Category: personal development

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A month of thought provoking quotations about life

We all need some inspiration, insight, or someone’s else’s perspective to help us navigate and understand the universe and life from time to time. One of my favorite ways to do this is to go to books or the internet and read others words. When I do this it opens up a portal to try and understand their experience that is called life and how they have come to understand the universe we live in. That understanding of someone else’s experience creates a bridge to allow me to shift perspective and learn some new things about myself and the universe along the way as well. This post is a collection of some of my favorite quotations of my own and of others from the past year that really helped me on my path of major transition, growth, and learning this past year. I hope they can help you as much as they helped me!

So be a person they can’t beat. Keep getting back up. Keep fighting. As long as you keep fighting they can never actually win. The fight is coming and as long as we keep getting back up they can never really win.

You create true magic when you learn to let go of control. Let go of controlling the journey and how you will reach your destination. True magic happens when you keep going when that obstacle seems so big in your path there is no way around it. True magic happens in the moments you want to give up and quit. In those moments when you are exhausted and feel like you have tried every which way to keep going to reach your goal. In those moments when you feel stuck and like there is nothing left to do but, turn around and give up. True magic happens when we remember like water we have the ability to be fluid, bend, and be adaptable if we truly let go of controlling the way we must go and just flow.

Never ever quiet that song in your soul. You know the one I am talking about The one that plays in your head when you are alone. The song that no one else but you knows. The one you that makes your whole being vibrate in recognition when it hears it. The one you can’t help but belt out loud. Always let it play out loud for all to see in how you live your life authentically.

I say let it shine and let them cover their eyes. Maybe one day they will be ready to shine just as bright. Until then never let those who are unhealed dull your light.

Stop doing things that make you unhappy. Stop being around people who don’t match your energy. Stop putting yourself in situations that leave you feeling drained. Stop allowing others wants and needs to destroy your peace. You get to choose who you are around, what you around, and the situations you put yourself in. So stop making choices that cost you your peace no matter how it makes others around you feel. Start setting boundaries and watch the peace enter your life.

Be a voice not an echo-Albert Einstein

Now, this year with the energy going on in the collective, the snake slithering its way into our year soon, and the messy rebirth that is happening, it is the time to really grab onto this quotation and take it to live by. To be a voice and not an echo means to embrace your different-ness, to be daring, to take a chance and to take the road less travelled. When you are a voice , it’s when you realize that you are different and thinking differently is the right thing to do. It’s how we evolve and change and keep moving forward in life. Being a voice and not an echo means that you are choosing to use your own voice, your own authentic expression, and your own words when formulating your view of the world around you. Instead of simply being an echo of your environment and what you have been taught.
When you are simply an echo of someone else’s voice, you don’t have personal ownership in what you say, and those beliefs you think are yours? Well they aren’t. They simply are an echo of someone’s else heart.


Being a voice and not just an echo is daring to be brave and question the things around you. It’s being willing to be wholly and authentically you no matter who is around and how hard the world makes it for you. When you choose to embrace that you are your own unique voice and not simply an echo of the generations who have raised you. It gives you the freedom, and the permission to speak up and share what you have to offer the world in your own unique way. Embracing being a voice instead of an echo may be a rougher path to travel but, I promise you when you choose to become the authentic voice that is you and let the world hear it, the liberation felt when those chains fall is like nothing else. I want you to choose now and here, to be willing to question everything you think and then decide…..
Have you been your own voice or an echo this whole time?

This voice in my souls whispered this to me , Reminding me of the power that I wield. Reminding me of the reality I can shape. Reminding me of the rage and fire that burns deep inside that I can call on to protect myself and those who can’t protect themselves in this life. Reminding me to not forget I am a powerful witch, we do not kneel to anyone or any power. We wield it, we stand with it in our hands, and we fight until we have reshaped our entire life. Taking out corruption along the way. I won’t allow myself to become small and shrink into the shadow to not be heard like this administration would like. I will be loud. I will scream. I will get in their faces. I will stand up and fight. I will not let them take my rights and way of life without putting up one hell of a fucking fight.

Even if you think your thoughts on your life and on the people you know are ‘facts’, they really aren’t. They are a series of beliefs you have chosen to live from – your perspective. Your perspective is the way you see something.
It’s the unique way that we interpret and understand our own experiences, thoughts, and emotions, essentially our perspective is acting as a lens through which we view the world around us. Our perspective affects so much of our lives, from our mental health, our interactions with others, our beliefs, and so much more. The way you choose to see things directly affects every choice you make. So your perspective ultimately determines how your life turns out.
Your perspective might feel permanent, but it isn’t. Whether you realize it yet or not, your perspective is actually a choice you have made. And like any choice, it can therefore be changed. So, I challenge you to be willing to challenge your perspective today and see how and where it may need to be reshaped. Doing this could make a big difference on not only your day but, maybe even your entire life.

Some paths aren’t meant to be traveled with others by our side. Some paths are meant to be traveled alone. That doesn’t make them sad or lonely, but full of strength, wisdom, and empowerment. It teaches us resilience and shows us all we can truly accomplish. When we really stop and soak up the silence all around us as we travel our path alone beauty will be found all around.

When you make the choice to heal your wounds and confront the traumas that have been written into the pages of your story. What you are really doing is being reintroduced to pieces of yourself you may have kept hidden in the dark and the pieces of you that were there before you locked them away to keep them safe. This is when you get to relearn who you were before those traumas framed how you view yourself, and the world. Along with the skills they taught you to use to protect yourself and how you respond. Then you get to do the harder work and let go of those things you learned to protect you then and let them go. Reminding yourself that you no longer need those skills and responses today for they no longer serve you and the place you are at now.

Choosing to heal, to really truly go into your soul and mend the things that are broken and bring things to the surface that were hidden is not an easy thing to do. It’s one of the most painful things you will ever go through and it becomes amplified by the fact that it is self inflicted on top of that. The pain you experience when going through the healing process is even going to hurt more then when the wound was inflicted on you in the past. But, that’s okay it’s meant to hurt deeply at first for that is how we truly heal how we move through that pain and allow the medicine of healing to burn and chase away the poison that you had circulating in your energetic veins.

I am not here to live my life IN service to others.
I am not here to be some cog in a machine that is brainwashed in what I think.
I am not here to fall into a line and take orders from anyone. I am here to be me.
I am here to stand in my own power.
I am here to change how we think and how we do things.
I am here to wake others up
I am here to tear shit down, burn it to the ground, and eradicate that line. If doing this means I am not in your heaven that is fine. I would much rather reign in hell where true power and independence can be found in the flames raging all around.

Anger like a fire just is. It isn’t good, it isn’t bad. It just is. what matters is what we do with it and how we direct it. We can either let it burn out of control and consume us. Or we can carefully stoke the flames and choose what is burnt away. You can either build with it and light the way or destroy with it. It is your choice. Right now think carefully about your choice. You can let the heat and flames of the anger you feel now consume you and destroy not only you but, the change you could affect. Or, you can take it and carefully stoke it. Allowing it to still burn at just the right height and heat to be the motivation you need to continue to fight.

For true lasting transformation and change to happen we must be willing to do things we have never done.
We must be willing to truly look deep into the depths of our soul and be honest and accountable with who we are and what we do to try and make our manifestations come true. We must be willing to step into the unknown without fear and trust that if we listen to the changes we need to make lasting growth will come at last. We must be willing to let go of who we have been in the past. Looking into the future with brand new eyes willing to do the things you thought you never could or would to become all you should. With it being Scorpio season right now is the perfect time to do just that. Grab onto this moment of transformation and step into the unknown with willingness to do things completely new to achieve lasting evolution to a brand new you!

Your soul already knows the answer you just have to be quiet enough to hear it and brave enough to listen to it. The next few days as the veil reaches it’s thinnest point I challenge you to truly sit and listen to not only the whispers of the dead but of your very own soul. Reflect on this past year, the triumphs and the hurts and the lessons your soul has learned. Listen to the answers it’s been dying for you grab onto and use to reshape your reality and awaken. Than be the brave being you were meant to be and step through the veil and into this next year with power, purpose, and alchemizing your fear.

While making wishes and sending them out into the multiverse is a step in your manifestation process and essential.
It isn’t the farthest we should go. We can’t simply make a wish with our breath and let them go. We must follow those seeds, see where the land, and cultivate them with our energy, actions, and decisions to make them grow. So today, make the choice to not just simply wish for your dreams to come true but, invest your energy in ways that will make it happen for you soon.

How often do you let your mind and self talk turn into shaming and tearing yourself down? Especially when it comes to your goals, personal development, and growth. How often do you hear yourself try and motivate yourself through comparison to others, belittling yourself or shaming yourself for not doing things you feel you should?
I am here to tell you to take a moment and stop, because shaming yourself into change and becoming who you want to be will never get you the long lasting changes you wish to see. Give yourself grace because I know it’s a loop that’s easy to get stuck in and difficult to get off. Then move forward with motivating yourself to true evolution through boosting your self worth, and love.

Some of us did not come to this realm in this lifetime to be supported and carried by others but, we came here to be the support system for the collective. If you’ve had a challenging life, if you are the black sheep and feel like you never had the proper support and love. That is because YOU are the love and the support system for everyone.
So, make sure to take the time each and every day to do the inner healing work to help move the collective into a place where they truly feel the love and support you were contracted to bring to the Earth.

When was the last time you validated yourself? I am referring to positively recognizing your thoughts, emotions or actions. When was the last time you took a moment to stop the negative chatter in your mind? Stop waiting to hear the positive words, praise or encouragement you’re craving. Tell it to yourself because you’re the only person you have complete control over.

Self-worth is at the core of our very selves—our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are intimately tied into how we view ourselves as human beings. Which in turn affects our magic, our manifestation, and how we walk around in our communities and go through life. If you don’t feel your self worth is where it should be, take some time today to really sit and reflect on where you have been. Remember every time you fell and got back up again. Remember every scrape, every bruise, every rejection, every broken bone and every hurtful thing someone has ever said. Remember each one those things no matter how hurtful, traumatic or bad they were; you did not stop. You kept going and proved it was all wrong and you wouldn’t let it break you. Each one of those scars, breaks, and every tear wasn’t weakness but, strength and a deposit into your self worth bank. Take a deep breath, focus on that bank of strength you have and remember you are worthy no matter what happens or anyone else says. For every ounce of that strength and self worth in your bank you have earned.

Remember you are growing while also trying to heal. Remember you are grieving while also learning to forgive. Remember you are searching for the future while trying to let go of the past. Remember you are trying to love others while learning to also love yourself. Remember you are accepting yourself for who you are now while also working to become who you were always meant to be. So, give yourself a break and some grace each and every day.

When life, others, or even yourself start to make you feel small, insignificant or like you don’t matter at all. Please stop, take a moment, and be kind to yourself and stand up tall.

Personal growth is central to who I am and how I live my life. I’ve come to learn a lot from the snake when it comes to this process of transformation. They shed their skin every time it no longer fits or serves them. Making the process of transformation very familiar to them. They don’t question it they simply allow it to happen knowing that after that painful process is done, they will be able to slither and breathe like never before. They don’t care what that process looks like to others walking by and they ignore every mumble of disgust and side eye. And if they feel threatened or their boundaries have been crossed they don’t even question to unhinge their jaw and protect themselves while they are healing and raw. Be like the snake as you move through life.

Remember if you are going through shit right now you can use it to allow you to grow and thrive like never before. Nature does it all the time. Just go and ask the mushrooms.

As much as falling apart is difficult, parts of me does truly love it. You get to be so intimate with the raw energy of your soul. It gives you the time to examine each shattered bit of your soul. To filter out the pieces that no longer serve you and lay them to rest with love. To be face to face with the pieces you will carry forward with you in resilience and strength.

Some of the hardest things I have had to heal and work through revolve around the things I didn’t get and receive from others and types of relationships I never got to experience. It’s important that we recognize and work through all of it to be the complete, whole, and balanced creature we were meant to be.

When the fires are all around you and you aren’t sure your skin can take anymore burns; just remember that each step you take and the taller you stand the more power you put into your own hands.

Don’t wait to love yourself until the change is complete, love yourself through the process as well.

Remember,to not care what anyone else thinks of you and their perception of you. You need to do whatever it takes to heal, keep going, and create a healthy and thriving life.

But, remember boundaries aren’t you telling someone else what they can and cannot do. Boundaries are you saying how YOU will respond to the decisions they make and the actions YOU will take. They aren’t rules you enforce on others, they simply are advocating for yourself, your well being, your energy and your time.

Don’t forget to head over to my shop and register for my Valentines day sex magic event as well; Essence of the sacred dance. When you register for this event you will learn; Sex magic techniques to increase pleasure, create more presence in the moment, manifest your desires through organisms, and strengthen your connection through timeless intimacy! Let me show you how something as simple as the right energy, intention, and breathing technique with your blowjobs can heal years of trauma for your partner even! Plus you will leave with an eBook full of sex magic spells you can do on your own and journal prompts to help unlock more of your sexual prowess, desires, and release blockages holding you back in bed.

If you have ever wanted to learn how to make sex apart of your magic and spiritual life this event is for you! We begin at 6:30pm CST- 8:30pm CST on Wednesday February 11th in google meet. To register for this event purchase today!

Register Here
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About Me : I have been a solitary grey magic practitioner for 15 + years. First and foremost, I consider myself a mystic and seeker of all knowledge. I am dedicated to the restoration, and re-enchantment of Magic in society, across this realm, and in each and every soul I come across in life! I am here to create a container that promotes healing, duality, and raw authenticity. I do this by guiding you on your personal journey to understanding your unique magic and sacred contracts. I facilitate this for you through embracing your shadow, duality and learning to live in energetic balance while not wearing a mask. When you work and learn from me you do so from your “darkness” as much as your “light” and in a way to truly harness and accept it not to just go thru it on the way to your light. But, I teach you how to truly embrace it, work with it, and use it alongside your light as a partner. I hold up a mirror for you to be able to see your authentic reflection looking back. Then have the courage to take the next step and do the uncomfortable but vital inner work to completely remove your mask. By facing all of your past wounds, traumas, and hurts. Allowing you to see both the dark and light within your story and take each chapter and alchemize it into something that is so powerful. your unique internal flame will shine so bright you will always be able to go within and find it on a dark cold night. You will learn how to truly live in duality and energetic balance to allow growth, and alignment with your sacred contracts and purposes. to finally move on and truly let the things that hold you back in this life from healing and manifesting go. To see everything I offer; like personalized shadow work sessions, womb healing, eBooks for you to work through on your own, Tarot sessions for guidance and more! Go to my shop!

Come join me for community, knowledge, and to restore the enchantment of magic in yourself and life today!

Don’t forget to head over to the shop today for eBooks, workshops, resources, and 1:1 services with me!

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© 2025, Modgepodgemystic.com LLC

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My Open letter to you; 2024 Past Year Introspection and New Year goals for 2025

Happy New Year everyone! I can not believe we are at this point again here! As we welcome the new calendar year saying hello to 2025 and also saying goodbye to 2024 I sit in the duality of the liminal space of transition as I reflect on the past year and look to the new year ahead. Sitting in this liminal space and allowing myself to reflect creates a portal that helps me acknowledge the things I went through, recognize the lessons learned, and gather my thoughts and/or feelings and focus for the year ahead.

My highest heights

. To give the year a proper send-off and reflect on the past 365 days without falling into a pattern of dwelling on the past to the point that you have trouble moving forward, I look at the best parts of the year through a lens of taking note of the highest heights I was able to climb. Actively realizing how far I’ve come and celebrating the wins along the way gives me the perspective and motivation I need when focusing on losses and unwanted things seems all my mind can do that day. Some of my highs from the past year are listed below.

  • The goals I was able to meet.
  • The new people who came in and blessed my life becoming a cherished part of my community I am rebuilding.
  • The kindness showed to be by family in some of my darkest days by taking me in when I didn’t know where I would end up.
  • The magic I was able to weave.
  • The projects I was able to begin, finish, and how my way to express and create changed.
  • The energy I was able to contribute to the collective and the change I was able to make in my clients lives and through my voice and actions demanding change.
  • The amount of love grown between the bond of a mother and a son another year of life can make.
  • The growth a huge mistake someone making can force to take place within a marriage if you choose to forgive and continue your journey together forever with a fresh new clean slate

My deepest depths

I don’t forget about the duality of this liminal time and day. I also look at the worst parts of the year through a lens of taking note of the deepest depths of despair and sorrow I had to face. Reflecting on the lows of the past year means taking time to intentionally think back on the most challenging, difficult, or disappointing moments of the previous year. To acknowledge and embrace the unwanted emotions associated with them. Allowing them identify areas for growth or self improvement moving forward. Some of my lows from the past year are listed below.

  • The confusion and doubt from learning how to enter a technological world I knew absolutely nothing about.
  • The fear and anxiety of being rejected by others never selling a product or booking a client with business I am using to help support my family every single day.
  • The overwhelming feeling of failure when losing my job, getting utilities shut off on me and losing the home I had built for my son and family the past few years.
  • The feeling of grief and loss in who I thought my husband and my marriage was when betrayal entered our life and home.
  • The loneliness and isolation felt when having to finally close the door and cut off contact with all the family I have connected to me through blood.
  • The resentment felt when you take care of everyone else’s world and you don’t see it reciprocated back into your world from those you love.
  • The lack of self worth when facing a relapse from an eating disorder, starting a new business on social media, and healing from betrayal

My Biggest Overall lesson of 2024

“Don’t let the fear of the unknown keep you from taking bold steps toward your goals. The greatest opportunities lie on the other side of fear.”

As you sit to reflect on the past year as it comes to the end and look forward to the next year ahead.
I want you to think of this. Think of every single time you didn’t listen to the fear of failure. Think of every single time you didn’t listen to the anxiety and worry of not knowing if things were going to work out in the end. Think of every single time you kept going even though you had no idea where to go or how you would get there. Didn’t each one of those times get you to a brand new place, build a new thing, or help you meet your goals to achieve your dreams? I’m going to guess the answer is most likely yes.

I know for me the last year was a entire lesson in all of that. I launched this page, started a business, and stepped into a new sacred purpose I had no idea how to shape. The entire time there was fear in the unknown Fear that I wouldn’t have things people would want to hear. Fear that my gifts weren’t something people really wanted me share.
Fear that I didn’t have the power, skill, and time to learn how to create this sacred container especially in a technical way. Fear that I would have to lose things very dear to me in order to make this dream come true and those I love would walk away Fear that the balance between creating content and being present in life couldn’t be had. But, even with that fear there, I kept going. And now just look at where I am at and all the opportunities I have had! This business has done more and has a farther reach than I ever thought I could have!

My First Year as a small business owner

With the turning of a new calendar year I sit here and set my goals and intentions for my personal growth, my family, my personal life, my marriage, my health, and now for my business, this page and sacred container I have created in this past year of my life. This goal I set at the beginning of last year was only supposed to be a small little blogsite for me to write and get my thoughts out in life. Now look at what it’s become and all the skills it has forced me to learn it had never crossed my mind I would need in this lifetime.


It’s allowed my magic to grow and flow in a way I never saw in life and created a new perspective for how to navigate this reality. My eyes were open to how my voice, my energy, and my authenticity could make a real difference in the collective and others lives entering the universal creative force. I was able to get some much more clarity on my identity. I am a hand guiding you on your own unique healing journey. Teaching you to dance in liminal space & alchemize human suffering into healing, power, and magic for the collective. I show you ways to reenchant your life with magic, personal alchemy,& duality.


The goals I have for this magical, mystical, and alchemizing place this next year I know will allow me to meet this epic, resurrecting, and revolutionizing energy of 2025 coming. Below are some of the goals I WILL climb to in 2025 and give you peak behind the curtain of the creative forces that have flowing through me thickly the last month.

  • Hit 1000 facebook and pinterest followers
  • Have 5 people a month join the patreon community
  • Host 2 major workshops spirit has guided me to lead in 2025
  • Be consistent with how I am showing up in this sacred community and container
  • Focus my commitment on supporting all the new offerings in my patreon community
  • Fight injustice in my community by using this space to speak more about political issues and activism the collective should pay attention too and host more events to empower the collective to fight
  • Enter new portals of knowledge to bring back and share with all whose ears are open to hear
  • Listen to those within the community with an open heart to hear what they truly need from to alchemize their suffering
  • Allow my authenticity to shine through even brighter as a guiding light

My top 24 of 2024

Last year I launched this space and birthed my small business this sacred container on 01/07/2024 . After that one of the very firs articles I wrote and posted was my Top 23 of 2023. My reflection of the top lessons I had leaned during 2023. When I look back at that article now and compare it to the ones I have written even in the last week. the growth in my own voice, my writing style, and my confidence is seen all over my site. Which leads me to the first lesson of my top 24 of 2024 . ( Of course , I am going to keep this gong. do you not know me?) If you allow yourself to walk into the unknown you will be in awe at the difference one year can make. In every single area of my life, from the beginning of this year to where I am now has been completely reshaped. Simply because, I had the courage to take that very first step into not knowing the way. Let’s look at the rest of the lesson s I learned in 2024.

  1. If you allow yourself to walk into the unknown you will be in awe at the difference one year can make.
  2. Anger is one of the most powerful emotions to motivate us to change.
  3. true power comes from alchemizing our past, wounds, and suffering into healing.
  4. Progress over Perfection 2024 reminded me that imperfections build character and can be catalysts to change..
  5. I’d rather have lasting change instead of quick change.
  6. Letting go of expectation reduces suffering.
  7. I would much rather Reign in hell then serve in heaven.
  8. I can never stop going I hold someone’s childhood in my hands.
  9. The Peace you get from cutting out toxicity and drama from other people is resounding.
  10. Your choice to forgive and move on must be for you and no one else.
  11. Shame is something others can make you feel while guilt is something you make yourself feel.
  12. In life we are either learning and growing or decaying.
  13. When you choose to play in the matrix you have to know the rules to play.
  14. You must know who you are to attract the abundance and things you need from the multiverse.
  15. Embody your authenticity with integrity.
  16. Lessons will continue to present themselves until you respond in a different and new way.
  17. You can’t create a new life without being willing to shift perspective and do things in a new way.
  18. The wisdom whispered in stillness and silence is the most profound.
  19. With betrayal comes a deep sense of grief for the person and life you thought you knew.
  20. Look for your glimmer in every single day
  21. You can only enlighten the minds of those whose ears are open to hear it
  22. Change is a natural part of life, and even destructive forces can lead to new beginnings.
  23. Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
  24. Betrayal can be a wake-up call to establish clear guidelines for how you expect to be treated.

Final Thoughts

As I look at the heights and the pits of the past year I can’t help but, be reminded of the duality of life. The constant ebb and flow of energy. The endless turning of the wheel. The one thing we can guarantee in our lives forever; is change. The need for us embracing and balancing the darkness and the light. I see how not only the highs bring wanted things into my life but, pits and falls do as well.

In the form of healing generational wounds and trauma. Pushing me to grow, evolve, and becoming the next version of myself. Shedding and letting go of stories and wounds that no longer serve me and weigh me down. While welcoming in new ways of thinking, being, and perspectives of others and the world. As you sit in both the hope of the future looking at the highs, and setting new goals. Don’t forget to also look at those times you sank into the depths of despair, darkness, and sorrow and lessons they had shining bright inside.

Come join me the first Saturday of January to revolutionize how you set your goals for 2025. Let me show you hand in hand how to create my personal development plan. You will leave with your entire years worth of SMART goals planned, a way to keep yourself accountable, and have a clear path on how you meet every goal you set. https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/4ZKQ6FXMUGGEJ

Have you been feeling stuck, emotionally unstable, missing joy in your life, or having a hard time connecting to yourself and your magic? Do you want to start the new year from a different headspace? I have the answer for you to start out this new year from a place feeling grounded, present, and ready to manifest your dream life. Come join me for this special one time only two day event teaching you how to integrate the practice of Mindfulness to your magic and life!

What is mindfulness? Mindfulness is the practice of purposely bringing one’s attention to the present moment without judgment. It allows you to move from just existing in life to thriving, get back to wise mind, create a place to heal and grow in, and most important of all, align you with joy while creating a life where you truly thrive! This skill is a core skill in DBT, the therapy that changed my life! To register for this special two day event visit the link below! https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/JY5UBMB2TA27L

Come join me for community, knowledge, and to restore the enchantment of magic in yourself and life today!

Don’t forget to head over to the shop today for eBooks, workshops, resources, and 1:1 services with me!

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Email

About Me : I have been a solitary grey magic practitioner for 15 + years. First and foremost, I consider myself a mystic and seeker of all knowledge. I am dedicated to the restoration, and re-enchantment of Magic in society, across this realm, and in each and every soul I come across in life! I am here to create a container that promotes healing, duality, and raw authenticity. I do this by guiding you on your personal journey to understanding your unique magic and sacred contracts. I facilitate this for you through embracing your shadow, duality and learning to live in energetic balance while not wearing a mask. When you work and learn from me you do so from your “darkness” as much as your “light” and in a way to truly harness and accept it not to just go thru it on the way to your light. But, I teach you how to truly embrace it, work with it, and use it alongside your light as a partner. I hold up a mirror for you to be able to see your authentic reflection looking back. Then have the courage to take the next step and do the uncomfortable but vital inner work to completely remove your mask. By facing all of your past wounds, traumas, and hurts. Allowing you to see both the dark and light within your story and take each chapter and alchemize it into something that is so powerful. your unique internal flame will shine so bright you will always be able to go within and find it on a dark cold night. You will learn how to truly live in duality and energetic balance to allow growth, and alignment with your sacred contracts and purposes. to finally move on and truly let the things that hold you back in this life from healing and manifesting go. To see everything I offer; like personalized shadow work sessions, womb healing, eBooks for you to work through on your own, Tarot sessions for guidance and more! Go to my shop!

© 2025, Modgepodgemystic LLC

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Gain Clarity with Your 2025 New Year Goals by choosing a word of the year

It’s hard to believe another year has gone by! As we welcome in a new calendar year it’s important to choose your word of the year! If you haven’t already chosen a word of the year now is the time to do it! Choosing a word of the year allows you to look back on your hopes and dreams for the year. You have the chance to set the stage for the year to come and focus on what you need most in your life right now. Your word of the year can help you set goals that share a common theme. Ideally, your word of the year should be something that inspires you to reach your goals, chase your dreams, and drives you to live a fuller life. I truly believe that choosing a word of the year can be one of the most powerful things you can do in terms of goal setting , manifestation, and personal growth when the new year comes around each time.

Why choose a word of the year?

In life, you can’t just wish for your dreams to come true. You need to commit to them, create a plan, and implement a system to make your goals a success. There are countless ways to do this. One that I find to be incredibly useful is to include a New Year’s word to constantly remind me of them and keep them at the forefront of my mind. Choosing a Word of the Year is like picking a theme or central idea you want to focus on for the whole year. It’s a simple way to remind yourself of what’s important and what you want to achieve or change in your life—like having a personal motto or slogan.

When you choose a word, it is usually what you need more of, what you want to focus on, or what you need to improve on. A lot of the time, my word has been blaringly obvious. It helps me gain clarity on my goals, my personal development plan, and stay committed to my goals all year long. This method I have been using for years has now become a cornerstone to the foundation of all my goal setting and manifestation work for each year to come. If all that’s not enough reasons to set a word of the year, I don’t know what is!

How do you choose your word of the year?

Choosing a word of the year doesn’t have to be hard. Your word of the year just needs to provide you with inspiration for the direction you desire this next year to go!

First step is to, reflect on the past year and on the next year ahead. Make sure you look at the highs and the lows of from the past year. Look at what worked and what didn’t. Be authentic and honest with yourself about how the past year truly made you feel. Don’t hide from yourself to try and make yourself feel more accomplished then maybe the last year went as well. But, also don’t let yourself get fixated on the things that didn’t come to fruition through manifestation. Instead be willing to see through your eyes with clarity, the lessons they have taught you as this chapter comes to a close. Below are some of the questions I have used from year to year to pick out my word of the year. Use any of them that speak out to your soul or come up with your very own!

  • What do you want to do or accomplish the most in the next year?
  • What was the overall feel of last year?
  • Is there something you want more of or don’t want in teh next year?
  • How do you want to feel by the end of next year?
  • Is there something important you want more of from the past year?
  • Is there something you cherish you want more of from the past year?
  • What skills did you learn in the past year you want to use in the next one? What new ones would you like to learn?
  • What was the biggest lesson you learned in 2024?
  • What is the biggest lesson you wish to learn in 2025?
  • What core value of yours do yo wish to focus on this next year?
  • What feeling fits the goals of every area of your life?
  • What is the biggest blockage you need to remove in 2025 to manifest your dream life?
  • How do you want to describe your life by the end of 2025?
  • How would you describe the year 2024 in one word by the end of it?
  • What was the best things you manifested in 2024?
  • What is the biggest thing you need in your life to meet all your goals in 2025?
  • What major life changes happened in 2024? What ones do you wish to happen in 2025?
  • What was the greatest challenge you had to overcome in 2024?

Once we have taken the time to sit and reflect with our feelings and thoughts for the past year and then how we want to create the year unfolding ahead. It’s time to sit down and start to get a rough picture of how you want your goals to take shape in the year ahead. This step is crucial. If you don’t know what you want to accomplish, it’s going to be extremely difficult to reflect on your accomplishments and assess if you were successful. While you are doing this make sure to take a close look at each of your goals and try to find any connections between them. If you start to see a link now you may start to see your word of the year start to take form and reveal itself to you. Take a look at some of the categories below to help you start to brainstorm your goals. If you need help to learn more about what goals are you can read my guide about them here.

  • Finance
  • Parenting
  • Relationship(s)
  • Travel
  • Home Improvement
  • Self-Care/ self-love
  • Health
  • Career
  • Self-Development
  • Mental health
  • Healing journey
  • business
  • hobbies
  • political activism
  • Spiritual well being
  • Learning/knowledge/education
  • family
  • fun
  • cleaning/organization
  • pets

Now that you reflected on your past year, what you want in the next one ahead, and started to shape your goals for the new year. It is time a create a list . Create a list of one words that fit the feeling of the things you have written down. I like to do this brain dump style. How I do this is I read my answers to the question from above. Then without judgement, fear, or trying to control what comes I pick up my pen and just let the words come. I write down every single one that comes. Now, it is time for you to do the same. Don’t judge any of them that come, you never know which one may sneak up and surprise you. Below you will find a list of ALOT but, certainly not all of the words I have had come to me throughout the years. If any of them are glittering to you on this new day as an unknown year unfolds take them and add them to your list as well.

  • balance
  • compassion
  • commitment
  • acceptance
  • release
  • heal
  • Focus
  • Clarity
  • growth
  • perspective
  • integrate
  • magic
  • learn
  • dream
  • cultivate
  • prosper
  • shine
  • conquer
  • embrace
  • peace
  • simplify
  • create
  • accept
  • explore
  • adventure
  • expand
  • evolve
  • hustle
  • Cherish
  • rest
  • reflect
  • bloom
  • confidence
  • self love
  • thrive
  • elevate
  • inspire
  • persevere
  • forgive
  • encourage
  • connect
  • consistency
  • renew
  • enough
  • alignment
  • boundaries
  • pause
  • seek
  • gratitude
  • speak
  • wander
  • ground
  • allow
  • be
  • believe
  • authenticity
  • honesty
  • success
  • softness
  • family
  • me
  • build
  • devoted
  • Fight
  • Flexibility
  • fulfill
  • fun
  • habit
  • health
  • home
  • imagine
  • divinity
  • illuminate
  • indulge
  • lift
  • no
  • now
  • observe
  • progress
  • sparkle
  • trust
  • surrender
  • rebuild
  • teach
  • together
  • fight
  • unfold
  • wild
  • accepting
  • aware
  • justice
  • brave
  • curious
  • Disciplined
  • Empowered
  • Happy
  • Intuitive
  • invested
  • Wealthy
  • nourishing
  • motivated

Now that you have this long list of words in front of you it time to narrow down your favorites. However you choose to do this is up to you. Whether you meditate, use a pendulum, simply sit and reflect on them or something else. Narrow it down to a few or handful of your favorites to choose from.

Drum roll…. Now is the time we have been waiting for. It is time to choose the word that you can commit to as the next year unfolds. As you choose your word you need to make sure you have a strong pull to it so, you feel you can truly commit to it. If you can’t commit to focusing on your word, then you won’t live up to your goals for the new year. You won’t make changes or put the effort forward Make sure .that your word just feels like it fits. Some years you’ll need a more active word because you’re in a season of growing. While others will be more quiet and slow as you are in a season of reflection and introspection. So, make sure the one it is you choose sings to your soul and is one you can really commit to in the long year ahead.

My 2025 word of the year


After I sat down and did this for 2025 myself , the word that was singing to my soul for 2025 is Consistency. What is Consistency? It is the quality of always behaving or performing in a similar way, or of always happening in a similar way. Consistency also means that we’re making sure we’re doing the things we tend to avoid. There are many benefits to implementing consistency in our life to help us achieve our biggest dreams and reach our highest goals. I’ll list a few of them below.

  • Builds trust- Being consistent in your actions and words helps others perceive you as reliable and dependable.
  • Helps achieve goals- Consistency is a critical driver for success, and it involves dedicating yourself to your goals and staying focused on what you need to do to achieve them.
  • Makes lasting change- Consistency is key to making lasting change serving as a catalyst. it can also increase your productivity and motivation.
  • Helps you overcome procrastination- Consistency can help you let go of fear and procrastination, and take action regardless of how you feel. Which in turn helps with emotional regulation.
  • Helps you build habits- The more consistently you do something, the easier it becomes, and eventually it becomes a habit.
  • Consistency enables us to develop the necessary skills and knowledge to excel in our chosen field and become a master as well.
  • Reducing stress-Consistency can provide stability and reduce uncertainty.
  • Building resilience- Consistent effort can help you persevere, overcome challenges, adapt to change, and stay motivated in the face of adversity.

Why I chose the word Consistency

Now, to be honest, I’m pretty determined and I achieve most of my goals (at least 80%) but when I reflect on those that I don’t achieve, it almost always comes down to consistency. I would probably describe myself as someone who likes to start stuff and likes the sense of achievement of finishing stuff but ,I don’t enjoy the middle. when you can struggle. When you may have days that you don’t hit all of your goals, check off the whole to do list, or be focused on your goals at all. Those days when I don’t do anything to work towards my goals, manifestation, and growth are the ones that can derail my progress and even my entire year. It starts a shame spiral I really struggle to get myself out of off and it holds on very tight. But, as I sit here now and reflect on those moments they also are some throughout the past year that I learned the most about myself.


I n those moments of being inconsistent I have learned so much about myself in the past few years but, especially the past one. From how to love myself more, trust in my gifts and magic, and learn how I can truly help the collective in this life around. My confidence grew and I learned how to use my voice in a more efficient way, and that my number one gift is my authenticity. I learned that my artistic and creative self has been hiding just waiting for the right way to express itself and be let out. 2024 taught me a lot about flexibility and slowing down. Reminding me that amongst a chaotic year and life I can eventually find peace amongst the anxiety of the unknown and be able to cherish the little moments when I go back to my roots , surround myself in silence and be still.

I also learned that I have a lot more healing to go to keep myself in wise mind which allows me to be consistent with the way I want to live my life every single day. I need to be more committed to working through dysfunction, tough times, and hiccups in life (especially with technology) to be more consistent in showing up in my life. I need to be more focused on not being perfect in my progression every single day. But, to instead be willing to just be consistent to see long lasting change. Where my life, my business, my growth, my learning, and my evolution have been blocked and stopped is with me, myself, and I not being consistent with the things I want in life .With not being consistent with the things I know I need to do in life, to reach the highest peaks and bring my dreams into reality. With allowing perfectionism and a need to control block my sight. So, for 2025 I commit to being consistent with myself in an honest and authentic way.

What does being consistent in this year look like to me?

It means showing up for myself and my goals each and every day. Taking action regardless of how I feel on any given day. It means that this year will be the year I build upon the work I have been doing over the last five years to evolve, grow, and alchemize my suffering. I build upon the last year of work I have put in to build my business(this sacred container) and acknowledging the vast amount of progress I have made so far. I will keep doing the things that work and I won’t worry about the rest. I believe that being consistent will help me both personally, spiritually, and NOW professionally. Being consistent will help me let go of the fear of the unknown, of the self-doubt as to whether I can achieve my goal as well as all that procrastination and excuses. Why? because when you choose to be consistent none of that matters, you just keep doing what you’re doing. It makes you accountable to yourself, to your plan. It will also help me be my authentic self, practice what I preach, and let go of the need to be perfect and in control at all times with myself and my world. So, for 2025 I commit to being consistent with myself in an honest and authentic way.

How to use your word of the year?

Now, that you have gone through the steps and reflection to get to your word of the year what do you do? How do you incorporate this word into your life, manifestation and goal setting for the new year waiting to unfold. How do you take this one little word and have it be the corner stone of your dreams coming true, goals being met, and lasting change taking root? That is really truly going to depend on you and what you need. Think about what works best for you. Below are some of the things I have done in the past years you can try. Just listen to that little voice in your head and heart telling you which way to go.

  • My personal favorite, . If you haven’t learned how to create one to transform you year completely check out my guide here.
  • A lot of people like to call them vision boards but, I prefer to use goal boards. Using this term creates a much more urgent sense to complete what is on them instead of making them a some day dream. So, make sure when you create yours for this year your new word of the year you just chose inspires everything on it and is in the center of the board.
  • Are you a bullet journal fanatic like I am? Do you live your life on the pages of that journal? Why not put your world all over it? I do. I add it to the front o f the page and across every single margin so I see it every year.
  • Don’t use a bullet journal then write it on your planner, your calendar, or put on the notepad on your phone or lock screen as a home screen saver.
  • Use your word of the year to be the center of your goal setting mind map. This is one I love to do year after year. I take the word I choose then in the center of a page I write how can I…fill in this years word.. this years number. So for this year it said How can I have consistency in 2025? Then around that question I make boxes for each categories of goals and answer the question for each one. This helps me guide with clarity the goals I should focus on in 2025.
  • Let your word of the year be the guide and center focus of the SMART goals you set for 2025. To learn more about SMART goals and how to set them check out my guide here.
  • , you use for the next year.
  • Another great idea is to create a list of books to read that support your word of the year. If you aren’t a book person then do a list of podcasts, YouTube videos, or documentaries instead.
  • That bullet journal we talked about earlier why not go and pick out 12 monthly quotes that align with your word of the year. use one each month and write it in your bullet journal , on your bathroom mirror, create a phone lock screen, or write it on your monthly calendar page. You can find daily motivation quotes on my Pinterest page to sift through.
  • Are you ready to do some extra introspection and reflection with the new year? Use your word of year to create journal prompts or as you focus with shadow work . If you would like to learn more about shadow work you can purchase my eBook here;  you can book me for a 1:1 session as your guide here; and you can watch my free class previously taught on it through Divination here.
  • Write your word on multiple pieces of small paper and seal them in a jar you decorate to pull out on days when you need to remember your focus for the year.
  • Take your word of the year and write it on sticky notes and place them all over your home to remind you of what is when you need it and you can’t forget it. You could even write it in the inside of your wrist. I have done that from time to time. I suggest don’t use permanent marker or sharpie. I have had it end up on my face by the morning while I sleep through transference. Not fun to try and wash off!
  • Are you more of a person who lives their life using their phone? Then why not take your word and have it on reminders, alarms, or calendar events to go off and be a consistent reminder for you.
  • Write your word down over and over and over again somewhere. Putting your goals which this word is tied to, in writing enhances their tangibility and strengthens your commitment to achieving them.
  • Share your word of the year with friends and loved ones. You can do this in anyway you like. When you Share your goals with trusted friends, family, or a mentor you gain encouragement and accountability. If you need a community to share your word with comment below, comment on facebook, or in my patreon.
  • Lastly, make sure to spend some time in a quiet, calm, and sacred container so you can meditate and visualize what living your life focused on your word of the year will look like, and feel like in the year to come.

Final thoughts

When it comes to choosing your own word of the year, there is no right or wrong way to do it. It’s about choosing one word (you may or may not want to choose a mantra/affirmation/quote instead or to go alongside) that will encompass your intentions for the year ahead. You want it to be your focus, your reminder to be your best self for the year. Your reminder to walk your own unique destined path to help heal the collective and the souls you find on your travels. Perhaps your word will come to you in a flash of inspiration or maybe you keep seeing it pop up as you go about your day. It might come to you quickly or it might be more slowly – you will know when you know. Just follow that intuition, trust yourself, and choose YOUR word. Then set your goals and reach for the stars! Just remember that 2025 can only be better if you choose to make it better. You have to put in the effort to make this year the most magical, and best one yet! What is your new word of the year? Come join me on Facebook or patreon and let me know or comment below!

Come join me the first Saturday of January to revolutionize how you set your goals for 2025. Let me show you hand in hand how to create my personal development plan. You will leave with your entire years worth of SMART goals planned, a way to keep yourself accountable, and have a clear path on how you meet every goal you set. https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/4ZKQ6FXMUGGEJ

Have you been feeling stuck, emotionally unstable, missing joy in your life, or having a hard time connecting to yourself and your magic? Do you want to start the new year from a different headspace? I have the answer for you to start out this new year from a place feeling grounded, present, and ready to manifest your dream life. Come join me for this special one time only two day event teaching you how to integrate the practice of Mindfulness to your magic and life!

What is mindfulness? Mindfulness is the practice of purposely bringing one’s attention to the present moment without judgment. It allows you to move from just existing in life to thriving, get back to wise mind, create a place to heal and grow in, and most important of all, align you with joy while creating a life where you truly thrive! This skill is a core skill in DBT, the therapy that changed my life! To register for this special two day event visit the link below! https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/JY5UBMB2TA27L

Come join me for community, knowledge, and to restore the enchantment of magic in yourself and life today!

Don’t forget to head over to the shop today for eBooks, workshops, resources, and 1:1 services with me!

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About Me : I have been a solitary grey magic practitioner for 15 + years. First and foremost, I consider myself a mystic and seeker of all knowledge. I am dedicated to the restoration, and re-enchantment of Magic in society, across this realm, and in each and every soul I come across in life! I am here to create a container that promotes healing, duality, and raw authenticity. I do this by guiding you on your personal journey to understanding your unique magic and sacred contracts. I facilitate this for you through embracing your shadow, duality and learning to live in energetic balance while not wearing a mask. When you work and learn from me you do so from your “darkness” as much as your “light” and in a way to truly harness and accept it not to just go thru it on the way to your light. But, I teach you how to truly embrace it, work with it, and use it alongside your light as a partner. I hold up a mirror for you to be able to see your authentic reflection looking back. Then have the courage to take the next step and do the uncomfortable but vital inner work to completely remove your mask. By facing all of your past wounds, traumas, and hurts. Allowing you to see both the dark and light within your story and take each chapter and alchemize it into something that is so powerful. your unique internal flame will shine so bright you will always be able to go within and find it on a dark cold night. You will learn how to truly live in duality and energetic balance to allow growth, and alignment with your sacred contracts and purposes. to finally move on and truly let the things that hold you back in this life from healing and manifesting go. To see everything I offer; like personalized shadow work sessions, womb healing, eBooks for you to work through on your own, Tarot sessions for guidance and more! Go to my shop!

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Reframe your perspective with a 7 day Gratitude challenge

During fall the energy and essence of gratitude is in the air all around us as we watch the fields being harvested with the bounty from the land and making it’s way to our tables for gathered meals as we give thanks with our families in November and December. This time of gratitude has me thinking of the importance and significance of cultivating a mindset of gratitude in my life. Cultivating a mindset of gratitude is a powerful tool to realign our thoughts and energies and allow us to live life from a state of wise mind and duality. When you practice gratitude you are building a deeper connection with yourself. You are committing to self-awareness, self-reflection, and self-compassion and these are essential tools for supporting your personal growth, mental health and overall well-being. As the saying goes, “What consumes your mind, controls your life.” So why not let gratitude consume our minds and dictate the course of our lives? By shifting your focus to positivity, gratitude not only improves your mental health and self-esteem but also enhances relationships and boosts overall well-being. Learn how practicing gratitude can transform your perspective, leading to a happier, more fulfilled life .Discover the life-changing benefits of gratitude with this 7 day gratitude challenge in this blogpost today!

What is gratitude?

Thankfulness, gratitude, and appreciation are all deeply connected, simply they all mean expressing the pleasant feeling of being thankful and appreciative for something one has received. The word gratitude comes from the Latin word gratus, which means “grateful, pleasant”. Not only is it something we feel and experience but, it is a tool we can use to reframe our perspective. Using gratitude as a tool allows you to shift your focus. From what you believe your reality is towards what you want your reality to be. They are both very real, but you choose to prioritize one over the other.

The Science behind gratitude

It turns out, the benefits of gratitude aren’t just motivational fluff you see on social media everywhere. Scientists have actually shown that gratitude can physically change your brain. This research made me realize that the mind’s ability to “rewire” itself—known as neuroplasticity (A term I Learned while in DBT) —plays a big role here. When we practice gratitude regularly, it strengthens certain neural pathways, just like exercising a muscle. In fact, gratitude activates regions in our brain linked to pleasure, reward, and emotional regulation, including the prefrontal cortex and the hypothalamus. Let’s dig into a bit of it now!

Practicing gratitude effects our brains by stimulating the production of dopamine (a chemical messenger (neurostransmitter) that works in the brain. It helps nerve cells send messages to each other. When dopamine is released in the brain, we feel a sense of temporary pleasure) and serotonin (another messenger which creates a long-lasting feeling of happiness or wellbeing), often referred to as the “feel-good neurotransmitters. These chemicals play a vital role in regulating mood and emotions. By regularly expressing gratitude through different ways in our lives, we essentially train our brains to produce more of these beneficial chemicals!

Researchers have discovered that expressing gratitude can also trigger the release of oxytocin, the hormone responsible for strengthening social bonds and creating feelings of trust and connection. So practicing gratitude not only improves our relationship with ourselves, but also enhances our ability to build and maintain meaningful connections with others and ourselves.

Historical Significance of Gratitude

Historically, the concept of gratitude isn’t new. Many ancient cultures emphasized the importance of thankfulness in their traditions and rituals. For example, the ancient Romans celebrated a festival called “Lectisternium” where they expressed gratitude to their gods for their blessings. The festival of Setsubun central in Japan and Shintoism is a time when they give thanks to the kami and the land for the spring and fertility to come. Plus pagans have many, many holidays centered around gratitude and giving thanks like Mabon, Samhain, Beltane, Hekate’s night, and so on! Honestly there are too many holidays centered on giving thanks to name. Similarly, every religion has holidays, and festivals that are centered around the act of giving thanks, We even have holidays centered around cultural and country specific reasons to give thanks like Thanksgiving in the USA, highlighting its timeless significance to our human existence.

Benefits to practicing gratitude

By dedicating just a few minutes each day to this practice, you can begin to experience a shift in your perspective. You’ll start to notice and appreciate the small joys that make life special, from a sunny day to a kind gesture from a stranger. Ultimately, this simple act of focusing on gratitude for a small pocket of time can lead to profound changes in your mindset and overall well-being like some of the benefits we will explore more below.

Gratitude aligns your with the flow of abundance

When we acknowledge and appreciate the blessings, big or small, that surround us, we invite abundance into our lives. Gratitude shifts our focus from what is lacking to what is plentiful, fostering a sense of contentment and fulfillment allowing us to enter into the flow of abundance. Once in the flow, we are able to connect to the generosity of the multiverse and have all of our needs met.

Gratitude creates a life attracting positivity

Practicing gratitude not only has a positive impact on our mental and emotional well-being but also attracts more positivity into our existence. By expressing thanks for the opportunities, relationships, and experiences we have encountered along our journey, we create space for greater joy and success to manifest. Embracing a mindset of gratitude transforms challenges into valuable lessons and setbacks into steppingstones toward growth and achievement.

Focusing on gratitude builds resilience

Gratitude and having a daily practice focused on it, can help individuals build resilience by encouraging them to find silver lining in challenging situations. When you’re able to see the good even in difficult times, you become more emotionally resilient and better equipped to cope with problems or life changing events as they arise. By acknowledging and appreciating the good, you develop a more balanced perspective, making it easier to cope with challenges by allowing you to access wise mind and use the DBT skills that will be the most effective.

Gratitude reframes our perspective

By focusing more on a habit of gratitude, you learn to reframe your thinking and concentrate on the positive aspects of your life. Our brains have a natural tendency to dwell on negativity, a phenomenon known as the negativity bias. It is an evolutionary survival mechanism that once served a purpose but can now hinder our well-being. In our day and age we don’t always have to be on alert for dangers in the wild to be able to survive and provide for our families. Of course we have a new set of issues nowadays, but our bodies do not have to constantly be in fight or flight mode. By consciously redirecting our attention towards gratitude, we counteract this bias and retrain our brains to notice and appreciate the good things around us. This shift in perspective can significantly improve mental well-being.

Gratitude helps us heal from childhood trauma, abuse, and pain

Learning how to practice gratitude after childhood trauma can help in your healing journey immensely by helping you reach radical acceptance. I know how hard it may seem to practice gratitude, especially when you’ve experienced childhood abuse and trauma. It’s hard to be grateful when we’re born into an unloving home with toxic or abusive parents that makes us doubt our self worth. It seems insensitive or perhaps even offensive to suggest. However, the benefits of gratitude, and practicing gratitude can help with healing from trauma. Also, gratitude doesn’t mean ignoring the fact that bad things did and do happen. It’s possible to feel grateful yet still find that life’s hard sometimes. It isn’t easy, but it can make a difference.

Other benefits of practicing gratitude

  • Feeling grounded, especially during challenging times
  • Boosting your mental health and well-being
  • Allowing your mind to focus on the positive things
  • Making you more optimistic
  • Developing a new-found appreciation for the simple things
  • Cultivating a healthy work-life balance
  • Relieving stress and overwhelm
  • Decreasing anxiety and depression
  • Fewer physical symptoms of illness
  • Forming a deeper connection with yourself, your surroundings and others

Ways to connect to Gratitude

Gratitude has more power to make our lives happier and healthier than we have ever imagined. Spending a little time each day to practice gratitude makes you consciously and intentionally focus on becoming more grateful for everything around you. It is also a great way to practice being more mindful and helping you shape a reality where you thrive. Feeling and expressing gratitude changed my life. I have more confidence in myself and I see people and situations in my life more compassionately. I have more peace of mind than ever before and I’m more certain that I can design the life I want for myself while maintaining wise mind and duality.

Discover some simple and powerful gratitude rituals below to transform your daily routine and boost your mental well-being. These easy gratitude practices help cultivate mindfulness, positivity, and emotional resilience. Whether you’re new to gratitude practices or looking to deepen your daily routine, these rituals are perfect for anyone seeking peace, happiness, and a life where you thrive in wise mind. Start and/or end your day with a grateful heart and watch how your mindset shifts. When you practice gratitude, it becomes part of all areas of your life. Join me on this 7 day gratitude challenge below and watch your reality become what you truly want and your perspective be reframed.

1.Keep a Daily Gratitude journal

Gratitude means, “the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.” So to practice gratitude is to show your own appreciation of things. Either in your head, out loud or on paper. The most popular form of practicing gratitude comes with journaling and keeping a daily gratitude journal. A gratitude journal is more than just a diary; it’s a dedicated space where you regularly record things you’re thankful for. This simple yet profound practice encourages you to focus on the positive aspects of your life, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem. By doing so, you train your mind to see the good in everyday situations, fostering a more optimistic outlook on life.

So, for day 1 of this gratitude challenge we are going to start are very own daily gratitude journal practice. When you do this find a quiet place you can sit down and simply answer the questions below, Writing down the things, people, surroundings, etc, you are grateful for at that exact moment as you reflect on your day. Try to do your best to make this part of your daily routine from here on out. Here is a link to this gratitude journal for you to download and use as many times as you would like too!

2. Create a gratitude list through a brain dump

For day 2 of this challenge to help us reframe our life with gratitude, we will focus on getting a bigger picture of the things in our life we have to be grateful for. Doing this allows us to reframe our perspective even wider looking past just the day we had today to further beyond. Today’s challenge task is an easy one – make a list of everything you’re grateful for. You have wonderful things in your life already. It’s up to you to notice it. Think about everything you currently have going on in your life (or don’t have going on – in a good way). Take a moment to reflect on these blessings. There is nothing too small for you to be grateful for. You can be grateful for that cup of hot tea you get to enjoy every morning, that playtime with your child, your cat purring as they lay sleeping near by… List everything you can think of in a journal for you to see in one place. Allowing it all to sink in. Each and every single thing you have to be grateful for in your life as a whole.

3.Create a gratitude Jar

For day 3 of this challenge to help us reframe our life with gratitude, we will focus on that bigger picture again. While creating a way for us to come back to it in times of doubt or hardship when we need a little reminder of what we have to be grateful for. We will do this by creating a gratitude jar. So, what is a gratitude jar? A gratitude jar is a manifestation exercise where you add notes of gratitude to a container of your choice. Now, there are a few ways to use this tool of gratitude and a few ways to make it, First way you can choose is to take the list you made in day 2 of this challenge and either cut it into smaller pieces. Or write each thing written there onto sticky notes or smaller cut pieces of paper. Then you can take those pieces place them inside a jar, and leave it in your home somewhere you can see it. That way when you have moments of doubts when you are thinking life is too dark and you can’t go on because you have nothing to hold on for, you can pull as many of those little papers out. Then read them to help you reframe your unwanted and emotional thoughts.

The other option for how you can make this tool today and start using it to reframe your perspective brings more attention to your gratitude practice each day. Take one piece of paper and sit down and think of something that happened or someone who made your day worth being grateful for today. Once you have that in mind write in on your piece of paper then place it inside your jar, coming back every single day to do the same thing. Then whenever you would like come back and open your jar to read all the things you took the time each day to write down you were grateful for. You can go back in a week, at the end of the month, or what is common is to to wait until the end of the year on New Year’s Eve. Don’t forget either you can get creative and decorate your gratitude jar in any way you want as well bringing more joy to this daily practice of gratitude.

4. Express thanks to others in your life

For day 4 of this challenge to help us reframe our life with gratitude is to focus on expressing thanks to others in our life. Think about people that have done something for you at any point in your life. It can be today, yesterday, or even decades ago. Typically, people are grateful for their parents, guardians, caregivers, other family members, spouses, children, and friends. Let me remind you though that you don’t have to be grateful for people who have hurt you, even out of obligation or blood ties. (unless you want to be). So, think about those in your life that have held you up, supported you, and allowed you to grow into the beautiful human that you are. Then find a way to express your gratitude and thanks to them and do it. Whether that be by sending them a random text, getting them a card, or by giving them a gift. Do little and big things for them as they’d do for you. Spend quality time with loved ones. Connect and bond. Savor the moments you get to spend together. Don’t take any of it for granted because you never know how much time you have left with someone. So cherish it while you can. The goal is to make sure they feel your appreciation and how much your think they are truly worth. But, remember a simple “thank you” is usually enough for those who support you with their love. Plus it could also be a small act of kindness to brighten up someone’s otherwise dark day.

5. Prioritize and practice self care

When you practice gratitude you promote self care and end up prioritizing yourself. Because when you practice gratitude you are building a deeper connection with yourself. You are committing to self-awareness, self-reflection, and self-compassion and these are essential tools for supporting your personal growth, mental health and overall well-being. It allows you to truly connect with yourself on a raw, wholehearted level and changes your perspective on things. So, for day 5 of this gratitude challenge I want you to pick an activity that you consider self care and you are grateful you have the ability to do today. Then be as mindful and present as you can while you enjoy and soak up the time of self care you have today. Take in and notice how when you focus on self care it allows you to connect to parts of yourself and things you have to be grateful for in your life. For me when I slow down and focus on me it really allows me to open my eyes, and reframe what I see. Opening me up to more that I have to be grateful and thankful for. To learn more about self care and how vital that is in your life and how it promotes self love as well as gratitude click the link to read my guide here.

6. Spread gratitude through acts of kindness

For day 6 of this gratitude challenge we are going to use a little bit of DBT and bring our focus to gratitude by spreading it to someone else. Sometimes it’s hard to see what we can be grateful for because of life circumstances or our mental sate. If you are having a hard time in life or you are feeling anxious and/or depressed seeing things you can be grateful for may be clouded or something you simply don’t want to do. So, today we are going to use opposite action if we need to and instead of focusing on what we don’t have or what we have lost get out and spread kindness to bring us something to be grateful for. That feeling in our heart that glows and brings us joy plus the smile on the other person’s face is more then enough to be grateful for today.

For day 5 of the challenge today get out and give yourself something to be grateful for by being kind to others today. Spend 30 minutes doing something kind for someone else. This can be something extremely small like leaving a note on their doorstep, sending an email to thank them for all they do, making breakfast for someone, or volunteering your time. Do whatever it is that comes from the heart and makes you feel good inside.

7. Use affirmations of gratitude

For the last and final day of this challenge we are going to use simple yet very affective tool; gratitude affirmations. Gratitude affirmations are a simple tool you can use daily to help you see the beauty that life has to offer. So what are gratitude affirmations? Gratitude affirmations are positive statements that you repeat regularly to stay in wise mind and cultivate a mindset of gratitude. There are so many ways you can use gratitude affirmations in your life. For day 7 of this challenge pick one of the ways you feel called to use them below. Then pick some of the affirmations in the graphic to begin using today. I personally love to say mine out loud when I wake up in the morning and before I close my eyes at night.

  • Write them in your journal
  • Choose a new affirmation for each day of the week, then write it on a post-it note to keep by your desk
  • Choose 3 affirmations to focus on each day and say them out loud to yourself
  • Set up automated reminders on your phone so you get notified with an affirmation or multiple affirmations throughout the day
  • Get creative and draw or write an affirmation in your bullet journal

8. Bonus- Shadow work prompts for deepening your gratitude through journaling

Shadow work through journaling focused on gratitude and what we have to be grateful for can bring about a greater sense of contentment. It encourages you to see the glass as half full, which can have a profound impact on your attitudes and overall perspective of life. It brings you to a place where you are able to let of of fear and meet yourself and your life fully. When we journal and do shadow work based on gratitude it helps you become aware of all the goodness in your life. Even the things you may not see as things to be grateful for right now because they live deep within the shadows of your heart. If you would like to learn more about shadow work you can purchase my eBook here; you can book me for a 1:1 session as your guide here; and you can watch my free class previously taught on it through Divination here.

If you want to deepen your journey with gratitude beyond this challenge you can access these bonus shadow work prompts in my FREE shadow work journal here!

Final Thoughts


Showing appreciation for things doesn’t always look like journaling or making a gratitude list. Sometimes it can be as simple as making a language shift. So instead of saying “I have to do this” and feeling resentful or unexcited, change it to “I get to do this” for an instant positive mindset shift. Remember, you don’t “have” to do anything. No one is forcing you. You are the one in control of the choices you make. You “get” to do what you want to do, so feel excited and grateful for these opportunities and life you get to live each and every day.

Don’t forget to also be grateful for yourself! During this gratitude challenge make sure when you go through each day to include things that are only about you. Being grateful for yourself or anything about you is probably one of the hardest things to be grateful for. I know as a childhood abuse and trauma survivor it is for myself. So, if that is please make sure to make this part a priority. No matter how you feel about yourself or how someone else made you feel. There IS something about yourself that you can find to be grateful for. You just have to look for it. Use this challenge to find it and bring it to light in appreciation.

It’s true what they say: gratitude really does have the power to transform your world. Give it a try, and you might just find yourself, like me, realizing that gratitude was one of the missing pieces all along.

Come join me for community, knowledge, and to restore the enchantment of magic in yourself and life today!

Don’t forget to head over to the shop today for eBooks, workshops, resources, and 1:1 services with me!

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About Me : I have been a solitary grey magic practitioner for 15 + years. First and foremost, I consider myself a mystic and seeker of all knowledge. I am dedicated to the restoration, and re-enchantment of Magic in society, across this realm, and in each and every soul I come across in life! I am here to create a container that promotes healing, duality, and raw authenticity. I do this by guiding you on your personal journey to understanding your unique magic and sacred contracts. I facilitate this for you through embracing your shadow, duality and learning to live in energetic balance while not wearing a mask. When you work and learn from me you do so from your “darkness” as much as your “light” and in a way to truly harness and accept it not to just go thru it on the way to your light. But, I teach you how to truly embrace it, work with it, and use it alongside your light as a partner. I hold up a mirror for you to be able to see your authentic reflection looking back. Then have the courage to take the next step and do the uncomfortable but vital inner work to completely remove your mask. By facing all of your past wounds, traumas, and hurts. Allowing you to see both the dark and light within your story and take each chapter and alchemize it into something that is so powerful. your unique internal flame will shine so bright you will always be able to go within and find it on a dark cold night. You will learn how to truly live in duality and energetic balance to allow growth, and alignment with your sacred contracts and purposes. to finally move on and truly let the things that hold you back in this life from healing and manifesting go. To see everything I offer; like personalized shadow work sessions, womb healing, eBooks for you to work through on your own, Tarot sessions for guidance and more! Go to my shop!

© 2024, Modgepodgemystic LLC

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Take control of your self worth; 7 day challenge to redefine and boost your self worth

We spend so much of our time and lives seeking validation from outside sources. When validation is the most powerful coming from within. It allows us to step into our own power and build our feelings of self worth, self love, and confidence. Self worth and how we feel about ourselves will affect every area of our lives from how we show up for others, how we manifest, and the power of our magic. The importance of looking inward for approval and validation can’t be overstated when it comes to building an intentional life that is meaningful and fulfilling to you. So stop outsourcing your happiness and give this responsibility to the only person who is truly equipped for the job. YOU! Take control of your feelings of worthiness, love and confidence back into your own hands by using this 7 day challenge.

Before we get into the different ways to work on your self-worth, I want to share that I am not a therapist, but I am sharing the work I have personally done when going through cognitive behavioral therapy and Dialectical behavior therapy. These are the tools I’ve used that have helped me work on my own self-worth. Something I have struggled with quite a lot over the years and still sometimes do. Because, I am intimately aware, that many of us are broken people with broken parents from broken homes in a broken world. Trying to make something beautiful and move from a place of just surviving to thriving and being whole. We’re thrust into life without many of the tools for living, and it’s not that those tools don’t exist, but we just don’t have the time, energy, or means always to get access to them. Allow this 7 day challenge to help you bridge the gap and do just that.

What is self worth?

Self-worth is the belief that you are loveable and valuable regardless of how you evaluate your traits. Self-worth is often confused with self-esteem, which relies on external factors such as successes and achievements to define worth and can often be inconsistent leading to someone struggling with feeling worthy. When you think about it, your self-esteem could hit rock bottom, yet you still hold onto the notion that you have innate worth. Self-worth is at the core of our very selves—our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are intimately tied into how we view our worthiness and value as human beings. Self- worth really is a gauge of how much you value, love, and respect yourself.

People with healthy self-worth tend to have greater self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-love. People with high self-worth carry with them a sense of confidence that they will be all right and manage whatever comes their way. They have the ability to live with purpose, intention, and it is much easier to manage their logic and emotions to stay in wise mind. While they are aware of areas in which they can improve, they don’t let their shortcomings or weaknesses define their identity. They are not afraid to pursue opportunities and have reasonable faith in their ability to deliver while pursing their wildest dreams.

What is Self-Validation?

Self-validation involves acknowledging and accepting your strengths, achievements, positive attributes, and emotions. It also involves knowing that having imperfections and making mistakes does not take away from your worth or value. We cant rely on others to make us feel good. When we do, we allow others to dictate our worth. And we don’t trust our own thoughts, feelings, and judgments; we assume others know more than we do and their opinions matter more. Instead, we need to learn how to validate ourselves. Self-validation is a distinctive DBT skill that focuses on accepting the emotions you are experiencing. If you have trouble regulating your emotions, then you probably have a hard time accepting them in the first place as well. Learning to self-validate your emotions will help you cope with the overwhelming emotions we may have, while also allowing you to build up self worth.

Steps for validating yourself

  • Notice how you feel and what you need.
  • Accept your feelings and needs without judgment.
  • Don’t over-identify with your feelings. We want to accept our feelings and also remember that they don’t define us. Notice the subtle, but important, difference when you say I feel angry vs. I am angry or I feel jealous vs. I am jealous. Our feelings are temporary they come and go.
  • Remember, practice is an important part of learning self-validation!

Make sure your self validation looks like:

  • Encouraging yourself
  • Acknowledging your strengths, successes, progress, and effort
  • Noticing and accepting your feelings
  • Prioritizing your needs
  • Treating yourself with kindness
  • Saying nice things to yourself
  • Accepting your limitations, flaws, and mistakes

7 day challenge to redefine and boost your self worth

There are things you can do to boost your sense of self-worth and ensure that you value yourself like you ought to be valued; as a full, complete, and wonderful human being that is deserving of love and respect, no matter what. Take control of your feelings of worthiness, love and confidence back into your own hands by using this 7 day challenge to help assess, redefine, and boost your self worth.

1.Become aware
The very best thing you can do for yourself is to learn how to become more aware of your thoughts and how they affect your feelings. Our thoughts are incredibly powerful and how we decide to see an event or situation becomes our reality. This is the first step in learning how to validate yourself. You want to start the process of recognizing your thoughts, so you can stop the negativity and reframe how you see a situation, person, or event. Reframing or looking at something differently is what you are doing when you validate yourself. You are asking yourself to stop mentally beating yourself up and start appreciating the things you do well. You are recognizing the ways you are growing as a person and giving yourself the kindness you deserve.

How you can do this today, is by taking a sheet of paper and at the very top writing ” Times I invalidated myself today”. Now, throughout the day keep this paper always by your side and make a tally for each time you invalidate yourself whether out loud or in your mind. If you notice a certain thought pattern, emotion, or phrase coming up repeatedly take note of what it is on the page. Than at the end of the day sit with this page and look at how many times you tore yourself down when you could have built yourself up instead. Give yourself the warmest and most compassionate hug apologizing for forcing your mind to be fixated in place of judgement, pain, and despair. Let yourself know you understand why they may have lashed out or reacted in pain during the day. Than make yourself a promise that you will be more aware of what you think, believe and say to yourself each and every day. Starting by showing up for day two of this challenge tomorrow.

2. Accept that you need acceptance
The next step to building up our self worth through validation, is radically accepting that no matter how much we think we don’t care, we all need to feel accepted and loved. I don’t care who you are, where you are from, or how resilient you think you are. Being accepted and feeling like you belong is incredibly powerful and something we all long for. Essentially, it’s part of our DNA being something we are searching for from the moment of our births. We have to be accepted in order to survive. we need to be accepted and cared for by the people around us. At the same time, we must recognize we won’t always get that acceptance in the way we need it or the way we want it. Which means it’s on each of us to love and accept ourselves. To be the ones that can truly fulfill that need no matter where we end up or how alone we are. In order to start the process of validating yourself, you have to start the process of loving and accepting yourself wholly without judgement. That means all parts of yourself, including your thoughts, emotions, actions, opinions, and values.

How you can do this today, is by spending some time doing some brain dumping and journaling focusing on your strengths and weaknesses. This allows you to spend some time with really getting to look at each part of yourself. When you do this you are able to than validate each part of yourself by reframing your thinking and looking at it from another perspective. Seeing how those things you view as weaknesses have actually been hidden gems of resilience and pieces that make us who we are. So, those things that you have listed in the weaknesses column will be moved to the strength column with acceptance, validation, and love.

3. Do the inner work to assess how you currently view your worth

One of the most crucial steps to working on your self worth, is doing the hard and intentional work of assessing how you actually value yourself right now and what you view is your self worth. Depending on where you are at on your journey of healing, self discovery, and inner work this may be a really uncomfortable day for you. This is when you sit down alone, in a quiet, calm and sacred container where you can go deep within your heart. To really ask yourself how much do you value yourself, what is your worth, and why is it at the place it is at?

How you can do this today, is by doing some shadow work. Self discovery is the ultimate goal of shadow work and shadow work prompts are an ideal way to get to the root of your shadow. You can choose different parts of yourself and your shadow to work with each time you delve into the darkness of your soul with shadow work. So, take some time today to use the prompts below to really assess how you truly value yourself. Doing so will allow you to know how much reframing around your self worth may need to happen and provide you with a path to take to boost it to be as high as it can be.

If you would like guided 1:1 help with this you can book me for private shadow sessions in the shop!

4. Don’t Listen to all of your thoughts
The next step to building up our self worth through validation, is understanding that you don’t need to listen to every single one of your thoughts. A common expression I heard throughout DBT that stuck with me was, “Just because you have a thought, it doesn’t make it true.” We have 30,000 to 50,000 thoughts a day and research has shown that about 80% of our thoughts are either regrets from the past or fears about the future. Making a huge chunk of our thoughts based not in facts but simply assumptions and emotions. Which means our thoughts aren’t always completely reliable or truthful.

When you validate yourself, you’re asking yourself, “What else can be true?” The act of validation is about looking at a situation and thinking, “OK, this didn’t go as planned. I made a mistake and now I have to decide how I’m going to think about this situation to radically accept and move on.” In that moment, you can beat yourself up and break yourself down or you can challenge your thoughts and decide to ask yourself, “What else can be true?” “What else can I see or learn?” ” What am I responding to emotions, assumptions, or facts?”

How you can do this today is, by taking the time to mindfully sit with a situation you’ve recently reacted to in a way of anger, pain, or hurt. Look back on the situation and think about it from a perspective you may have missed in those moments by checking the facts. Doing this allows you to identify what was emotion and what was fact you were reacting you to. Giving you the ability to validate your reactions while also looking for the places where you can change how you reacted.

5. Speak words of validation to yourself out loud

When was the last time you validated yourself? I am referring to positively recognizing your thoughts, emotions or actions. When was the last time you took a moment to stop the negative chatter in your mind? Stop waiting to hear the positive words, praise or encouragement you’re craving. Tell it to yourself because you’re the only person you have complete control over.

How you can do this today, is by literally revamping your self talk and speaking words of validation out loud to yourself. You can do this anywhere you would like and whenever you would like. I find it the most helpful for myself to speak words of validation out loud to myself in the morning when I wake, when I go to bed, and than anytime throughout the day when I catch myself speaking to myself in an unkind way. I’ll even do it before a big conversation, event, or social outing.

6. Stop people pleasing and set boundaries

We are so conditioned to believe that our value is tied up in what we give instead of who we are. Many of us like myself are taught, self-worth is all about whether or not you are making someone else happy, by doing them a service or giving them things they want. This is what determines whether you’re good enough, you matter, and deserve to be loved. But, after living most of my life as a chronic people pleaser, turning that need into anxiety so extreme it became OCD. I have learned that finding your value in other people will always leave you feeling less than what your true worth is really meant to be.

How you can do this today, is by setting boundaries for yourself or saying no to something today. It’s okay to say no, to set boundaries, it doesn’t make you a selfish or bad person. You’re allowed to give what you receive. You’re allowed to form relationships where it’s give-give instead of give-take. You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to say “I can’t right now.” and most shocking of all; you are allowed to form the opinion that some people do not deserve your help

You do not have to give and give until there’s nothing left. Seek the people who fill you up, who reciprocate what you give, and who respect the boundaries that you make. Take all of that endless love and compassion and time and money that you are always giving other people, and turn a little bit toward yourself. See how good that feels. Don’t chase that feeling of worthiness from other people when you are so capable of filling yourself up and finding others who will appreciate you and respect your boundaries.

7.Determine your definition of self worth

Self-worth is a subjective concept that can fluctuate based on many variables, says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University. Which means it’s important for us to determine how we ourselves define our own self worth. According to Dr. Romanoff, these are some of the factors that may influence self-worth:

Core beliefs and values
Thoughts and feelings
Emotions and mental well-being
Experiences and interactions with others
Relationships, both past and present
Health and physical fitness
Career and profession
Activities and hobbies
Community and social status
Financial position
Physical appearance
Childhood experiences

How you can do this today, is by taking the time to sit and mindfully reflect and honestly answer what factors are you using to determine your self worth? Then take the next step to release and let go of things that you are misplacing your value in like what others think of you, the amount of money you have, or your physical appearance.

Wrap Up

It’s important to have self-worth because it impacts everything you do from your relationships, to how you work, how you feel about yourself, and how others view you. Remember, self-worth, is based on your strengths, flaws, and who you truly are at your core when accomplishments, possessions, and acquisitions are stripped away. While it’s fantastic to be proud of your accomplishments and good to be aware of how others perceive you, a sense of self-worth is a vital part of a healthy and thriving existence. Your inherent value as a person does not stem from your accomplishments or what others think of you Ultimately remember You are the only one who determines your self-worth. If you believe you are worthy and valuable, you are worthy and valuable. Even if you don’t believe you are worthy and valuable, guess what—you still are worthy and valuable!

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A Letter looking up From Rock Bottom

As I felt the life shattering affect of the impact when you hit rock bottom recently; I was reminded of many things. These things I’d Like to write in this letter for myself to remember when I most likely will hit the bottom again and for you. To let you know, you are not alone, to help you shift perspective for survival, and to introduce you to what I believe is your soul.

As I write this, I am still sitting at the bottom of the mountain, after being violently shoved down it. As I tumbled down the slope hitting boulders, ledges, and shrubbery along the way adding more damage with each shocking impact. I sank deeper and deeper into the feelings of despair, hopelessness, and defeat.

When my body, heart, and spirit felt like it quite literally couldn’t take anymore I landed at the bottom of the mountain as a shattered mess, barely breathing, with what I thought was no will left to survive.

When my breathing was ragged, my body was bruised, bones were broken, and my spirit was shattered laying in the dirt with a river of tears streaming by I came face to face with the best part of myself.

The part of myself that is the foundation of who I am. The core of who I am. The tiny bit of myself that has nothing left but the will to fight and survive. The part of myself that can’t be broken down any further. No matter the amount of pressure applied. The part of myself that will drag myself back up no matter how much I am hurt. The part of myself that will adapt to any environment I’m thrown in.

And this tiny bit of myself that I get to be face to face with as I lay broken down, shattered, barely breathing at the bottom of the mountain; I believe may just really be my soul.

Sitting there face to face with my soul at the bottom of the mountain battered, bruised, and broken gave me the companion and the ability to go within and shift my perspective.

A shifting perspective when I landed and got over the shock of the impact was one of the only ways that allowed me to survive and attempt to climb that mountain again.

My soul guiding me to shift my perspective allowed me to truly see my circumstances clearly for what they were.
While I couldn’t change my circumstances. I was hurt, barely breathing, short on hope at the bottom of a mountain, nothing was going to change that anytime soon. But….

I could change my view on them.
I could change how I felt about them.
I could change how I was going to let them affect me.
I could change the lesson they would teach me.
I could change my entire perspective on the path I was going to climb once I was healed and ready to try again
I could take it in and remember that when life seems like its just completely falling apart.

When it feels like you won’t be able to take in one more painful, ragged breath. This mountain you fell down, that shove you were given, every bruise and broken bone you collected as you fell, is just life and the multiverse breaking you to rebuild you into what you were always meant to be.

It’s life showing you another path you should have taken up the mountain instead.

When I shifted my perspective it allowed me to see the potential for growth instead of only the damage I had taken on the fall down.

It gave me the ability to grab the hand of my soul, go deep within and allow the mirror of my shadow to replay the path I had previously attempted and where the fall down the mountain had begun.

Once, my perspective was able to shift the tiny ember of fight, fire, and passion that I didn’t realize had still survived the fall was lit by the warmth of my soul and used to start to rebuild the foundation of who I will be once I completely heal.

That tiny ember of fire being held and cared for by my soul would be the thing that allowed me to survive. And survival was all I could focus on as I looked up laying at the bottom of the mountain. The next breath, the next minute, the next hour, and the next day was what my body, heart, and soul could promise to live for.

I reminded myself that when you are broken, and struggling to breath through the pain it’s okay if survival is all you can focus on. It’s okay if the pain is all you can feel and see. Pain means you are still alive.

It’s okay if survival mode is where you need to be right now, to make sure you keep taking your next breath. Survival mode exists for these times and moments to push us to keep going after we take so much damage we aren’t sure how we will continue on.

Use this time laying at the bottom of the mountain bruised and broken with your soul to shift your perspective, look for a different path you can take on the next climb up, and to allow yourself to heal itself in a whole new way.

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Why Coming Out As A Bisexual Woman, In A Hetero Or Straight Appearing Relationship Was Hard

This month(June) kicks off LGBT PRIDE month! Pride month is a month dedicated to the celebration and commemoration of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender pride.

Those who identify as bisexual are among those to be included this pride month. But, bisexual people often exist in a grey area, simultaneously ostracized by the LGBTQ+ community as not “gay enough” and heterosexual people as not “straight enough.” Others tell them they are just confused, it was or is a phase, and the even more harsh to here from both communities; it’s not real and all for attention. That may explain why, according to one recent study, most bisexual people say their friends and family don’t know their sexuality.

Coming out as bisexual was a very difficult thing to do and I want to take the time to really talk about and shed light on the whys especially on the fact that we struggle to fit into either community, our identities are questioned often, and how if we are in a hetero or straight appearing relationship it diminishes our identities as bisexuals and/or ostracize us from communities.

I used to be one of those in the most category we talked about earlier in the survey. Until 3 years ago a combination between a new type of therapy and Pride month, allowed me to finally open up about my sexuality, my past, and how much being in the closet was really affecting me. I hadn’t expressed to anyone my sexualtiy not even to my husband who at the time I had been with for a decade. No one knew about my brief relationship with a girl in middle school and high school, my sexual hookups with girls, and the deep feelings of sexual attraction and desire for many of my deep friendships growing up.

People were surprised to say the least, and many didn’t believe me and said or asked quite a handful of hurtful things. I had always been in hetero or straight passing relationships in public and I ended up married in one even. It made it even harder for me since I met my husband so young, and have been together for 13 years now as I write this. Like I said, I hadn’t even discussed it with my husband until he was the first one I came out to right before my cousin and best friend. On top of that, I didn’t come out until I was almost 30 years old, at that point many asked me why it mattered now, including myself.

But, the longer I was in the closet and not public and vocal about my identity; the more I didn’t feel authentic. The more I didn’t feel honest. The more I didn’t feel whole. The more I had actually started to have some guilt in my marriage and resentment as well. And I had reached a point that I needed to figure out why I was so afraid to openly express my sexuality when I was usually so authentic about every other area of my life.

There were three huge reasons I had come up with while in reflection. The first was my hetero or straight appearing relationship really causes a lot of issues with my sexuality. Now, this doesn’t mean my husband isn’t kind and supportive or I was worried of judgement from him. The issue is the image my relationship makes others see and how they perceive me and feel about it me in different communities because of it. From my experience your made to feel, when you are in a hetero or straight relationship you for some reason have to almost just give up and hand over identity as a bisexual. You get questions from the LGBT community and the assumptions made that you are a straight when you are seen with your partner. You get doubted and not believed from the ally or straight community as well and even told, well your married now and to a man so how can you be bisexual anymore? Again, like the whole time it was just confusion and you waiting to make an ultimate choice on your identity and you chose straight.

However, my “gay side” and my “straight side” do not compete. They coexist, regardless of my partner’s gender. This is simply my identity and it doesn’t go away because, of the gender or sexual identity of my life partner. When I really realized this myself it helped me to understand that it shouldn’t matter to myself or anyone else that my relationship appears to others as a hetero or straight relationship. I am and always will be bisexual no matter the gender or identity of the person I am married too.

The second reason it was so hard for me to come out as bisexual was the grey area I talked about in the beginning that made me feel really ostracized in either community. Listening to the way others would talk about those who were bisexual both in the hetero or straight community and in the LGBT community didn’t make it seem like a welcoming and opening space for me to be out in. To be honest I still struggle with this today. In general because of being bisexual and the having to always feel like you are defending your identity, what it means in both communities and defending yourself to be included in the safe spaces. To be questioned about the validity of it, was it phase, were you just confused, and even at times being made to feel like it’s asking for attention. AND this is coming from all sides and both communities which makes it seem like being lonely in the closet may be better than having to defend yourself from all fronts at times.

The third reason was the guilt and resentment that I had started to build up in my marriage. Most of this was my fault. My husband had never given me any reason to believe that I couldn’t be open and honest with him. For me, I just wasn’t ready to come out to anyone at all about it and that had included him for a really long time. I would make comments about my preferences in women and how I found some attractive throughout the years but, I never told him directly about my identity. Eventually I started to feel guilty for not allowing him the chance to be a safe space and also for not being fully honest with him and all parts of who I was. When the guilt got really heavy I even at times felt like I had tricked him into marrying someone he didn’t fully know and that felt wrong and unfair. Which made me had to decide what felt worse the guilt about hiding it from him or the anxiety of coming out to him?

The fourth and final reason it was hard for me to come out as bisexual was I experience straight-passing privilege because of the image my relationship portrays to others. This means that most people assume I am a straight woman in a heterosexual relationship. Which does allow me to at times not have to deal with some challenges and obstacles of those assumptions if I don’t want to. Which led to me feeling guilty and like I almost hadn’t earned the right to be in the LGBT community and in queer spaces especially since I had been in the closet for such a long time.

I eventually realized that guilt is a feeling that you invoke on yourself not others so it was time for me to deal with that on my own while remembering that it was something I needed to be aware. Because, when you let that guilt and straight-passing privilege take over it can lead to the erasing of your bisexuality whether you do it to yourself like I did by not allowing myself out the closet for so long or by others making assumptions about your identity no longer existing. I do my best to also remember it’s normal to not always feel confident in my identity. It’s okay to sometimes feel discomfort, after all sexuality is a spectrum that changes as we evolve with it.

To this day I still experience being questioned, I still have to be vocal in public spaces and openly identify myself to feel like I am not allowing straight-passing privilege to erase my bisexuality, and at times I have to still struggle with feelings of guilt when in queer safe spaces and especially during pride month it gets a spotlight shown on it. I do my best to hold onto my bisexuality though and not allow it to be erased because of my hetero or straight passing relationship. Some of the ways I do that is by trying to be vocal and open about my identity, until recently I had a flag in the front window of my home ( it will be replaced), I talk about my identity often with others, and I bring awareness to my relationship and others on my social media when I can. I attend pride events and try to be in queer safe spaces and communities and find ways to bring my bisexuality into my life through shows I watch, conversations with my husband, and into my sex life without cheating.

What I ask of you if you took the time to read about my experience this pride month is if you are bisexual and in closest I hope this helped you feel safer, and seen. I hope it let you know you are not alone and there actually is a much bigger community of others out there for you to connect with. Especially if you are in a hetero or straight appearing relationship. Since, I came out of the closet I have had more than a handful of other women confide in me they identify the same way and I guard some of their doors still. Most importantly remember being bisexual doesn’t mean you shouldn’t find safety and belong in queer safe spaces.

If you are not bisexual I ask that you remember being bisexual isn’t a phase, or confusion for someone you love if that is how they identify. Even if they end up choosing a life partner that has them appear to be in a hetero or straight appearing relationship. It doesn’t suddenly make them no longer bisexual. Please don’t try and erase that part of their identity from who they are. This pride month if they are out of the closet and vocal about it don’t forget about them. Don’t allow them to be overlooked especially if they are in a hetero or straight appearing relationship. Their existence isn’t any less valid in the LGBT community this pride month. Remind them that their relationship doesn’t make them any less valid in the LGBT community and it shouldn’t make them feel that way either or like they have to hide in the closet if they still are.

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I am not my mental illnesses, they don’t define who I am AND because, I live with them they do shape my reality

May is mental health awareness month. For many this points a spotlight on mental health and mental illnesses when they may not always think about it and they seek to learn more. While for others it may be a month to focus on improving mental health, healing, and using skills to create a life worth living while living with mental illnesses. Even yet, this month could be the push someone needed to seek help, treatment, or to go and get a diagnosis for the first time.

For myself it becomes a month focused on reflecting on how balanced I currently am, to check in with how well I am using mental health skills and techniques to maintain a healthy mental state, and to really look at my own personal relationship with my mental health and mental illnesses. While reflecting and really looking at my mental health and my relationship currently with mental illnesses this month was a little different for me than in past years because, I wanted to write about it. I have written and rewritten this post so many times this month because during my reflection process my answer would change. I would write an open letter about the illnesses I live with ( OCD, PTSD, Bipolar, BPD, and a few more) and it just wouldn’t feel whole. I would pick my favorite DBT skills to talk about this month and it wouldn’t feel like enough for bringing awareness.

So, I kept waiting, reflecting and rewriting and after a interpersonal conflict which put me in a really unbalanced and depressed state of mind. Where some things were said that were hurtful had pushed me to think about myself, my reactions, and if my view on reality were causing imbalance and unhappiness in my life. Which lead me to really think about the topic I landed on for this blogpost. The fact that I am not my mental illnesses, they don’t define who I am AND because I live with them they do shape my reality and how I experience the world.

I often forget that my mental illnesses don’t define me. I work so hard to try to raise awareness of these illnesses and how they affect your brain chemistry and makeup. I focus so much on wanting people to understand that these illnesses are not just in your head, they are real and they affect your brain chemistry and makeup. That at times I feel I almost let them become my whole identity unintentionally.

I also forget this when I start to struggle. I start to sink into the unwanted parts of my mental illnesses and I begin to believe that’s who I am and all the negative stigmas that are attached to them. When I feel overwhelmed by my symptoms, I try to remind myself that my illnesses are not me. I have to remind myself that my mental illnesses don’t disqualify me from being a mother, and that they can’t stop me from doing anything. I than remind others of the same thing once I am back to believing it, because sadly not everyone in my life agrees with this. Some believe that just having a mental illness means I shouldn’t even be mother.

While all the above is true and I work really hard to do my best to remember that and to remind others. The other half of this is recognizing that although they do not define me and who I am, my mental illnesses do shape my reality, how I experience the world, and how I interact with others. Some of the mental illnesses I have can never be “cured” and some I can’t be medicated for either. Though I can develop a healthy lifestyle based on therapeutic skills to help live a much more happy, balanced and stable life with them. They will always be apart of my life and my reality.

So, what does that mean and why does it matter? For myself I live with bipolar disorder and BPD which can cause some ping ponging on my feelings, thoughts, reactions, and even at times my beliefs. On top of that you through the extreme anxiety that comes with OCD and triggers from PTSD. This undoubtedly means my perception of reality will be affected by these things in ways others may not have to experience. On top of that it will affect how I interact with others and even with myself. This means I can’t allow myself to believe so deeply that I am not defined by my mental illnesses that I completely forget how they affect my perception and my place in this world. That I unintentionally put myself into denial of their existence and allow myself to not maintain healthy mental health and let my mental illnesses affect myself and my life in unwanted ways. This also means that when I interact with others I have to remember they may not be experiencing reality from my perception. And I ask others to do the same with me.

Whether you chose to read this because you live your life with mental illnesses or you have those in your life you love who do or simply to gain some insight and awareness. The main things I really want you to take from are the following. Living with a mental illness doesn’t define you. It doesn’t dictate who you are, who you can become or what you can accomplish. It may look a little different or you have to go a different path to get there but, they don’t dictate that at all. They don’t disqualify you from any part of a happy, thriving life you dream of. All you have to do is find the skills THAT HELP YOU achieve that. AND; still remember that you do live with them. They will affect your day to day life, how you view reality through perception and how you interact with and perceive others. Don’t allow yourself to forget that and neglect your mental health hygiene and skills and lead to unwanted effects resonating throughout the areas of your life.

Mental Health Awareness Resources
Please note that all of these resources are available at any time of day or night and are all free of charge. If you are struggling or know someone who is, please do not hesitate to reach out. These hotlines are there for the very specific purpose of helping you.

If you are having thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be connected to a trained crisis counselor who will treat you with respect and listen to you. They can help you identify options in your area.
If texting seems more your speed, you can text NAMI to741-741. This will connect you to a trained crisis counselor. They are available 24/7.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline is also available 24/7. You can reach them at 800-799-SAFE (7233). Victims of domestic violence often suffer from depression and anxiety.
Victims of sexual assault often struggle with fear, depression, anger, and anxiety. You can reach the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673).

Favorite Sites For Mental Health Awareness
There are many great websites that focus on mental health awareness. The following are highly recommended.

National Alliance on Mental Health (NAMI)
Harvard Medical School – Has great pages focused on mental health issues
Mental Health America
National Institute of Mental Health
Active Minds – specializes in teens and young adults
Project Semicolon – dedicated to suicide prevention

If you or a loved one are struggling with any type of mental health concern, please reach out to a professional who can offer support, advice, and direction. You are not alone. Millions of other people are facing similar struggles. And millions have faced them and come through the other side wiser, stronger, and healthier. Take the time and effort this May to educated yourself and become more aware of the mental health issues in your range of influence and experience. You never know how or where you can make a difference.

The last thing I will leave you with are some mental health statistics to remind how relevant this is to each one of us!

The following statistics were found at the National Alliance on Mental Health website.

  • 1 in five American adults will experience a mental illness
  • Nearly 1 in 25 Americans live with a serious mental illness
  • 18% of American adults live with an anxiety disorder
  • Almost 7% of American adults live with major depression
  • Depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide.
  • Depression costs the U.S. $193 billion in lost earnings every year.
  • Suicide rates in the U.S. have risen 25% in the last 20 years
  • 20% of American youth (ages 13-18) have a mental health condition
  • Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death in American youth ages 10-24. It is the 10th leading cause of death for Americans overall.
  • The average delay between onset of mental health symptoms and treatment is 10 years
  • Almost 60% of American adults with a mental illness did not receive treatment in the last year.
  • Minorities are much less likely to receive treatment for mental illness
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Embrace The Transformation, Renewal, and Wealth of the 5/5 portal

Certain dates hold a special significance in the terms of celestial alignment and they create a portal through which we can access heightened energies, spiritual insights, and opportunities for growth. The 5th of May is a really important date as it is the 5th day of the 5th month of the year. This is known as the 5/5 portal. The May 5 Portal,is also known as the 5/5 Gateway or the Beltane Portal, and it occurs annually on May 5th. This date holds significance in various spiritual traditions, including astrology, numerology, and indigenous cultures as a time of heightened spiritual activity and cosmic alignment. It’s often thought that at this time, the veil between the physical and spiritual realms is thinner, putting the collective in a liminal space allowing us to access higher frequencies of energy to receive guidance, and blessings from the divine. This portal creates a powerful alignment of cosmic forces that opens a gateway to transformation, renewal, manifestation, abundance, and purpose. The energy will be ripe on 5/5, the ultimate portal of change, enlightenment, and finally seeing elements in your life “as they are” and not what you perceive. It is the portal that unlocks the door for us to begin a deep manifestation journey.

First, What is a portal?

A portal is an energetic gateway or doorway that creates a powerful opportunity to connect with higher energies. We can make the most of each portal if we work with the incoming energies and channel, anchor, and integrate them.

The importance of numbers
In numerology, every number from 0 to 9 is a symbol and is therefore highly significant. Symbols are the language of the soul and patterns of numbers work together like a code. We can use days like these to connect more fully and readily with our higher nature and choose to elevate our consciousness.

In numerology, the number 5 is considered a master of change, able to go with the flow and adapt to different environments and social situations.

The Meaning Of The 5/5 Portal

The Sun is in Taurus; the sign of prosperity and 5 is the number of money, abundance, and wealth, so this day is the perfect day to manifest everything we desire in harmony with the Universe and create the life of our absolute dreams and deepest desires. At its core, the 5/5 Portal represents a time of transformation and renewal; a chance to shed old patterns, beliefs, and energies that no longer serve us, and embrace new beginnings and possibilities. We can tap into the energies of the 5/5 Portal to initiate personal and spiritual growth, release stagnant energy, and align with our highest path and purpose.

Connecting with the Divine Feminine

In many spiritual traditions, the month of May is associated with the celebration of the divine feminine and the energies of fertility, abundance, and creativity. As we access the 5/5 Portal, we are invited to connect with the nurturing and life-giving qualities of the divine feminine, honoring the cycles of birth, growth, and renewal that are mirrored in the natural world around us.

The 5/5 Portal and Duality

Since, I am a grey witch every single energy I choose to align myself with I look for how I can connect to it in the sense of duality and balance. With this portal it may seem like, there is no way an energy swirling with abundance, wealth, manifestation, renewal, and transformation can be anything but, a wanted thing and a wanted energy? Well, every single energy we work with is dualistic and this energy is no different.

When you are making room to manifest, are setting intentions, and getting ready to receive abundance you have to release some things to allow that to even happen and to make room for that energy to be received. This can look like many things, from physically removing things in your life like habits and/or behaviors or doing inner work to release unwanted thought patterns not allowing you to receive. You also will be steeped in duality when it comes to transformation with this portal and energy. Transformation is a very dualistic energy itself. It brings you and forces you into a liminal space, where you are not who or what you once were, and you are not who or what you will be. It is taking you through the process of a death, and into a birth which is one of the most potent dualistic energies you can work with.

How To Work With Portals In General

Portal days are a prime opportunity to refocus on ourselves. Below are some ways you can do that with portals in general on portal days when they are open and active.

Listen to your gut feeling: Portal days are not the time for overthinking decisions. Instead, listen to your intuition and trust the inspirations that come to you on these days.

Movement: Energy needs to flow, so make sure you get enough exercise on portal days. For example, you could start the day with some yoga or plan a walk during your lunch break. This will ground you and sharpen your focus at the same time.

Get enough sleep: In order to be as physically and mentally prepared as possible, healthy sleep is essential. Portal days demand a lot from you, so make sure you get enough sleep or take short rest breaks in between.

Journalling and manifestation: Hold on to your thoughts and ideas by visualising them on a goal board or writing them down in your journal. This not only prevents you from forgetting them again, but also brings order to your potential chaos of thoughts.

Create rituals: Everything has a more intense effect on portal days. This includes the opportunity to create new rituals, reinforce existing ones or overhaul old ones. Rituals ensure consistency and can help us to really put our new insights into practice and integrate them permanently into our everyday lives.

How to use the 5/5 portal Specifically

The sequence of 555 denotes a time of life choices, major change, and opportunity. So, do your best to set intentions during that time. When you set an intention on 5/5 at 5:55, you can use this portal energy to your highest benefit. It’s a time of major manifestation and money magic. Below is one way you can do this on your own at the times when the portal is the most potent; 5:55 am and 5:55 pm.

Step 1: Identify what is holding you back
It is really helpful to identify any areas that are preventing abundance and prosperity to flow freely in our life. Look at what could be causing you to not fully transform, and may be causing you fear to blossom into the new version of yourself this portal is ushering you towards.

We can do this by asking questions or doing shadow work surrounding topics such as:

  • Where is my internal dialogue holding me back?
  • What limiting words and phrases am I using repeatedly in connection with money?
  • What restricting words do I use to describe my relationship with money?
  • Is my natural view of money blocking my flow?
  • Is there something or someone I am allowing to hold me back in fear?
  • Do I believe there is enough abundance for me to receive?
  • Do I believe I am worthy to receive abundance, blessings, and transformation?

If you need help with Shadow work If you would like to learn more about shadow work you can purchase my eBook here; https://www.paypal.com/instantcommerce/checkout/2S3QJZ4UPDRG6 you can book me for a 1:1 session as your guide here; https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61555318986253 and you can watch my free class previously taught on it through Divination below!


Step 2: Letting go of old beliefs
Once identified, choose to let go of this old mental patterning and beliefs. Release it and let it go. Release the past, the lower vibrations and then choose to invite in the newer, much higher vibrations to take their place.Call in your spirit guides to help you if needed or a deity if you feel called too.

Step 3: Manifest
All we need to do then….. Sit quietly out in nature or inside in your sacred container.
If you are inside, light a candle or burn incense to cleanse and purify the container.
Hold a clear Quartz crystal, a single point if you have one.
Invite and visualize the 5/5 energies flowing down from the multiverse/ cosmos and flowing down from your Crown chakra on the in-breath.
Have the intention to anchor this energy within your body.
On the out-breath visualize this energy flowing down and continuing past your Root chakra and continuing down until it is deep within Mother Earth.
Just keep breathing in and out, visualizing the incoming energies flowing down through you and then down into the Earth.
Anchoring the energies within you and then grounding them into Gaia.
You are the channel.
The energies are passing through you.
They are activating cellular light codes within you.
Focus on the light and keeping your vibration as high as possible.
Do this until you are guided to stop.

Throughout the rest of the day make sure to;

  • Drink plenty of pure water.
  • Rest if you need too!
  • Express gratitude and go for a walk
  • Draw some oracle cards or do divination
  • Journal
  • Practice self care like a ritual bath

We can ask the multiverse to help us feel safe and secure and to know that we are enough and have always been enough. By releasing all limitations that we currently have, we can bring our highest potential to this world and shine like the incredible and expansive beings of light that we truly are!

Embrace The Transformation, Renewal, and Wealth of the 5/5 portal

There are many ways to work with the 5/5 portal like, ritual,ceremony, meditation, prayer, channeling, or sacred gatherings. These practices serve to amplify our intentions, deepen our connection to the divine, and align us with the transformative energies of the portal. We can use our own unique way to honor the 5/5 Portal and embrace its gifts of renewal and transformation. Embrace this sacred time as an opportunity for growth, healing, and spiritual evolution, trusting in the guidance of the multiverse/cosmos and the wisdom of our own inner knowing/ intuition.

To connect to this portal with me during a free guided channeling and meditation session you can Join me with Divination Academy on May 5th in Facebook live! Here is the link to join me! https://www.facebook.com/events/321817077315928/

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My Son’s Birthday Isn’t Just Joy; It’s A Trauma Trigger

“The day I gave birth to my child was the happiest day of my life, I’ll never forget it.” This is a common thing I hear and read from other parents when it comes to their child’s birthday. Everytime I read or hear it, a few things happen; I get overwhelmed with guilt, my PTSD gets triggered, I get sad and many other things happen. May seem odd right? Of course, I feel happiness, joy, pride and all things that come with my child getting older but, I also get hit with a lot of unwanted things as well. Even as I write this now, I’m triggered and writing this post as a way to cope, since my son’s birthday is less than 48 hours away. So, why would I be feeling anything but, happiness, joy, excitement etc when it comes to my son’s birthday? For me, my birthing experience clouds my son’s entrance into this world with pain, trauma, and almost death, and that energy carries forward to affect what’s supposed to be a joyous day.

Let’s talk about how that can be, and ways I cope with it to allow as much joy, happiness and excitement in so I can be as mindful and present as I can be for such a special day.

Not, everyone’s birthing experience is the same

If you had a fairly easy and/or average birthing experience I am overjoyed for you and I can understand how this would make very little sense to you. But, we do not all experience pregnancy the same nor do we have the same birthing experiences. For some of us our birthing experiences become a very dark cloud full of unwanted energy, memories, and triggers.

My birthing experience was beyond painful, traumatic, involved over 42 hours of labor, metal rods placed in my cervix, my epidural being given late, and I almost died. As you can imagine, having all of that happen doesn’t make giving birth a memory my brain likes to go to often. Being reminded of my birthing story makes me relive it, causes PTSD, and a spiral of unwanted emotions that follow. I don’t think of my birthing story often but, what is going to trigger the memories of my birthing story the most? The day it happened; which also happens to be the day I am celebrating my child entering the world.

The day becomes a tug of war

I end up in this tug of war between emotions, triggers, and flashbacks. I deeply want to be mindful and present to soak up the joy, laughter and excitement of my son growing and celebrating. And yet, I get tugged and pulled to the other side. Where I am reminded of what almost dying feels like, of losing my entire family, the pain I experienced, the mental health crisis it caused my husband to go through having to watch, and the guilt I feel for the joy not outshining all of the trauma, and pain. I have moments where I simply break down and cry, where looking at my son can cause me to shake, and the shame/guilt spiral can get out of control.

So, how do I cope, center, and enjoy the day

In other PTSD-related situations, it’s advised to avoid triggers, but your own child’s birthday isn’t really avoidable and you don’t really want it to be. I dig into my tool kit of coping skills and pull out and use any and/or all of them that I need to be mindful and present.

Distraction– Sometimes your best option is to simply distract yourself and try to redirect your energy, thought, and emotions. This isn’t always my favorite option though because, it’s more of a bandaid and it does not allow you to be completely present in the joy and excitement of the day.

Use distress tolerance skills– A few distress tolerance skills are really helpful to recenter and get yourself back to wisemind especially if flashbacks are an issue. So,use the STOP skill to literally stop and take a moment. Or chose the TIPS skill to redirect your body and rewire your current thought pattern.

Acknowledge- Take the time to name it. Name what it is you are exactly feeling and/or experiencing and why. Giving a name to it give it power, and you need to know what you are feeling or dealing with in order to cope effectively.

Create a cope ahead plan– I have a cope ahead plan for this day every year. I have it written out so, I know exactly what I am going to do if I get triggered or no longer am present in the joy of the day. To learn how to create a cope ahead plan you read about it in a previous blog post here; https://modgepodgemystic.com/how-to-regain-control-of-your-life-in-one-day-after-being-overwhelmed/

Let go of judgement– Stop judging yourself and your emotions for feeling anything other than joy. All emotions are valid and serve a purpose you just have to keep them at a justifiable level. So, let go of judgement if you get triggered, need to step away for a moment, or for simply feeling what you feel.

Set aside time for mindfulness practices– Take the time to set aside your own alone time to practice mindfulness. This allows you to set yourself up for success, experience the emotions you need to fully and safely, and may lessen the amount of triggers and/or unwanted emotions you may feel.

Practice Self- care for yourself– Even though this day is suppose to be all about your child it’s okay to take some time to love yourself through self care activities as well. To help you with any triggers or unwanted emotions coming up. Giving yourself some self love allows you to have enough to give to your child on as well.

Practice Radical Acceptance– When we are triggered by trauma and events some of the most freeing work you can do is to work on radically accepting the situation and event for what it is was, and how it affects you. Doing this allows the intensity of emotions to lessen, our understanding of the situation to change, and opens up a door for healing to begin.

Wrap Up

The reality of trauma is that the body and mind can hold memories of the traumatic experience, long after the situation itself has passed. These memories can be triggered by certain sights, sounds and places, as well as dates throughout the year that are significant to the trauma in some way like our child’s birthday. So, if you notice that each year, around the time of your child’s birthday you start to feel increasingly anxious, withdrawn or emotional, or unable to sleep. Or in the lead up; you start to experience flashbacks or bad dreams. You may be experiencing a memory of trauma. Remember, don’t judge yourself, practice mindfulness, use your skills, practice self care and radical acceptance. So, you can hopefully be present and mindful for what you want to be a joyous celebration.