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Working With The Basics of Life and Magic; Energy

Energy! Nothing is solid; Everything is made up of energy.  Me. You. Your family. The chair you’re sitting on. Your bed. The ground you walk on. That’s why energy work is so important. The language of our higher self is spoken to us through our intuition and intuition communicates with us through the language of energy. It allows us to understand the world around us, both in practical everyday matters and in the mystical and sacred stuff! 

Because we are always moving in a sea of energy, and that energy is feeding our energetic body, it informs us of what is happening around us.  It is important that we pay attention to how this process works.  Just as we can live better by knowing how the food we eat affects us, we can do the same with knowing how energy affects us, and how to nurture it and bring ourselves into mental and physical balance.

On top of this, we can use energy to pick up information around us and become more intuitive. Having great intuitive skills enhances our lives, giving us comfort knowing where to go and what to do through our inner guidance.   By learning how to develop our intuition coupled with learning about energy, we become powerful in our connection to divine wisdom.

Why knowing about energy is so important

Part of being good at rituals, spells, magick is having a solid relationship with energy. If you think about it with any magickal work that you are doing you are working with energy. It’s incredibly important to understand that energy and to know how to work with it in order to find the most success in your work.

You have to develop a relationship with energy in order to be able to work with it in the best way. Everything in the world is made up of energy so the more types of relationships you have the more success you will find.

Energy Work

What is energy work, and what are some of the options out there? Energy work is simply put tapping into the body’s own frequencies to promote well-being.

Energy work is any work that involves changes to the human energy field or subtle body. It is commonly used as part of a holistic healing regimen or alternative medicine. The practitioner makes adjustments to the flow of life energy using various techniques including acupuncture, acupressure or may use crystals or their own energy through Reiki or Laying on of hands.

Energy work is the intentional effort to manipulate your or someone else’s energy for spiritual, emotional, or physical healing. There are countless modalities of energy work practices in cultures around the world. You can perform energy work on yourself or seek it out from a professional.

Energy work affects both the subtle body system (the energetic body) and the physical body in various ways. The subtle body system shows up differently across cultures. Here are some of the subtle body systems we see across the world: chakras and nadis (Hinduism), meridians (Chinese Medicine), the three cauldrons (Celtic), aura (cross-cultural), Ojos de luz (Incan energy system), and the list goes on. Most cultures around the world have some reference of an energy or subtle body system.

Energy work and magic

Magic is probably the purest, the most basic, and the oldest form of energy work there is. Plus if you think about it almost all magical workings can be classified as energy work. Because magic itself is the practice of manipulating and changing energy. You do not have to practice witchcraft to do Energy Magic. You are just you. you have a power within you that is divine. This power allows you to merge, draw upon, and contain for a few moments an ancient force and then propel it in the direction where someone asks for help.

History

Energy work has been around for 1000’s of years across many cultures. 

The ancient eastern medicine masters learned 5,000 years ago that energy makes up everything in the Universe, including our bodies and our minds.   While the Western world is beginning to scientifically prove that everything is energy, the Eastern philosophies have figured out how to manipulate it to create health, wellness and even abundance.

The spiritual tradition of energetic healing was commonly used throughout ancient India and China. In India, energetic work is based in the belief of Prana, or universal energy, breathing life into all things. In China, vital life-giving energy is referred to as Chi. Chi is made up of two opposing forces, Ying and Yang. When these forces are balanced, optimal health is displayed.

Energy Flow

All energy does is flow. It is us who have blockages that makes the flow of energy need to re-route itself. This stream of life-force energy is always flowing through you. The more you allow it the more it will flow.

Within the natural world there is a primal energy force. It is what people sense when they are out in nature, that uplifting energy that makes people feel better. But what we sense as humans only scratches the surface. This energy is as ancient as the Earth, and it stems from an energy that is as ancient as the Universe itself. Magic is created using this primal, natural force of nature. The caster of any spell is a conduit for this energy.

Energy System- Chakra system

Chakras are wheels of energy within our bodies and interwoven with our auras. If your chakras are blocked, negative vibrations, attachments and illness occurs. The seven chakras are the main energy centers of the body within Indian culture and practice within the buddhist and hindu religions. Chakra translates to “wheel” in Sanskrit, and you can imagine them like wheels of free-flowing positive energy. Chakras are used to describe the way energy “moves” throughout the body. Each of the seven chakras are said to correlate with different abilities, expressions, and types of health. 

Each person has 7 major chakras aligned along the spine from the top of your head to the bottom of your spine. When energy flows freely through our chakras, it flows freely through our entire bodies including our physical, emotional, mental, and astral bodies. When the chakras are blocked or imbalanced, energy doesn’t flow and therefore causes issues throughout the person’s entire being.

Root Chakra

Your root chakra is a spinning wheel of energy located at the base of your spine. It’s color is dark red to black and links us to the energy of the earth beneath us. If you’re grounded and connected to the Earth’s energy, your root chakra will be unblocked and spinning freely. You attract financial prosperity and have a level head.

The Muladhara, or root chakra, represents our foundation. On the human body, it sits at the base of the spine and gives us the feeling of being grounded.

When the root chakra is open, we feel confident in our ability to withstand challenges and stand on our own two feet. When it’s blocked, we feel threatened, as if we’re standing on unstable ground.

When Your Root Chakra is Blocked…

When your root chakra is blocked, you may feel scattered and have financial problems or money blocks. You feel disconnected to the earth and anxious. You may even have back or hip pain or problems – reasons to unblock chakras ASAP. In addition, your spirituality may suffer when it comes specifically to ancestor work. Why? Because the ancestors dwell in the earth, in the roots of the World Tree below our feet. And as our root chakra connects us to the earth, it also connects us to our ancestors.

Sacral Chakra

Your sacral chakra is the wheel of energy located between your navel and coccyx. It spins in the area of your reproductive organs and is the color orange. The sacral chakra represents sexual health and creativity. When it’s unblocked, you express your sexuality in a healthy way AND creativity flows into all aspects of your life.

The Swadhisthana, or sacral chakra, helps inform how we relate to our emotions and the emotions of others. It also governs creativity and sexual energy. Those with a blocked sacral chakra could feel a lack of control in their lives.

When the sacral chakra is blocked…

Your sacral chakra governs sexuality, so when it’s blocked sexuality isn’t expressed or satiated. You may have blocked sexual energy, be confused about your sexuality, have low libido OR struggle with imagination and creative thought put into action. Illness, infertility and infection with sexual or urinary organs may also be present. For men – prostate issues may also arise. And, as the sacral chakra is located near the lower intestines and bowels, your digestive system may also suffer. Mentally, your creative ideas might not come to fruition if the sacral chakra is blocked.

Solar Plexus

Your solar plexus IMO is one of the most important chakras in your body. It’s located between the bottom of the sternum and above the belly button. The solar plexus is a yellow color and connects us to the divine energy of the sun and the light. It is your energy zone that supports self esteem, courage, and your personal power. If your solar plexus is healthy, you exude confidence and tackle goals with clarity and fervor. People may see you as vivacious and lively.

The third chakra, the solar plexus chakra, speaks to your ability to be confident and in control of your life. Think back to the last time you had butterflies or felt a pit in the stomach: That’s the Manipura chakra at work.

If your solar plexus chakra is blocked, you might feel overwhelming amounts of shame and self-doubt. Those with open sacral chakras are free to express their true selves.

When your solar plexus is blocked…

you may struggle with self esteem and confidence. You look in the mirror and don’t recognize your true power and beauty. Depression may result from a blocked solar plexus, as well as struggles with career paths, maintaining healthy relationships, making new friends, etc. Digestive illness and problems may surface. A blockage of masculine energy could also be present because of disconnection with the sun.

Heart Chakra

Your heart chakra is located over and through your heart. In the middle and middle-left of your chest. It’s green in color and manages all things related to love in your life – romantic love, friendships, family members, etc. It also governs self-love. If your heart chakra is freely aligned, you give and accept love freely, maintain healthy relationships, and love yourself wholly.

The Anahata, or heart chakra, is the bridge between the lower chakras (associated with materiality) and the upper chakras (associated with spirituality). As the name suggests, this chakra can influence our ability to give and receive love—from others and ourselves.

Someone with a blocked heart chakra will have difficulty fully opening up to the people in their life. If someone’s heart is open, they can experience deep compassion and empathy.

If your heart chakra is blocked…

you have trouble loving yourself and may engage in reckless behaviors to self-medicate the emptiness. Low self esteem and feeling isolated from others. You may be overly-defensive and don’t trust others. You may also have heart or lung problems. Arterial and vascular problems may also arise from a blocked heart chakra. If your heart chakra is imbalanced, you likely have problems loving yourself and others. And lose your fervor for love.

Throat Chakra

Your throat chakra is located over your throat in the middle of your neck. It’s blue in color and governs how you speak to others and how you speak of yourself. Communication is the key aspect of the throat chakra and relates to ALL forms of communication including writing and music. It’s how you express (or don’t) express your truth. If your throat chakra is functioning well, you communicate your feelings and needs with others in a healthy manner AND express your true self.

The Vishuddha, or throat chakra, gives voice to the heart chakra and controls our ability to communicate our personal power.

When it’s functioning at full capacity, it allows us to express ourselves truly and clearly. Someone with a blocked throat chakra will feel like they have trouble finding the words to say how they truly feel.

When your throat chakra is blocked…

you may have a problem with pathological lying or simply “stuffing down” your feelings. You are afraid to be yourself and express your truth. Communication is blocked in your relationships and with yourself. Throat, digestive and thyroid problems may occur.

Third eye

Your third eye is located between your brows, slightly above the bridge of your nose. It’s purple in color and allows you to see the truth in others, energy in the spiritual realms, and brings clarity of mind and soul. When your third eye is open, you see the beauty in the world and in others, as well as being able to see auras, invisible truths, etc. Your ability to tap into psychic awareness comes easily.

As we move up the body, we’re getting closer to communion with the divine. The Anja, or third-eye chakra, controls our ability to see the big picture and connect to intuition. Think of it as the eye of the soul: It registers information beyond the surface level.

Visions and intuitive hits are not uncommon for someone with an open third-eye chakra.

When your third eye is blocked…

You have a spiritual block and don’t see the beauty in others or the world around you. Signs from the universe go unnoticed. You feel disconnected from others and your own spirituality. Headaches, sinus infections, eye problems and other head illnesses may occur. This is a common chakra blocked with many people due to the way society functions. We are taught not to believe, not to see. To focus on what’s directly in front of us. And therefore, ignore our third eyes.

Crown Chakra

Your crown chakra is located at the very top of your head and is the color white. It is your direct link to the energy of the universe – to Source energy a.k.a. God, Goddess, or the Divine. Its your source of spiritual connection and gives you the ability to hear god’s voice, accept divine healing, and feel the presence of your guides and angels.

The Sahasrara, or crown chakra, the highest chakra, sits at the crown of the head and represents our ability to be fully connected spiritually. When you fully open your crown chakra—something very few people ever do!—you’re able to access a higher consciousness.

When your crown chakra is blocked…

you may not believe in god or any other power outside of physicality. Hearing divine guidance or feeling the presence of spirit guides is non-existent. You may feel “unlucky” or angry because of past traumas. You’ll feel disconnected spiritually and alone in the universe. Headaches, migraines, and other neurological illnesses may occur. Sensory processing issues could surface, as well as issues with dizziness and regulating temperature and sensory stimulus.

Chi-China

Chi is your life force, the energy that flows through you and through everything. It is that which gives you life.

The concept of chi (also spelt Qi) has its roots in Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) and Martial Arts. But the idea of a vital life force energy and its role in our health can be found in many cultures. For example, in yoga and Ayurveda we describe this life force as Prana. 

Chi energy moves through the body like breath and blood and is nourished by a healthy diet, enough sleep and movement practices, however its qualities go beyond the physical or tangible.

Chi can be described as the purest energy that arises out of consciousness, awareness, stillness – through you into your body and all expressions of life. Chi in short can be described as the essence of your true self. Chi is the bridge between physical form and pure awareness

Chi energy is like a bridge between your form, which is your body, your thoughts, emotions, sensations, and the formless which is your essence, consciousness, awareness. In a way, when we trace chi back from form to formless, this is the journey of being on the spiritual path. Various practices including Qigong, Tai Chi, yoga, pranayama (breathing exercises), acupuncture and working with marma points all work to support the free flow of chi or prana. They work on strengthening chi and removing any blockages.

The Three Celtic Cauldrons

What is it? Well, the Cauldron of Poesy is a medieval Irish bardic poem extolling the virtues of a trio of metaphysical cauldrons located within the human body. 

The three cauldrons the poem talks about are the Cauldron of Warming, the Cauldron of Motion, and the Cauldron of Wisdom. Each cauldron is positioned in a different part of the human body. The Cauldron of Warming is located within the pelvic region, in the depths of our bellies. The Cauldron of Motion is located in the center of the chest, where our heart and lungs reside. Lastly, the Cauldron of Wisdom can be found within our head or sitting on top of it like a crown.

The poem further explains that when we’re born, these spiritual cauldrons are situated differently. Upon birth, the Cauldron of Warming is found in the upright position—basically how we expect a cauldron to sit normally. It is said to contain the basic energy and wisdom we need to live, breathe, grow, and survive at the instinctual level. It can be upset by sickness or unhealthy choices, though.

The Cauldron of Motion is supposedly on its side when we are born, meaning that it is partially empty. Being situated close to the heart, we can connect the Cauldron of Motion to what inspires us—what makes us move. As we pursue what we love and immerse ourselves in culture, the cauldron shifts into the upright position. When we deny ourselves artistry and emotional exploration, we can feel drained and unbalanced. If we immerse ourselves too much, we can flood ourselves and unbalance ourselves physically and mentally.

Lastly, we come into the world with the Cauldron of Wisdom completely overturned and empty. This cauldron guides our spiritual development—exploring the divine, our own places in the universe, and each other. We can upright and fill this cauldron as we become aware of our purpose and seek to make wise choices on our paths. 

Each cauldron can be in one of three positions: upright, tilted, or inverted. The position indicates the ability of a cauldron to function. An upright cauldron can hold and ‘cook’ its ingredients; a tilted cauldron allows ingredients to slip away; an inverted cauldron cannot hold on to anything.

Why to use this method?

It resonates with a threefold idea of how many have viewed human consciousness/divinity. Coincidentally, there are a multitude of practices and belief systems from all over the world that see the human soul as being made of three parts. In the Modern Tradition of Witchcraft, we identify the three parts as the animal/physical self (our most basic raw form), the conscious self (that which is aware on this plane—it has reason, emotion, and artistry), and the self-divine (our connection to the tapestry of the universe, the gods, and our own god-selves). So we could connect each of the parts to a different cauldron: animal/physical self to the Cauldron of Warming, conscious to the Cauldron of Motion, and self-divine to the Cauldron of Wisdom.

kabbalistic tree of life in Jewish mysticism

a 2,000 year old poem is a description of Ten Sefirot-Ten Energies is the basis for the Tree of Life –a Kabbalistic map developed in the south of France in the 12th century in the mystic school of Rabbi Isaac the Blind. The Tree depicts the flow of energy from the infinite source (above)to the finite expression/manifestation (“below”).

In Transformational Kabbalah the Tree of Life becomes a pragmatic tool for seeing how and why things, people, and events manifest in our lives -and how and why we go about creatively manifesting things, people, and events.

Prana

Life force (Prana) simply means energy. All matters in the universe are made up of energy. It is not just about our physical body we are talking about here. Even, our thoughts and feelings are also energy waves which actually can be measured through proper instruments. Pranic healing requires no physical touch. Pranic healing is a three-step process in which it accelerates the body’s inner healing ability to heal at all levels like physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.

Medicine Wheel

The medicine wheel (also called the Sun Dance Circle or Sacred Hoop) is an ancient and sacred symbol used by many Tribes. It signifies Earth’s boundary and all the knowledge of the universe. The Indigenous medicine wheel represents the alignment and continuous interaction of the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual realities.

The Medicine Wheel, sometimes known as the Sacred Hoop, has been used by generations of various Native American tribes for health and healing. It embodies the Four Directions, as well as Father Sky, Mother Earth, and Spirit Tree—all of which symbolize dimensions of health and the cycles of life.

Quantum Healing

Quantum healing is a pseudoscientific mixture of ideas which purportedly draws from quantum mechanics, psychology, philosophy, and neurophysiology. Advocates of quantum healing assert that quantum phenomena govern health and wellbeing.

Quantum healing is a term coined by Deepak Chopra to describe how our thoughts, beliefs and attitudes affect the way we experience illness and health in our lives. According to this principle, our consciousness does not just control the function of our brain and nervous system.

Working with your Energy- Raising the Vibe

You have probably heard others talking about raising their vibe or going to a higher vibration. When they are saying this they are talking about energy work. 

When you raise your vibration you become consciously aware of your mental and emotional state. As this awareness increases so does the perception of your blocks. But keep in mind that this is all good information.

A lot of people think that raising your vibration means that you’re going to feel better, lighter, and even imagine stepping into fantasy picture of riding in on a unicorn. Additionally, while “raising your vibration” sounds like a lovely result, (and of course it is), its the entire process that will show you where you are out of balance with that higher vibe.

Let’s say for instance, you want to be more loving. So your light body will begin to hold more love. But as you hold more love, you will be shown all the frequencies that are out of alignment with love. This is not the fun part. So now you are seeing things like hatred, trauma, disgust, rejection all come to the surface because you are holding more light, and these shadows can no longer be hidden. 

But hang in there! Don’t throw away all your amazing work just because it is getting hard. It’s all part of the experience.You actually have the chance here to do the spiritual healing work to release these stale emotions, memories and experiences that will change your entire life!

With a higher vibration, you’re able to hold higher states of consciousness and this consciousness lift will help you move through your inner blocks more and more quickly. 

Raising Your Vibration means that a lot of your old trauma, past memories, and old energy is revealed so that you can heal it and bring in a new higher vibration to hold in your mind, body and soul.

Reiki

Reiki is a Japanese style of bodywork founded by Mikao Usai. The name translates to “spiritually guided life force energy”.  It is a spiritual and vibrational healing intervention without the involvement of physical manipulation. Reiki is spiritual in nature but is not a religious practice, the intent is to maintain physiological balance through a subtle vibrational field. 

Reiki has been used to treat ailments alone or as a supplemental treatment to promote recovery and enhance the quality of life.

To learn more about reiki you can watch the Divination class series on it below.

Polarity Therapy

This method was founded by osteopathic physician Randolph Stone in 1947. Polarity Therapy is a holistic wellness practice used in alternative medicine. Inspired both by Ayurvedic and Traditional Chinese Medicines, the intent is to rebalance the distribution of energy throughout the body using a mix of bodywork, exercise, nutrition, and counseling to alleviate or prevent health issues.

Ayurveda

Ayurveda is derived from the Sanskrit words ‘ayur’ – life and ‘veda’ – knowledge, translating to knowledge of life. This natural medicine practice originated in India over 3,000 years ago and is based on the idea that diseases are a result of an imbalance within one’s consciousness. In India, Ayurvedic medicine is regarded as equal to conventional Western medicine.  

Ayurveda treatment starts with an internal purification process, followed by a special diet, herbal remedies, massage therapy, yoga, and meditation. The primary concepts of the practice are universal interconnectedness, the body’s natural constitution (prakriti), and life forces (doshas). Herbs, plants, oils and spices are all commonly used in Ayurvedic treatment.

Currently there is no national standard in the US for Ayurvedic medicine, so be sure to research your practitioner’s background and experience and consult your medical professional before using herbal medicine.

Centering

Centering gives you perspective on your own energy by allowing you to differentiate between what is yours and what is in the environment around you.

Think of centering like cleaning up your house after several weeks of not putting things away where they live. There are half-finished projects, maybe a couple dishes, you haven’t unpacked a shopping bag. All of those material possessions belong somewhere.

It’s the same with your energy. Whenever you experience extreme emotions,  little bits of your energy can become detached. This can make you feel sort of, spread too thin. Centering helps you to call back and reattach all your bits of energy and helps you feel whole again.

If you don’t have any energy fragments scattered around, centering can simply gather and focus your energy so that it’s ready to work toward your next intention. To learn more about centering send me a message on facebook and ask me how to get access to my witchcraft basics bootcamp for a week of detailed work on centering!

Method:

Lay down or sit comfortably. Enter a meditative state by focusing on your breathing.

Find your center. This is the place where all of your energy radiates from. For me, this is the center of my pelvic region in my root chakra. Some people find their energy center is the middle of their forehead at the third eye chakra. Yours may be somewhere else entirely. Wherever it is, feel the energy circulating from it.

Now visualize that you—and your energy center—are the nexus of a galaxy. Orbiting all around you are stars and planets and comets and meteors. These are your energy fragments.

Notice that some of the orbits are large while others are nice and close to the center. Feel the gravity of your center grow and pull the furthest fragments of energy closer to you.

As the gravity of your center continues to grow stronger, the bits of your energy galaxy circulate right near your center. Everything is back in it’s home, and your energetic universe is harmonious.

At this point, you are centered and can ease yourself out of the meditation. Sometimes it’s nice to hang out in your energy galaxy, though. It’s a good opportunity to close up any energy leaks and to get to know your energy a little better.

Take note of how you feel in contrast to how you felt before you centered.

Grounding

Grounding is a term used to help center and calm a person’s energy and emotions. It is a process that helps us to energetically and physically connect deeper to the healing frequencies of the Earth and puts us more in a present state of awareness.

Grounding is a way to connect you to the earth and to your purpose. It gives you the opportunity to take a strong stand in your intention.

To learn more about grounding you can learn about it here in the study guide from my previous class I taught on it. Grounding &earthing 

Breathwork

What is breathwork? It’s breathing, but not like you know it. Think of breathwork like an active meditation, where you change your breathing pattern to boost mental, physical and spiritual health. 

Breathing also helps move energy and you can use the breath to facilitate its movement in and around your body.  As you breathe in, imagine drawing in pure divine energy.  This can be very powerful.  As you breathe out you can imagine you are sending energy out in a particular direction.  Send out the negative energy you may have accumulated, sort of like dirt or pollution, into the ground where it will be neutralized.

Sound Healing

Sound Healing is a powerful therapy that combines different healing sounds, music, and sound healing instruments to improve our multidimensional well-being by creating a beautiful experience where all layers of our luminous energy field (body, mind, soul, spirit) are awakened gently and lovingly.

Integral Sound Healing is highly effective at triggering our relaxation response, which counters the many symptoms caused by chronic stress, while helping to balance our whole being. 

Sound Healing Instruments that are easy to play can be applied both on the body and off-the-body, whilst also incorporating vocal sounds and tones.

Sound Therapy techniques are delivered using instruments such as Tibetan and crystal singing bowls, gongs, drums, tuning forks, and more, both during a one-on-one sound healing session or sound bath

Work with crystals

Crystals are such amazing tools to help us harness energy and use it in a much more effective way in our lives, and magical practices. Using crystals help us be in alignment with the energies surrounding us and can also help us call on certain energies when we want to use them.

Crystals come directly from the earth and therefore vibrate with healing earthly energy. All of our medicines come from the earth and so why can’t natural resources also provide some sort of healing? They can! This includes crystals and stones of various types and colors.

Thought alignment

An important key to working with energy, is using your thoughts.  Energy follows thought. Using your thoughts and your imagination are the tools for directing, manipulating and controlling energy. 

With every thought we think, energy reacts to that thought by moving.  So learn how to manipulate your energy and the energy around you with your imagination.  When you do so, you’ll tap into your intuitive guidance system because energy is the language of your intuition. By moving energy with your intention and your imagination, you can control and move energy to pick up intuitive information about things. For example, you can expand your energy field to connect with a place or area you would like to pick up intuitive information about.

Protection And Energy

There are ways you can shield yourself from negative energy or energy that you don’t want to experience. The amplitude of your energy, which is the LOUDNESS of your energy, will overwhelm the energy of other things. Have you ever noticed that when you’re near someone who is extremely happy and excited, the energy rubs off on you? By the same token if you are near someone who is very, very depressed, sad and down, that you feel it as well? Sometimes their energy is so “loud” that you can’t help but absorb it and feel the way they do. If you are a sensitive person you’ll pick up and absorb all the nuances of that energy until it becomes yours. The solution is to turn up your own energy so it shields you from energy of those around you. If your energy is ‘louder’ than the “Negative”nergy around you, you will drown it out and not be affected by it. You can stay light and happy yourself. Remind yourself to observe those people and not absorb their feelings, thoughts and energy. Remember energy follows thought. If you can’t do that, then your intention can create an energetic shield against the negative energy. 

Here’s how to do that.

Step 1: Pull your energy back in to yourself – close to your physical body with your intention.

Step 2: Imagine a shield, like a force field, or a wall made of steel, titanium, or diamond, whatever is strong to you.

Step 3: You can physically move away from the ‘source’.

You can imagine being in an energetic egg of protection with energy that allows the good to come in but the bad bounces off. You can also use a physical shield, by putting something between you and the negative energy source, or simple step back, or walk away.

To learn more about ways to protect yourself you can watch my two previous classes on the topic here;Magick And Witchcraft Basics: Protection and Warding Part 2

Shielding 

The last energy work type I’ll discuss here is called shielding. In my opinion, this is the most important energy work practice that you can learn as an energy manipulator. If you can commit to starting a daily shielding practice and keeping it up, you are committing to keeping your energy safe and secure.

Shielding is a way of keeping your energy safe. You set up a barrier to separate the feelings, emotions, and thoughts of others from your own space. It can prevent energetic vampires from draining your energy, and it protects your energy from spirit attacks and other unfriendly things. It’s a great way to help protect empaths from absorbing all of the negative emotions of other people as well.

Shielding can be especially useful before going to areas with lots of people like a concert, convention or fair. These types of events have a lot of free-floating energy that can be overwhelming.

You can build a shield around anything you want to protect: your loved ones, children, and pets, your home, your car.

Method:

Ideally, you would ground and center before you build a shield.

Sit down or lie down. You could stand up to do this, but it helps to close your eyes, which—while standing—could potentially make you get wobbly.

Visualize your body surrounded by a sphere of glowing light. Make sure it completely surrounds you with no cracks or weak areas.

Imagine the light forming to your body like a second skin. Let it lock into place around you.

Now visualize that the outside of this shield is shining and reflective like a mirror. Imagine negative energy coming toward you and bouncing off the mirror back to its sender.

This is a basic, yet effective method of shielding yourself from negativity. Do you feel safe and protected after shielding?

Alternatives:

If this shield doesn’t feel strong enough to you, or it just doesn’t feel right, try something else. Here are some other ideas for shields you can test that may feel more comfortable or satisfying. Construct them in the same way, by visualizing them surrounding you.

  • A whirlpool or hurricane of water swirling around a calm eye of the storm where you are
  • Big gusts of wind or a tornado blowing around you and sending away negative energy
  • A sphere of burning flames to incinerate any negative energy that tries to get close
  • Mountains of solid, impenetrable rock
  • A tangle of thorns sticking out away from you, with beautiful flowers on the inside
  • Clouds of smoke and mist that obscure you from enemies
  • Anything else you can imagine! Whatever feels right to you.

If you would like to expand your knowledge on energy and energy work you can purchase my Ebook on the topic in the shop, and reach out me for a booking on many different types of energy services I offer for 1:1 guidance, and clearing. Or if you’d rather listen than read; you can watch my free class with Divination Academy on YouTube below!

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Use SMART Goals To Up-level Your Life Today!

I have been feeling this strong pull to talk about goals all week now. Maybe it’s because we entered March this month and by now at least 43% of us who set goals around the New Year have already given up on them or hit huge obstacles to deter us. Maybe it’s because, I have had to do so much adjusting to my own goals already this year because, of life changing, my family needing different levels of my time and support now, and honestly I really was unprepared for what my new goals were actually going to entail and how much my life was going change with it all. I have had to rewrite, and re-evaluate my goals and personal development plan many times already this year to make sure they are still SMART goals for me.

Goals have many benefits to having them intentionally in your life. I know some people reading this blogpost will know what goals are and already use them intentionally pretty often in their lives by using things like bullet journals, vision boards, and creating 5 year plans. While others reading this post will know what goals are but, loosely use them by having goals; as in some day dreams, like some day I want to own my own business or own a home etc. And others even yet may not use goals at all. That can happen for many reasons, not knowing what you even want, mental health issues, etc.

No matter what your current relationship is with goals this will benefit you. I was a person who did all the things like bullet journaling, setting goals for the day, week, month, year, etc, having a goal board. I loved having goals in my life but, even than I would have a lower success rate than I would like and lower follow through than I was proud of. Than I was taught this skill in DBT and all of that changed! My life completely up leveled. ( I Still have some major set backs I am navigating through) but, I set over 150+ goals last year and I met all, but about 20 of them by the end of last year. Continue reading to learn all about this skill and how to have it do the same for and your life!

First, What Are The Benefits of Goals

I touched on it earlier that there are many benefits to setting goals so what are they? First, the benefits really can be endless. Because, each goal you choose to set is going to have it’s unique set of benefits it will bring you personally when you achieve it. There, are some overarching benefits you can experience every time you set and achieve a goal we can take a look at next.

One of the many benefits goals can bring to you and your life is providing you with a sense of direction, and something to actually strive and work for. In a way our goals guide our sense of purpose and being and fuel our motivation for life in general. For myself, personally when I don’t intentionally have goals I am working on, and I have a plan on how I will achieve them my depression, my bpd. and my overall mood stability is honestly, just shit. When I don’t have a goal/s I am working on actively, is one of the times when I will completely disappear and sink into the depths my emotions can at times drown me in. If you have nothing you are striving for it can make it hard to want to be an active participant in your life.

Another benefit you can experience by intentionally having and using goals in your life is the mental health benefits you get from achieving a goal like the sense of building mastery. Building Mastery is when you do something that causes you to feel a rush of pride and a sense of accomplishment. You are doing something completely, fully and that you are literally able to master as you are doing this. I get this sense of feeling every time I achieve a goal I have set and honestly it can get quite addictive at times and it really does help keep my emotions stable.

The last benefit I will talk about is how setting goals and having them be an intentional part of your life is how you create a life worth living, how you get anything you want, and how you find happiness. If you want to get anything in life you have to actually do something to obtain it or achieve it. This is just simply how the universe we exist in works. It is how energy works and its one of the keys to manifestation I feel many miss. We can’t just put the energy out into the universe with our thoughts, You can dream, and tell yourself some day you will have the life that makes you feel fulfilled and is your soul purpose. But, how you actually make that happen is by deciding what you want to achieve, making a plan how to use them using SMART goals and than you follow thru with your plan.

What are SMART Goals?

We have spent some time talking about the benefits of using goals in general and what they can possibly bring to your life. Now, let’s talk about what are SMART goals specifically. First, SMART is an acronym that stands for S-specific, M-measurable, A-Attainable, R-Relevant, and T-Timely, but, we are going to break down what each of those means in a just a little bit.

SMART goals are a very detailed, layered, and specific way to set your goals so that you can attain them with ease and have a much higher chance of success. I really look at SMART goals as goals on steroids with purpose and intention. When you set your goals using this method you are creating a very clear image of what your goals are, how you are going to achieve them, when you will achieve them and how you will keep yourself accountable and motivated. Now, let’s look at what each step in SMART goals stands for and how to do it to achieve your goals.

S Stands For Specific- Be As Specific As You Can Be

The S stands for specific. When it says be specific it means be as specific as you possibly can be. You need to be very clear about what it is that you want to accomplish and achieve. Every part of the goal you need to be able to visualize, know in and out, and know what it is you want out of it. The clearer you are about what it is you truly want to achieve the more you will be able to plan, the more you be able to manifest and the more motivated you be to follow through with your plan to achieve your goals to build a life worth living. It really just is easier to achieve and accomplish your goals when you are specific when you set them.

M Stands for Measurable- Make Your Goal Trackable

The second letter in SMART for SMART goals stands for Measurable. What this means is making your goal when you are setting it measurable in some way. Giving yourself a way to know when you have actually accomplished. This also is a way to add urgency behind your goals and takes them out of a place of being a some day goal, a dream, or wish and makes them actually become reality. It keeps you accountable to yourself as well knowing you will be coming back to your goal at that time to take stock and see what you have been able to accomplish.

A Stands for Attainable-Make Your Goal Realistic

The third letter in SMART for SMART goals stands for Attainable. I personally really need this letter in the acronym and I feel most of us overlook this letter too often when we are setting goals both intentionally and unintentionally. There are times I use to set goals I knew there was most likely no way I was going to achieve them and set way too many at once for many reasons; perfectionism, my OCD, and I simply always have a million and one things I want to get done. When you get to this letter though it is to make sure you are being intentional with setting your goals to set yourself up for success to achieve them. Remember one of the main reasons to set goals is to achieve them and create a life worth living for. Why wouldn’t we want to make sure we are setting ourselves up for the highest level of success by making sure it is something we can actually realistically do.

R Stands For Relevant- Make Sure This Goal Is Something You Should Be Working On

The fourth letter in SMART for SMART goals stands for Relevant. This step in goal setting is when you take a moment and you reflect on the goal you are setting and working towards. You reflect to determine if this goal is currently relevant to your life right now. For example, if one of your goals for the year is to start a garden in your backyard but, you live in Minnesota like I do and the ground is frozen still. This may not be the relevant and right time to be setting and working towards this goal. Some other things to reflect on with your goals to make sure they are relevant are.

T Stands For Timely- Set A Time You Will Achieve It By

The fifth and final letter in SMART for SMART goals stands for Timely. This letter is all about putting urgency into achieving your goals. This is when you set a very clear and specific time you will meet your goal by. Whether you set a specific date or you state you will achieve this goal within 30 days, 90 days or whatever it is you choose. But, it needs to be a very clear and specific timeframe you pick. When you set a specific and clear timeframe you will achieve your goals by, you are putting energy into your manifestation and making it a priority for you brain to focus on accomplishing it. This also creates a sense of accountability for your goals as well you will either be coming back to it in celebration or to reevaluate your plan, make adjustments and keep working towards your goal if needed.

What Does A SMART Goal Look like put all together?

Now that you know what SMART stands for and you have a detailed break down of what each letter means and how it can really impact your goal setting. Let’s take a look at what this looks like when you actually set a goal using the SMART goals method. Below I will list some of my own personal smart goals I had set this last year in my personal development plan and you can see how specific and detailed it is when you write your goals out this way.

  • I will complete my Diary card for DBT treatment every day at 10 pm as part of my night time routine for 30 days in a row. After 30 days I will do so until I graduate DBT
  • I will take my prescribed medications every morning as part of my morning routine for the next 30 days. After 30 days I will continue to do so until they are no longer prescribed.
  • I will create a detailed smart goal board by January 1st in my office based on my completed personal development plan.
  • Every Sunday I will either find or create affirmations for me to use every day of the week. After creating my affirmations I will recite and/or write my affirmations every day as part of both my morning and night routine.
  • I will meditate daily during Olyver’s nap as part of my daily routine.
  • I will cleanse, and purify our entire home every single Sunday as part of my weekly cleaning reset routine
  • I will eat three meals a day for 7 days in a row when my body tells me I am hungry. I will track this in my bullet journal. After 7 days in a row I will eat three meals a day for 3 weeks in a row, than 30 days.
  • I will track my family’s spending daily in our budget planner workbook as part of my nightly routine before bed.
  • I will particpate and observe in every new moon and full moon of the year as part of my biweekly routine and my spiritual practice. I will do this by following all the steps in my book of shadows.
  • I will read from a book for at least 30 minutes every single day after I put Olyver to bed.
  • I will update and create this year’s family binder by the end of January.
  • I will write in my gratitude log twice daily as part of my morning and nightly routine.
  • I will participate in all required sessions for my DBT program weekly until I graduate the treatment program.
  • I will go back and re-evaluate, and update or modify my goal board and personal development plan to make sure my goals still are current SMART goals for me.

Ways To Implement SMART Skills

We have talked about the benefits of SMART goals, what they actually are, how to set them, and what they look like so, now let’s talk about how we can take SMART goals and implement them in different way and different skills in our life to be able to really specifically assist us with our mental health and our lives as a whole.

Accumulating Positive Emotions; Long Term

There is a core DBT skill we can use to help us make sure we are working towards creating a life worth living and maintaining our values and goals while doing so, and it is called Accumulating positive emotions for the long term. This skill is really about making changes in your life so that positive events will occur in the future. This skill implements your SMART goals and the values and morals you used to create your smart goals. I personally use this skill whenever I am feeling like life is becoming to much and I can’t catch a break. Or when I am just having a hard time with a sense of direction due to overwhelm. Let’s walk thru how to implement your SMART goals while using this skill.

  • Avoid avoiding- Start now to do what is needed to build the life you want. If you are not sure what to do than you follow all the steps below
  • Identify Values that are currently important to you- Ask yourself what Values currently mean the most to you in your life right now?
  • Identify ONE value to work on NOW- What is really important to me, right now to work. This one is important for me and a huge reason why I use this skill. It really allows my focus and get myself into a positive and productive state.
  • Identify a few goals related to this value- This is where you will come back to your smart goals you created earlier and identify what goals you have created that are related to this value.
  • Choose one goal to work on now- Do a pros and cons list or a priority ranking if necessary to select which goal it is you want to work on.
  • Identify small actions steps towards your goal- Ask yourself what small steps can you take to get to your goal?
  • Take one action step now- It is exactly what it says. Pick one of those small action steps you brainstormed and go and do that action step.

Below I have a blank example of the DBT worksheet to use when using this skill and an example of me using this skill as well

DBT Accumulate Positive Emotions in the long term11-Getting-from-Values-to-Specific-Action-Steps

Create A Personal Development Plan

The second way that you can take your SMART goals and implement them in your life to help you up-level your life is by creating a personal development plan. A personal development plan is something I came up with while in DBT treatment and learning how to set SMART goals and the accumulating positive emotions for the long term skill. As I have touched on many times before I have OCD so I get obsessive, I plan all the time, and I over do it with the amount of tasks I take on which leads to massive burn out and often. It had become common for me to have so many goals and so many projects I was working on I never could fully finish or get things to my vision because I wasn’t setting clear enough goals. I also loved how much joy, building mastery, and productivity in peace it brought me.

So, I sat down for a month straight every single night and every moment I had to create this personal development plan which combines those two skills SMART goals and getting from values to specific actions steps ( the breakdown of Accumulating positive emotions for the long term) and I took it and amplified it and wrote out a breakdown of every single goal I wanted to meet last year. Every single one. I created every step it would take to meet the goal, ranked its priority and made sure they fit the values and pillars of my life I wanted to focus on and that were important to me. My overall goal while creating this one was to completely overturn my life and create a life I wanted to stay alive for.

When creating your personal development plan there are some questions you want to focus on as you create it with your SMART goals. These questions help you create the plan as a whole and they help you make sure it truly is created based on your SMART goals. Below is the list of questions to use when creating your personal development plan with SMART goals.

Once you have those questions in the forefront of your mind and you feel ready to really plan with SMART goals its time to create your personal development plan. Let’s talk about how we do that, the steps to do that and what each step looks like. I will even show you some pages of each step of my own personal development plan as we go.

Step 1- Decide on your Values/Pillars of you plan. The first step to creating a personal development plan is to help create focus and guidance with your plan and to make sure your SMART goals are in alignment with your core values. What you do here is decide on the core values/pillars/categories you want to focus on and your goals to be based on. The amount of this can be whatever it is you would like it to be from 3- 19, mine had the later. Do whatever is going to work for you that doesn’t lead to any unwanted feelings like overwhelm, shame, or judgement. Below is the list of the values/pillars/categories I focused on last year.

Step 2- Brain dump. This step for me is honestly the hardest because, I want to control the amount of the things on it, or to make it even and sometimes it can be difficult for me to release the judgement as I am brain dumping and letting things come to as they come. What you do here is you let your mind run wild, you let go, and you intuitively write any and all goals you could think of you would want to accomplish that fit into those values you had picked out just before this.

Step 3- Evaluate your brain dump. The third step to creating your personal development plan is taking a look at your brain dump and simply eliminating anything that may not be realistic or just doesn’t fit your priorities or values. There is no need to judge yourself for having written it down just simply acknowledge it and decide to save it for a different time or that it doesn’t fit your values and that’s okay.

Step 4- SMART goals. The next step in creating your personal development plan is either adding in SMART goals you had previously written out and created or you create them now. Don’t forget to follow all of the steps to create SMART goals we talked about above.

Step 5- Priority Rankings. This step helps you create some order to your SMART goals. In this step you will literally go through and rank the order of priority each goal has to me of importance to complete. When it comes to importance that can mean different things; so think about whether it is more urgent because of time and season, the level of happiness it could bring you, or if there would be negative consequences if you do not achieve that goal. You can even use pros and cons lists if you need here to help you rank them.

Step 6- SMART GOAL action steps. The sixth step in creating a personal development plan is writing out and planning all of the action steps you will need to take to achieve and meet your SMART goals. It really is that simple, you will write out every single action step you will have to take to meet your goal. This helps you in so many ways. It helps eliminate overwhelm, creates structure, and sets you up for success by having a clear vision of what to do.

Step 7- Plan when you achieve your goals. The final and last step of creating your personal development plan is planning when you will achieve them. This step gives you a sense of urgency, a deadline, and a schedule for your plans. I also personally love this step because, it helps me remember that my personal development plan is all about getting the life I want by the end of the year. It is about progress and not perfection and building things one day at a time. When it comes to planning it will be up to you what that schedule looks like. If you are only planning for 1 month, 3 months, or 6 months that is totally fine. I just did a year because that was the purpose of my personal development plan.

Those are all the steps to creating your personal development! Now you can use this help you up-level your life and create a life that is worth living for you. Here are a few other extra tips to help make creating your personal development plan a little easier. Use a bullet journal or something that is durable and that you can come back to over and over again. When you are creating your plan color coordinate your plan through each step by categories. Having things color coordinated just makes it easier and quicker when you are sorting through all the information and creating each step of your plan.

Create A Goal Board

If you don’t want to get as detailed as a personal development or if you want a visual representation of your personal development plan for you to see in your physical space often; you can create a goal board. Some people like to also refer to these as vision boards and other names as well. For me, I just do not vibe with calling it a vision board. A vision board doesn’t have the energy of action behind it. It feels like a lofty someday dream. And when I goal set and plan I want to do so in conviction, determination and with active movement of energy behind it. Creating a goal board can look quite literally whatever you can come up with that motivates you, draws your eye to it and that works with the space you have. Do whatever is going to work best for you to serve as visually reminder of your SMART goals. I personally love being able to visually see when they checked off or are moved to they accomplished section it definitely gives you a special kind of rush!

Things To Be Cautious About With SMART Goals

We have spent a lot of time talking about the many benefits and positive aspects to SMART goals. Well because, they really truly are an amazing thing to do and a great way to really up-level your life and create one that is worth living for. With that being said there are some things to keep in mind when you are using SMART goals intentionally in your life and when you are creating them.

Be aware of Tunnel vision. What I mean by this is when you are working very intentionally with SMART goals in your life sometimes they become all you can see. They become your focus, and the main thing you care about. You can become obsessed. Which can lead to some damaged interpersonal relationships, missed opportunities, failed responsibilities, and neglecting some of your other values.

Be aware of Inflexibility. When working with SMART goals sometimes you can get rigid, and very set with sticking to the plan you created to meet it. I mean why wouldn’t we want to? We took the time to actively plan ahead and create a way we are pretty confident will help us achieve our goals. One of the main points of creating SMART goals is this very thing. Even with that being the case sometimes things just don’t work as well as we thought they would, or our lifestyle changes, or there are things going on in the world that change how we have to function in it. Whatever it is don’t allow yourself to be unwilling to change and adapt your SMART goals and how you will achieve them instead of being so loyal to them you choose to not meet or achieve them at all.

Be aware of Perfectionism. This one is really one I personally have to make sure I check in on often. I really struggle with this one and the cycle it can cause, especially with goals. When working with SMART goals intentionally in your life, it may be very hard to work on goals at all if you aren’t perfect and if you make mistakes. For example, if you do really well working towards a goal every single day for two weeks and than for some reason like mental health, or your schedule you miss one day and the shame spiral begins. For me if it gets bad enough I will walk away from a SMART goal completely. Be aware of this need and desire for perfectionism and remember it is all about progress not perfection. It’s about creating a life worth living by the end of your SMART goal not the entire time you are working on it.

Using SMART Goals Can Shift Your Alignment And Manifestation

We have talked a lot about SMART goals the many mental health benefits and how they can help you create a life worth living by creating very specific and detailed goals. Let’s talk about one last and final reason you really should start using SMART goals in your life today and that’s the benefits it can bring to your manifestation and alignment. Using smart goals will automatically shift you into a more aligned mindset to connect to the energies and frequencies you are seeking to connect to. When you are aligned with those frequencies your ability to manifest a life worth living and your dreams becomes much easier to do.

When you use smart goals you also put the movement and energy needed to make your manifestations come to fruition. SMART goals help you ensure that you are not missing the crucial part of your manifestation which is active movement of energy behind your manifestation. You can not only align your thoughts and words for manifestation through shadow work, and/or affirmations but, you still have to do the actions, put in the work and move the energy. SMART goals really just forces you to do that. You can’t achieve your SMART goal if you don’t follow through with your steps and plan.

Start Using SMART Goals Today

I have walked you through many reasons why you should use SMART goals in your life, What a SMART goal is, how to use them in your life, and the benefits using them can bring to you. SMART goals have literally changed my life in more ways than I can even begin to list. They have helped me bottom line shift my perspective and my life to one that I find worth living each and every day and that is the best reason of all to add SMART goals to your life today. Now that you know how to from this article you can go and do the same! Intentionally live with smart goals to create a life worth living!

Come join me the first Saturday of January to revolutionize how you set your goals for 2025. Let me show you hand in hand how to create my personal development plan. You will leave with your entire years worth of SMART goals planned, a way to keep yourself accountable, and have a clear path on how you meet every goal you set. https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/4ZKQ6FXMUGGEJ

Have you been feeling stuck, emotionally unstable, missing joy in your life, or having a hard time connecting to yourself and your magic? Do you want to start the new year from a different headspace? I have the answer for you to start out this new year from a place feeling grounded, present, and ready to manifest your dream life. Come join me for this special one time only two day event teaching you how to integrate the practice of Mindfulness to your magic and life!

What is mindfulness? Mindfulness is the practice of purposely bringing one’s attention to the present moment without judgment. It allows you to move from just existing in life to thriving, get back to wise mind, create a place to heal and grow in, and most important of all, align you with joy while creating a life where you truly thrive! This skill is a core skill in DBT, the therapy that changed my life! To register for this special two day event visit the link below! https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/JY5UBMB2TA27L

Come join me for community, knowledge, and to restore the enchantment of magic in yourself and life today!

Don’t forget to head over to the shop today for eBooks, workshops, resources, and 1:1 services with me!

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About Me : I have been a solitary grey magic practitioner for 15 + years. First and foremost, I consider myself a mystic and seeker of all knowledge. I am dedicated to the restoration, and re-enchantment of Magic in society, across this realm, and in each and every soul I come across in life! I am here to create a container that promotes healing, duality, and raw authenticity. I do this by guiding you on your personal journey to understanding your unique magic and sacred contracts. I facilitate this for you through embracing your shadow, duality and learning to live in energetic balance while not wearing a mask. When you work and learn from me you do so from your “darkness” as much as your “light” and in a way to truly harness and accept it not to just go thru it on the way to your light. But, I teach you how to truly embrace it, work with it, and use it alongside your light as a partner. I hold up a mirror for you to be able to see your authentic reflection looking back. Then have the courage to take the next step and do the uncomfortable but vital inner work to completely remove your mask. By facing all of your past wounds, traumas, and hurts. Allowing you to see both the dark and light within your story and take each chapter and alchemize it into something that is so powerful. your unique internal flame will shine so bright you will always be able to go within and find it on a dark cold night. You will learn how to truly live in duality and energetic balance to allow growth, and alignment with your sacred contracts and purposes. to finally move on and truly let the things that hold you back in this life from healing and manifesting go. To see everything I offer; like personalized shadow work sessions, womb healing, eBooks for you to work through on your own, Tarot sessions for guidance and more! Go to my shop!

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How to reset your life completely with this monthly guide!

There are so many reasons your life, your home, or you could need a complete reset. It could be simply because it’s the end of or beginning of the month. I personally do one of these at the beginning of every month and am even writing this blog post for all of you as I work through mine. I just feel so much more organized ( my OCD needs this), refreshed, grounded, motivated and prepared to head into whatever the new month may be bringing me.

But, like I said there are so many reasons to do one and sometimes this happens once a week in my home even. It could be you have visitors coming soon and would just feel more comfortable doing one prior. For me, it’s not about worrying about how they will view me or my home it’s about making sure I have nothing but, positive and lively energy in my home/ safe space BEFORE I allow others into it.

It could also be for mental health reasons; maybe you just got behind on your daily or weekly tasks and now the only way to begin is to simple reset it all.

Or, maybe you have a really busy schedule coming up for the next few weeks and you just want to feel prepared and ready and get as much done beforehand to make it a little less stressful.

No, matter the reason why you, your home, or your life may need an entire top to bottom reset it doesn’t matter but, this guide is for you! Keep in mind this is tailored to myself, my needs, my brain, my family, and my lifestyle so, ALWAYS tailor it to fit YOU. Take what you need and leave what you don’t. I know not all of this will be for everyone. I have OCD and DID so, I am both obsessive and have memory issues so , I do some things a couple different ways to ensure it is all done correctly. My entire family of 3 are also all Neurodivergent so some things not every family will need.

The purpose of doing a reset

I touched on earlier that there are many reasons why you may be wanting to do one but, what’s the purpose and what benefits do you get from doing one?

First, organization no matter how organized of a person you are you, your system will need a revamp, a declutter, and a reboot from time to time to remain efficient because, you, your life, and your family are constantly changing. Also a HUGE part of being organized is using systems and schedules and resets have to be apart of that sense we reset in so many ways in our lives from weekly, monthly, seasonally, yearly and so on.

Second, doing this brings you so many different mental health benefits. From building mastery, using smart goals, boosting self esteem, confidence, lessoning anxiety, gaining motivation and helping you build a life worth living.

Third, it’s honestly the best cope ahead plan you could ever create for yourself and consistently use. It helps you make sure you are prepared, have a plan in place and are set up in the best way possible for success including having ways to cope with obstacles affectively. If you want to learn more about how to create a cope ahead plan you can read more here in my previous blog post.

The Checklist

We have talked about what it is, how it can benefit us so how do we do one? I have a master checklist for this in a few places, my family binder, my bullet journal (BUJO), and in my personal development plan (PDP). You can choose to do it however works best for you!

I love bullet journals though mainly because they are so customizable. You get to make them exactly what you want, you can buy them in different sizes and you can use so many different kinds of writing utensils as well.

Once you decide where you want to create your master check list next is adding your items on it. Below I will walk you through what is on mine and later we will go into detail of what I do specifically for each one.

  • Brain dump
  • Budget
  • Personal Organization
  • Reflection of the past month
  • Family Organization
  • Clean Home
  • Set this Month’s Goals and Intentions
  • Schedule (s)
  • Take some time to Rest
  • Self-Care
  • Choose your pillar(s) for the month

If this looks like a lot or overwhelming for you, you can always take out things you don’t feel you need. Also remember this isn’t something that you have to do in one day either. Some times I get it all done in a Day, sometimes in 2 or 3, and sometimes I plan it out and spend and entire week doing this, usually it is during the last week of the month or the first.

Let’s break down the Checklist

Let’s get down to the nitty gritty details of each thing on my master checklist, what that category or thing means, how I do and what benefits I get from doing it!

Brain dump

If you have never done one of these before or heard of what they are it really is exactly what it sounds like. It’s sitting down and literally dumping everything out of your brain for a given topic or purpose. This time you will be using it to brain dump your master Ta Da list or as others call it a To list. I personally just don’t like the To Do List it makes it seem so much more of a dreaded forced obligation so I call them Ta da lists. As a way to go ” Ta Da” I did it and congratulate myself for getting it done. Whichever you choose to call it or even something else that is how you are going to approach this brain dump.

Here is how you are going to do it. I try my best to do these when my son is napping or asleep and my husband is preoccupied so, I can have the ability to be in my own space and not be interrupted. I like to make sure my brain dumps get all of my attention when I am doing them for a few reasons. One, so I don’t forget anything and another reason sometimes things come up for me that I need to do that I either didn’t know at all or I didn’t realize how important they were to me.

Once, I am in my own quiet space or sometimes I listen to music as well to help my brain focus so if you need that it’s okay too. I grab my bullet journal, you can use whatever it is you want to; a notebook, a pad, a piece of paper, a post it note, whatever it is you want to use. But, once I have my bullet journal I set up my pages the way I like to with my 4 categories. You don’t have to do this, a lot of people suggest not having any categories at all and just writing whatever it is that comes to you with no structure at all. For me, due to my OCD in order for my brain to even be able to express itself enough to know what it wants at all it needs some type of structure. Without it, leads to chaos, massive anxiety and dissociation. My 4 categories sometimes change but, typically it’s some version of this Admin, projects, cleaning, and goals setting. You can pick whatever you need for your categories and how many as well. For me, four honestly is picked because that is how many I can fit evenly on my page layout.

When, I have my categories written in and my page set up drawn in. I take a few deep breaths and I go through and write whatever comes to me in each category. I pick one category at a time and focus on that but, if you just want to write whatever comes to you and jump around you can too. Follow your brains direction. Do this until you are done. Once you feel you got it all out, take a look at all you have written this brain dump, just became your new Ta Da list. The next step is to plan out how, and when you will get things done and in what order. If you need help on how to do that I highly suggest using the Post It method I take about in this article it just is going to be on a grander scale.

Otherwise, you can just simply rank them in priority one a piece of paper based on level of importance, how they make you feel when you will complete them, how much time they will take, if it is something you can complete now or need to prep for, do you have all the items needed to complete it if it needs some and anything else you may need to consider. Than use your plan your created to complete your Ta da list and enjoy the overflowing of emotions your will be flooded with when you build this level of mastery.

Budget

Even though this item would also be on my ta da list from my brain dump under the admin section it’s so important I feel it needs it’s own stand out section. Now as a preface, by no means am i well off, nor am I the best at money and some fininacial guru. I actually am not the best with it. I have a lot of intellectual knowledge I have learned since becoming and adult but, for many reasons I’ve spent majority of my adult life in poverty. My family as I am writing this is struggling quite badly financially for many reasons. We have dealt with eviction, homelessness, and also having more money than we need and renting a fairly nice new home and leasing brand new cars.

With, all that being said I still no matter how little money my family is going to have or how much; write out and create a budget for the month at least and sometimes for the week. At times I even go as far as tracking and writing one out daily. If you have no idea of what your finances even look like there is no way to even begin to plan what the rest of your life is going to look like. I know I hate it too. But, there are things about the world and society that in order to thrive in it we do have to accept and come into some kind of alignment with and at least creating a budget and having a view of what it will look like gives you a bridge and opportunity to do that. Below is one of the planner pages I like to use and this is a budget book I have been using for a few years now https://www.amazon.com/Sort-Your-hit-Out-Paycheck/dp/1079491058

https://www.printabulls.com/finance/monthly-budget-planners/

Personal Organization

This will look different for everyone so, make sure you do whatever it is that speaks to you and makes your soul happy and feel organized and ready to take on life. When it comes to what personal organization is and should be. It’s whatever you need to do for yourself to keep you personally on track and living the life you want to live. If you have a family and/or kids it’s not their schedules or home school lesson plans. It’s YOUR personal schedule, your personal goals, your personal development tools, your self care needs, and so much more.

My personal organization is really centered around my bullet journal. I create Daily, weekly, and monthly spreads. I create habit trackers, self care trackers, any checklists I need for any of my own projects I do for me that don’t involve the family like my teaching schedule, RFAN agendas, content scheduling for her and so on. I even take the time here to pick out or create affirmations and put them in my bullet journal for me to come to when I may need them later and as reminders to. If you needs ideas for inspiration Pinterest is my favorite place to get inspiration for bujo spreads from. Let me know in the comments to if that’s something you want to see a future blog post about as well.

Reflection of the Past Month

This step is one of the most important ones for me and I hope it becomes that way for you as well. It is so important to me because doing this helps give me direction for my next month, helps me realize what worked and what didn’t in my planning from the previous month or reset, and it grounds me in my reality.

When you do this you are essentially taking stock, and holding yourself accountable. You are evaluating your plan from before and finding what worked that you can use this time and what didn’t that may need to be changed. You are forcing yourself to really look at truly where are in at in both your life and your goals. Which makes sure you are grounded fully in what your reality is. Sometimes this affect is not what we want especially if we are stuck in a cycle of avoidance and it can be overwhelming but, it’s also what we really need as well if we are seeking a reset to begin with.

How I choose to reflect usually looks like me leafing through my bullet journal and looking to see what is I had accomplished and what I had not. What I had decided to no longer pursue and why. Did I make and leave any notes for myself to come back to? Than I end up in Meditation, and doing other things like going thru my personal development plan for that month and year, my goal board and other things. Once I have done all that I typically have a pretty clear vision of what it is I want my life to look like by the end of this reset and how I can make that happen.

Family Organization

No matter what family looks like for you, you and a pet, your partner and yourself, a single parent, or a family with multiple generations in one home when it comes to a monthly reset you have to consider them in your reset. They affect your schedule, how you can organize, how much time you have and what goals you can have the ability and freedom to set for yourself. However it looks to you make sure you don’t forget this. For me, this is updating my family binder, my family command center, double checking my son’s and husbands schedules like medical appointments, creating our home school lesson plan, and planning any family outings we may be doing that month. If you want to learn more about creating a family binder or command center don’t worry I have blog post coming soon to break those down into much more detail.

Deep clean your entire home

When I say deep clean I mean you are going to go thru each and every room top to bottom and clean all of it, reorganize anything that needs it, you can even redecorate it if you need to, and declutter. If you don’t need any planning tools to accomplish just go ahead and get it all done and this list should be coming from you brain dump as well. So, don’t forget to include any cleaning tasks that had come up for you when you had been making that earlier. If you want a little more structure you can always create a master checklist that you keep in your bullet journal and/or your family binder. My check list breaks it down to the cleaning deep cleaning tasks, decluttering, and reorganization.

Doing this as part of your reset may seem like not that big of deal but, if your environment isn’t set up for you to grow, and flourish in no matter how hard you try to, you won’t get as tall and beautiful as you were meant to be. Deep cleaning your home sets your environment up to be in energetic alignment with the life you are trying to create with this reset. It builds mastery, it cleanses out old, stagnant and unwanted energy, and it sets you up for success in the rest of your plans and goals going forward.

Set this month’s goals

So far a lot of what we have talked about has been about getting ready for your next steps, your next, the next month etc. But, what is it you are actually doing this all for? Well your goals of course! The things that are going to make your soul sing with joy, and make your life worth living for. So, now is the time to set those goals and I bet if you go back and look at that brain dump you did it will help spark some ideas for you on what you want you goals to be if you are struggling to think of some.

One thing I want to talk about briefly is how to actually set active goals that you will accomplish is making sure to use the DBT skill SMART goals. It’s an acronym for an effective, and detailed way to set goals and actually achieve them. I Talk about it in a few of my previous blog posts in the personal development section of the site and I do plan on talking about it in much more detail in another blog post coming up.

So, what does smart stand for; S-specific, M-measurable, A-attainable, R-relevant, T-timely. If you follow this template for creating your goals it makes it very difficult to fail actually. You can also create a PDP using this skill and than make to use things like reminders, and affirmations to help you meet your goals if that is something that works for you. It does for me so no shame in it at all.

Schedule(s)

When it comes to doing a reset on your life a crucial part to doing that is knowing where your time is going to be spent and how much of it you have to spend on each one of your goals or that you can dedicate to achieving them. So, make sure to take the time to get your schedule in order. Whether that means you need to break down your daily schedule by the hour and write it out in your bullet journal like I do, or simply syncing up your google or apple calendar on your phone, or filling in a physical calendar for your home, or redoing your calendar for your command center.

Do whatever it is you need to do to get your schedule organized and in some place for you to easily access it when you need it. Like I said I am obsessive so, I use a bullet journal daily schedule spread, my google calendar, a family command center and a weekly schedule board. I also make sure to include my son’s schedule and my husband since I am the keeper of that in our home.

Take Some Time to Rest

The whole point of a reset is to make sure you are completely refreshed, reenergized, motivated, prepared, and just ready to take on anything this next phase and time frame will be throwing at you. And to set you up to meet all of your goals you have set. How can we do that if we are tired, and have a depleted battery. So, make sure to take time while you are doing this to rest, relax, recharge, take care of yourself, and do things that replenish your desire. If you need some ideas on how to do this thru the act of self love you can check you my previous blog post on the topic here for loads of ideas. https://modgepodgemystic.com/the-magic-of-self-love-and-how-to-maintain-it-thru-self-care/

Self Care Prep

For some this may not be a thing that is need for you. For me, I need to plan and prep for many reasons, it also is an act of self care for me as well. I have to plan out my self care. I have to pick what I am going to be doing and when. One thing I do for self care is play video games and every single day I have blocks of time in my schedule to make that happen. As in literally written into my schedule. I also have to create affirmations, quotations, and reminders for myself to be in my bullet journal and around my house, including a self care habit tracker for my bullet journal. So, for my prep for my reset I take the time to create those reminders, get any items I may need restocked, and make sure I have it planned into my schedule.

Choose your Pillar(s) for the month

What do I mean by this? I took a seminar a few years ago I believe with Sisters Enchanted. If you have never checked them out you can do so here; https://thesistersenchanted.com/ and their was a huge golden nugget I took away from it that I now use in so many different ways in my life. She talked about how in life we get really overwhelmed and dissatisfied and try to do so many things at once, and have our focus in so many different places all the time. If you know me at all this is like the state of being I naturally live in. If you are just now finding me and starting to get to know me. Take a look at my site and you will see I have my hands in a lot of things and I often hear that people are inspired by my and admire me for how much I get done. I often hear how they don’t know how I get done what I get done and how I am involved in so many different things.

And than she talked about having pillars in life, our goals, and the things we focus our minds and energy on. And how in life she had learned that no matter how hard she tried to have more she could only ever realistically focus on three at a time. That only three areas or things of your life will you be able to focus your attention on and actually bring to fruition to it’s fullest and how you truly intend to. This really spoke to me. I still want to fight it all the time and do more than 3. So, that is why I can’t set pillars for an entire year but, I do them for each reset, and month typically. So, each month I focus on 3 specific areas of my life.

I also have teachers that have taught about focusing on 1 area at a time and having one pillar or word you focus on. So, pick which one is going to fit best for you or modify it to something different if you want to. I recommend though don’t try to go past 3, every time I do I end up with either a chaotic time period or half manifested intentions.

Reap the benefits

We have talked about why you should do a complete reset, the many benefits of doing one, what should be on your checklist, how to do each thing on that checklist and now it is time for you to go and do one! Take everything that you learned from this post, tailor what you need to and go and create your very own master check list and completely reset your life. You could have it done by this weekend even! The benefits you would get our numerous and honestly I can’t speak to what it does for me personally each and every time I do one. Enjoy alignment, manifestation of your desires and intentions, meeting your goals, having a clean and organized home, and truly living a life worth living you are excited to wake up to and participate in each and every day.

Come join me the first Saturday of January to revolutionize how you set your goals for 2025. Let me show you hand in hand how to create my personal development plan. You will leave with your entire years worth of SMART goals planned, a way to keep yourself accountable, and have a clear path on how you meet every goal you set. https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/4ZKQ6FXMUGGEJ

Have you been feeling stuck, emotionally unstable, missing joy in your life, or having a hard time connecting to yourself and your magic? Do you want to start the new year from a different headspace? I have the answer for you to start out this new year from a place feeling grounded, present, and ready to manifest your dream life. Come join me for this special one time only two day event teaching you how to integrate the practice of Mindfulness to your magic and life!

What is mindfulness? Mindfulness is the practice of purposely bringing one’s attention to the present moment without judgment. It allows you to move from just existing in life to thriving, get back to wise mind, create a place to heal and grow in, and most important of all, align you with joy while creating a life where you truly thrive! This skill is a core skill in DBT, the therapy that changed my life! To register for this special two day event visit the link below! https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/JY5UBMB2TA27L

Come join me for community, knowledge, and to restore the enchantment of magic in yourself and life today!

Don’t forget to head over to the shop today for eBooks, workshops, resources, and 1:1 services with me!

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About Me : I have been a solitary grey magic practitioner for 15 + years. First and foremost, I consider myself a mystic and seeker of all knowledge. I am dedicated to the restoration, and re-enchantment of Magic in society, across this realm, and in each and every soul I come across in life! I am here to create a container that promotes healing, duality, and raw authenticity. I do this by guiding you on your personal journey to understanding your unique magic and sacred contracts. I facilitate this for you through embracing your shadow, duality and learning to live in energetic balance while not wearing a mask. When you work and learn from me you do so from your “darkness” as much as your “light” and in a way to truly harness and accept it not to just go thru it on the way to your light. But, I teach you how to truly embrace it, work with it, and use it alongside your light as a partner. I hold up a mirror for you to be able to see your authentic reflection looking back. Then have the courage to take the next step and do the uncomfortable but vital inner work to completely remove your mask. By facing all of your past wounds, traumas, and hurts. Allowing you to see both the dark and light within your story and take each chapter and alchemize it into something that is so powerful. your unique internal flame will shine so bright you will always be able to go within and find it on a dark cold night. You will learn how to truly live in duality and energetic balance to allow growth, and alignment with your sacred contracts and purposes. to finally move on and truly let the things that hold you back in this life from healing and manifesting go. To see everything I offer; like personalized shadow work sessions, womb healing, eBooks for you to work through on your own, Tarot sessions for guidance and more! Go to my shop!

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How to Regain Control Of your Life in One Day After Being Overwhelmed

Being overwhelmed is something we all experience at times in our lives. Some much more than others. ( My hand is definitely raised) With the current state of the world and the collective I feel myself and others are hitting their thresholds much quicker than usual or than we would like to be. Feeling overwhelmed has unwanted side effects and consequences for everyone us even though it may look different. I know for myself it may even look different from day to day.

Usually though when I am overwhelmed I get very snippy with my husband, and even passive aggressive. I have much lower patience with my son and end up not following my parenting philosophy when he is struggling and I make it worse. I will cancel things I had planned and avoid contact with others.

And if it gets bad enough I will start to avoid everything. I won’t do anything and will cancel everything. I will dissociate from myself and reality and in some of the worst cases another personality takes complete control of me for awhile and depending on which one, it can have even worse consequences than just being overwhelmed.

So, what can we do about?

I said we all experience it at times so we can’t avoid it. It will happen no matter what your best intentions are, how organized you are, or how well you maintain boundaries. This will happen no matter what simply because we are humans and living life and life is overwhelming at times and so are other humans. So, it’s unavoidable. But, even with that being true there are things we can do both before it happens to prepare and things we can do when it’s happening.

Before it happens

Before we ever even get overwhelmed and start to spiral we can have one of my favorite DBT skills created and on hand for us to use when this happens, called the cope ahead plan.

What is a cope ahead plan?

It is exactly like it sounds. It is a plan you create before a situation happens for how you will cope effectively if/when it does happen. In other words this is your cheat sheet/ to do list you pull out that tells you what to do when your emotions may be making it difficult to problem solve, cope, or be in wise mind.

Another benefit to creating one of these plans is the sense of ease and confidence it gives you that allows you to stop ruminating about things that haven’t happened yet. As someone with OCD I use these plans to even help me break free from routines that get triggered unintentionally. I even use these to make me able to be around other people especially family.

So, how do you create one?

First thing you do is DESCRIBE. You describe the situation that is likely to happen get very detailed about the situation. You check the facts with what you are describing and make sure you are being justified with your description and not letting emotions influences the description but, do note what emotions you are feeling

Second, DECDE what problem solving or coping skills you want to use for this specific situation. What skills will assist you the best with the specific feelings this situation is making you feel. Be detailed!

Third, IMAGINE THE SITUATION in your mind as vividly as possible. Imagine and immerse yourself in the situation as if it is happening now in the present.

Fourth, REHEARSE IN YOUR MIND COPING EFFECTIVELY. This one is the most important part of the skill and the part I feel most forget, myself included at times. When it says rehearse it means rehearse. You fully act out your actions, you say the words you want to say, you respond emotional the way you want to respond, you rehearse every part of what you coping effectively will look and feel like to you. You do this as many times as you need to. Until you feel prepared and any anxiety or unwanted feelings dissipate.

Fifth, PRACTICE RELAXATION AFTER REHEARSING. It is exactly what is says. Go and do something relaxing to bring your emotions back to wise mind after rehearsing.

After doing all those steps you now have a cope ahead plan. I recommend writing out this plan on a sheet of paper especially what you want to say. It makes rehearsing it easier to do and you can come back to it over and over again if its a situation you have to cope ahead for often in your life.

So, what skills for coping should you put in your cope ahead plan?

Every single cope ahead plan will look different for each person and situation but, let me give you some ideas of what can go in your cope ahead plan for when you are just feeling overwhelmed with life, you have been down, off track, and avoiding things/events/others. The list I will go over below is not all inclusive and some things may not work for you change it up to fit your needs.

1. Get ready for the day

When I am overwhelmed in life whether it be due to metal health, a busy schedule or just life being life one of the first things to go for me is personal hygiene. I don’t shower for days, brush my teeth, my hair ends up in a ponytail nonstop, and I only change my clothes if they get wet from doing the dishes or something. So, for me to get back any sense of control and joy I force myself into the shower, I put clothes on that make me feel joy not just simply comfortable, I brush my teeth, do my hair and anything else I haven’t done in awhile. Every time I always surprise myself by how much more rejuvenated I feel after doing this and how much of the fog lifts.

2. Declutter

Another thing for me that will start to go is cleanliness of my physical space. Even though I am aware for me something not being clean is extreme and most would think it is still perfectly clean. It still affects me, my mental health and my emotions if it isn’t as clean as my brain would like it to be. So, I start to declutter. I tell myself to just focus on decluttering so I don’t swing to far one way and go from avoiding things by doing nothing to avoiding things by distraction and doing way to much. That just creates a different type of overwhelm to now be coping with. So, be careful and mindful of that.

3. Get outside

Even if it is just for 1 minute step outside in some way. I know that it isn’t always ideal or safe to do. I live in Minnesota and sometimes it’s just too damn cold to go outside and it hurts. Not only because I am a witch and pagan so, for me it’s spiritual and religious self care but, there is actual science behind it! When we go outside and make contact with the earth we get an influx in energies we need that cause us to reset and cleanse. Plus the fresh air in our lungs is invigorating and gives you more energy as well.

4. Build mastery

What this means is doing something completely that makes you feel like an absolute master at that skill when you are done. Whether it be something like sweeping your kitchen floor, making your bed, washing your hands, writing your grocery list or creating something. Doing this helps you feel self esteem and confidence and reminds your brain what it feels like to accomplish something while reminding you that you can still accomplish things even when feeling unwanted emotions.

5. Organize some part of your life

Whether it be your schedule for the week, your to do list, a meal plan or anything else you need to organize, plan, and schedule some part of your life. Doing this again helps you feel a sense of accomplishment, self esteem, and makes you feel like there is a little less for you to have to worry about and feel overwhelmed over. Doing this can also help you with checking the facts of why you became overwhelmed in the first place.

6. Do some type of self care activity

It does not matter what type of self care you do, physical, mental, emotional, intellectual, etc. you simply just need to do whatever your intuition is calling you to do that is all about taking care of you. It is about recharging your battery. Connecting you to joy. And reigniting your flame of desire.

7. Do a brain dump

This one might not work for everyone it is really going to depend on your brain and your own needs for order and organization. For some doing a brain dump will only overwhelm them more and for others like me it helps keep me realistic and it stops my brain from thinking it is never ending. Seeing it all written down on one page makes my see that there is an end in sight and that it is tangible for me to reach and the sense of overwhelm will subside and a sense of motivation starts to take over.

8. Use the Post it Method

This is a skill one of the DBT therapist taught us in group one day as bonus skill. I modified it for my own use so I will tell you both ways to use this one.

The first one is using to get you to do things. What you do is you grab some sticky notes and a pen and you get yourself in wise mind and you ask yourself what are the top ( however many you choose) things you have been avoiding and procrastinating doing? You write them on a post note and place them somewhere you will have no choice but, to see them to use as motivation to get you to complete the task. Once you do you get to remove the post it note and feel another boost of accomplishment, self esteem, and confidence to further enhance your motivation.

The second one, is using it to restrict how many things you do. This for me was way more important for my OCD. My issue isn’t really not doings things. It’s taking on and doing to many things. So, how I modified this was when it came to getting my posts it I limited the number I was allowed to write. I picked a number and I could only choose that many task to get done and do that day. And when I had completed them all I wasn’t allowed to go and create new ones and add more. If they were gone it meant I had to relax and no longer work on my to do list.

Again, this helps give you that sense of accomplishment and it gives a structure on how you will do it. You also get that visual reinforcement as well that you have a skill to use to cope effectively.

9. Spend some extended time in Wise mind

Everyone has different skills and ways they get themselves into wise mind. If you don’t know what wise mind is; it’s using both your emotional mind and reasonable mind to access the wisdom within you. It’s seeing value and in both your reason and your emotions. It’s bringing your left brain and your right brain together. It’s walking the middle path and existing and thinking in duality.

It’s our goal to be in this state of mind as often as we can be and to try and make most if not all of our decisions from this place so we can live a life worth living. Spending some extended time in this state of mind can help us to check the facts, realign, and be able to move forward in an effective way. So do this however you need to. Again it will look different for all of us whether it’s meditating, using the stone flake on the lake technique, the spiral staircase, or breathing techniques.

Create your Cope ahead plan to fit you and your needs

The list and ideas in this blog post are just the very beginning of the options you have to put in them and it doesn’t even include all of them I use for this specific situation either because, it can change time to time. So, use this as a starting place, experiment and create a cope ahead plan that will best benefit you when you feel overwhelmed. No matter how that looks, by avoiding things, doing to much or something else entirely. Keep that plan in a safe spot and pull out any time you need it remembering you created it just for that moment and feeling to help you.

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The Magic of Self love and how to maintain it thru self care

With Valentine’s Day just behind us and love in the air and on almost everyone’s mind and hearts I want to talk about a type of love that I feel is overlooked, self love. Don’t get me wrong I am very guilty of this in my life and often. Having those moments, days, weeks, months, and even years where you simply don’t feel worthy, your self- esteem is low, your self confidence is down, and you just aren’t in love with yourself and who you are.

To be perfectly honest I am even writing this because I need this reminder and focus myself right now. Self-Love is something I have been struggling to remember in moments of doubt, hardship, and sadness lately. The unwanted affects that have been happening are affecting all areas of my life, my relationship with myself, my husband, my son and my students. I have not been the best most authentic version of myself as a mother, wife, teacher, and the divine individual that I am.

What is Self-Love?

Before, I talk more about the unwanted affects of not having self love as an intentional focus in your life let’s talk in depth about what Self- Love is. In it’s most simple and basic definition self-love is being in love with every part of yourself.

That’s it. Seems simple right? But, it’s much more than this because what does that even mean and look like to be in love with every part of yourself? What does that even feel like?

When I really think about those questions and dig deep at what it means to really truly love every part of yourself I get flooded with the amount of ideas and thoughts of what it truly means and at the same time I feel like I will only be able to articulate such a small amount of what this act and feeling truly encompasses.

Self love feels like placing a very high value on your own well being and happiness with oneself. It feels like knowing your worth and never settling for less. It feels like no guilt when taking the time to take care of your own needs and not sacrificing my well-being to please others or for others well being. It feels like deep acceptance with of every part of your body, soul, mind, and personality as divine being. It feels like confidence in your gifts, blessings and abilities and leaving no room for self doubt to flourish.

Self love looks like saying no to things that truly do not bring you joy, a sense of accomplishment and do not align with my soul purpose or values. It looks like setting boundaries with those you love and removing those that don’t respect them. It looks like being proud, confident and accepting of your body to take care of it and express yourself with it in the ways you want to. Self love looks like boldly living your soul purpose and doing what you love.

Above all else to genuinely and wholeheartedly love every part of yourself should come first. Self- Love is so powerful and honestly the best love you will ever have. And the most profound you will ever experience to further growth, healing, and transformation.

When you love who you are wholeheartedly your relationships will be healthier, your life will be happier and you will be aligned with your sacred contracts and soul purposes. If you are a parent you will connect with your child more and be able to be the emotional intelligent and loving parent you want to be. You be happier and it will shine through to those around you and you will choose to things and people that only bring you happiness.

When you have a strong relationship with self-love it shows yourself and others the standards in how we want to be treated. How we want others to treat us and how we treat ourselves. It helps us to decide our boundaries and have the ability and fortitude to maintain them.

Unwanted affects of low self love

When you have a weak relationship or outright lack one with self love like I touched on early you will definitely see some unwanted affects to you, your life, and your relationships. It may differ from person to person but, here are some ways it may affect you.

You may have an issue with self esteem and self worth which can lead to many issues when interacting with others like being a people pleaser, or always apologizing or pushing others away. You may be more emotionally imbalanced and moving from one emotion to the next including depression, explosive anger, and anxiety.

You may lack motivation to work towards your goals or to set some to begin with due to being indecisive. You may not be kind to yourself by taking care of your body physical and be uncomfortable in it which can lead to many different affects on your relationships with others and how your present yourself to the world.

The list of possible unwanted side affects could go on and differ for all the main point is if you don’t make this relationship a priority every area of your life will take a hit as well and you will be lacking connection to one of the most potent energies to foster a happy and healthy life and well being.

Your happiness and well-being are important; protect it by always valuing who you are and maintaining a secure relationship with self-love. As is with any relationship you have to do things to maintain it and communicate effectively with it. The things you do to main self love, those acts are called Self-care.

What is Self-care?

Self-care is the act of valuing, respecting, and caring for your mind, body, and soul. It is the act and doing things that allow you and help you to embrace your flaws, your strengths and abilities. Self care is doing things that make you feel more like yourself.

Self care is a deliberate choice to gift yourself with people, places, things, events, and opportunities that recharge our battery and foster our connection to self love. These activities do this by focusing on promoting whole health, body, mind, spirit, and soul. When all these areas of your life are aligned you foster such a deep connection of love to oneself and have the ability to connect to it much easier.

Types of Self-care

The key to self-care it should be something that you enjoy and not feel like an obligation.

Emotional self-care– Helps you get in touch with your feelings in a way that makes you feel centered and in wise mind with them. This is about becoming more in tune with out emotions. It’s about checking in with yourself, becoming more mindful of your triggers and thinking patterns while finding a way to work through it

Spiritual self-care- The act of spiritually looking after yourself cane be accomplished by simply doing tings that make your heart and soul flourish, whether this be by connecting to you soul, your magic, or a deity/ higher power/ source/ universe/multiverse. This doesn’t have to mean anything to do with a religion though. You are simply making sure what you are doing is nourishing your soul.

Physical self-care- This is all about looking after your body, doing what you need to stay healthy and connected to your physical self. Taking care of our bodies is a large component of self care, but it doesn’t have to include vigorous exercise routine.

Social self-care- Anything, or event that gets your around others. We are social creatures and we recharge when we are around others. This may look different depending on being an extrovert or introvert and your comfort level around others so make sure to honor that and keep that in mind.

Intellectual/ mental self-care- Anything that stimulates your mind, helps you working towards your goals, learning new things and expanding your understanding of the world around you.

Recreational self-care- Self care that encourages you to tap into your inner child and simply have fun

Financial Self-care- This type of self-care allows you to cultivate a healthy relationship with money so you can reduce stress

Environmental self care- This type of self-care allows you to find the right environment so you can truly thrive

As you just read above there are so many areas of your life where you can use self care you to nourish every aspect of yourself and when every aspect of yourself is nourished and you are happy how could you not be able to connect yourself and wholeheartedly exist in self love?

Ideas to practice each type of self care

Physical- go for a walk
drink some water
take a shower or bath
wear an outfit you feel confident in
Dance alone to favorite music


Emotional-Journal
therapy
express emotions
do shadow work


Spiritual- yoga
meditate
Prayer
connect to a deity
go to an altar

Financial- Make a budget
create goals


Recreational-do a hobby you love
make art
listen to music
Take a road trip


Social-Call a friend
Go see family
attend a social event
join a club


Intellectual-Study a topic you enjoy
watch a youtube video
put together a puzzle
read a book

No matter how you choose to practice self care whether it is from this list or something you choose on your own do it with intention to connect to and foster your self love in the most affective way for your life, happiness and to benefit your relationships. Keep an eye out for a blog post coming on magical and witchy ways to practice self care and self love!

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What is personal Development?

For me it’s anything that encompasses growth for yourself and your life.

It’s the intentional acts and/or reflection you are doing to grow as a person to better yourself, your soul, your community, your family, and your life.

This is what we do to be happy, feel whole, and to help us both uncover our sacred contracts and divine purposes, to live our life in accordance with them to fulfill them!

Which means this can encompass and cover ALOT of things!

From shadow work and reflection to taking care of your physical health, developing your own belief system, seeking mental health help and using the skills they teach you, to goal setting and more!

This topic is a deep seeded passion of mine!

Let me tell you why and why I feel I have so much to share on this topic!

In 2015 I got married to my amazing husband after being together for 4.5 years already, I turned 25 shortly after that and I completely broke.

Quarter life crisis

If anyone doesn’t think this is a thing. I promise you it is.

My depression and anxiety got so bad, I would curl up into a ball while shaking and crying on the floor in front of the door to our house because I had to leave it to go to work or the store for groceries.

It got to the point where, I called into work so many times, had used all my PTO, FMLA, Sick pay all of it that I was fired. All while I was lying to my husband about it.

Telling him I had been going to work and getting sent home early or if he went in after me that I had taken a half day of PTO that morning.

Because, I had no idea what was going on and how do you explain to others I literally can not get my body or mind to leave my house without a severe breakdown.

And being fired from my job only made things worse for me.

I shame spiraled hard and fast!

I had never failed like that before.

I am not going to lie it took much longer than I would have liked to get to the point where I could even begin to think about personal development and how to get there.

It took me an entire year of literally just being depressed and anxious and sitting in front of a tv to numb myself and a lot of weed.

But, than I hit this moment when I was shaking, crying, and about to throw up again from the anxiety of how much longer can I keep feeling like this? How much longer am I going to be able to do this mentally, emotionally and physically?

And if I won’t be able to do this much longer than what am I going to do? How am I going to get out of this space?

This moment sparked my personal development obsession and journey!

Where I spent the next 5 plus years gobbling up everything I could get my hands on, blogs, books, therapies, self help books, podcasts, youtube videos, learning how to bullet journal, taking workshops, retreats and classes, and so much more.

In that 5 plus years I succeeded and failed many times. Went thru CBT, DBT, and a handful of trauma therapies. Dealt with isolation, depression, anxiety and more. Was diagnosed with OCD, Bipolar 2 disorder, PTSD, a binge eating disorder, BPD, DID, Severe anxiety and depression.

I have done the work to no longer meet criteria for some of those and a few I have gotten to a very healthy and manageable level. That doesn’t mean I am cured and I still have days and moments and situations where I struggle.

So, let me help you do that too!

Let me be a support to you!

Let me be a guide to you!

Let me teach you what worked for me and help you sift thru the many ways you can work on your personal development in all areas of your life, like self care, physical health, mental health, and your own personal belief systems and values!

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Marriage and/or a partnership aren’t meant to be equal or 50/50

I Know right away some of you have clicked on this to come at me with guns blazing ready to argue with me. To let me know how wrong I am, how young I am so how could I possibly know, and to tell me how I am anti feminist or in an unhealthy marriage.

I am going to tell you that you are wrong.

I am going to stick to the statement I made in this blog post title.

And I am going to ask that you hear me out. Read this until the very end and than tell me you don’t think and feel the same way.

My marriage and why you should even read this

I am going to get very personal in the post. I am going to talk about some deep things that have happened and are happening now in my marriage and how not viewing my marriage as 50/50 and equal is how we are still together today.

After meeting right out of high school at 18, getting engaged after only 6 months and moving i with each other, getting married after 4 years and now being together for 13 years ( married for 8) not having this 50/50 mindset is a key factor to us still being together today.

Unlike so many around us that have already divorced or will be soon. And we have outlived the national average for a marriage of 7-8 years and beat the statistics so far of meeting as teens and being too young to stay together.

It has not been all sunshine and rainbows and we more than understand ups and downs in marriages. How hard they can be to navigate, how you can get disconnected and/or grow apart or start to venture down different paths. We have been thru many things life has thrown our way and things we have done to hurt each other. But, all of that will be for later posts.

My marriage never would have survived being 50/50

What we are going to focus on in this post is this idea I keep seeing blowing up on social media; that marriages and/or partnerships if they are healthy are equal and/or 50/50. I get the appeal of thinking like that and I get the idea of how this is thought to be healthy.

But, man am I so thankful my marriage doesn’t function this way.

My marriage never would have made it this long if we had this mindset.

We would have been doomed from the start and set up for failure and I would not be who I am today as an individual nor would my husband if we had this 50/50 mindset.

With this mindset my husband should have left me a long time ago.

And let me tell you why.

What does this 50/50 mindset actually mean?

Like I touched on before I get the appeal of this mindset. I 10000% understand that equal share of responsibility, support, and dealing with life with your partner sounds like and feels like the most balanced way to go through life with a partner.

It seems fair. Let me tell you why it is not.

That isn’t the definition of fair.

Fair doesn’t mean equal like so many think it does. I myself was included in this until a therapist of mine taught me otherwise.

Fair means that something is impartial, just, and not achieving an advantage over another.

For something to be just is going to be subjective based on the people, places, and events involved and it will change and fluctuate all the time.

This fluctuating and subjectiveness is exactly why our goal and my goal is for things to be fair and not 50/50. It gives room for grace in your marriage/ partnership whereas the 50/50 mindset does not.

50/50 leaves no room for grace and support

Grace is critical to a marriage/ partnership. Both giving/ showing your spouse/partner grace and them being able to reciprocate for you when you need it.

And being in a 50/50 mindset leaves no room for grace to be in it.

50/50 means 50/50 no matter what at all times.

It means each person has their own weight to carry, their equal share of the responsibilities and its up to them to carry it so their spouse/ partner can carry theirs. It’s some peoples definition of teamwork.

With this rigid look on duties, responsibilities, and teamwork how could there be grace and true support when its needed? And without that how would you ever expect a relationship to last?

I can tell you with 100000% certainty my husband should have left me, my marriage should no longer be intact and I myself in all honesty may not have lived this long to give birth to my son, go thru therapy and treatment, hold my husband in grace now, and be writing this blog post now for you to be reading.

So, what is grace in a marriage/partnership?

I keep saying my marriage or any marriage won’t make it without grace in it which is why a 50/50 relationship doesn’t always set you up for success.

So, what is grace in a relationship?

Grace in a relationship allows for support. It allows goodwill to enter the marriage/ partnership.

It allows for one spouse/partner to be able to have bad day. It allows for give and take.

It allows for one partner to say ” my load is too heavy right now, I can’t carry it all. Is it okay if I don’t take this on right now? ” It allows for your partner or you to ask for help from the other and know you can get it.

It allows for you to be able to say you need support, to ask for it, and to receive it.

It allows for a partner to say ” hey I need you to carry 80% today I can only handle 20%.” and for the other partner to be willing and able to do that knowing that when the scales tip the other way the same amount of grace will be given to them.

It allows to truly build a team, a life, and marriage built on support.

How can not being 50/50 in a marriage look like in use and its impact

What does this look like in an actual marriage/ partnership? Let me tell you about its biggest impact on mine. How its kept us together and even me alive.

This mindset in our marriage really got put to the test shortly after I turned 25 so about 6 years ago, shortly after we got married and had been together for about 6 years at that point.

I had a quarter life crisis at the point, I completely broke to the point where I almost was or maybe should have been hospitalized. I couldn’t even leave my home, literally. If I tried I’d curl into a ball on the floor in front of my door shaking and crying in a panic attack.

It was my lowest point in my life.

I’ll have a blog post coming soon to dive really deep into that topic.

If we had the mindset of 50/50 and equal at this time my husband should have left for what happened next and the weight he carried for me and for the length of time he did it.

I lied to him about going to work, used all my time off, fmla etc, and had gotten fired.

I than spent the next three years in such a bad depression and having other mental health illnesses causing more instability, My husband was the only one who could work and we eventually ended up homeless because not even that could bring me back to carrying my own weight.

And thru it all my husband carried almost all my weight we were easily 80/20 or 90/10 no matter what he had going on because I simply couldn’t do it. I couldn’t carry a larger amount than that.

And he did so for over 3 years! Without resentment, without blame, and without pressure to push me back to carrying a larger amount of the weight. And doing so allowed me to have time for so much reflection, growth and therapy and I’m in a place we both never could have dreamed to be in.

That grace and willingness was possible because we both knew than and know now that every single day we take a look at it and see how much of the total weight we each are able to carry and in what areas.

It made it possible for me to hold him in the same space now as he goes through what I did and now it’s his turn to heal and grow while I carry most of the weight and hold him in grace and support.

Some days we are 60/40, some days 50/50, some days 80/20, and others 95/5.

Some days my husband carries more weight and others I do.

In some areas he takes on more and in others I do.

We both know that we are there to carry whatever the other needs us to in order for us to be a team truly, to grow together, and support each other when we need it, how we need it, for how long we need it for.

We both know we have a true partnership, and team and know how to truly give and take in a relationship, to be fair, and supportive of one another.

I challenge you to question your idea of a marriage and if 50/50 is truly what you want

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How to make 2024 an actual year of change by turning knowledge to wisdom thru action

How to make 2024 an actual year of change by turning knowledge to wisdom thru action

The year 2023 was a huge one for me that was full of transformation, and so much death and rebirth over and over again.

 But, that’s the way of the multiverse and that’s the beauty of duality. You must have the wanted with unwanted, the dark with light, the sun with the rain, the death with the rebirth.

I spent the last year building a life truly worth living for and to do that I had to experience it all, and turn knowledge into wisdom and action.

Prior to this year I spent a lot of time focusing on gathering every tip, tool, trick and tidbit of information I could get my hands on to tell me what to do with my life. how to become more emotionally stable. How to get healthier. Really just how to build my life in general. I devoured every blog, self help book, podcast, youtube video, and created countless pinterest boards. 

And every year nothing changed long term. 

I would have spans of pockets of time where things would click into place and become a new lifestyle but, after a few months at most. Poof! 

Gone  again!

So, what was so different this year?

First I really sat down and looked at everything I had collected and learned throughout the years and began to realize how many tools I really had learned about and how much information I already knew and that I had available to me. 

Second, I got really brutally honest with myself and let myself realize I had all this knowledge and all these tools at my fingertips and I hadn’t been using a single one of them consistently.

 I had never taken the knowledge I had learned, put action behind it and turned it into wisdom. 

I had all these bullet journals full of quotations.

Full of spreads, habit trackers, goals that were completely empty.

I had notebooks full of notes from self help books, podcasts, and more.

But, I never actually had taken all that knowledge and used it!  I had never actually taken what I learned and applied it to my life actively and intentionally.

So, no wonder all those years I had felt stuck, how I felt like I kept going in this cycle of success, failure, shame spiral, depression, spark of motivation and then mania. 

No wonder all those years I had been so exhausted and drained. 

No wonder all those years most of all I was confused and doubting my worth and capabilities. I had all the information I needed but I never put that information to use to improve my life.

Once you realize this, what in the world do you do?

To be honest, it might hit you hard. You might cry like I did, start to blame yourself, and spiral a little bit. And that is 10000000% okay to feel, just don’t let it consume you. 

Give yourself GRACE!

Do you realize how big of a deal it is to first be willing to even look at and try and figure out what’s been causing a pattern or cycle for you? 

Let alone being willing to realize that there is a missing piece you need to work on and then being willing to work on it?!

So many humans wouldn’t even take it this far. 

So, celebrate yourself! 

Give yourself a high five!

 Do whatever you need to do to let your mind and body know this is a huge deal and a pivotal moment of change for you.

YAY!!!!!!

Next, try to pinpoint what’s causing you not add action behind your knowledge

There are a few ways to do this.

First, do a behavior chain analysis. This is a skill I learned in DBT

step 1-describe the problem behavior

step 2-describe the prompting event

step 3-describe the vulnerability factors prior to the event

step 4-Descibe the main events leading to the behavior

step 5-desribe the consequences of that behavior

Once you can identify what the actual problem is, then you determine what skills to use, and what type of plan you need to make to help you succeed going forward and to have the skills ready when you need them.

Another way you can do this is the why method

I like the why method  a lot because it’s simple and you start to understand why toddlers like to do it so much as well.

What you do is simply keep asking yourself the base question of why until you can not anymore. 

Until you can not find any other alternative answer or explanation for a certain event, your emotions, or why you reacted in a certain way. 

Here’s an example;

My son came to ask me for help to push him in his swing. 

I right away felt my jaw tighten and my eyes roll and heard myself saying no to him. Even though he hadn’t asked for it all day and I could tell from my bodily sensations this was going to be a big explosion of anger if I didn’t figure out why I was so upset and wanting to not just say no but, yell no immediately. 

So, I used some tips skills which I will talk about in another blog post and I began to ask myself why?

Why am I so upset?

Why does my son asking for the swing trigger me?

Why is it triggering me specifically right now?

Why is my body shaking? Am I hungry, tired, anxious, overstimulated?

Why am I really saying no?  

And I kept asking until I realized what was the reason behind my behavior this time. Which was simply I had been so busy that day, I had no idea what time it was, had not eaten and was really just overstimulated.

Knowing this, made me able to solve these issues and realign myself to be able to go and help my swing in his swing so he could use his tools to regulate. 

Now that was a specific example to help you understand how it works. And I am sure you are sitting there thinking “ how in the world does that help me turn knowledge to wisdom through action?”

Well, when you take this method or the behavior chain analysis and apply that to your overall life, and previous year you give yourself the space to reflect and break down to the very core Why you haven’t been able to commit to change and create the life you want. 

Why you haven’t taken things you have learned and know you should be doing and actually applying them. 

If you don’t know the why behind avoidance, or the why behind a failure, or the why behind the lack of motivation or inspiration then how will you ever move through it to your destination?

For me, it really came down too, I needed to believe I was worth it. 

I simply did not think I deserved the life I wanted, the goals I had been dreaming about, or even my basic human needs met. 

This was really hard for me to sit with and ride the emotions of. To acknowledge and understand how deeply I felt this. And how it was influencing every decision I made or did not make and every action I took or did not take. 

But, once I was able to fully realize there is no other why after this one.

I was able to start the work needed to move through it by figuring out what had caused this, why for me in the past and what was solidifying it now. 

Moving through that got me to the place where I could finally make a plan to allow me the space, time and tools needed to take  all knowledge I had learned and turn it into action to completely change myself and my life.

If you want to know how I made that plan and what that plan was, keep an eye out for the next blog post in this section about personal development plans! What they are, how to make one, and what was in mine last year that changed my life so dramatically!

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Top 23 lessons of 2023

The year 2023 was a huge one for me that was full of transformation, and so much death and rebirth over and over again.

But, that’s the way of the multiverse and that’s the beauty of duality. You must have the wanted with unwanted, the dark with light, the sun with the rain, the death with the rebirth.

I spent the last year building a life truly worth living for and to do that I had to experience it all, and turn knowledge into wisdom and action.

2023 was a massive year for me full of transformation, and so much death and rebirth. I had some of my highest of highs and some of my lowest of lowest of lows this past year.

I find it so important to honor and acknowledge both aspects of life so here are some of the accomplishments from this year;

? Graduated DBT

?Cut ties with all toxic family

? Became a professor teaching magic and paganism

? Was a crucial part to getting abortion codified

? Served my community in many ways

? Heard olyver say I love you

? celebrated 13 years with Vincent

?Wrote over 3000 pages for my books and students

? Made great new friends

?Started a business

? Founded a pagan temple

And here are some of the many challenges this year

? Going thru pe trauma therapy

? Being diagnosed with OCD and DID which brought me to 6 disorders being diagnosed with

? This was the toughest year our marriage has ever been thru.

?Finding the right communication method for olyver

?Olyvers official diagnosis

? Gaslighting from family Members and my mother

?Working thru body image issues and an eating disorder

? Financial instability

?Dealing with imposter syndrome about teaching

?Deep feelings of isolation and loneliness

Your life and you really can look completely different in one years time.

I am so grateful to the many lessons in duality this year taught me and I can’t wait to see what 2024 has in store. The year of the 3 pillars for me! The year I fully step into my identity as a goddess!

Here are the top 23 lesson I look away from 2023 ( in no particular order)

1.Life is much easier when you assume everyone is both doing the best they can be and they need to be doing better.

This one is still hard for me at times. But, when you start to look at the people around you as doing the best they can, with the knowledge they have, their circumstances, the resources they have access to, and what traumas and triumphs they carry with them. While also recognizing when they hurt you, make a mistake, or cause unwanted feelings they can still grow, change, and do better next time. You connect to others humanity more, you have more empathy for them, and more grace for them. While at the same time holding and keeping respect for yourself in a healthy and symbiotic way.

2. DBT saved my life and everyone should be taught it.

DBT- Dialectical behavior therapy in case you didn’t know what that meant. I had never heard of it until this program was suggested to by my cbt therapist after 5 years of being with her. This therapy quite literally saved my life in every sense of the word. It taught me to think dialectically, skills to actually know what the hell my emotions were, and how to use them in a healthy way. It taught me what wise mind and walking the middle path meant and how to do that.( aka mindfulness) It brought understanding of myself in so many ways. It literally taught me how to REWIRE my brain, my patterns, my behaviors, and my emotions. It taught me how to be present in my life. Most importantly it stopped 30 years of suicidal ideation and taught me how to create a life worth living for and how to maintain it!  If it does all this why shouldn’t we be teaching it to everyone.


3.You won’t heal until you decide you no longer can keep living the way you have been.

There are many stages to readiness I think everyone goes through when it comes to change, healing, growth, trauma, mental instability, and even addiction and to be honest I learned this from dr. phil. He isn’t wrong either. I am living proof of it. ( I’ll do a separate blog post to break down how this actually happened later) I Had for a long time now known intellectually I needed help, and I knew it needed to happen. I read the self help books, made the Pinterest boards, got the supplies, would schedule appts to meet a therapist or to go back, would get back on meds. I would take the steps, gather the knowledge, and the resources but, never follow through with it or act on it. I would get spurts of being emotionally ready for the sake of others and because others told me they needed me to as well. But, until I hit this soul wrenching moment where I was jobless, living in one room with my husband, 3cats, and my newborn son, I had not eaten in 2 days, and I was sitting on the floor with a note in my hand and a plan, and I heard my son make a noise in his sleep while napping and I felt it from the depths of my soul and that I simply could not live like this anymore no matter what. I couldn’t keep feeling that way, and barely existing. Until then, and that moment happened, did I finally have the determination, strength and reason to heal and recover.

4.Family truly is what you create it to be. Blood will not always be there for you or support you.

Family support is not something I am familiar with. Even launching this blog and site, becoming a professor, and all my political work I don’t receive support or even congratulations from my family. It just isn’t something that happens and I’ve come to be okay with it and no longer support those who don’t support me in return and I have done that by creating my family. Truly grasping and understanding that at its core family means those cheering you, supporting you, holding you up, making you feel heard, loved and proud of you. You can get all this and build this with anyone they don’t need to be blood.

5.Boundaries will cause you to lose people.

Plain and simple some people can not handle boundaries and you will lose some if not many when you put them in place AND enforce them. They see them as control or rules and they fight it. Some people can’t handle change and aren’t able to grow and evolve with who you are and can’t give you things they simply do not have like respect for your growth thru boundaries.

6. Letting go doesn’t mean you bury the past. It means you radically accept it and understand that it simply was.

I have heard on a loop in my life from family to just let the past go. First it’s toxic to say to every situation to just let it go. Just letting it goes comes with the huge implication that you don’t need to work thru the emotions and/or events that need to be let go. Not working through things like can cause lasting long term affects. It also implies no accountability for someone to need to take or changed behavior by them which continues an unhealthy relationship and/or abuse. Lastly, it takes away from the impact an emotion/person/ or event had on that person and in some cases you are continuing the abuse in a form of gaslighting.

7.To truly transform your life and you, you must burn it down to the ground in order to grow back in the most fertile soil beneath  the ashes. 

There honestly is a shit ton to unpack with this one and it is one of the biggest lessons I have learned and that I do my best to remind others of when they are struggling or on a healing journey. If they are really truly wanting radical life altering change they will have to burn their whole way of life to the ground, their thought patterns, fear and more to achieve it. We see this in nature time and time again. after a forest fire or a volcanoes eruption happens in that area what happens next? The land is cleansed, it heals, and it comes back more fertile than ever to sustain a whole new ecosystem.

I can speak to this on so many levels in my own personal life and journey. Every single time I have evolved and moved through to my next step in my healing journey my life, me, and my thought patterns have been burnt to the ground. Hell my home has even burnt down twice in my life and each time I was able to rise from the ashes in growth. It is even something they make sure to teach and have you understand in the ORIENTATION for DBT therapy/ treatment. That majority of your time in the program you will be sitting in stage 1 where your world, relationships, and you are burning down, on fire and the flames are almost to much to bear but, you claim through that to a whole new way of being and seeing the world.

“The ashes of your existence will fertilize the soil for the universe to follow.” -Richard Kadrey

8.Every day is about progress not perfection.

This right here is a key factor to me meeting so many of my goals from last year, being able to keep my commitment to DBT and graduate the program, and to so much of my growth and change. I am a chronic people pleaser, a perfectionist, and someone who is very comfortable in routine and control. I live my day to day life with OCD as well which has my brain on high alert, and I have done so much work to get it to a manageable place and the threat level I feel from disorder isn’t so catastrophic anymore. *( Do I still obsessively clean more than others, have rituals and routines I must do and fight to maintain order more than I go with the flow? Yes of course. But, I no longer think quite literally if I a blanket isn’t perfectly straight on my couch I am in severe impending danger if I do not fix it immediately. Will I still fix it? of course but, it isn’t detrimental if I don’t anymore).

Hanging on to this mantra, repeating it to myself daily, writing it over and over in my BUJO, putting it on sticky notes up in my house, and on my goal board helped ground me and give me an IMENSE amount of grace I needed to be giving myself. It allowed me to navigate my emotions without letting them get overwhelming and cause a shame spiral and it brought me back to my own humanity. By reminding myself I am just as flawed as any other human being on this planet that I give grace to each and every day. And I deserve to be given it as well.

It also helped me be realistic with my goal setting, my expectations, and with my true reality and circumstances I was in.

9.Relationships that are one-sided are draining and not worth the energy.

This is pretty self explanatory but, I want to make a distinction with this. I am a very kind soul, I pride myself in that. I am very empathetic and I do many things in my life and with my time to help those from many different communities. I do this because it simply is who I am, I can not do it, and I deeply want to help others. I never help others with any expectation of things in return and I will never be that way. This is not a tit for tat kind of lesson or thing here. This is about simply getting the basics from others in energy exchange within relationship structures. It’s about not always having to be the one making plans to see them, not being the first one to reach out, having them be interested in your life, give you basic support, and simply put treating you with basic human decency. When even those things can not be met, a relationship is so draining it toxic for you and should be removed.

10. Mental health goes hand and hand with your magic and spiritual practices.

These two are so intricately linked you simply can’t work on one without the other. Or have one affect the other. Are there things magic can be the only answer too? yes. And are there things mental health can be the only answer too? yes. But, overall if you are disconnected or unstable in one the other will only be able to flourish as much as the other. I am going to be writing so much on this and break it down for you all on this journey with me.

11. If the soil you are growing in isn’t fertile and healthy you won’t grow.

You can do all the self development in the world. You can do all the therapy programs in the world. You can do all the shadow work in the world. But, if you are living in an unhealthy, unstable, toxic and maybe even abusive environment. Or your environment is populated by one or more unhealthy, unstable, toxic, or maybe even abusive individuals. You will never FULLY heal, evolve, awaken or fulfill your sacred contracts this lifetime around now. You can heal, and use skills to help you through being in those environments and/or individuals because, we may not be able to get out of or away from them. But, until you are able to get out of them or away from them you will can’t FULLY bloom. Just like plants, flowers, and trees around the planet you can’t grow and flourish in poisons and infertile soil.

12. Self care! Self care! Self care! There’s a reason everyone talks about it!

Like it says self care there is a reason everyone and anyone talks about it. There is a reason every therapists and therapy program I have seen and/or been apart of has tried to get my brain to understand this simple yet inhuman concept in our society. It makes such a difference when you recharge your battery and make sure you have enough energy in all ways from emotionally, physically, mentally, to pull from and use. But, just remember it is going to look different for each and every one of us, and it will look different for you at different times. Some days your self care needs will be small and some days they will be great just listen to your energy and do what you need to do.

13. You become a better parent when you are mindful and fully present in each interaction with them.

Understanding what it means to be fully mindfully present in each moment and what you are doing makes a world of a difference in your interactions with your children and their attachment to you. You can do all the “right” things and check them off each and every day in your to do list and schedule but, they won’t have the full impact unless you are fully mindfully there for them to absorb, learn, and attach to you.

14.The universe will keep giving you the same lessons to learn until you respond differently.

If you feel stuck or like your life follows a cycle or pattern and you keep ending up in the same place in life or going through the same hardships over and over again. There is a reason for that. Take stock. Do some shadow work. Notice the pattern and where it isn’t changing and make a plan to change it! Do the work to change it! The lesson will keep coming back and hitting you in the face with that lesson until you finally learn it. That’s the beauty and the way of sacred contracts.

15.Marriage is not 50/50 or equal the goal is for it to be fair

This was really humbling for me to learn this year. And I know so many are going to buttheads with this lesson just by reading that sentence ( which is why I am doing a whole seperate post on this alone). But, let me give you small rundown on why. This lesson was taught to me by my dbt therapist and at first I fought her immediately and did not agree until I let her expand and explain. 50/50 means at all times not matter what the circumstances are things should be split down the middle in responsibility between you and you partner right? That’s how most would view that philosophy, myself included. There are a handful of reasons why there is something wrong with that but, the main few are; if you really think about it if you have a loving, stable, 50/50 equal partnership is it really? every single day? Is every task and responsibility whether its something you are capable of doing shared down the middle with your spouse? For example I know very little about the internet and technology, how it runs and how to problem shoot and fix issues. My brain literally can’t wrap my mind around some of it. Do I help my husband with half the workload of those things? Nope I don’t. And I am so grateful he does that for me since my brain literally can not understand it and than I am his living breathing spell check since its something his brain has a very hard time with.

The other major issue with being 50/50 is what happens when your partner simply can’t carry their half of that weight or even a quarter of that weight? Whether it be due to medical issues, illness, or mental health illnesses. What happens than? When all your partner can do is focus on not ending their own life? When they are in the midst of treatment and therapy? When they are so depressed every ounce of energy and will power they have goes to waking up each and every day so they can’t help with the finances? What happens when all your partner can give you is 5% of their 50%? A lot would say leave , its toxic, you wont ever be happy etc. What should happen is the other partner adjusts, and understands that being fair NOT equal matters so much more when your partner just doesn’t have their equal share to give to your or your relationship. You fill the space and the gaps your partner needs help with, you lift them up, you support them and you carry as much of their weight as they need until they are able to take some or more of it back and you adjust the load distribution again. If my husband wouldn’t have been able to adjust and take a massive portion of my load for over 3 years I would not still be alive today writing this post for you all to read. The gratitude, love, and understanding that he gave me was what a soul partnership truly means and now that I get to carry his share of his load for as long as he needs I am really being shown humility, grace, and a true understanding of this lesson and what a marriage should look and feel like.

16.Being authentically you. Draws other to you wanting to do the same.

17.One person can truly make a huge impact to those around them! And others may never know about it.

18.When you step into your sacred purpose and reveal your sacred contracts to yourself paths open up to you.

I talk about sacred purpose and sacred contracts all the time. If you are reading this and one of my students already I doubt I go one class without bringing it up or talking about it. They are just so crucial to who you are, why you reincarnated this lifetime, who you are meant to interact with, your awakening, and of course true pure happiness this lifetime. And let’s not forget how each of our contracts are meant to benefit the collective as whole. When you do the work, open your energy channels, your heart, your eyes, and your ears to what it or they are and you embrace them with a willingness to move through them and fulfill them paths will simply unfold before you to take or not take. Paths you had never looked to see will suddenly be illuminated for you to no longer ignore. And it’s okay to embrace them and still have some doubt, or fear, or anxiety about them a does of those are healthy to have and they serve a purpose just don’t allow them to reach an unjustifiable level and hinder you.

19.There’s no such thing as a “bad” emotion. Every emotion serves a function.

If you hear this and your whole being rejects it, trust me I get it and you are not alone. Learning this lesson took serious brain rewiring to be able to integrate into my life and I at times still have slips ups of judgmental thoughts towards my emotions. But, this is 1000000000% true. Every single emotion is serving a function and communicating something to you and it is valid. It is your job to determine what the function is, what it is communicating to you, and if it is at a justifiable level of intensity. That is what emotional regulation is. This idea of bad emotions or negative emotions that we should never feel or just do our best to work through as quickly as possible is something we as humans in society did to emotions. Why? I will never know. But, we have to work hard to step away from this and truly understand to be human is to feel and experience the full spectrum of emotions.

20. Learning your worth is liberating.

This one is still a work in progress but, how much freedom it has given me from shame, guilt, and self doubt already is immense!

21.Every birth especially a rebirth requires a death to happen first

Everything in the multiverse is about balance, duality, and this cosmic dance of give and take. It’s the one universal truth I will stand my ground on that is true and it simply can not be fought. It is how the multiverse and everything that is comprised of its energies is able to exist. It is both creating and destroying at all times to keep all this energy moving to exist. and when you create, it is the act of birthing which means something must die first to make space and recycle energy and matter. This is something I will be going really deep on soon!

22.You Can have all the knowledge in the world but, it won’t matter unless you use it to act.

23.It’s possible to create a life worth living for!!

The fact that I even typed this out is such a huge deal! I never in my life thought this would be something I could have. I never even entertained the idea so much so I couldn’t even envision my life, what I wanted, what I could look it, what it could like, none of it. Until this past year, I had ping ponged all over the place with dreams, goals, and who I was going to be because I simply couldn’t see a time or a day where I didn’t want to die and I really truly wanted to be alive and thriving instead of simply existing. how could I have when I had spent my whole life I have access to the memories of wanting to die, trying to die, and wising I simply wouldn’t wake up the next morning? But, guess what?! You can do it! I know that now!