At Modgepodgemystic.com and within the Mystic Mysteries, we weave magic into the everyday, embracing the sacred in all its shadows and light. Today, as Mental Health Awareness Month unfolds, I’m opening my heart to share a raw, personal reflection on living with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). This is more than a diagnosis—it’s a dance with anxiety, a testament to resilience, and a journey of reclaiming control. My hope is to illuminate what OCD feels like, dispel misconceptions, and honor the strength it’s taught me, especially as we approach Mother’s Day, a time that stirs deep emotions for many of us. Let’s step into this cauldron of awareness together.
The Architect’s Gift: A Strength Woven in Order
Living with OCD is like being an architect of my own soul, crafting order from the chaos that threatens to unravel me. The disorder manifests in compulsions—counting steps with precision, checking locks until my fingers ache, ensuring everything has its proper place, and the relentless need to clean my space until it’s tidy, organized, and pristine. These rituals offer a fleeting sense of control, a high where the world feels safe and predictable, like a spell cast to ward off disaster. This structure has become a strength, a tool I’ve learned to wield with intention, grounding me when life’s storms rage.
This gift of order allows me to see patterns others might miss, a mystical lens that turns chaos into a canvas of meaning. One alter might revel in the rhythm of sweeping the floor, transforming it into a meditative chant, while another finds solace in aligning objects with the precision of a sacred grid. It’s a resilience born from necessity, honed by years of navigating an inner world that demands perfection, and it deepens my connection to the earth’s own rhythms—like the lessons I’ve felt sitting on a river tree’s roots.
The Shadows: Struggles of Exhaustion and Panic
Yet this gift casts long shadows. The downs are a spiral of panic when chaos creeps in—a sock misplaced, a door unchecked—and my body and mind scream that catastrophe looms. The exhaustion is bone-deep, a weight that never lets me truly sit and be present. I’m trapped in a cycle of cleaning and ordering, leaving me drained, my spirit yearning for rest it can’t find. After my son was born, this intensified, the need for control surging as I feared for his safety, turning every spill into a threat, every untidy corner into a battleground. The compulsions grew fiercer, a shield against the vulnerability of motherhood.
OCD was one of the last disorders I was diagnosed with, a shock that hit hard. Media paints it as a germ-obsessed stereotype, so I didn’t recognize myself in it. But OCD is an anxiety that births compulsions to relieve it—mine manifest as cleaning and order, rooted in years of my mother using these acts as control, abuse, and punishment. I still carry the memory of my nose breaking after she chased me down stairs into a closet for not folding socks fast enough—a wound that shaped my need for perfection. This trauma etched a belief that disorder invites disaster, a belief I’m still unraveling.
The Quiet Rituals: A Subtle Unraveling
Discovering my OCD was a slow awakening, not a sudden revelation. It hid beneath the surface, masked by my other struggles, until a therapist named it. The rituals weren’t always dramatic—sometimes just a twitch of counting under my breath or a compulsive glance at the lock. If you didn’t live with me, you might miss the shift, the way my hands move to straighten a pillow or my eyes scan for dust. It took time, introspection, and the gentle nudge of loved ones to see it for what it was—a silent spell cast by anxiety.
This subtlety makes it hard to explain, especially when the world expects OCD to look like hand-washing marathons. But it’s real, a quiet storm that demands respect, and understanding it has been a journey of peeling back layers to meet the anxiety beneath.
Embracing the Magic of Order
Living with OCD is a sacred pilgrimage. The compulsions, once tyrants, are now threads in the tapestry of who I am, and learning to honor them with compassion is an act of self-love. I’m not broken; I’m a weaver of structure, turning anxiety into a tool for growth. Through DBT, I’ve learned to pause, to breathe into the panic, to use mindfulness to observe without obeying every urge. A ritual of sitting by a forest stream [from your nature post] helps me release the need for control, letting nature’s chaos soothe my soul.
To those reading, I invite you to see OCD not as a flaw, but as a unique magic—a strength in disguise. Ask questions, listen with an open heart, and meet this part of me with curiosity. If you walk this path too, know your order is a power, a gift to wield with grace.
Six DBT Skills to Support Yourself if You Suspect You Have OCD
If you’re beginning to suspect OCD, the journey of understanding can feel both sacred and overwhelming. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offers tools to ground, regulate, and approach your compulsions with kindness. These six DBT skills, infused with gentle magic, can guide you (Note: Seek a professional diagnosis and therapy for clarity and care)
1. Mindfulness: Observe Without Judgment
Notice your urges to count or clean without acting on them. Sit quietly, like by a river’s edge, and breathe, asking, “What am I feeling?” Journal the thoughts to track patterns, building awareness without fear.
2. Distress Tolerance: TIPP Skill
When panic spikes, use TIPP (Temperature, Intense exercise, Paced breathing, Progressive relaxation). Splash cold water on your face or stretch to ground yourself, connecting to earth’s stability.
3. Emotion Regulation: Opposite Action
If anxiety pushes you to check locks again, choose to walk away instead. This shifts the energy, countering the compulsion’s grip.
4. Interpersonal Effectiveness: DEAR MAN
Share your struggles with loved ones using DEAR MAN (Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate). Say, “I need help with my checking—can you support me by not asking me to redo it?”
5. Wise Mind: Balance Emotion and Logic
Blend your fear (e.g., “Chaos will hurt me”) with reason (e.g., “I’m safe now”). Journal, “What does my wise self need?” to find peace amidst the urge.
6. Self-Soothing: Create a Comfort Kit
Build a kit with a smooth stone, lavender scent, or soft fabric. When compulsions rise, use these to calm your senses, inviting clarity like a forest meditation.
These are seeds of self-compassion—nurture them daily with a therapist’s guidance
Supporting Someone You Think May Have OCD: Tips for Loved Ones
If you suspect a loved one has OCD, your support can be a lantern in their dark. Here are five tips, rooted in Cauldron Clarity’s ( weekly event inside The Mystic Mysteries ) open spirit:
1. Approach with Curiosity, Not Judgment
Ask gently, “I’ve noticed you check things a lot—can you tell me about it?” Avoid dismissing it as “quirky,” honoring its depth.
2. Be Patient with Rituals
If they need to reorder or clean, wait without rushing them. Offer, “Take your time—I’m here,” building trust.
3. Learn Their Triggers
If they share what sparks compulsions (e.g., a messy space), note it. Say, “I’ll help keep things tidy—let me know what works,” showing respect.
4. Create a Calm Environment
Reduce clutter or noise to ease their anxiety. Suggest, “Let’s sit by the window for peace,” echoing nature’s grounding.
5. Encourage Professional Help Without Pressure
Frame it as care: “A therapist might offer tools for this—want me to look into one?” Support their pace, like guiding a spell’s flow.
Your love can be a shield—educate yourself via resources like the International OCD Foundation (iocdf.org) and stay present.
My OCD Journey: From Tyranny to Transformation
My life has been a tapestry of trauma, with OCD as one of its latest threads, diagnosed after years of battling other storms. It shocked me—media’s germ-obsessed image didn’t fit, but the truth hit hard: OCD is anxiety driving compulsions, mine born from my mother’s abuse. Her cleaning as punishment, like the broken nose from a sock-folding chase, wired me to fear chaos. After my son’s birth, it worsened, my need for control a fortress against vulnerability. The exhaustion was relentless, stealing presence, until DBT became my guide.
Through mindfulness and opposite action, I’ve turned OCD into an ally. The ups—control, structure—now fuel my magic, like crafting orderly spells, while the downs—panic, fatigue—teach me surrender. This shift deepens my empathy, connecting me to others’ struggles, a truth that our shadows are part of our power.
Acknowledging the Ongoing Journey
Healing is a spiral, not a straight line. OCD ebbs and flows, some days demanding rituals, others offering peace. I falter, but I ride the waves with DBT, using nature’s chaos to soothe my need for order. This acceptance transforms the struggle into a dance with my shadow—a lifelong spell cast with love.
Expanding on Mental Illness This Month
This month, we’ll explore OCD, alongside Bipolar II, BPD, BED, and DID, sharing stories, DBT skills, and magical practices. Each week, I’ll dive into one illness, offering insights and community space. Join me on this path—your voice matters.
Final Thoughts
As Mental Health Awareness Month blooms, let’s honor our minds—order and chaos alike. This is a cauldron of possibility, where awareness fuels empowerment. Dive deeper with Cauldron Clarity on Patreon, and explore the Embrace Your Shadow Self program starting June 7—details at Modgepodgemystic.com. Let’s weave this magic together.
I am Kayreign, the Divine Oracle of the Gods and Keeper of Mysteries, a solitary grey magic practitioner with over 15 years of experience walking the sacred paths of the unseen. As a mystic and relentless seeker of all knowledge, I weave together the threads of every magical tradition—light and dark, ancient and modern—to uncover the universal truths that bind us to the cosmos. My mission is to restore and re-enchant magic in this realm, igniting its spark in every soul I encounter, and guiding you to embrace the full spectrum of your being.
My work is rooted in the power of duality, honoring the dance between shadow and light as equal partners in your spiritual journey. I hold space for you to explore all magic paths and practices, drawing from the vast tapestry of mystical wisdom to help you uncover your unique magic and sacred contracts. As the Divine Oracle of the Gods, I channel divine insights to illuminate your path; as the Keeper of Mysteries, I guide you into the depths of the unknown, where true transformation awaits.
When you work with me, you’ll learn to live in energetic balance, embracing your darkness as a source of power, not just a stepping stone to the light. I’ll hold up a mirror to reflect your authentic self—unmasked, raw, and whole—inviting you to face your past wounds, traumas, and hurts with courage. Together, we’ll alchemize every chapter of your story, dark and light, into a blazing internal flame that lights your way on even the coldest nights. Through this process, you’ll find alignment with your purpose, release what holds you back, and step fully into your power.
Come join me for community, knowledge, and to restore the enchantment of magic in yourself and life today!
Explore my offerings—personalized shadow work sessions, womb healing, eBooks for self-guided growth, Tarot readings for divine guidance, and more—in my shop. Let’s journey together into the mysteries, where duality becomes your greatest ally, and magic becomes your birthright.
