionally and physically?
And if I won’t be able to do this much longer than what am I going to do? How am I going to get out of this space?
This moment sparked my personal development obsession and journey!
Where I spent the next 5 plus years gobbling up everything I could get my hands on, blogs, books, therapies, self help books, podcasts, youtube videos, learning how to bullet journal, taking workshops, retreats and classes, and so much more.
In that 5 plus years I succeeded and failed many times. Went thru CBT, DBT, and a handful of trauma therapies. Dealt with isolation, depression, anxiety and more. Was diagnosed with OCD, Bipolar 2 disorder, PTSD, a binge eating disorder, BPD, DID, Severe anxiety and depression.
I have done the work to no longer meet criteria for some of those and a few I have gotten to a very healthy and manageable level. That doesn’t mean I am cured and I still have days and moments and situations where I struggle.
So, let me help you do that too!
Let me be a support to you!
Let me be a guide to you!
Let me teach you what worked for me and help you sift thru the many ways you can work on your personal development in all areas of your life, like self care, physical health, mental health, and your own personal belief systems and values!
I Know right away some of you have clicked on this to come at me with guns blazing ready to argue with me. To let me know how wrong I am, how young I am so how could I possibly know, and to tell me how I am anti feminist or in an unhealthy marriage.
I am going to tell you that you are wrong.
I am going to stick to the statement I made in this blog post title.
And I am going to ask that you hear me out. Read this until the very end and than tell me you don’t think and feel the same way.
My marriage and why you should even read this
I am going to get very personal in the post. I am going to talk about some deep things that have happened and are happening now in my marriage and how not viewing my marriage as 50/50 and equal is how we are still together today.
After meeting right out of high school at 18, getting engaged after only 6 months and moving i with each other, getting married after 4 years and now being together for 13 years ( married for 8) not having this 50/50 mindset is a key factor to us still being together today.
Unlike so many around us that have already divorced or will be soon. And we have outlived the national average for a marriage of 7-8 years and beat the statistics so far of meeting as teens and being too young to stay together.
It has not been all sunshine and rainbows and we more than understand ups and downs in marriages. How hard they can be to navigate, how you can get disconnected and/or grow apart or start to venture down different paths. We have been thru many things life has thrown our way and things we have done to hurt each other. But, all of that will be for later posts.
My marriage never would have survived being 50/50
What we are going to focus on in this post is this idea I keep seeing blowing up on social media; that marriages and/or partnerships if they are healthy are equal and/or 50/50. I get the appeal of thinking like that and I get the idea of how this is thought to be healthy.
But, man am I so thankful my marriage doesn’t function this way.
My marriage never would have made it this long if we had this mindset.
We would have been doomed from the start and set up for failure and I would not be who I am today as an individual nor would my husband if we had this 50/50 mindset.
With this mindset my husband should have left me a long time ago.
And let me tell you why.
What does this 50/50 mindset actually mean?
Like I touched on before I get the appeal of this mindset. I 10000% understand that equal share of responsibility, support, and dealing with life with your partner sounds like and feels like the most balanced way to go through life with a partner.
It seems fair. Let me tell you why it is not.
That isn’t the definition of fair.
Fair doesn’t mean equal like so many think it does. I myself was included in this until a therapist of mine taught me otherwise.
Fair means that something is impartial, just, and not achieving an advantage over another.
For something to be just is going to be subjective based on the people, places, and events involved and it will change and fluctuate all the time.
This fluctuating and subjectiveness is exactly why our goal and my goal is for things to be fair and not 50/50. It gives room for grace in your marriage/ partnership whereas the 50/50 mindset does not.
50/50 leaves no room for grace and support
Grace is critical to a marriage/ partnership. Both giving/ showing your spouse/partner grace and them being able to reciprocate for you when you need it.
And being in a 50/50 mindset leaves no room for grace to be in it.
50/50 means 50/50 no matter what at all times.
It means each person has their own weight to carry, their equal share of the responsibilities and its up to them to carry it so their spouse/ partner can carry theirs. It’s some peoples definition of teamwork.
With this rigid look on duties, responsibilities, and teamwork how could there be grace and true support when its needed? And without that how would you ever expect a relationship to last?
I can tell you with 100000% certainty my husband should have left me, my marriage should no longer be intact and I myself in all honesty may not have lived this long to give birth to my son, go thru therapy and treatment, hold my husband in grace now, and be writing this blog post now for you to be reading.
So, what is grace in a marriage/partnership?
I keep saying my marriage or any marriage won’t make it without grace in it which is why a 50/50 relationship doesn’t always set you up for success.
So, what is grace in a relationship?
Grace in a relationship allows for support. It allows goodwill to enter the marriage/ partnership.
It allows for one spouse/partner to be able to have bad day. It allows for give and take.
It allows for one partner to say ” my load is too heavy right now, I can’t carry it all. Is it okay if I don’t take this on right now? ” It allows for your partner or you to ask for help from the other and know you can get it.
It allows for you to be able to say you need support, to ask for it, and to receive it.
It allows for a partner to say ” hey I need you to carry 80% today I can only handle 20%.” and for the other partner to be willing and able to do that knowing that when the scales tip the other way the same amount of grace will be given to them.
It allows to truly build a team, a life, and marriage built on support.
How can not being 50/50 in a marriage look like in use and its impact
What does this look like in an actual marriage/ partnership? Let me tell you about its biggest impact on mine. How its kept us together and even me alive.
This mindset in our marriage really got put to the test shortly after I turned 25 so about 6 years ago, shortly after we got married and had been together for about 6 years at that point.
I had a quarter life crisis at the point, I completely broke to the point where I almost was or maybe should have been hospitalized. I couldn’t even leave my home, literally. If I tried I’d curl into a ball on the floor in front of my door shaking and crying in a panic attack.
It was my lowest point in my life.
I’ll have a blog post coming soon to dive really deep into that topic.
If we had the mindset of 50/50 and equal at this time my husband should have left for what happened next and the weight he carried for me and for the length of time he did it.
I lied to him about going to work, used all my time off, fmla etc, and had gotten fired.
I than spent the next three years in such a bad depression and having other mental health illnesses causing more instability, My husband was the only one who could work and we eventually ended up homeless because not even that could bring me back to carrying my own weight.
And thru it all my husband carried almost all my weight we were easily 80/20 or 90/10 no matter what he had going on because I simply couldn’t do it. I couldn’t carry a larger amount than that.
And he did so for over 3 years! Without resentment, without blame, and without pressure to push me back to carrying a larger amount of the weight. And doing so allowed me to have time for so much reflection, growth and therapy and I’m in a place we both never could have dreamed to be in.
That grace and willingness was possible because we both knew than and know now that every single day we take a look at it and see how much of the total weight we each are able to carry and in what areas.
It made it possible for me to hold him in the same space now as he goes through what I did and now it’s his turn to heal and grow while I carry most of the weight and hold him in grace and support.
Some days we are 60/40, some days 50/50, some days 80/20, and others 95/5.
Some days my husband carries more weight and others I do.
In some areas he takes on more and in others I do.
We both know that we are there to carry whatever the other needs us to in order for us to be a team truly, to grow together, and support each other when we need it, how we need it, for how long we need it for.
We both know we have a true partnership, and team and know how to truly give and take in a relationship, to be fair, and supportive of one another.
I challenge you to question your idea of a marriage and if 50/50 is truly what you want
As a wee bitty baby against my will I was baptized in a Lutheran church. I have very strong feelings on baptizing children into any religion and later in life I did perform an unbaptizing ritual and a chord cutting with that contract and deity. After that growing up my family wasn’t super religious until I got to middle school and my family started attending a Baptist church and my mom was remarried. And even than my parents never were devoted Christians. It always felt very surface level from them and that they were Christian for the image and when they needed financial help or support. I was always much more devote than they were and it caused many fights my teen years when I would point out some of their unchristian like behavior.
When I say devote, I mean I brought my bible with me everywhere, I was the girl at the lunch table reading my bible and saying prayers at the public school, organizing see you at the pole for the first time ever in my district and school, leading bible study groups, I had the bible memorized forwards and backgrounds due to awana, sunday school, and other bible study groups, and I went on a mission to the Dominican Republic as well. I was devoted to that religion and faith until that mission, that started to change it all for me and what happened in life afterwards.
When my disenchantment with Christianity began
My mission trip to the Dominican Republic was a turning point in my faith and who I was and who I now have become. It was a trip that caused a lot of mixed emotions for me, anger, hurt, confusion, guilt, shame, and it really began to make my faith in the Christian religion fall to pieces. Going into this trip I was so excited, so proud, and so grounded in who I was and what I stood for. I was so excited to simply go, and provide a service to help others. I deeply care about others especially when they are suffering or going through difficult times and simply wanted to help. I was so excited for the service part and focused on that. Of course I would spread the word of Jesus when I could and when it felt natural but, for me I was there to serve and help with my hands and actions.
Day one of our actual mission work and that all changed for me.
I will never forget being pulled aside after spending majority of the day playing with the kids, digging drenches and moving and tilling land for the basketball court we had come to add to the village our church had been to many times before this one. And being told I was spending too much time playing with the children and not enough time witnessing to the children.
If you know me now or knew me than, you’d expect me to immediately speak up and say “nope, that’s wrong. That’s not why I am here. I will do it my way and that’s it. In a kind way and I am here to serve first and foremost.”
None of that happened.
I got completely quiet, turned and went back to the physical labor part of our trip and that was how I finished the rest of the trip. ( until I got bit by a mosquito and got really sick)
I spent all my free time of that trip in shock/awe that conversation had even happened. I spent my time in prayer, reading the bible, and in reflection trying to figure out what had happened and if that was what I had been dedicating my life too? Had I been crusading for an institution that cared more about how many followers they had, the rules, and who their followers were? Who cared so much more about their deity, than their fellow human beings? Who thought the church was more important than what was simply kind, moral and helping your fellow human? Was this one small group of people, was it my church, was it the whole religion, was it the deity himself?
If you are reading this and at my site because you were apart of Christianity prior to this You probably had a similar moment happen and reflection follow and I am sure you have an inkling of what began to happen next for me.
Disenchantment plus Synchronicity Equals leaving the church
After that trip, I spent a lot of time reflecting and thinking looking all around me. At my fellow church goers, at the religion itself, at the text, at the leadership, and how we treated others. And than the multiverse stepped in and added another thing in my life with the beauty that is synchronicity; I took AP world History at school. That class opened up so many doors for me. I had always loved history but, it was so limited to what I had been taught at that point. And to hear what my religion had been doing globally to mankind for centuries really made me look more. On top of that being taught other religious beliefs from a source outside my church was EYE OPENING. And led to my own study of these religions and belief systems.
I started studying Buddhism, Taoism, Islam, Judaism, and at that time was being taught to me as mythology like Greece, Rome, Persia and Egypt. I would stay after class, and go and find any time I could to study and ask my teacher questions.
By the end of that school year I would no longer have a bible on me, I would no longer be saying prayer at school, and I would be fighting with my parents about forcing me to go to church and study groups. I even got to the point of just out right arguing under my breath passive aggressively out loud during sermons.
I would no longer consider myself Christian. My parents would continue to force me to keep the image up for their sake at church but, I never got baptized in the Baptist church and later would not be married with any religion whatsoever.
So, where did my path go from here?
At first, I didn’t what it was I really believed. I was going back and forth on what I wanted to do.
Did I want to look for just a strict religion or was I looking for more?
Was I looking for more of a way of life something that would be so much; a belief system, morals, religion, purpose, your answer to life and being and more?
I wanted more which is why after awhile the traditional religions I had learned about in school and started to study just didn’t seem to quite fit. Not even atheism which I was for awhile in the middle of it all.
This is how I started looking into paganism, magic, and specifically wicca.
I had never in my life doubted that magic, the occult, or mythical creatures and entities were real and existed. That is a truth I have known my entire life and I never thought it was an evil or bad thing either. I wasn’t a Christian who thought reading harry potter was evil and should be banned. I was an over the top fan actually and those books helped me survive my abusive childhood. But, that is for another post at another time.
I just never before this had thought it was something I was capable of having access too or using.
I thought it was a birthright or you had to be lucky enough to be chosen to be taught something that sacred. I also had zero comprehension of how to actually work with energy at this point so, as I look back it makes sense I had this view.
So, I very shyly and under the radar started checking out books on magic, and wicca at the library and would only read them while hiding at school or in my truck. That year was the first year I ever connected to the moon, and cast my first spell. I stayed in wicca for less than year for many reasons, some being I simply don’t agree with a lot of the doctrine, the person who founded it, and I didn’t want to be forced into a coven and space with others.
For a long time I simply looked into mythology and different ways to connect to the seasons, the moon, and the elements. I learned how to make moon water and would secretly make it on my window sill in my bedroom. But, my stepdad wasn’t really paying attention and my mom was in prison so, I was able to experiment a lot more and start to cast more and study more.
I spent the next 5-6 years really just learning and studying and doing it under the radar as much as I could because I wasn’t sure really yet what I thought and I didn’t know if I was a witch and if I was, was I willing to come out of the witch’s closet especially where I live in Central MN? So, in public I identified as Agnostic During this time I had my first encounter with a deity and met two of patron deities hades and Persephone. I met my first demon and Fae.
After, I got married around 25 I got my first altar in my home, started practicing out in the open. I Finally was able to put a name and image to my spirit guide (kitsune named kana) who had been with me for so long and I began to really connect to Shintoism and study intensely this practice and add a Kamidana to my practice. I started my journey down the path of grey witchcraft and duality at this time as well.
I spent the next 5 years studying many many topics I will do my best to list them all below. But first what do I mean by studying?
I live in an area that isn’t the best for access to resources and we tend to be at least a few years behind others as well. On top of that other practices outside of Christianity are passive aggressively tolerated here. And if you have never felt passive aggressive judgement from a Minnesotan before, its more powerful than peer pressure.
So, due to this I have been a solitary practioner until October of 2023. How I have learned and studied while being solitary ( and having very little money always) is this; I take every single free workshop I can, every free class I can. I get and read every book, grimoire, blog, essay, research paper I can find on a topic. When I say study I look at a topic from the many perspectives; magical, historical, anthropological, cultural and more. I have paid for a few programs for reiki and chakra reading/ balancing, sound healing, astrology, and crystal healing.
After, I feel I have done enough study, I have reached out to some mentors I have made connections to after taking free classes and workshops with them, and I have done the reflection, meditation, and shadow work. I get to the practical work. I plan, I prep, I practice, and than perform it. ( keep an eye out for a future blog post on the 4 P’s of experimenting with your magic) Each and every time it is an experiment grounded in the confidence of your intuition, energy and your own power and divinity.
List of topics I have studied
Many forms of divination- tarot, astrology, runes, fire scrying, mirror scrying, water scrying, and many more
Pantheons/ Religions-Greek, roman, Babylonian, Egyptian, Shintoism, Taoism, Buddhism, Islam, Judaism, Norse, Celtic, Irish, Germanic tribes, Hinduism, Mesopotamia, many “left-hand” path practices and many more
Deities- When it comes to deities I can list some of the ones I work the most closely with but, it’s honestly better to just ask me! Persephone, hades, Lilith, Amaterasu, Loki, Kali ma, Pan, Lucifer, Most “dark Goddess”
Sex magic, goetic magic, demonology, mirror magic, elemental magic, moon magic, crystals, Kundalini reiki, sigils, energy work, sacred contract topics, manifestation, the Akashic record, past life regression, Trauma work, shadow work, liminal work, ceremonial magic, ritual magic, deity work, channeling, meditation, building a sacred space, many “mythological” creatures/entities, hermetics, working with the rays of light, womb healing, and so much more.
I will add to this list as I can remember to add!
Where my Path is at Today
I have been a solitary grey magic practioner for about 15 years now.
And this past year I began attending a Pagan Academy as a student where my knowledge and practice was recognized and I have now become a Professor there teaching many topics, summoning deities for others and hosting rituals including casting circles and calling down the moon.
First and foremost, I consider myself a mystic and seeker of all knowledge. I study from many different sources, paths, pantheons, religions, cultures, teachers and practices. Two of my main patron deities were keepers of the schools of mysteries ( hades & persephone). And I dedicated to becoming one with the multiverse through all esoteric and occult knowledge.
I have practiced and studied from many different teachers and masters in areas such as shamanism, magic(k), witchcraft, religion and spiritual practices.
I focus my studies on being as accurate to the culture and religion as possible throughout history and representing it all.
I am a grey magick practioner which means I work with both dark and light energy and strive to maintain constant duality in my practice and life. I live and thrive in the grey.
I do not view things in the terms of “good” vs “evil” I view everything as energy and as either wanted or unwanted energy.
I believe in sacred contracts, and have discovered many of mine and strive to live in a way to fulfill it this lifetime. I’ve done a lot of past live regression and work and continue to do more to this day to unlock more of my past lives and knowledge I have gained through each incarnation. I do this through many way like currently working with a mentor on past life regression therapy, Ive done Akashic record work, studying and worked with auto writing, and astral travel and work as well.
I work with all the dark goddesses and have the ability to channel and invoke deities. I Love the connections I have with many deities and the energy they allow me access to connect to through a different perspective but, I also understand I myself am a goddess and divine being in my own right as well.
My magic is very folk, ceremonial, energy based and elemental based with some chaos magic mixed in and some others. I really do dabble in large variety.
I write every single prayer, spell, invocation, and circle casting personally I use.
I work with many divination tools and practices such as all forms of scrying, tarot, runes, etc.
I work with deity energy, archetype energy, chakras, the collective uncounscious, all forms of nature, other entities such as demons, the fae, and all supernatural entities.
I focus heavily on moon energy in practice and in my daily life and home.
My knowledge is extensive across many practices, topics and paths.
My energy and magic is naturally very healing, purifying and cleansing and I love to provide that to others as it is a key part to my soul contract.
Imbolc is a sabbat on the Wiccan Wheel of the Year but is originally an ancient Celtic holiday celebrating the first signs of Spring. The word Imbolc is believed to mean either “ewe’s milk” or “in the belly”, which obviously refers to the birth of baby lambs around this time in Ireland and Scotland. In modern times, most of us don’t understand the harshness of Winter that our ancestors endured. At this time, they were coming out of a period of brutal weather and their food stores were declining. So when the babies were born and the milk starting flowing, it was a good day. It meant they’d have more food to last the rest of the Winter season. nourishment, survival, purification and protection a big themes for imbolc.
In addition to celebrating rebirth, life, and replenishment, the Celtic goddess Brigid is honored on Imbolc. Another name for Imbolc is Brigid’s Day or Saint Brigid’s Day, as her saintly counterpart is also honored on this day. Imbolc is celebrated annually on February 1st in the Northern Hemisphere and August 1st in the Southern Hemisphere. There are many traditions and practices sacred to this day including making Brigid’s crosses, feasting on Imbolc foods, and making magic.
Brigid the Irish goddess of Imbolc; who is she?
Brigid is also known as Brigit or Bríg.
The Bright One
Fiery Arrow
The Powerful One
The High One
Great Mother Goddess of Ireland
Lady of the Sacred Flame
Eternal Flame of Life
Flame of Inspiration
The Mistress of the Mantle
She is the Irish Goddess of fertility and spring.
A Goddess in Irish tradition, Brigid is one of the most well-known. Pagans know her as Great Mother Goddess of Ireland, and Christians as a Saint Brigid. With this energy, Brigid brings the remembrance of our Oneness and is an awesome affirmation of the Eternal Essence of the Divine Feminine.
Brigid is considered a Triple Goddess, yet many references distinguish Brigit differently than the traditional Triple Goddess aspects of Maiden, Mother and Crone. Rather Brigid is frequently referenced having three sister selves with three distinct roles, Lady of Healing Waters, Goddess of the Sacred Flame and Goddess of the Fertile Earth.
According to famous witch and writer Laurie Cabot, “Brigid is honored in her maiden aspect, but she is a pregnant maiden, pregnant with the young seed of the Sun. At Imbolc, also called the Festival of Lights, Brigid wears a radiant crown of candles. She is wondrous healer, Protector, and Patron of Creative Inspiration. Until her light is fully born again at Beltane, Brigid ensures that the seed is nurtured inside her womb and that the home fires continue to burn through the final days and nights of Winter.”
She is associated with many things; Poetry, Healing, Midwinter/Imbolc, Flames/fire, Fertility, and Motherhood.
Imbolc Magical and Spiritual Themes
Every season and every pagan holiday has certain concepts and magical themes. Which means, depending on your tradition and needs, you can weave one or more of these themes into your personal celebrations. On Imbolc, also called Brigid’s Day, we see the following magical rituals and spells
Purification
Protection
Love
Fire and Water
Awakening
Rebirth
Honoring the goddess Brigidand Saint Brigid
Prosperity
Healing
Imbolc Correspondences
Colors-White: represents the Snow and milk Green: represents the newly emerging earth and the green of Brigid’s mantle Pink: symbolizes the female reproductive system Orange and red: represent Brigid’s sacred fire Pastel Spring colors
Herbs/ flowers- basil. bay leaves, chamomile, jasmine, rosemary, lavendar
Spell workings- Make a Brigid Cross Create an Imbolc Altar Give an offering of milk to the earth honor Brigid charge new tools for the year Reflect on goals set during Yule Have a bonfire Light a candle on Imbolc eve to meet Brigid in the liminal space Take a cleansing and purifying bath or shower
Divination-fire scrying
Scrying by Candleflame
Since Imbolc is a holiday that honors Brigid and her sacred fire, why not try your eye at fire scrying? If you have the ability to have a bonfire, then go for it! If not, a simple candle will do the trick. But keep in mind, a roaring fire outside will have different results from a small flame inside. You could even try both. This form of scrying is as simple as watching the flames and allowing pictures to form. This can be literally in the fire OR images that flash into your mind.
How do I celebrate and honor this sacred day?
Imbolc, also called St. Brigid’s Day, is an ancient Celtic holiday celebrated annually on February 1st. It’s a time when Winter starts to fade and the first signs of Spring pop up to remind us life will blossom again soon. But how do we celebrate Imbolc in our own modern way? Below you will find out some ways you can do this in your own life and practice.
Imbolc wishing ritual
You can use either a box or a Jar
Take the vessel and decorate it with Imbolc and spring correspondences.
Than take a sheet of paper (green if you can) And write out all your wishes for the coming year and/or season. You can also add rosemary and/or bay leaves into the box.
Than take the paper and energetically seal it within your vessel while saying
“ As the sun begin its rebirth I gave my thanks back to mother earth. Embracing change, with the light of hope the seeds of the future I continue to sow.”
Than Take the vessel and add it to your altar or leave it in a place you can see it often and come back to and charge yourself with its energy
Imbolc Spell jar
I love, love, love spell jars! They have so much power and energy packed into such a small space. You get to decide the energy and intention that is sealed off in there for you to be able to come back to whenever you need to recharge with it.
Some things to make sure when you create this spell jar, make sure wash and cleanse the jar before you use it. You can also charge it under the moon and at your altar prior to using it. Before you add each item to the jar make sure to you have created a sacred space, and set your intention energetically.
Once you add the items you can say any incantation, intention, manifestation, or spell while energetically sealing the jar. You can also as a bonus seal it with wax on top and/or sigils. For a more detailed look at how to create spell jars and the simple beauty of their power look at for a new blog post coming soon.
Imbolc Shadow work
Every single holiday and celebration brings it’s own special energy with it and with that comes specific shadow work themes and prompts to work with while in the sacred liminal space of that specific sacred day.
What is shadow work? In case you don’t know.
Shadow work is necessary if you wish to grow spiritually and personally. It will help you better understand yourself, your traumas, and the old wounds you are carrying. Not to mention, help you better understand other people.
The idea of shadow work is to bring your dark sides out into the light and learn to accept and love them. There are different exercises and activities to help explore those aspects of yourself, but you must first acknowledge your shadow.
Everyone has a shadow self. The shadow gets developed in our childhood from our ego while adapting to social norms. We learn to change and adapt our behavior in a way that is acceptable in society. But along the way, we also bury an authentic part of ourselves, our shadow side.
What You’ll Need: White candle (tealight or spell size is best) Lighter Carnelian: small chunk or pendant How to Cast the Spell: Gather your supplies. Set the mood with music, incense, etc. Set your carnelian chunk or pendant close to the candle. Get into a relaxed state, light the candle and say, “candlelight, fire bright, burst through the darkness and stagnancy inside of me. I ask Brigid to lend me her fire of inspiration and creativity.” Close your eyes and repeat the prayer two more times. Visualize a small flame in your heart growing bigger and brighter. This is the fire of passion and creative ingenuity. Let it continue to grow in your mind’s eye as the candle burns down. When the candle is done burning, pick up the carnelian stone and carry it on you. Wear it daily and know that the fire of creativity is inside of that stone. Lending its energy to you. Now CREATE. Whatever that means to you: writing, arts and crafts, a new project at work, music, etc. etc.
However, you choose to celebrate this sacred day whether it’s honoring Brigid, pouring milk back into the earth, fire scrying, and so much more may this blessing be with you!
May the life stirring underground stir new dreams to life within you. May the flames of inspiration and passion be ignited in your soul this Imbolc/ Midwinter
How to make 2024 an actual year of change by turning knowledge to wisdom thru action
The year 2023 was a huge one for me that was full of transformation, and so much death and rebirth over and over again.
But, that’s the way of the multiverse and that’s the beauty of duality. You must have the wanted with unwanted, the dark with light, the sun with the rain, the death with the rebirth.
I spent the last year building a life truly worth living for and to do that I had to experience it all, and turn knowledge into wisdom and action.
Prior to this year I spent a lot of time focusing on gathering every tip, tool, trick and tidbit of information I could get my hands on to tell me what to do with my life. how to become more emotionally stable. How to get healthier. Really just how to build my life in general. I devoured every blog, self help book, podcast, youtube video, and created countless pinterest boards.
And every year nothing changed long term.
I would have spans of pockets of time where things would click into place and become a new lifestyle but, after a few months at most. Poof!
Gone again!
So, what was so different this year?
First I really sat down and looked at everything I had collected and learned throughout the years and began to realize how many tools I really had learned about and how much information I already knew and that I had available to me.
Second, I got really brutally honest with myself and let myself realize I had all this knowledge and all these tools at my fingertips and I hadn’t been using a single one of them consistently.
I had never taken the knowledge I had learned, put action behind it and turned it into wisdom.
I had all these bullet journals full of quotations.
Full of spreads, habit trackers, goals that were completely empty.
I had notebooks full of notes from self help books, podcasts, and more.
But, I never actually had taken all that knowledge and used it! I had never actually taken what I learned and applied it to my life actively and intentionally.
So, no wonder all those years I had felt stuck, how I felt like I kept going in this cycle of success, failure, shame spiral, depression, spark of motivation and then mania.
No wonder all those years I had been so exhausted and drained.
No wonder all those years most of all I was confused and doubting my worth and capabilities. I had all the information I needed but I never put that information to use to improve my life.
Once you realize this, what in the world do you do?
To be honest, it might hit you hard. You might cry like I did, start to blame yourself, and spiral a little bit. And that is 10000000% okay to feel, just don’t let it consume you.
Give yourself GRACE!
Do you realize how big of a deal it is to first be willing to even look at and try and figure out what’s been causing a pattern or cycle for you?
Let alone being willing to realize that there is a missing piece you need to work on and then being willing to work on it?!
So many humans wouldn’t even take it this far.
So, celebrate yourself!
Give yourself a high five!
Do whatever you need to do to let your mind and body know this is a huge deal and a pivotal moment of change for you.
YAY!!!!!!
Next, try to pinpoint what’s causing you not add action behind your knowledge
There are a few ways to do this.
First, do a behavior chain analysis. This is a skill I learned in DBT
step 1-describe the problem behavior
step 2-describe the prompting event
step 3-describe the vulnerability factors prior to the event
step 4-Descibe the main events leading to the behavior
step 5-desribe the consequences of that behavior
Once you can identify what the actual problem is, then you determine what skills to use, and what type of plan you need to make to help you succeed going forward and to have the skills ready when you need them.
Another way you can do this is the why method
I like the why method a lot because it’s simple and you start to understand why toddlers like to do it so much as well.
What you do is simply keep asking yourself the base question of why until you can not anymore.
Until you can not find any other alternative answer or explanation for a certain event, your emotions, or why you reacted in a certain way.
Here’s an example;
My son came to ask me for help to push him in his swing.
I right away felt my jaw tighten and my eyes roll and heard myself saying no to him. Even though he hadn’t asked for it all day and I could tell from my bodily sensations this was going to be a big explosion of anger if I didn’t figure out why I was so upset and wanting to not just say no but, yell no immediately.
So, I used some tips skills which I will talk about in another blog post and I began to ask myself why?
Why am I so upset?
Why does my son asking for the swing trigger me?
Why is it triggering me specifically right now?
Why is my body shaking? Am I hungry, tired, anxious, overstimulated?
Why am I really saying no?
And I kept asking until I realized what was the reason behind my behavior this time. Which was simply I had been so busy that day, I had no idea what time it was, had not eaten and was really just overstimulated.
Knowing this, made me able to solve these issues and realign myself to be able to go and help my swing in his swing so he could use his tools to regulate.
Now that was a specific example to help you understand how it works. And I am sure you are sitting there thinking “ how in the world does that help me turn knowledge to wisdom through action?”
Well, when you take this method or the behavior chain analysis and apply that to your overall life, and previous year you give yourself the space to reflect and break down to the very core Why you haven’t been able to commit to change and create the life you want.
Why you haven’t taken things you have learned and know you should be doing and actually applying them.
If you don’t know the why behind avoidance, or the why behind a failure, or the why behind the lack of motivation or inspiration then how will you ever move through it to your destination?
For me, it really came down too, I needed to believe I was worth it.
I simply did not think I deserved the life I wanted, the goals I had been dreaming about, or even my basic human needs met.
This was really hard for me to sit with and ride the emotions of. To acknowledge and understand how deeply I felt this. And how it was influencing every decision I made or did not make and every action I took or did not take.
But, once I was able to fully realize there is no other why after this one.
I was able to start the work needed to move through it by figuring out what had caused this, why for me in the past and what was solidifying it now.
Moving through that got me to the place where I could finally make a plan to allow me the space, time and tools needed to take all knowledge I had learned and turn it into action to completely change myself and my life.
If you want to know how I made that plan and what that plan was, keep an eye out for the next blog post in this section about personal development plans! What they are, how to make one, and what was in mine last year that changed my life so dramatically!
