Posted on 1 Comment

How I found my Magical & Spiritual Path

My Journey prior to paganism and Witchcraft

As a wee bitty baby against my will I was baptized in a Lutheran church. I have very strong feelings on baptizing children into any religion and later in life I did perform an unbaptizing ritual and a chord cutting with that contract and deity. After that growing up my family wasn’t super religious until I got to middle school and my family started attending a Baptist church and my mom was remarried. And even than my parents never were devoted Christians. It always felt very surface level from them and that they were Christian for the image and when they needed financial help or support. I was always much more devote than they were and it caused many fights my teen years when I would point out some of their unchristian like behavior.

When I say devote, I mean I brought my bible with me everywhere, I was the girl at the lunch table reading my bible and saying prayers at the public school, organizing see you at the pole for the first time ever in my district and school, leading bible study groups, I had the bible memorized forwards and backgrounds due to awana, sunday school, and other bible study groups, and I went on a mission to the Dominican Republic as well. I was devoted to that religion and faith until that mission, that started to change it all for me and what happened in life afterwards.

When my disenchantment with Christianity began

My mission trip to the Dominican Republic was a turning point in my faith and who I was and who I now have become. It was a trip that caused a lot of mixed emotions for me, anger, hurt, confusion, guilt, shame, and it really began to make my faith in the Christian religion fall to pieces. Going into this trip I was so excited, so proud, and so grounded in who I was and what I stood for. I was so excited to simply go, and provide a service to help others. I deeply care about others especially when they are suffering or going through difficult times and simply wanted to help. I was so excited for the service part and focused on that. Of course I would spread the word of Jesus when I could and when it felt natural but, for me I was there to serve and help with my hands and actions.

Day one of our actual mission work and that all changed for me.

I will never forget being pulled aside after spending majority of the day playing with the kids, digging drenches and moving and tilling land for the basketball court we had come to add to the village our church had been to many times before this one. And being told I was spending too much time playing with the children and not enough time witnessing to the children.

If you know me now or knew me than, you’d expect me to immediately speak up and say “nope, that’s wrong. That’s not why I am here. I will do it my way and that’s it. In a kind way and I am here to serve first and foremost.”

None of that happened.

I got completely quiet, turned and went back to the physical labor part of our trip and that was how I finished the rest of the trip. ( until I got bit by a mosquito and got really sick)

I spent all my free time of that trip in shock/awe that conversation had even happened. I spent my time in prayer, reading the bible, and in reflection trying to figure out what had happened and if that was what I had been dedicating my life too? Had I been crusading for an institution that cared more about how many followers they had, the rules, and who their followers were? Who cared so much more about their deity, than their fellow human beings? Who thought the church was more important than what was simply kind, moral and helping your fellow human? Was this one small group of people, was it my church, was it the whole religion, was it the deity himself?

If you are reading this and at my site because you were apart of Christianity prior to this You probably had a similar moment happen and reflection follow and I am sure you have an inkling of what began to happen next for me.

Disenchantment plus Synchronicity Equals leaving the church

After that trip, I spent a lot of time reflecting and thinking looking all around me. At my fellow church goers, at the religion itself, at the text, at the leadership, and how we treated others. And than the multiverse stepped in and added another thing in my life with the beauty that is synchronicity; I took AP world History at school. That class opened up so many doors for me. I had always loved history but, it was so limited to what I had been taught at that point. And to hear what my religion had been doing globally to mankind for centuries really made me look more. On top of that being taught other religious beliefs from a source outside my church was EYE OPENING. And led to my own study of these religions and belief systems.

I started studying Buddhism, Taoism, Islam, Judaism, and at that time was being taught to me as mythology like Greece, Rome, Persia and Egypt. I would stay after class, and go and find any time I could to study and ask my teacher questions.

By the end of that school year I would no longer have a bible on me, I would no longer be saying prayer at school, and I would be fighting with my parents about forcing me to go to church and study groups. I even got to the point of just out right arguing under my breath passive aggressively out loud during sermons.

I would no longer consider myself Christian. My parents would continue to force me to keep the image up for their sake at church but, I never got baptized in the Baptist church and later would not be married with any religion whatsoever.

So, where did my path go from here?

At first, I didn’t what it was I really believed. I was going back and forth on what I wanted to do.

Did I want to look for just a strict religion or was I looking for more?

Was I looking for more of a way of life something that would be so much; a belief system, morals, religion, purpose, your answer to life and being and more?

I wanted more which is why after awhile the traditional religions I had learned about in school and started to study just didn’t seem to quite fit. Not even atheism which I was for awhile in the middle of it all.

This is how I started looking into paganism, magic, and specifically wicca.

I had never in my life doubted that magic, the occult, or mythical creatures and entities were real and existed. That is a truth I have known my entire life and I never thought it was an evil or bad thing either. I wasn’t a Christian who thought reading harry potter was evil and should be banned. I was an over the top fan actually and those books helped me survive my abusive childhood. But, that is for another post at another time.

I just never before this had thought it was something I was capable of having access too or using.

I thought it was a birthright or you had to be lucky enough to be chosen to be taught something that sacred. I also had zero comprehension of how to actually work with energy at this point so, as I look back it makes sense I had this view.

So, I very shyly and under the radar started checking out books on magic, and wicca at the library and would only read them while hiding at school or in my truck. That year was the first year I ever connected to the moon, and cast my first spell. I stayed in wicca for less than year for many reasons, some being I simply don’t agree with a lot of the doctrine, the person who founded it, and I didn’t want to be forced into a coven and space with others.

For a long time I simply looked into mythology and different ways to connect to the seasons, the moon, and the elements. I learned how to make moon water and would secretly make it on my window sill in my bedroom. But, my stepdad wasn’t really paying attention and my mom was in prison so, I was able to experiment a lot more and start to cast more and study more.

I spent the next 5-6 years really just learning and studying and doing it under the radar as much as I could because I wasn’t sure really yet what I thought and I didn’t know if I was a witch and if I was, was I willing to come out of the witch’s closet especially where I live in Central MN? So, in public I identified as Agnostic During this time I had my first encounter with a deity and met two of patron deities hades and Persephone. I met my first demon and Fae.

After, I got married around 25 I got my first altar in my home, started practicing out in the open. I Finally was able to put a name and image to my spirit guide (kitsune named kana) who had been with me for so long and I began to really connect to Shintoism and study intensely this practice and add a Kamidana to my practice. I started my journey down the path of grey witchcraft and duality at this time as well.

I spent the next 5 years studying many many topics I will do my best to list them all below. But first what do I mean by studying?

I live in an area that isn’t the best for access to resources and we tend to be at least a few years behind others as well. On top of that other practices outside of Christianity are passive aggressively tolerated here. And if you have never felt passive aggressive judgement from a Minnesotan before, its more powerful than peer pressure.

So, due to this I have been a solitary practioner until October of 2023. How I have learned and studied while being solitary ( and having very little money always) is this; I take every single free workshop I can, every free class I can. I get and read every book, grimoire, blog, essay, research paper I can find on a topic. When I say study I look at a topic from the many perspectives; magical, historical, anthropological, cultural and more. I have paid for a few programs for reiki and chakra reading/ balancing, sound healing, astrology, and crystal healing.

After, I feel I have done enough study, I have reached out to some mentors I have made connections to after taking free classes and workshops with them, and I have done the reflection, meditation, and shadow work. I get to the practical work. I plan, I prep, I practice, and than perform it. ( keep an eye out for a future blog post on the 4 P’s of experimenting with your magic) Each and every time it is an experiment grounded in the confidence of your intuition, energy and your own power and divinity.

List of topics I have studied

Many forms of divination- tarot, astrology, runes, fire scrying, mirror scrying, water scrying, and many more

Pantheons/ Religions-Greek, roman, Babylonian, Egyptian, Shintoism, Taoism, Buddhism, Islam, Judaism, Norse, Celtic, Irish, Germanic tribes, Hinduism, Mesopotamia, many “left-hand” path practices and many more

Deities- When it comes to deities I can list some of the ones I work the most closely with but, it’s honestly better to just ask me! Persephone, hades, Lilith, Amaterasu, Loki, Kali ma, Pan, Lucifer, Most “dark Goddess”

Sex magic, goetic magic, demonology, mirror magic, elemental magic, moon magic, crystals, Kundalini reiki, sigils, energy work, sacred contract topics, manifestation, the Akashic record, past life regression, Trauma work, shadow work, liminal work, ceremonial magic, ritual magic, deity work, channeling, meditation, building a sacred space, many “mythological” creatures/entities, hermetics, working with the rays of light, womb healing, and so much more.

I will add to this list as I can remember to add!

Where my Path is at Today

I have been a solitary grey magic practioner for about 15 years now.

And this past year I began attending a Pagan Academy as a student where my knowledge and practice was recognized and I have now become a Professor there teaching many topics, summoning deities for others and hosting rituals including casting circles and calling down the moon.

First and foremost, I consider myself a mystic and seeker of all knowledge. I study from many different sources, paths, pantheons, religions, cultures, teachers and practices. Two of my main patron deities were keepers of the schools of mysteries ( hades & persephone). And I dedicated to becoming one with the multiverse through all esoteric and occult knowledge.

I have practiced and studied from many different teachers and masters in areas such as shamanism, magic(k), witchcraft, religion and spiritual practices.

I focus my studies on being as accurate to the culture and religion as possible throughout history and representing it all.

I am a grey magick practioner which means I work with both dark and light energy and strive to maintain constant duality in my practice and life. I live and thrive in the grey.

I do not view things in the terms of “good” vs “evil” I view everything as energy and as either wanted or unwanted energy.

I believe in sacred contracts, and have discovered many of mine and strive to live in a way to fulfill it this lifetime. I’ve done a lot of past live regression and work and continue to do more to this day to unlock more of my past lives and knowledge I have gained through each incarnation. I do this through many way like currently working with a mentor on past life regression therapy, Ive done Akashic record work, studying and worked with auto writing, and astral travel and work as well.

I work with all the dark goddesses and have the ability to channel and invoke deities. I Love the connections I have with many deities and the energy they allow me access to connect to through a different perspective but, I also understand I myself am a goddess and divine being in my own right as well.

My magic is very folk, ceremonial, energy based and elemental based with some chaos magic mixed in and some others. I really do dabble in large variety.

I write every single prayer, spell, invocation, and circle casting personally I use.

I work with many divination tools and practices such as all forms of scrying, tarot, runes, etc.

I work with deity energy, archetype energy, chakras, the collective uncounscious, all forms of nature, other entities such as demons, the fae, and all supernatural entities.

I focus heavily on moon energy in practice and in my daily life and home.

My knowledge is extensive across many practices, topics and paths.

My energy and magic is naturally very healing, purifying and cleansing and I love to provide that to others as it is a key part to my soul contract.

Posted on

Celebrate the midwinter with Imbolc

At Imbolc, the Earth is beginning to wake up and we celebrate the approaching return of spring. We are through the harshest, longest, and darkest part of the winter. We begin to prepare ourselves to awaken from a hibernation and time of reflection. We begin to reach for the light again as we open our eyes, stretch our limbs, and prepare to leave our places of safety to venture out into the wilderness again.

First, What is Imbolc?

Imbolc is a sabbat on the Wiccan Wheel of the Year but, is originally an ancient Celtic holiday celebrating the first signs of Spring. The word Imbolc is believed to mean either “ewe’s milk” or “in the belly”, which obviously refers to the birth of baby lambs around this time in Ireland and Scotland. In modern times, most of us don’t understand the harshness of Winter and what a brutal mistress she can be, that our ancestors endured. Not even me who lives in Minnesota. Our winter’s get quite harsh but, I still can’t understand their experience. So, at this time they were coming out of a period of brutal weather. They had endured the harshest part of the winter and their food stores were declining. So when the baby lambs were born around this time and their mother’s milk started flowing, it was a good day. The birth of new lambs and milk meant they’d have more food to last the rest of the Winter season.

In addition to celebrating rebirth, life, and replenishment, the Celtic goddess Brigid is honored on Imbolc and takes a central role. This is because, another name for Imbolc is Brigid’s Day. I am going to talk about her more below so just keep reading if you want to learn why she is so important.

When is Imbolc celebrated?

Imbolc is celebrated annually on February 1st in the Northern Hemisphere and August 1st in the Southern Hemisphere. There are many traditions and practices sacred to this day including making Brigid’s crosses, feasting on Imbolc foods, and making magic.

Brigid the Irish goddess of Imbolc; who is she?.

A Goddess in Irish tradition, Brigid is one of the most well-known because, she is the Goddess of fertility and spring. To many she is known as the Great Mother Goddess of Ireland, and to Christians as a Saint Brigid. With this energy, Brigid brings the remembrance of our Oneness and of the Eternal Essence of the Divine Feminine. She is associated with many things; Poetry, Healing, Midwinter/Imbolc, Flames/fire, Fertility, and Motherhood.

Brigid is considered a Triple Goddess, yet many references distinguish Brigit differently than the traditional Triple Goddess aspects of Maiden, Mother and Crone. Rather Brigid is frequently referenced having three sister selves with three distinct roles, Lady of Healing Waters, Goddess of the Sacred Flame and Goddess of the Fertile Earth.

Other names she goes by

Brigid is also known as Brigit or Bríg

  • The Bright One
  • Fiery Arrow
  • The Powerful One
  • The High One
  • Great Mother Goddess of Ireland
  • Lady of the Sacred Flame
  • Eternal Flame of Life
  • Flame of Inspiration
  • The Mistress of the Mantle

Imbolc Magical and Spiritual Themes

Every season and every pagan holiday has certain concepts and magical themes. Which means, depending on your tradition and needs, you can weave one or more of these themes into your personal celebrations. On Imbolc, also called Brigid’s Day, we see the following magical rituals and spells

  • Purification
  • Protection
  • Love
  • Fire and Water
  • Awakening
  • Rebirth
  • Honoring the goddess Brigid and Saint Brigid
  • Prosperity
  • Healing

Imbolc Correspondences

First, what is a correspondence? A correspondence is an item or symbol that is meant to connect you to a specific energy thru it’s representation. It is seen also as an item to respect, honor, and venerate that energy as well whether it be a deity, an archetype energy, the zodiac energy the moon is currently or for A holiday or sacred time like Imbolc. I will list below for you to use. Remember this is not an all encompassing list and there may be other correspondences to use. Just follow your intuition and use what calls to you.

Colors

White: represents the Snow and milk
Green: represents the newly emerging earth and the green of Brigid’s mantle
Pink: symbolizes the female reproductive system
Orange and red: represent Brigid’s sacred fire
Pastel Spring colors

Food and decorations-acorn, bears, deer, Brigids cross, evergreens, grains, dairy, milk

crystals- amethyst, moonstone, ruby, garnet, bloodstone, onyx, turquoise,

Herbs/ flowers- basil. bay leaves, chamomile, jasmine, rosemary, lavendar

Spell workings-
Make a Brigid Cross
Create an Imbolc Altar
Give an offering of milk to the earth
honor Brigid
charge new tools for the year
Reflect on goals set during Yule
Have a bonfire
Light a candle on Imbolc eve to meet Brigid in the liminal space
Take a cleansing and purifying bath or shower

Divination-fire scrying

Scrying by Candleflame

Since Imbolc is a holiday that honors Brigid and her sacred fire, why not try your eye at fire scrying? If you have the ability to have a bonfire, then go for it! If not, a simple candle will do the trick. But keep in mind, a roaring fire outside will have different results from a small flame inside. You could even try both. This form of scrying is as simple as watching the flames and allowing pictures to form. This can be literally in the fire OR images that flash into your mind.

How do I celebrate and honor this sacred day?

Imbolc, also called St. Brigid’s Day, is an ancient Celtic holiday celebrated annually on February 1st. It’s a time when Winter starts to fade and the first signs of Spring pop up to remind us life will blossom again soon. But how do we celebrate Imbolc in our own modern way? Below you will find out some ways you can do this in your own life and practice.

Imbolc wishing ritual

You can use either a box or a Jar

Take the vessel and decorate it with Imbolc and spring correspondences.

Than take a sheet of paper (green if you can) And write out all your wishes for the coming year and/or season. You can also add rosemary and/or bay leaves into the box.

Than take the paper and energetically seal it within your vessel while saying

“ As the sun begin its rebirth I gave my thanks back to mother earth. Embracing change, with the light of hope the seeds of the future I continue to sow.”

Than Take the vessel and add it to your altar or leave it in a place you can see it often and come back to and charge yourself with its energy

Imbolc Spell jar

I love, love, love spell jars! They have so much power and energy packed into such a small space. You get to decide the energy and intention that is sealed off in there for you to be able to come back to whenever you need to recharge with it.

Some things to make sure when you create this spell jar, make sure wash and cleanse the jar before you use it. You can also charge it under the moon and at your altar prior to using it. Before you add each item to the jar make sure to you have created a sacred space, and set your intention energetically.

Once you add the items you can say any incantation, intention, manifestation, or spell while energetically sealing the jar. You can also as a bonus seal it with wax on top and/or sigils. For a more detailed look at how to create spell jars and the simple beauty of their power look at for a new blog post coming soon.

Imbolc Shadow work

Every single holiday and celebration brings it’s own special energy with it and with that comes specific shadow work themes and prompts to work with while in the sacred liminal space of that specific sacred day.

What is shadow work? In case you don’t know.

Shadow work is necessary if you wish to grow spiritually and personally. It will help you better understand yourself, your traumas, and the old wounds you are carrying. Not to mention, help you better understand other people.

The idea of shadow work is to bring your dark sides out into the light and learn to accept and love them. There are different exercises and activities to help explore those aspects of yourself, but you must first acknowledge your shadow.

Everyone has a shadow self. The shadow gets developed in our childhood from our ego while adapting to social norms. We learn to change and adapt our behavior in a way that is acceptable in society. But along the way, we also bury an authentic part of ourselves, our shadow side.

If you want to learn more about this topic check out my FREE youtube class With divination academy and study guide linked here; https://youtu.be/lhPItS33eu4?si=UbdnoUDghlmy5bbz, https://drive.google.com/file/d/1dkXzYdb6HAbfJCgkfcdaR0cifj12D5A0/view?usp=sharing

Imbolic spell using Brigid’s fire of creativity

What You’ll Need:
White candle (tealight or spell size is best)
Lighter
Carnelian: small chunk or pendant
How to Cast the Spell:
Gather your supplies. Set the mood with music, incense, etc.
Set your carnelian chunk or pendant close to the candle.
Get into a relaxed state, light the candle and say, “candlelight, fire bright, burst through the darkness and stagnancy inside of me. I ask Brigid to lend me her fire of inspiration and creativity.”
Close your eyes and repeat the prayer two more times. Visualize a small flame in your heart growing bigger and brighter. This is the fire of passion and creative ingenuity. Let it continue to grow in your mind’s eye as the candle burns down.
When the candle is done burning, pick up the carnelian stone and carry it on you. Wear it daily and know that the fire of creativity is inside of that stone. Lending its energy to you.
Now CREATE. Whatever that means to you: writing, arts and crafts, a new project at work, music, etc. etc.

However, you choose to celebrate this sacred day whether it’s honoring Brigid, pouring milk back into the earth, fire scrying, and so much more may this blessing be with you!

May the life stirring
underground stir new
dreams to life within you.
May the flames of inspiration and passion
be ignited in your soul this Imbolc/ Midwinter

Posted on

The Importance of Experimenting with your magic

This is something I have been wanting to find the time to touch on for a little while after I became a professor and stepped out of solitary practice and entered the more public world of magic, witchcraft, and paganism that has sprouted up. 

I am thrilled we now have public facebook groups, and blogs like this one and others, podcasts and youtubes videos for us to learn from and be able to expand our path and practices. 

But, one thing I am coming across often from those who claim to have practiced for a long time and from those new coming to the path. 

Is one; gatekeeping and trying to state there is one way, one path, and universal rules to all pagans, and witches. 

And two

New witches and pagans seem to be looking for an exact blueprint and manual of how to walk this path and how to practice magic and witchcraft. 

In this post I want to address both of those issues and tell you why you should do your best to shatter them. 

Magic is and should be seen as a sacred practice, an artform and a science all in one. 

Which means it is fluid! 

It has no one “right” way to do it.

It has no one universal set of rules 

( well outside the hermetic laws and even that is up for debate in the community)

It doesn’t have one set path.

It doesn’t have one set blueprint.

That is the only thing that is set, and a universal truth. 

Is That this path is going to differ from each and every soul and in each life.

It is going to differ from culture to culture. 

From one geographic region to another. 

Your gifts and affinities will change your path and practice. 

There are countless deities to work with.

Will you even work with a deity at all?

Or do you view you as the only deity?

Do you want to work with planets?

Do you want to work with elements?

Do you want to work with “dark” magic?

Do you even believe magic can be “dark”

Look at how many questions I have here!

And this is just scratching the surface. 

How can anyone gate keep and try and tell others what they can and can not work with, what they believe, what calls to them, and how to do it?

Another reason to stop with gatekeeping and why my mind can’t understand how so many can do it. Most not all pagans, and witches came from christianity. And we did so because it was so restrictive. 

Because, it tried to tell us who we must be and how. 

Because, it tried to tell us who to worship, how and when.

Why would we want to continue that behavior and those sentiments in our communities here? 

Why do we continue to create more religious trauma in some cases?

Now, I have acknowledged how many of us came from christianity first. Myself included. I was even on mission trips, service trips, and did a lot to further their rights in my school district in middle school. 

I want to acknowledge that due to this many new witches and pagans are looking for a manual and a blueprint because that is what they know. That is what they are used to, and that is what they are comfortable with. 

I did it too for a while there in the beginning.

I keep looking for the right beginning

The right practice to start to learn

The right path

I kept looking for the love and light only answers 

( I will do a post on why I think this movement is so harmful to humanity)

And I got nowhere.

I would be told that I must start with chakra work.

Than I was told no you must start with the moon.

Than I was told Shadow work by some while others told me doing shadow work was forbidden and evil.

I was getting so frustrated and about to give up and just go back to what i had known because i could never be given a “right” answer.

And than I read my first blog post about what being a pagan and witch really should mean. 

I can’t tell you now where it was or who wrote it. 

But, i remember reading about how it is all an experiment. 

We all have our own paths. 

We all have our own gifts. 

And I sat there and really had to reflect on that.

How could this not be true

When there isnt another soul who can do what you can do so why would you ever find a manual on how to do it? 

Why would any other soul know exactly what my path is, my gifts are? 

They wouldn’t!

And it was up to me to figure out exactly how to use them!

Now saying this i don’t want to discredit teachers,mentors, and guides. As i am one. They have their purpose and they can help give you the framework and the inspiration you need to experiment and look at what you really can do and what you can connect to.

I also want to add that while we should be experimenting and seeing what we can create and how things interact with us, and other energies around us. We need to honor any closed or restrictive practices and cultures and perform those practices as they teach us to for respect and reverence. 

And we need to always do the research and study the history and cultures our practices come from. 

We need to always be prepared for all consequences both intentional and unintentional of our experimentation and accept them and make amends when it is applicable.

Once we do all that and we honor and keep what must be kept, the world really does become so much bigger in the world of magic and witchcraft for you!