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Working with the magic of February; Love, creation, and transition

The air is still cold, snow is covering the branches of the trees, and nature is still and quiet. Yet if we look closely around we will see hints of green starting to break through the white snow covered landscape. Every now and then the silence is interrupted by the flapping of wings and the chirping of birds beginning their mating dances for the coming spring season. This is the contrasting energy of February, a month marking the mid point of winter and the awakening of spring. February is often seen as a time of transition and preparation. As the last month of winter it signifies the final phase of introspection and hibernation before the arrival of spring. February is the month when we hunker down and use this time for deep inner work, reflection, and planning for the coming seasons with the hope of warmer days beginning to peak through the cold winter snow. Come with me in this blog post on a walk through the midwinter woods.

History of February

February is the second month of the year according to the modern Julian Calendar and the Gregorian Calendar and it is the shortest month of the year, having only 28 days in most of them and 29 days in a leap year. Prior to the Gregorian calendar being invented this was the 12th and final month of the year. since the calendar was more pagan by following the natural cycles of the two seasons and began in March. The name February comes from the ancient Roman Februarius. The name Februarius comes from Februa, meaning “to cleanse”.

What is a leap year?

It’s a day that comes around once every four years so of course there is going to be some boosted magical energy for us to harness for ourselves and our lives. Leap Year is a rare moment to step out of the ordinary flow of time. It’s an opportunity to recalibrate, reflect, and realign with the Earth’s natural cycles. With its extra day, Leap Year is a way of syncing our calendar with Earth’s orbit around the sun. It’s like the universe’s version of a time-out, giving us a moment to align more closely with celestial rhythms. Leap Year happens because our calendar year (365 days) is shorter than a solar year (about 365.24 days). Julius Caesar, back in 46 BCE, introduced the leap year as part of the new Julian calendar. Leap Year is a potent day for deep magic and transformation since it’s a day out of time, offering a powerful energy boost for spells and rituals. If you want a change in your life this year, then there’s no better time for doing spell work than on February 29th. If you want to read more about the magic of a leap year and how to use it, so you are ready for the next one in 2028; read my guide HERE

Zodiac signs for the month of February

Those born in January are said to be born under either the sign of the ethereal water bearer Aquarius or the sign of the two fishes Pisces.

Those under the sign Aquarius are typically born between January 20th and February 18th. Aquarius an air sign is represented by the water bearer bringing Earth it’s vital nutrients. Aquarius is said to be innovative, progressive, and revolutionary while spreading wisdom to the world. Aquarius has a vision for themselves and the world, and they’ll work towards it no matter what others say. They can be seen as resilient, holding onto their hopes and dreams long after others have given up.

Those under the sign Pisces are typically born between February 18th and March 20th. Pisces is, fittingly, a water sign, represented by the sign of the two fishes. They’re all known for being emotionally fluid, vacillating between feelings, and being very in tune with their feelings and those of others. Pisces are typically loyal, intuitive, and creative, and they are very sociable.

Sacred Days And Celebrations In February

Every Single month has sacred and important days and celebrations to help you connect to the energies of the month. Plus they usually are a lot of fun to take part in! Below you will find a list of the sacred days and celebrations for the month of February! The common themes you will find are love, passion, creation, romance, commitment, friendship, and self love. Also take note how this month has a lot of holiday energy packed into the shortest month of the year. But, first we are going to talk about a few that take centerstage during this month like the purification of Lupercalia, the love of Valentine’s day, and the awakening of creation with Imbolc!

Imbolc

First up, literally since the holiday takes place on the 1st and 2nd of the month is Imbolc. Imbolc is a sabbat on the Wiccan Wheel of the Year but, is originally an ancient Gaelic/Celtic holiday celebrating the first signs of Spring. At Imbolc, the Earth is beginning to wake up and we celebrate the approaching return of spring. We are through the harshest, longest, and darkest part of the winter. We begin to prepare ourselves to awaken from a hibernation and time of reflection. We begin to reach for the light again as we open our eyes, stretch our limbs, and prepare to leave our places of safety to venture out into the wilderness again. Imbolc is a time for cleansing, renewal, and planting the seeds — both literal and metaphorical — for what you want to grow in the year ahead. Imbolc is holiday all about reflecting on the promise of new life and the first signs of spring stirring within the earth. To learn more about this holiday, how you can celebrate it, and get FREE spells read my guide all about this holiday HERE!

Lupercalia

Next up, we have one of my favorite ancient Roman holidays during the year Lupercalia. Lupercalia is a really fun festival all about purifying the city of Rome and bringing fertility to all it’s people. Which meant the celebrations tended to be a little more full of debauchery and sex. Which, is really my kind of holiday and it gives me big Saturnalia vibes, another one of my favorite ancient Roman holidays. Lupercalia is celebrated from February 14th to the 15th and predates Valentine’s Day by centuries which is why many think this is actually where Valentine’s day partly came from! During Lupercalia, every year, the ancient Romans would perform rituals and then throw parties all in the name of purification. To purify the city of Rome on this festival guaranteed a good crop, plenty of pregnant ladies, and overall good health and happy people for the whole city. If you want to learn about this festival and learn how they celebrated back than. Plus how you can celebrate it today; read my guide all about it HERE!

Valentine’s Day

Lastly, we have easily the most well known and popularly celebrated holiday for the month of February, especially in the United States; Valentine’s day. What is Valentine’s Day? St Valentine’s Day is an annual festival to celebrate romantic love, friendship and admiration. Every year on 14 February people celebrate this day by sending messages of love and affection to partners, family and friends. Historically Valentine’s day is tied to Saint Valentine. Saint Valentine was said to be a priest named Valentine who was imprisoned and beheaded by Roman Emperor Claudius II for assisting persecuted Christians and secretly marrying Christian couples in love. He even tired converting Claudius to Christianity while he was imprisoned. He was beheaded on February 14, which later became known as Valentine’s Day.  If you want to get 9 spells to make this Valentine’s day enchanting and magical check you my guide HERE!

Other sacred days and holidays:

  • Candlemas
  • Saint Brigid Day
  • Groundhog day (USA)
  • Valisblot
  • Presidents day (USA)
  • Black History month-This will always be black history month to me no matter what some executive order based in discrimination from our corrupt President signs.
  • Parentalia
  • Quirinalia
  • Equirria
  • Fornacalia

Magical and witchcraft themes of February

February is a month of reflection, purification, fertility, love, and transition from winter to spring in witchcraft, marked by celebrating the midwinter with Imbolc. February is associated with themes of love, fertility, and purification, with rituals and spells focused on attracting love, strengthening relationships, and cleansing negative energies. This month is a time to honor the growing light, embrace the energy of renewal, and plant the seeds of intention for the coming season. This month we can engage in rituals, spells, and meditations that reflect the themes of purification, creativity, fertility, love, transition, sex and aligning with the natural rhythms of the Earth.

Don’t forget to cast fire spells as well during this month to bring you heat and warmth during the cold winter months. As well as connecting you to the hope of brighter and warmer days soon to come. I love to perform fire magic via candles during this month to create a beacon of light and hope for my mental health during the darkest days ahead and to connect to candlemas that is celebrated this month.

This month we can perform rituals to bless seeds for the coming growing season, imbuing them with intentions for abundance, fertility, and growth. Lastly, if you live in a part of the world that freezes during the winter with frozen water ways and falling snow, binding and banishing magic can be extremely powerful and protective right now. Use the power of the alchemy in ice and snow to banish things from your life you need to let go, or to bind someone or something in place that no longer serves you in a wanted way. Check out more themes for this month and use them in your spells and rituals below.

The gods and goddesses of February

This month is a potent month to work with and honor deities associated with winter, spring, transitions, love, and fertility such as . This month is a good time to get to know the winter goddesses that rule this cold season as well as the goddesses that will help us welcome the blossoming spring soon. Some are associated with the dark goddess aspect as of the divine feminine as well. Allowing for a powerful portal to ancient wisdom and magical knowledge during this month as the snow still falls and spring begins to peak through its layers. Everyone works with and views deity energy a little differently. Whether you view them as archetypes of the human consciousness, representations of the source energy, or as being entities on their own, there are certain deities that now is the time to connect to and honor them in the most sacred and amplified way.( Don’t forget to grab my eBook in the shop to help you explore this)

This month for me is a very feminine month. When I want to go into the womb of mother Earth and allow her to wrap me up in the comfort that all of her love has to offer. To listen to the past, root myself in introspection, and hear the healing whispers from my womb in the stillness and silence of winter. But, it’s also a month to be reminded of the connections we have to those around us and bring us hope with the new light of spring just over the horizon. During this month a few deities take center stage because they have festivals or sacred days during this month to help you connect with them in a very intimate way. The deities that are going to be the best for you to connect to right now are deities connected to fertility, transitions, the winter, spring, love, and community. Below we will talk about some of the deities you can work with this month. I could never list them all here.

Brigid

The first deity I am going to talk about takes central stage during Imbolc. A Goddess in Irish tradition, Brigid is one of the most well-known because, she is the Goddess of fertility and spring. To many she is also known as the Great Mother Goddess of Ireland, and to Christians as a Saint Brigid. With this energy, Brigid brings the remembrance of our Oneness and of the Eternal Essence of the Divine Feminine. She is the daughter of the Celtic God Dagda, a Fae leader of the Tuatha dè Danann.She’s often depicted with fiery hair and a sunbeam cloak. She was born at sunrise with rays of sunlight radiating around her head. She is associated with many things; Poetry, Healing, Midwinter/Imbolc, Flames/fire, Fertility, and Motherhood.

Brigid is considered a Triple Goddess, yet many references distinguish Brigit differently than the traditional Triple Goddess aspects of Maiden, Mother and Crone. Rather Brigid is frequently referenced having three sister selves with three distinct roles, Lady of Healing Waters, Goddess of the Sacred Flame and Goddess of the Fertile Earth.

Callieach

On Imbolc which is the first of this month, Cailleach, the Goddess of Winter, heads out into the world to gather firewood to keep her warm for the rest of winter. If the weather is bright and sunny, Cailleach is out gathering the wood and will be able to gather enough to make winter last a good bit longer. However, if the weather is bad and cold, Cailleach is still asleep and will soon run out of firewood, and spring will come sooner.

Cailleach is often depicted as a powerful, crone-like figure who embodies the harshness and stillness of winter. When she appears to me she also has a blue aurora about her, and her mythical staff in hand. As the guardian of the cold, she is said to control the storms, the winds, and the snow that blanket the earth during the winter months. She is a symbol of death and decay but also of transformation and the wisdom that comes with age and experience. While Brigid heralds the coming of spring and new life, Cailleach represents the slowing down and rest that winter brings, urging us to pause and reflect. On Imbolc, Cailleach’s presence is especially poignant as it marks the shift from the deep, inward-focused energies of winter toward the budding life of spring. Cailleach holds the power to either prolong winter or usher in the first signs of spring, depending on whether she decides to create a fierce storm or allow the warmth to return.

Aphrodite

In Greek mythology, Aphrodite is the goddess of love, beauty, and desire. She is also associated with sexuality, fertility, and pleasure. While best known as the goddess of love, she was also the ancient Greek goddess of fertility, physical pleasure (particularly sexual), eternal youth, grace, and beauty. Additionally, she played roles in commerce, war, and politics. Plus let’s not forget her crucial role, as one of the causes of the Trojan War. Her origins though, are shrouded in mystery. According to Hesiod’s Theogony, she emerged from the sea foam in the waters of Paphos, on the island of Cyprus, born from the severed genitals of Uranus. She supposedly arose from the foam when the Titan Cronus slew his father Uranus and threw his genitals into the sea. However, according to Homer, in Iliad, Aphrodite may instead be the daughter of Zeus and Dione.

Call on her this month to work with the energy of love and deepening your connection to others. Don’t forget to reflect on your relationships as well and find love with those you can. Especially if you are forced into a situation just as she was. Remember, Aphrodite is about so much more than love, beauty and lust though. You can always call on her for those reasons but, Aphrodite is about the passion of creation. Which is why she can be called on for creative expression, and living your passion. She is a great goddess to use for self love, emotional balance and healing as well.

Kuan Yin

Kuan Yin (also known as Guanyin or Avalokitesvara) is a Buddhist goddess of compassion and mercy. Kuan Yin’s name translates to “One Who Sees and Hears the Cry from the Human World” She is often depicted with multiple arms, holding symbols of compassion, and standing on a lotus pedestal. Kuan Yin is a protector of the vulnerable and a guide for those seeking spiritual awakening. She is an all-seeing, all-hearing being who is called upon by worshipers in times of uncertainty, despair, and fear. Her story is one that truly teaches us to love one another this month and the depth our compassion and empathy has the ability to go. You can read her story below.

Long ago in a Chinese state there was a king who had three daughters. He hoped to marry each one off to a suitable family but his youngest, Miao Shan, wanted to become a Buddhist nun to learn more about spirituality and bring salvation to the world. Disgusted by this, the king disowned her and sent her to live in exile. Years later the king fell very ill. A wandering monk came to his aid and told him the only way to save himself was to make and ingest a potion made from the eyes and arms of someone who gave them willingly. Unbeknownst to the king this monk was his youngest, Miao Shan, in transformation. After years of studying she had become a bodhisattva. Having heard of her father’s illness she morphed herself into the monk in order to share her wisdom. In her transformation she told the king to reach out to the bodhisattva of compassion who lived atop the mountain. She told him to send a messenger to plead for help.

At the top of the mountain, in her true form, she received the messenger. Despite knowing that his illness was a result of past sins she willingly gave him her eyes and arms as it was her filial duty to help her father. Back in the kingdom, once again disguised as the old monk, she made the potion and saved her father. The king, now saved, cried out in gratitude. The monk told him he ought to visit the mountain top and thank the person who saved him, and so he did. When he reached the temple atop the mountain he was deeply saddened to see his own daughter, who he had banished, without eyes and arms presiding over her hundreds of followers. He finally came to understand the suffering she must have undergone but instead of anger Miao Shan met him with benevolent love and urged him to follow the ways of Buddhism and live a life of compassion. Then, with a bright flash of light, she was transformed into the divine image of a bodhisattva with her eyes and arms restored.

Juno

Let’s talk about Juno next, although so many associate her with June I also like to use her this month as well. Because, of the energy of love all over this month. Juno, the Roman goddess of marriage, the family, and childbirth was a paramount figure embodying the sanctity and power of matrimonial union and the family. The Roman goddess Juno is among the first gods and goddesses of ancient Rome who is in charge of the women’s lives in the state. Juno’s symbol, which is a peacock, represents her watchful vigilance and her role as the protector of the community. It is assumed that the term “Juno” meant “the young one” because of her association as the goddess of the new and waxing moon. This celestial connection perhaps implying the idea of growth and beginnings, aligns with her domains.

Today, it is accepted that the Roman goddess Juno has the title “Regina” meaning Queen which gives her the title of the “Queen of the Gods.” Juno, being a multifaceted deity, was also the wife and sister of Jupiter, the King of all the Roman gods. She was often represented as the female counterpart to Mars the god of war, highlighting her influence in both the domestic and political spheres. Although the Roman goddess Juno had dominion over family, marriage, and childbirth, she is often depicted to be in a warlike stance, an illustration that is often favored upon by Roman soldiers.

Correspondences For The Month Of January

First, what is a correspondence? A correspondence is an item or symbol that is meant to connect you to a specific energy thru it’s representation. It is seen also as an item to respect, honor, and venerate that energy as well whether it be a deity, an archetype energy, the zodiac energy the moon is currently or for time of the year like a month, which I will list below for you to use. Remember this is just a start to the list for you. You can use any correspondences that connect the magical themes and energies of February. Just follow your intuition on what you choose to work with!

  • Planet-Venus
  • Animal- deer, goat, lambs, burrowing animals, groundhog, robin, wolf
  • Element- water and Air
  • colors-White, yellow, light blue, silver
  • Symbol-Candles, snowdrops, Brigid’s crosses, hearts, cupid,
  • Herbs- Lavender, rosemary, snowdrop, chamomile, primrose, honeysuckle, jasmine, nutmeg, cinnamon, oak moss, myrrh, Pine
  • Stones/ crystals-Amethyst, aquamarine, clear quartz, jasper, bloodstone, moss agate, onyx, aventurine
  • Deities-Sjofn, Mars, Juno, Brigid, Diana, Apollo, kuan yin, Demeter, Persephone, Cailleach
  • Zodiac- Aquarius and Pisces
  • Themes-Transition, renewal, fertility, purification, love, creativity, fire, introspection, awakening, growth, abundance, hope, Sex, planting seeds, midwinter, manifestation, protection, passion, Cleansing, community, friendship, self love, natural rhythms of the earth, opportunities, healing, family

How to connect to the magic of February

We’ve talked a lot about all the different types of energies the month of February has and gives us access to work with. So, how can you specifically connect to those energies? In your everyday life you can make sure your affirmations , intentions, and manifestations align with the energies of renewal, love, creativity, transition, community, and fertility in all areas of your life. Make sure to grab onto the energy of hope in the light of a flickering candles. As you let go of what no longer serves you and head into new beginnings with hope as springs begins to peak through. You can celebrate and honor any of the sacred days and holidays this month has like Imbolc, Lupercalia, and Valentine’s Day.

Some Rituals and spell workings during this time that will be really intensified will be based on releasing the old, clearing away unwanted energy from the past year, and welcoming in wanted energy and opportunities. Other spells that will have some significant meaning right now and help you connect to the energy of February should be centered around planting new seeds, fertility, and fostering loving relationships. This month is another month when you can really get some clear and transformative messages from your guides. As we are in a liminal time of transition siting in the middle of two seasons. You can do this through any means of divination you prefer but, fire gazing or Cryomancy ( snow and ice divination)are some to think about to align with the correspondences of this month.

February creates a very potent liminal pocket of time that is teeming with duality, balance, and the power of transition from one season to the next. It’s a month that really pulls us to go deep within ourselves in the darkness, stillness and silence for introspection, reflection, self awareness, and growth. Especially since it’s the last officially full month of the Winter Season. This makes it a great month to do any work on transformation, reflection and preparation for dark times through shadow work. Allowing the energy of the frozen winter in the last days of winter and in the glimmer of hope in spring just about to be blossoming. If you would like to learn more about shadow work you can purchase my eBook here; you can book me for a 1:1 session as your guide here; and you can watch my free class previously taught on it through Divination here. Plus don’t forget to head to the shop and register for my new course that is beginning at the end of this month!

  • Elemental magic with the element of Air or water
  • Shadow work based on transition, fertility, love, relationships, self love, community, renewal
  • Simmer pot for cleansing, renewal, removing unwanted energies
  • Transformation and transition spells and rituals
  • Herbal magic-brew teas especially, or add herbs to your hot drinks
  • Protection magic– most potent right now will be banishing and binding
  • Purification and cleansing rituals and spells using snow
  • Abundance and gratitude magic- one of my favorites this month is using drinks like hot chocolate and apple cider to call in abundance daily to my life
  • Candle magic- super potent this month!
  • Make some rose water and use in your spells and leave as offerings for deities
  • Bake treats and add sigils to them for love, family, and relationships
  • Set SMART goals and intentions for your manifestations for the coming spring
  • snow magic
  • glamor and beauty spells
  • Ritual bath for purification and self love
  • work with deities of fertility, love, and relationships
  • Divination like fire gazing, snow scrying, melt snow and use the water in scrying, Cryomancy
  • Create a spell jar for self love, to enhance your sex life, or for to attract a new relationship
  • love spells, or obsession spells
  • SEX MAGIC! Plus don’t forget to register for my event all about sex magic in the shop!
  • Get out in nature, feel the snow, the cold, and the frozen ground while listening to the silence all around. Then look around for the new signs of life springing up already around you
  • Make snow water
  • add a self love altar to your home
  • Write situations or people you want to cool off on a piece of paper and bury it in the snow
  • Create a freezer spell
  • Add ice to your ritual bath for added protection and purification
  • Make a snowman as protection ward for your property
  • Work with eggs in your fertility magic
  • Make snowballs and release things you need to let go when you throw them
  • draw sigils in snow and ice
  • create Brigid’s crosses
  • Relationship and communication spells will be extra potent this month and needed
  • meditate as the snow falls
  • make ice lanterns
  • Creativity spells
  • Mirror magic and mirror work
  • go on a shamnic journey with the deer or any of this month’s animals
  • work with the divine feminine during womb healing
  • Work with the snake in your workings and rituals since this whole year is the year of the snake
  • create an altar for the month
  • celebrate Lupercalia by adding some whipping to your love life
  • work with milk in your spells and rituals to honor the energy of Imbolc all month long
  • write love letters for those you care about in your life.
  • Clean off some graves that need some extra love this month and do some graveyard magic with them for comfort and community
  • plant literal seeds and start growing them indoors or in a greenhouse for the coming spring
  • self love spells, rituals, and self care activities
  • Volunteer in your community to those who need to feel loved like at a nursing home
  • perform a commitment ceremony
  • Knot Magic
  • Create and bless gifts like talismans and charms for your friends and family
  • Study and read myths about the gods and goddesses and their love stories and relationships

Don’t forget to check out 9 spells for Valentine’s day in my blog post HERE too!

Duality and the month of February

Since, I am a grey witch I look for the duality in every single energy I work with including sacred times like a month of the year like the one we are currently in, February. When we think about February I feel many often only see one side to this month. The one that is shoved in their faces by commercialism; the love, sex, and fertility aspects of this month with Valentine’s day. Plus we seem to really cling on to that hope of spring with the first signs of life Imbolc brings to our attention on the first of the month. While far too many forget about the coldness, harshness, and stillness that is surrounding us still with Winter. We may be at what we consider to be the mid point of Winter but, that doesn’t mean it will be pleasant and easy to finish out. Some of the biggest blizzards and harshest temperatures of the winter can happen in the month of February. Trust me I know this all to well living in Minnesota. Even now as I am writing this in February I am waiting for an ice storm, almost a foot of snow and below zero temps to hit me in the next few days. While February is a time that is focused on purification, fertility, and love, it’s also a time of darkness, harshness, and having to dig deep within ourselves to survive the last days of Winter.

Final thoughts

We talked about many things in this blogpost including the history, some celebrations, the different energies and magical themes we can work with during this month. Along with how to connect to those energies, deities we can honor and worship, and how to work with the magic of February. February is a uniquely magical time that invites everyone to plant the seeds for hopes with the first signs of spring. While also reminding us of the harshness of Winter sill surrounding us we have to be resilient and get through. Using this month as time to truly let go of what no longer serves us before spring fully emerges. February reminds us that even in the darkest nights, in the harshest conditions, and the coldest times we can still find hope and light. We can still look for new life fighting to break through the snow to survive. It’s the month that shows us the depth of our resilience and our willingness to thrive in harsh conditions. As the snow continues to fall and blankets nature February’s magic graces us with a dance of love, transition, and strength for the rest of winter’s harsh days.

In this new special 6 month shadow work program I will help you realign your inner world, discover all the versions of you in the shadows, and show you how to integrate your shadows into your own authentic identity. When you purchase and register for this 6 month course you will get pre-recorded lessons, eBooks, journal prompt workbooks, weekly guided sessions, ( with one week off for integration) one womb healing session, and access to a discord chat for all those who are taking the course with you. We begin the last Monday of February for orientation week and then session for courses start the first Monday of March! There will be limited spots so hurry and register today.

About Me : I have been a solitary grey magic practitioner for 15 + years. First and foremost, I consider myself a mystic and seeker of all knowledge. I am dedicated to the restoration, and re-enchantment of Magic in society, across this realm, and in each and every soul I come across in life! I am here to create a container that promotes healing, duality, and raw authenticity. I do this by guiding you on your personal journey to understanding your unique magic and sacred contracts. I facilitate this for you through embracing your shadow, duality and learning to live in energetic balance while not wearing a mask. When you work and learn from me you do so from your “darkness” as much as your “light” and in a way to truly harness and accept it not to just go thru it on the way to your light. But, I teach you how to truly embrace it, work with it, and use it alongside your light as a partner. I hold up a mirror for you to be able to see your authentic reflection looking back. Then have the courage to take the next step and do the uncomfortable but vital inner work to completely remove your mask. By facing all of your past wounds, traumas, and hurts. Allowing you to see both the dark and light within your story and take each chapter and alchemize it into something that is so powerful. your unique internal flame will shine so bright you will always be able to go within and find it on a dark cold night. You will learn how to truly live in duality and energetic balance to allow growth, and alignment with your sacred contracts and purposes. to finally move on and truly let the things that hold you back in this life from healing and manifesting go. To see everything I offer; like personalized shadow work sessions, womb healing, eBooks for you to work through on your own, Tarot sessions for guidance and more! Go to my shop!

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9 spells for an enchanting and magical Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and whether you’re celebrating with a partner, friends, or basking in your own radiant self-love, why not add a touch of magic to the mix? A witchy twist can transform this love-filled day into something truly enchanting, where your intentions amplify the energy of love, connection, and passion. Let’s step beyond the ordinary chocolates and roses and dive into the mystical realm. Whether you’re casting love spells, creating sacred spaces, or brewing magical potions, this guide will help you add magic to your Valentine’s day to make more enchanting, full of love, and passionate.

What is Valentines day?

What is Valentine’s Day? St Valentine’s Day is an annual festival to celebrate romantic love, friendship and admiration. Every year on 14 February people celebrate this day by sending messages of love and affection to partners, family and friends. Historically Valentine’s day is tied to Saint Valentine. Saint Valentine was said to be a priest named Valentine who was imprisoned and beheaded by Roman Emperor Claudius II for assisting persecuted Christians and secretly marrying Christian couples in love. He even tired converting Claudius to Christianity while he was imprisoned. He was beheaded on February 14, which later became known as Valentine’s Day. To learn more about this Romantic holiday about love, passion, sex, and commitment check out my guide about it and Lupercalia HERE.

First a bit about ethics

Because, we are talking about love spells and sex magic I feel before we dive into the spells I have created here we have to talk a bit about it. Some people will tell you to never do a love spell. They will tell you that it is a manipulation to create a relationship with this magic. They will say it is taking away someone else’s free will. That very well could be. But, the way I see it is these kind of spells are there to amplify and assist, and direct energy and feelings that already exist and are there. We cannot create something out of nothing. That is universal energetic law. So, is it really taking away someone else free will or simply speeding up something that would have already happened? I won’t tell what to do. It is up to sit with these thoughts an sit in reflection and decide for yourself what you think. It is up to you to follow your intuition and decide if these types of spells will be apart of your practice.

Attraction love spell

Valentine’s day is a holiday all about honoring love, romance, and commitment. This makes it one of the best times to cast a love spell. Particularly one to attract your ideal partner and love of your life. Try this love spell today to attract that special someone you have had your eye on into your life. Keep in mind this is not meant for someone in a relationship already, this is not a break up spell.

What you will need:
A rosebud or entire rose flower
Two pieces of paper
A pink candle

How to perform:
Light your candle and on either side of it place two pieces of paper, one with your name and the other with that of the person you are attracting Chant the spell below:
“You and I will be one, in love and unity. Venus, goddess of love, listens to my plee. Let this love come to me. My heart is waiting to be loved by you (name of the person you are attracting) and with my soul dear Venus, I thank you.”
Repeat the spell 3 more times while you visualize your future partner running towards you, imagine them hugging you and telling you “I will love you forever.”
Let the candle burn while you take the papers and either wrap your rosebud in them or close the papers inside your flower petals. Than take them and bury them in the earth. As you do Recite “ From now on you and I will be united in Love as deep as the Earth.”
Once done blow out your candle and place it on your altar. For the next 3 days light it to feed the spell.
Happy Casting!

Self love mirror work spell

Since, Valentine’s day is associated with Venus it is a day to wrap you up in the embracing comfort and cloud of love. The energy of this days invites you to retreat into warmth, love, and compassion this holiday and energy focuses on.
Today is one of my favorite days to put aside the shadow work, to put away the reflection, to put away working with the darkness and I focus on the love and light. This spell below, which is really more of a ritual is based on mirror work and using my favorite magical tool of all a mirror.
Use the energy of this day and the amplification and clarity of a mirror to allow you to see yourself for the magical, worthy, and sovereign being that you are. Allow yourself to fall deeply in love with yourself as you gaze into the reflection of your own eyes with the energy of Venus and love as your guide.PS. if you need to learn more about how to use a mirror as a magical tool you can read my guide HERE.

How to perform:

Grab a pink candle and a mirror, find a quiet space, light the candle, Take some deep breaths while you pick up the mirror and begin to meditate on the energy of love, and the color pink, Once you feel centered in that energy and full of love for yourself. Take a deep long look into your mirror and recite self love mantras and affirmations as you make eye contact with yourself. Do this until you feel like you are totally and completely in love with the worthy sovereign, and magical being that you are.

Spell to enhance sex

Since Valentine’s day is a day all about passion, and love today is a great day to spice up your sex life by enhancing your sexual pleasure, experience and connection with your partner. Check out this spell and perform tonight for a much more enhanced and pleasurable sexual experience! Trust me it works! PS. if you want to learn more about sex magic you can watch my free class on YouTube with DiviNation Academy HERE!

How to perform:
Carve your name and your partners name into your red candle
Anoint your candle with honey while thinking of all the passion, desire, and freedom you want to experience in your sex life.
Take your anointed candle and roll it in your cinnamon and sugar again visualizing all the passion, desire, freedom and climaxing you want to experience with your partner.
Be as specific as possible.
Light your candle during your next sex session together to ignite your passions and let it burn until it goes out on it’s own.
Happy Orgasms!

With Valentine’s day being a day all about love and relationships this makes it a great day to do some magic to help promote a healthy and loving relationship. Try making this spell bag today and place it under the bed you share or carry around on you to help fill your space and relationship with the loving energy to create a healthy relationship. Don’t forget to still communicate, grow, and experience life together as well!
Happy Casting!

Valentine’s day makes tonight a great time to cast some sex magic for an even more pleasurable and explosive experience. Trust me I personally know the effects this magic can have! The spell I created below is all about creating a very pleasurable and explosive sexual experience! Enjoy!

What you will need:
Two red candles
and red ribbon
A photo of you and a photo of your sexual partner
Herb blend:
Basil, catnip, lavender, cinnamon, rose petals, hibiscus

How to perform this spell:
Start by meditating and think intensely about making love with the person you want, if you want added magic you can masterbate as well. Next take the two candles and roll and/or anoint them with honey. Once they are covered in honey roll them in the herb blend.

Next recite” love and lust, I ask you to listen to my request to have (name of your loved one) by my side (your name).
ask you to be with my beloved and to light a fire between us. Ignite the spark. Let lust and passion drive our story and our relationship”.

For added magic you can add a deity of love, passion or lust to the spell as well.
Then take the ribbon and join the candles together with your photos, With the candles still burning repeat the magic spell again. At the end of the spell, let the candles burn out completely, then call your partner and let the explosive magic begin!
Happy casting!

Love and harmony spell

This simple spell works beautifully for couples or individuals seeking to enhance harmony and connection. This is because when we focus on harmony within our relationships we can experience a deeper Valentine’s Day by creating more peace and understanding.

What you will need:

Two pink candles (for love and harmony)
A piece of paper and pen
A few dried rose petals

How to perform:

As always get yourself into sacred container however works best for you. But, make sure you are creating a container focused on the energy of love, harmony, and peaceful connection between you and your partner. Write down your intention on the paper. For example, “I invite harmony, passion, and understanding into my relationship” or “I open myself to love that is true and fulfilling.”
Place the rose petals on the paper, fold it, and place it between the two candles. Light the candles and focus on your intention. Visualize the flame as a beacon of love, radiating positivity into your life. Let the candles burn for 10 minutes, then snuff them out (never blow them out). Keep the folded paper somewhere special.

Make Rose Water

The rose is one of my favorite witchy plants, to work with mainly due to it being so versatile. The rose really is one of those magical plants that can be used in so many ways a lot like some of my other favorites bay leaves and cinnamon. Plus, I love that I don’t have to waste any part of this plant! You can use all of it from the petals, rosehips, rosebuds, the thorns, and the stems. Roses petals have soo many magical properties as well including: beauty, love, passion, lust, peace, purification, loving memories, harmony in the household, divination, ancestral work, funerary rites and healing ! (keep in mind, these will vary depending on the COLOR of the rose too!) Which is why they are the perfect plant to work with on Valentines day! One of my favorite ways to work with them is to create some rose water.

So, what is rose water? It really is what it sounds like water infused with the magical and medicinal properties of roses into it. Rose water is commonly used in witchcraft for various purposes due to its associations with love, healing, and purification like we talked about above. It will add a magical, potent, and loving boost to any spell that calls for water.

Before you make your rose water you need to decide what color rose petals you want to use. Each color of petals will have its own unique energy it infuses into your rose water. Check out below a list of what I find to be the most commonly accepted meaning for each color. Keep in mind it will differ from person to person and culture to culture. So, as I always say follow our intuition and use what works best for you. Don’t take this as an end all or be all.

  • red-True Love, Beauty, and Mourning
  • purple-New Love & Magic
  • pink-Grace and Self Love
  • white-Purity, Youth, and Secret Love
  • yellow-Friendship and Happiness
  • orange-Creativity and Enthusiasm
  • black-Death and Beauty
  • blue-Attaining the Impossible and Healing
  • peach-Closing Deals and Appreciation
  • lavender-enchantment, splendor, wonder, and mystery
  • green- strength and fertility

Valentine’s day Rose petal love spell

Next up, we have another really simple and easy spell using the rose again. I like this one a lot as well because of the emotional connection to water it creates and provides. All you will need for this are some rose petals and a source of running water either a river or a sink will work. Ps. if you want to learn more about the element of water you can read guide HERE.

Step 1- start by visualizing your ideal partner and relationship
Step 2- Take the rose petals and release them into your source of running water while doing this state “As these rose petals move thru the water so my ideal partner and relationship will come to me.”
step 3- Repeat at least 2 times while you visualize and watch the element bring your ideal partner and relationship to you

Create a self love altar

Valentine’s day is a day that is all about the energy of love. This includes one of the most important types of love; self love. Self love opens us up to healing, growth, self worth, mental stability, and so much more! A great way to do some self love magic is to create a self love altar .You can see how to make one below! Ps. if you need to learn more about how to create an altar in general you can watch my YouTube class with DiviNation Academy HERE.

Final Thoughts

Valentine’s Day is a reminder of the magic of love; not just the romantic kind, but the love that connects us to ourselves, our friends, and the universe. The magic of Valentine’s Day is the idea that it’s a time to share love and create special experiences with loved ones. It’s a day to spread joy and kindness. To also increase your passion through potent orgasms with one another leading to reinforced commitment. Valentine’s Day is a time to reflect on our spiritual connection with one another. On this day we can focus on the ways we can help and support each other, both emotionally and spiritually. But, don’t forget to also promote love for your self and build up some self worth as well.

Don’t forget to head over to my shop and register for my Valentines day sex magic event as well; Essence of the sacred dance. When you register for this event you will learn; Sex magic techniques to increase pleasure, create more presence in the moment, manifest your desires through organisms, and strengthen your connection through timeless intimacy! Let me show you how something as simple as the right energy, intention, and breathing technique with your blowjobs can heal years of trauma for your partner even! Plus you will leave with an eBook full of sex magic spells you can do on your own and journal prompts to help unlock more of your sexual prowess, desires, and release blockages holding you back in bed.

If you have ever wanted to learn how to make sex apart of your magic and spiritual life this event is for you! We begin at 6:30pm CST- 8:30pm CST on Wednesday February 11th in google meet. To register for this event purchase today!

About Me : I have been a solitary grey magic practitioner for 15 + years. First and foremost, I consider myself a mystic and seeker of all knowledge. I am dedicated to the restoration, and re-enchantment of Magic in society, across this realm, and in each and every soul I come across in life! I am here to create a container that promotes healing, duality, and raw authenticity. I do this by guiding you on your personal journey to understanding your unique magic and sacred contracts. I facilitate this for you through embracing your shadow, duality and learning to live in energetic balance while not wearing a mask. When you work and learn from me you do so from your “darkness” as much as your “light” and in a way to truly harness and accept it not to just go thru it on the way to your light. But, I teach you how to truly embrace it, work with it, and use it alongside your light as a partner. I hold up a mirror for you to be able to see your authentic reflection looking back. Then have the courage to take the next step and do the uncomfortable but vital inner work to completely remove your mask. By facing all of your past wounds, traumas, and hurts. Allowing you to see both the dark and light within your story and take each chapter and alchemize it into something that is so powerful. your unique internal flame will shine so bright you will always be able to go within and find it on a dark cold night. You will learn how to truly live in duality and energetic balance to allow growth, and alignment with your sacred contracts and purposes. to finally move on and truly let the things that hold you back in this life from healing and manifesting go. To see everything I offer; like personalized shadow work sessions, womb healing, eBooks for you to work through on your own, Tarot sessions for guidance and more! Go to my shop!

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A week of spell jar spells

Spell jars! I love spell jars! They are some of my favorite types of spells to create and cast especially when I don’t have time to sit down and create a spell for the specific situation. Spell jars are versatile not only in the intention you can put behind them but, also in the ingredients you can put inside of them. Over the last year I have created soo many spell jars for all of you I have decided to take some of my favorite ones and put them together in a guide for you to use in one week to evolve your life in many different ways and areas.

First what is a spell jar?

Spell Jars are quite a piece of art if you ask me. It is an artistic magical bottle, made by a practicing witch and charged for a specific purpose. Spell jars are a form of ‘container magic,’ where the jar acts as a vessel to hold and amplify the energy of the ingredients. They are often kept in a sacred space or carried around for ongoing magical support. Spell jars can have numerous purposes: protective, attracting, banishing, and cursing. Depending on the ingredients, spell/intent and ritual, the jar can amplify your artistic and magical powers and skills. It can transform unwanted energy into wanted. Finally, they can be done to improve your financial or career situation and strengthen your health. To unseal more knowledge about spell jars; like the history, how to use them, and how to create them the most affective way grab my eBook all about it here!

Monday

Monday is connected to the moon. This connection makes it the perfect day to connect to our intuition, our emotions, and our psyche. With this day being connected to the moon it is also deeply connected to your divine feminine energy. To learn more about the magic that rules this day read my guide about it here.

Since, Monday is ruled by the moon which makes it a day all about connecting to our emotions and inner healing. Make this spell jar tonight to the healing emotional energy of the moon. This spell jar is ideal for those who need to heal emotional wounds and trauma by banishing the past, letting it go and providing you with fresh new beginnings to heal.

If you are like me and have ever had issues with going to sleep whether it be for mental health reasons, physical reasons or simply being wired that way. We all need sleep some time to recharge our batteries and let our brain and body get some rest. Check out this spell jar for sweet dreams to help you sleep peacefully the rest of the week. This is an extra potent day to make one of these as well since Monday is ruled by the moon the keeper of the dreamscape!

Tuesday

Tuesday is ruled by the planet mars which is oozing with passion, strength, and a will to fight. IT IS THE DAY TO IGNITE YOUR INNER FIRE. TO GATHER YOUR STRENGTH AND COURAGE TO HELP YOU FACE ANY CHALLENGE OR ADVISORY. USE THIS ENERGY TO HELP YOU PREPARE FOR ANY UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF IN. YOU CAN ALSO USE THIS ENERGY TO CONNECT TO YOUR PLEASURE, AND DESIRE OF ALL KINDS. To learn more about the magic that rules this day read my guide about it HERE!

Since, Tuesday is ruled by the planet Mars which is all about connecting to passion. That includes passion for ourselves. That passion leads to self confidence and personal power. We can use this passion for yourself the rest of the week to stand in our own power, to know our worth, and use our motivation to meet our goals. One spell we can do to harness this passion and personal power is creating a spell jar you can add to your altar or anywhere in your home.

Since Tuesday is a day about passion, tonight is a very potent night to amplify, enhance, and recharge your sex life with your partner! Check out this spell jar to enhance the passion between you and your partner tonight! Place it in your room near you bed, or wherever it is you like to have sex in your home! If you want to learn more about sex magic you can check out my class on YouTube with DiviNation Academy Here.

Wednesday

Wednesday is connected to the planet mercury. Which makes it a day centered around communication. All forms of communication from thought, speech, writing, networking, looking for information, divination, and communication thru art. This day also can be great to use for luck, good fortune, travel and wisdom. This day is the perfect day to network, to advertise for your business and to start working on some new ideas you want to get out into the world. If you love to study, write, and read today is the day to hunker down and get it all done! To learn more about the magic that rules this day read my guide about it HERE!

Check out this Focus study spell jar on Wednesday! Make this spell jar to help you study for a test or for a personal study and research session. Place this spell jar on your desk where you study or at your altar. This Jar is recommended to work for one topic or test and if possible try to create a week before the test!

With Wednesday being ruled by Mercury it is also a day all about health and wellness. Since, Mercury is associated with good health because, it governs communication, intellect, and the nervous system, which are considered crucial for overall well-being this is a great day to cast spells for health. Create this good health spell jar and place it on your altar, your bathroom or your kitchen to promote good health and well being in your life this week.

Thursday

Thursday is a day ruled by Jupiter, masculine energy and is all about the practical aspects of your life. This day is all about connecting to the energy of finances, legal matters, success, wealth and fame. This day is about big energy connecting you to the actions you need to take to meet your goal. This energy is all about thriving and is one of the best days and times to work the energy of abundance, prosperity, and wealth! To learn more about the magic that rules this day read my guide about it HERE.

Since, Thursday is a day ruled by Jupiter, masculine energy and is all about the practical aspects of your life. This day is all about connecting to the energy of finances, legal matters, success, wealth and fame. This day is about big energy connecting you to the actions you need to take to meet your goal. This energy is all about thriving and is one of the best days and times to work the energy of abundance, prosperity, and wealth! Make this abundance spell jar today to bring a major money flow to your life!

With Thursday being associated with Jupiter and all about the practical aspects of life it is deeply tied to our finances and financial matters don’t forget to make a spell jar for your business and business endeavors. I like to place mine in my office space where I work or near my prosperity bowl for my business. Don’t forget with this one to go back and charge it before you start work for the day, before you launch a new product, or when you feel like you just need a little boost in your money flow immediately.

Friday

Friday is the day connected to the planet Venus and is all about wrapping you up in the embrace and energy of love. This day is perfect for focusing on your love life in a romantic sense and your friendships this day is very social. This day connects you to your most powerful love of all, self love. The energy of this days invites you to retreat into warmth, love, and compassion at the end of the work week. Making it the perfect time to relax and recharge. Whether that is with self love altars, spells, rituals baths, or beauty and glamor magic do what is calling to you. Use the energy of Friday to connect you to all that love can open for you. To learn more about the magic that rules this day read my guide about it HERE!

Relationships will have ups and downs, it’s the natural rhythm of love, growth, and living together. From time to time we need a little extra help to reconnect to one another in a loving, healthy, and communicative way. Create this spell jar today to help kickstart the rekindling, and rebuilding of a loving relationship. To help anchor the both of you back into the core of your relationship; and the love you have for one another. This spell jar has ingredients to promote love, compassion, sex, clear communication, and to sweeten you up towards one another. For extra potency create this spell jar on a Friday night to connect to the energy of Venus and love!

Since Friday is connected to Venus and the energy of love it is one of the most potent days to soak in some self love! Check out this self love spell jar you can create today! Once created place it in a central room of your house to promote self love, in your bedroom, or on your altar.

Saturday

This day of the week got it’s name from the god of karma and time, Saturn and therefore is associated with this planet. This planet connects us to Capricorn as well. This day connects us to some very potent, protective, intuitive and intelligent energy. This day is great for all kinds of protection, meditation, self discipline, and expanding your wisdom. To learn more about the magic that rules this day read my guide about it HERE!

Saturday is ruled by the planet Saturn which makes a great day to do any spells associated with boundaries and protection! One type of spell you can do is a freezer spell. The freezer spell for enemies serves as a means of protection. Furthermore, a self-defense against individuals who may wish harm or ill-will upon you. Whether dealing with a personal rival, a workplace adversary, or even a malevolent force, this spell jar can help create a barrier between you and the unwanted they represent and bring into your life. By literally “putting them on ice,” you regain a sense of control and agency over your circumstances.

How to perform:
Get into sacred space. On a piece of paper, write the name of your enemy or a brief description of the situation you wish to freeze. Place the paper inside the container wrapped around one of the lemon halves, along with the basil, garlic, and pepper flakes. Visualize your desired outcome as you do so, focusing on the sense of liberation and protection you seek. Fill the container with water, covering the contents completely. As you do, envision the unwanted person or issue being sealed away and rendered powerless. visualize them or it being literally frozen in its tracks. Seal the container tightly and place it in the freezer. Come back to the spell once a week to charge it.
Happy Casting!

Ps. If you need to learn more about how to cast a freezer spell jar in general I do go over it more in depth in this blogpost.

Since Saturday is ruled by the planet Saturn it is dripping in energy all about protection and karma. Which makes today one of the most potent days to do any form of protection magic from warding, binding, cleansing, and banishing! Try out this spell jar to help banish unwanted energy from your life and home. Once this jar is created I like to place this one outside my front door. I at times have even made four more and placed them at the cardinal points of direction ( North, South, East, and West ) around my home. Otherwise you can also place it under our bed or at your altar. Ps. If you want to learn more about baneful magic, or protection magic follow the links to watch my classes on YouTube with DiviNation Academy.

Sunday

Sunday is all about the energy from the sun. The sun is the vital life energy. It is the representation and connection to your ego, identity and the dominates traits of your personality both your strengths and your weaknesses. Due to this Sunday becomes the perfect day to focus on who you truly are and harnessing the vital energy of life to actively shape your life to be the brightest shining success it can be. To learn more about the magic that rules this day read my guide about it HERE!

With Sunday being ruled by the planet of the Sun it is a day all about connecting us to the energy of joy, happiness, confidence, and self worth. Why not take the time to create this spell jar to attract joy to you, your life, and your home today to help you connect to the energy of this day and the vibrant and lively sun.

Sunday is a day full of energy and vitality, that can be all about prepping and planning for the week. so why not take that vitality and light and direct it inwards and too boost your self confidence today?! Self confidence is a super power once you start to believe in yourself the magic starts happening! Make this self confidence spell jar today!

Bonus spell jar

We all need protection in our lives from the energies that we come in contact with each and every day. But, empaths need to make sure they are protecting their energies a little more. They have a natural ability to take in and absorb the energies and emotions of others around them which can lead to overwhelm, feeling drained, and having a hard time deciphering the difference between your emotions and others. Try creating this spell jar to help protect yourself from others’ energies and emotions if your an empath for the week ahead. Place this jar on your altar or the room in your home you spend the most time in or are around others the most in. Don’t forget to go back and feed your spell jar as well!

Spell jars might look simple, but the magic they hold is powerful. And they’ve never been more popular in the world of magic and witchcraft. Spell jars have been a part of various spiritual practices for centuries. They serve as a powerful tool for manifesting intentions and desires. Whether you’re new to the world of spell jars or a seasoned practitioner, this eBook aims to provide you with a comprehensive understanding of what spell jars are, their types, ingredients, and their growing popularity.

Don’t forget to head over to my shop and register for my Valentines day sex magic event as well; Essence of the sacred dance. When you register for this event you will learn; Sex magic techniques to increase pleasure, create more presence in the moment, manifest your desires through organisms, and strengthen your connection through timeless intimacy! Let me show you how something as simple as the right energy, intention, and breathing technique with your blowjobs can heal years of trauma for your partner even! Plus you will leave with an eBook full of sex magic spells you can do on your own and journal prompts to help unlock more of your sexual prowess, desires, and release blockages holding you back in bed.

If you have ever wanted to learn how to make sex apart of your magic and spiritual life this event is for you! We begin at 6:30pm CST- 8:30pm CST on Wednesday February 11th in google meet. To register for this event purchase today!

About Me : I have been a solitary grey magic practitioner for 15 + years. First and foremost, I consider myself a mystic and seeker of all knowledge. I am dedicated to the restoration, and re-enchantment of Magic in society, across this realm, and in each and every soul I come across in life! I am here to create a container that promotes healing, duality, and raw authenticity. I do this by guiding you on your personal journey to understanding your unique magic and sacred contracts. I facilitate this for you through embracing your shadow, duality and learning to live in energetic balance while not wearing a mask. When you work and learn from me you do so from your “darkness” as much as your “light” and in a way to truly harness and accept it not to just go thru it on the way to your light. But, I teach you how to truly embrace it, work with it, and use it alongside your light as a partner. I hold up a mirror for you to be able to see your authentic reflection looking back. Then have the courage to take the next step and do the uncomfortable but vital inner work to completely remove your mask. By facing all of your past wounds, traumas, and hurts. Allowing you to see both the dark and light within your story and take each chapter and alchemize it into something that is so powerful. your unique internal flame will shine so bright you will always be able to go within and find it on a dark cold night. You will learn how to truly live in duality and energetic balance to allow growth, and alignment with your sacred contracts and purposes. to finally move on and truly let the things that hold you back in this life from healing and manifesting go. To see everything I offer; like personalized shadow work sessions, womb healing, eBooks for you to work through on your own, Tarot sessions for guidance and more! Go to my shop!

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Marriage and/or a partnership aren’t meant to be equal or 50/50

I Know right away some of you have clicked on this to come at me with guns blazing ready to argue with me. To let me know how wrong I am, how young I am so how could I possibly know, and to tell me how I am anti feminist or in an unhealthy marriage.

I am going to tell you that you are wrong.

I am going to stick to the statement I made in this blog post title.

And I am going to ask that you hear me out. Read this until the very end and than tell me you don’t think and feel the same way.

My marriage and why you should even read this

I am going to get very personal in the post. I am going to talk about some deep things that have happened and are happening now in my marriage and how not viewing my marriage as 50/50 and equal is how we are still together today.

After meeting right out of high school at 18, getting engaged after only 6 months and moving i with each other, getting married after 4 years and now being together for 13 years ( married for 8) not having this 50/50 mindset is a key factor to us still being together today.

Unlike so many around us that have already divorced or will be soon. And we have outlived the national average for a marriage of 7-8 years and beat the statistics so far of meeting as teens and being too young to stay together.

It has not been all sunshine and rainbows and we more than understand ups and downs in marriages. How hard they can be to navigate, how you can get disconnected and/or grow apart or start to venture down different paths. We have been thru many things life has thrown our way and things we have done to hurt each other. But, all of that will be for later posts.

My marriage never would have survived being 50/50

What we are going to focus on in this post is this idea I keep seeing blowing up on social media; that marriages and/or partnerships if they are healthy are equal and/or 50/50. I get the appeal of thinking like that and I get the idea of how this is thought to be healthy.

But, man am I so thankful my marriage doesn’t function this way.

My marriage never would have made it this long if we had this mindset.

We would have been doomed from the start and set up for failure and I would not be who I am today as an individual nor would my husband if we had this 50/50 mindset.

With this mindset my husband should have left me a long time ago.

And let me tell you why.

What does this 50/50 mindset actually mean?

Like I touched on before I get the appeal of this mindset. I 10000% understand that equal share of responsibility, support, and dealing with life with your partner sounds like and feels like the most balanced way to go through life with a partner.

It seems fair. Let me tell you why it is not.

That isn’t the definition of fair.

Fair doesn’t mean equal like so many think it does. I myself was included in this until a therapist of mine taught me otherwise.

Fair means that something is impartial, just, and not achieving an advantage over another.

For something to be just is going to be subjective based on the people, places, and events involved and it will change and fluctuate all the time.

This fluctuating and subjectiveness is exactly why our goal and my goal is for things to be fair and not 50/50. It gives room for grace in your marriage/ partnership whereas the 50/50 mindset does not.

50/50 leaves no room for grace and support

Grace is critical to a marriage/ partnership. Both giving/ showing your spouse/partner grace and them being able to reciprocate for you when you need it.

And being in a 50/50 mindset leaves no room for grace to be in it.

50/50 means 50/50 no matter what at all times.

It means each person has their own weight to carry, their equal share of the responsibilities and its up to them to carry it so their spouse/ partner can carry theirs. It’s some peoples definition of teamwork.

With this rigid look on duties, responsibilities, and teamwork how could there be grace and true support when its needed? And without that how would you ever expect a relationship to last?

I can tell you with 100000% certainty my husband should have left me, my marriage should no longer be intact and I myself in all honesty may not have lived this long to give birth to my son, go thru therapy and treatment, hold my husband in grace now, and be writing this blog post now for you to be reading.

So, what is grace in a marriage/partnership?

I keep saying my marriage or any marriage won’t make it without grace in it which is why a 50/50 relationship doesn’t always set you up for success.

So, what is grace in a relationship?

Grace in a relationship allows for support. It allows goodwill to enter the marriage/ partnership.

It allows for one spouse/partner to be able to have bad day. It allows for give and take.

It allows for one partner to say ” my load is too heavy right now, I can’t carry it all. Is it okay if I don’t take this on right now? ” It allows for your partner or you to ask for help from the other and know you can get it.

It allows for you to be able to say you need support, to ask for it, and to receive it.

It allows for a partner to say ” hey I need you to carry 80% today I can only handle 20%.” and for the other partner to be willing and able to do that knowing that when the scales tip the other way the same amount of grace will be given to them.

It allows to truly build a team, a life, and marriage built on support.

How can not being 50/50 in a marriage look like in use and its impact

What does this look like in an actual marriage/ partnership? Let me tell you about its biggest impact on mine. How its kept us together and even me alive.

This mindset in our marriage really got put to the test shortly after I turned 25 so about 6 years ago, shortly after we got married and had been together for about 6 years at that point.

I had a quarter life crisis at the point, I completely broke to the point where I almost was or maybe should have been hospitalized. I couldn’t even leave my home, literally. If I tried I’d curl into a ball on the floor in front of my door shaking and crying in a panic attack.

It was my lowest point in my life.

I’ll have a blog post coming soon to dive really deep into that topic.

If we had the mindset of 50/50 and equal at this time my husband should have left for what happened next and the weight he carried for me and for the length of time he did it.

I lied to him about going to work, used all my time off, fmla etc, and had gotten fired.

I than spent the next three years in such a bad depression and having other mental health illnesses causing more instability, My husband was the only one who could work and we eventually ended up homeless because not even that could bring me back to carrying my own weight.

And thru it all my husband carried almost all my weight we were easily 80/20 or 90/10 no matter what he had going on because I simply couldn’t do it. I couldn’t carry a larger amount than that.

And he did so for over 3 years! Without resentment, without blame, and without pressure to push me back to carrying a larger amount of the weight. And doing so allowed me to have time for so much reflection, growth and therapy and I’m in a place we both never could have dreamed to be in.

That grace and willingness was possible because we both knew than and know now that every single day we take a look at it and see how much of the total weight we each are able to carry and in what areas.

It made it possible for me to hold him in the same space now as he goes through what I did and now it’s his turn to heal and grow while I carry most of the weight and hold him in grace and support.

Some days we are 60/40, some days 50/50, some days 80/20, and others 95/5.

Some days my husband carries more weight and others I do.

In some areas he takes on more and in others I do.

We both know that we are there to carry whatever the other needs us to in order for us to be a team truly, to grow together, and support each other when we need it, how we need it, for how long we need it for.

We both know we have a true partnership, and team and know how to truly give and take in a relationship, to be fair, and supportive of one another.

I challenge you to question your idea of a marriage and if 50/50 is truly what you want