Category: Inner musings

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My Open letter to you; 2024 Past Year Introspection and New Year goals for 2025

Happy New Year everyone! I can not believe we are at this point again here! As we welcome the new calendar year saying hello to 2025 and also saying goodbye to 2024 I sit in the duality of the liminal space of transition as I reflect on the past year and look to the new year ahead. Sitting in this liminal space and allowing myself to reflect creates a portal that helps me acknowledge the things I went through, recognize the lessons learned, and gather my thoughts and/or feelings and focus for the year ahead.

My highest heights

. To give the year a proper send-off and reflect on the past 365 days without falling into a pattern of dwelling on the past to the point that you have trouble moving forward, I look at the best parts of the year through a lens of taking note of the highest heights I was able to climb. Actively realizing how far I’ve come and celebrating the wins along the way gives me the perspective and motivation I need when focusing on losses and unwanted things seems all my mind can do that day. Some of my highs from the past year are listed below.

  • The goals I was able to meet.
  • The new people who came in and blessed my life becoming a cherished part of my community I am rebuilding.
  • The kindness showed to be by family in some of my darkest days by taking me in when I didn’t know where I would end up.
  • The magic I was able to weave.
  • The projects I was able to begin, finish, and how my way to express and create changed.
  • The energy I was able to contribute to the collective and the change I was able to make in my clients lives and through my voice and actions demanding change.
  • The amount of love grown between the bond of a mother and a son another year of life can make.
  • The growth a huge mistake someone making can force to take place within a marriage if you choose to forgive and continue your journey together forever with a fresh new clean slate

My deepest depths

I don’t forget about the duality of this liminal time and day. I also look at the worst parts of the year through a lens of taking note of the deepest depths of despair and sorrow I had to face. Reflecting on the lows of the past year means taking time to intentionally think back on the most challenging, difficult, or disappointing moments of the previous year. To acknowledge and embrace the unwanted emotions associated with them. Allowing them identify areas for growth or self improvement moving forward. Some of my lows from the past year are listed below.

  • The confusion and doubt from learning how to enter a technological world I knew absolutely nothing about.
  • The fear and anxiety of being rejected by others never selling a product or booking a client with business I am using to help support my family every single day.
  • The overwhelming feeling of failure when losing my job, getting utilities shut off on me and losing the home I had built for my son and family the past few years.
  • The feeling of grief and loss in who I thought my husband and my marriage was when betrayal entered our life and home.
  • The loneliness and isolation felt when having to finally close the door and cut off contact with all the family I have connected to me through blood.
  • The resentment felt when you take care of everyone else’s world and you don’t see it reciprocated back into your world from those you love.
  • The lack of self worth when facing a relapse from an eating disorder, starting a new business on social media, and healing from betrayal

My Biggest Overall lesson of 2024

“Don’t let the fear of the unknown keep you from taking bold steps toward your goals. The greatest opportunities lie on the other side of fear.”

As you sit to reflect on the past year as it comes to the end and look forward to the next year ahead.
I want you to think of this. Think of every single time you didn’t listen to the fear of failure. Think of every single time you didn’t listen to the anxiety and worry of not knowing if things were going to work out in the end. Think of every single time you kept going even though you had no idea where to go or how you would get there. Didn’t each one of those times get you to a brand new place, build a new thing, or help you meet your goals to achieve your dreams? I’m going to guess the answer is most likely yes.

I know for me the last year was a entire lesson in all of that. I launched this page, started a business, and stepped into a new sacred purpose I had no idea how to shape. The entire time there was fear in the unknown Fear that I wouldn’t have things people would want to hear. Fear that my gifts weren’t something people really wanted me share.
Fear that I didn’t have the power, skill, and time to learn how to create this sacred container especially in a technical way. Fear that I would have to lose things very dear to me in order to make this dream come true and those I love would walk away Fear that the balance between creating content and being present in life couldn’t be had. But, even with that fear there, I kept going. And now just look at where I am at and all the opportunities I have had! This business has done more and has a farther reach than I ever thought I could have!

My First Year as a small business owner

With the turning of a new calendar year I sit here and set my goals and intentions for my personal growth, my family, my personal life, my marriage, my health, and now for my business, this page and sacred container I have created in this past year of my life. This goal I set at the beginning of last year was only supposed to be a small little blogsite for me to write and get my thoughts out in life. Now look at what it’s become and all the skills it has forced me to learn it had never crossed my mind I would need in this lifetime.


It’s allowed my magic to grow and flow in a way I never saw in life and created a new perspective for how to navigate this reality. My eyes were open to how my voice, my energy, and my authenticity could make a real difference in the collective and others lives entering the universal creative force. I was able to get some much more clarity on my identity. I am a hand guiding you on your own unique healing journey. Teaching you to dance in liminal space & alchemize human suffering into healing, power, and magic for the collective. I show you ways to reenchant your life with magic, personal alchemy,& duality.


The goals I have for this magical, mystical, and alchemizing place this next year I know will allow me to meet this epic, resurrecting, and revolutionizing energy of 2025 coming. Below are some of the goals I WILL climb to in 2025 and give you peak behind the curtain of the creative forces that have flowing through me thickly the last month.

  • Hit 1000 facebook and pinterest followers
  • Have 5 people a month join the patreon community
  • Host 2 major workshops spirit has guided me to lead in 2025
  • Be consistent with how I am showing up in this sacred community and container
  • Focus my commitment on supporting all the new offerings in my patreon community
  • Fight injustice in my community by using this space to speak more about political issues and activism the collective should pay attention too and host more events to empower the collective to fight
  • Enter new portals of knowledge to bring back and share with all whose ears are open to hear
  • Listen to those within the community with an open heart to hear what they truly need from to alchemize their suffering
  • Allow my authenticity to shine through even brighter as a guiding light

My top 24 of 2024

Last year I launched this space and birthed my small business this sacred container on 01/07/2024 . After that one of the very firs articles I wrote and posted was my Top 23 of 2023. My reflection of the top lessons I had leaned during 2023. When I look back at that article now and compare it to the ones I have written even in the last week. the growth in my own voice, my writing style, and my confidence is seen all over my site. Which leads me to the first lesson of my top 24 of 2024 . ( Of course , I am going to keep this gong. do you not know me?) If you allow yourself to walk into the unknown you will be in awe at the difference one year can make. In every single area of my life, from the beginning of this year to where I am now has been completely reshaped. Simply because, I had the courage to take that very first step into not knowing the way. Let’s look at the rest of the lesson s I learned in 2024.

  1. If you allow yourself to walk into the unknown you will be in awe at the difference one year can make.
  2. Anger is one of the most powerful emotions to motivate us to change.
  3. true power comes from alchemizing our past, wounds, and suffering into healing.
  4. Progress over Perfection 2024 reminded me that imperfections build character and can be catalysts to change..
  5. I’d rather have lasting change instead of quick change.
  6. Letting go of expectation reduces suffering.
  7. I would much rather Reign in hell then serve in heaven.
  8. I can never stop going I hold someone’s childhood in my hands.
  9. The Peace you get from cutting out toxicity and drama from other people is resounding.
  10. Your choice to forgive and move on must be for you and no one else.
  11. Shame is something others can make you feel while guilt is something you make yourself feel.
  12. In life we are either learning and growing or decaying.
  13. When you choose to play in the matrix you have to know the rules to play.
  14. You must know who you are to attract the abundance and things you need from the multiverse.
  15. Embody your authenticity with integrity.
  16. Lessons will continue to present themselves until you respond in a different and new way.
  17. You can’t create a new life without being willing to shift perspective and do things in a new way.
  18. The wisdom whispered in stillness and silence is the most profound.
  19. With betrayal comes a deep sense of grief for the person and life you thought you knew.
  20. Look for your glimmer in every single day
  21. You can only enlighten the minds of those whose ears are open to hear it
  22. Change is a natural part of life, and even destructive forces can lead to new beginnings.
  23. Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
  24. Betrayal can be a wake-up call to establish clear guidelines for how you expect to be treated.

Final Thoughts

As I look at the heights and the pits of the past year I can’t help but, be reminded of the duality of life. The constant ebb and flow of energy. The endless turning of the wheel. The one thing we can guarantee in our lives forever; is change. The need for us embracing and balancing the darkness and the light. I see how not only the highs bring wanted things into my life but, pits and falls do as well.

In the form of healing generational wounds and trauma. Pushing me to grow, evolve, and becoming the next version of myself. Shedding and letting go of stories and wounds that no longer serve me and weigh me down. While welcoming in new ways of thinking, being, and perspectives of others and the world. As you sit in both the hope of the future looking at the highs, and setting new goals. Don’t forget to also look at those times you sank into the depths of despair, darkness, and sorrow and lessons they had shining bright inside.

Come join me the first Saturday of January to revolutionize how you set your goals for 2025. Let me show you hand in hand how to create my personal development plan. You will leave with your entire years worth of SMART goals planned, a way to keep yourself accountable, and have a clear path on how you meet every goal you set. https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/4ZKQ6FXMUGGEJ

Have you been feeling stuck, emotionally unstable, missing joy in your life, or having a hard time connecting to yourself and your magic? Do you want to start the new year from a different headspace? I have the answer for you to start out this new year from a place feeling grounded, present, and ready to manifest your dream life. Come join me for this special one time only two day event teaching you how to integrate the practice of Mindfulness to your magic and life!

What is mindfulness? Mindfulness is the practice of purposely bringing one’s attention to the present moment without judgment. It allows you to move from just existing in life to thriving, get back to wise mind, create a place to heal and grow in, and most important of all, align you with joy while creating a life where you truly thrive! This skill is a core skill in DBT, the therapy that changed my life! To register for this special two day event visit the link below! https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/JY5UBMB2TA27L

Come join me for community, knowledge, and to restore the enchantment of magic in yourself and life today!

Don’t forget to head over to the shop today for eBooks, workshops, resources, and 1:1 services with me!

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About Me : I have been a solitary grey magic practitioner for 15 + years. First and foremost, I consider myself a mystic and seeker of all knowledge. I am dedicated to the restoration, and re-enchantment of Magic in society, across this realm, and in each and every soul I come across in life! I am here to create a container that promotes healing, duality, and raw authenticity. I do this by guiding you on your personal journey to understanding your unique magic and sacred contracts. I facilitate this for you through embracing your shadow, duality and learning to live in energetic balance while not wearing a mask. When you work and learn from me you do so from your “darkness” as much as your “light” and in a way to truly harness and accept it not to just go thru it on the way to your light. But, I teach you how to truly embrace it, work with it, and use it alongside your light as a partner. I hold up a mirror for you to be able to see your authentic reflection looking back. Then have the courage to take the next step and do the uncomfortable but vital inner work to completely remove your mask. By facing all of your past wounds, traumas, and hurts. Allowing you to see both the dark and light within your story and take each chapter and alchemize it into something that is so powerful. your unique internal flame will shine so bright you will always be able to go within and find it on a dark cold night. You will learn how to truly live in duality and energetic balance to allow growth, and alignment with your sacred contracts and purposes. to finally move on and truly let the things that hold you back in this life from healing and manifesting go. To see everything I offer; like personalized shadow work sessions, womb healing, eBooks for you to work through on your own, Tarot sessions for guidance and more! Go to my shop!

© 2025, Modgepodgemystic LLC

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Gain Clarity with Your 2025 New Year Goals by choosing a word of the year

It’s hard to believe another year has gone by! As we welcome in a new calendar year it’s important to choose your word of the year! If you haven’t already chosen a word of the year now is the time to do it! Choosing a word of the year allows you to look back on your hopes and dreams for the year. You have the chance to set the stage for the year to come and focus on what you need most in your life right now. Your word of the year can help you set goals that share a common theme. Ideally, your word of the year should be something that inspires you to reach your goals, chase your dreams, and drives you to live a fuller life. I truly believe that choosing a word of the year can be one of the most powerful things you can do in terms of goal setting , manifestation, and personal growth when the new year comes around each time.

Why choose a word of the year?

In life, you can’t just wish for your dreams to come true. You need to commit to them, create a plan, and implement a system to make your goals a success. There are countless ways to do this. One that I find to be incredibly useful is to include a New Year’s word to constantly remind me of them and keep them at the forefront of my mind. Choosing a Word of the Year is like picking a theme or central idea you want to focus on for the whole year. It’s a simple way to remind yourself of what’s important and what you want to achieve or change in your life—like having a personal motto or slogan.

When you choose a word, it is usually what you need more of, what you want to focus on, or what you need to improve on. A lot of the time, my word has been blaringly obvious. It helps me gain clarity on my goals, my personal development plan, and stay committed to my goals all year long. This method I have been using for years has now become a cornerstone to the foundation of all my goal setting and manifestation work for each year to come. If all that’s not enough reasons to set a word of the year, I don’t know what is!

How do you choose your word of the year?

Choosing a word of the year doesn’t have to be hard. Your word of the year just needs to provide you with inspiration for the direction you desire this next year to go!

First step is to, reflect on the past year and on the next year ahead. Make sure you look at the highs and the lows of from the past year. Look at what worked and what didn’t. Be authentic and honest with yourself about how the past year truly made you feel. Don’t hide from yourself to try and make yourself feel more accomplished then maybe the last year went as well. But, also don’t let yourself get fixated on the things that didn’t come to fruition through manifestation. Instead be willing to see through your eyes with clarity, the lessons they have taught you as this chapter comes to a close. Below are some of the questions I have used from year to year to pick out my word of the year. Use any of them that speak out to your soul or come up with your very own!

  • What do you want to do or accomplish the most in the next year?
  • What was the overall feel of last year?
  • Is there something you want more of or don’t want in teh next year?
  • How do you want to feel by the end of next year?
  • Is there something important you want more of from the past year?
  • Is there something you cherish you want more of from the past year?
  • What skills did you learn in the past year you want to use in the next one? What new ones would you like to learn?
  • What was the biggest lesson you learned in 2024?
  • What is the biggest lesson you wish to learn in 2025?
  • What core value of yours do yo wish to focus on this next year?
  • What feeling fits the goals of every area of your life?
  • What is the biggest blockage you need to remove in 2025 to manifest your dream life?
  • How do you want to describe your life by the end of 2025?
  • How would you describe the year 2024 in one word by the end of it?
  • What was the best things you manifested in 2024?
  • What is the biggest thing you need in your life to meet all your goals in 2025?
  • What major life changes happened in 2024? What ones do you wish to happen in 2025?
  • What was the greatest challenge you had to overcome in 2024?

Once we have taken the time to sit and reflect with our feelings and thoughts for the past year and then how we want to create the year unfolding ahead. It’s time to sit down and start to get a rough picture of how you want your goals to take shape in the year ahead. This step is crucial. If you don’t know what you want to accomplish, it’s going to be extremely difficult to reflect on your accomplishments and assess if you were successful. While you are doing this make sure to take a close look at each of your goals and try to find any connections between them. If you start to see a link now you may start to see your word of the year start to take form and reveal itself to you. Take a look at some of the categories below to help you start to brainstorm your goals. If you need help to learn more about what goals are you can read my guide about them here.

  • Finance
  • Parenting
  • Relationship(s)
  • Travel
  • Home Improvement
  • Self-Care/ self-love
  • Health
  • Career
  • Self-Development
  • Mental health
  • Healing journey
  • business
  • hobbies
  • political activism
  • Spiritual well being
  • Learning/knowledge/education
  • family
  • fun
  • cleaning/organization
  • pets

Now that you reflected on your past year, what you want in the next one ahead, and started to shape your goals for the new year. It is time a create a list . Create a list of one words that fit the feeling of the things you have written down. I like to do this brain dump style. How I do this is I read my answers to the question from above. Then without judgement, fear, or trying to control what comes I pick up my pen and just let the words come. I write down every single one that comes. Now, it is time for you to do the same. Don’t judge any of them that come, you never know which one may sneak up and surprise you. Below you will find a list of ALOT but, certainly not all of the words I have had come to me throughout the years. If any of them are glittering to you on this new day as an unknown year unfolds take them and add them to your list as well.

  • balance
  • compassion
  • commitment
  • acceptance
  • release
  • heal
  • Focus
  • Clarity
  • growth
  • perspective
  • integrate
  • magic
  • learn
  • dream
  • cultivate
  • prosper
  • shine
  • conquer
  • embrace
  • peace
  • simplify
  • create
  • accept
  • explore
  • adventure
  • expand
  • evolve
  • hustle
  • Cherish
  • rest
  • reflect
  • bloom
  • confidence
  • self love
  • thrive
  • elevate
  • inspire
  • persevere
  • forgive
  • encourage
  • connect
  • consistency
  • renew
  • enough
  • alignment
  • boundaries
  • pause
  • seek
  • gratitude
  • speak
  • wander
  • ground
  • allow
  • be
  • believe
  • authenticity
  • honesty
  • success
  • softness
  • family
  • me
  • build
  • devoted
  • Fight
  • Flexibility
  • fulfill
  • fun
  • habit
  • health
  • home
  • imagine
  • divinity
  • illuminate
  • indulge
  • lift
  • no
  • now
  • observe
  • progress
  • sparkle
  • trust
  • surrender
  • rebuild
  • teach
  • together
  • fight
  • unfold
  • wild
  • accepting
  • aware
  • justice
  • brave
  • curious
  • Disciplined
  • Empowered
  • Happy
  • Intuitive
  • invested
  • Wealthy
  • nourishing
  • motivated

Now that you have this long list of words in front of you it time to narrow down your favorites. However you choose to do this is up to you. Whether you meditate, use a pendulum, simply sit and reflect on them or something else. Narrow it down to a few or handful of your favorites to choose from.

Drum roll…. Now is the time we have been waiting for. It is time to choose the word that you can commit to as the next year unfolds. As you choose your word you need to make sure you have a strong pull to it so, you feel you can truly commit to it. If you can’t commit to focusing on your word, then you won’t live up to your goals for the new year. You won’t make changes or put the effort forward Make sure .that your word just feels like it fits. Some years you’ll need a more active word because you’re in a season of growing. While others will be more quiet and slow as you are in a season of reflection and introspection. So, make sure the one it is you choose sings to your soul and is one you can really commit to in the long year ahead.

My 2025 word of the year


After I sat down and did this for 2025 myself , the word that was singing to my soul for 2025 is Consistency. What is Consistency? It is the quality of always behaving or performing in a similar way, or of always happening in a similar way. Consistency also means that we’re making sure we’re doing the things we tend to avoid. There are many benefits to implementing consistency in our life to help us achieve our biggest dreams and reach our highest goals. I’ll list a few of them below.

  • Builds trust- Being consistent in your actions and words helps others perceive you as reliable and dependable.
  • Helps achieve goals- Consistency is a critical driver for success, and it involves dedicating yourself to your goals and staying focused on what you need to do to achieve them.
  • Makes lasting change- Consistency is key to making lasting change serving as a catalyst. it can also increase your productivity and motivation.
  • Helps you overcome procrastination- Consistency can help you let go of fear and procrastination, and take action regardless of how you feel. Which in turn helps with emotional regulation.
  • Helps you build habits- The more consistently you do something, the easier it becomes, and eventually it becomes a habit.
  • Consistency enables us to develop the necessary skills and knowledge to excel in our chosen field and become a master as well.
  • Reducing stress-Consistency can provide stability and reduce uncertainty.
  • Building resilience- Consistent effort can help you persevere, overcome challenges, adapt to change, and stay motivated in the face of adversity.

Why I chose the word Consistency

Now, to be honest, I’m pretty determined and I achieve most of my goals (at least 80%) but when I reflect on those that I don’t achieve, it almost always comes down to consistency. I would probably describe myself as someone who likes to start stuff and likes the sense of achievement of finishing stuff but ,I don’t enjoy the middle. when you can struggle. When you may have days that you don’t hit all of your goals, check off the whole to do list, or be focused on your goals at all. Those days when I don’t do anything to work towards my goals, manifestation, and growth are the ones that can derail my progress and even my entire year. It starts a shame spiral I really struggle to get myself out of off and it holds on very tight. But, as I sit here now and reflect on those moments they also are some throughout the past year that I learned the most about myself.


I n those moments of being inconsistent I have learned so much about myself in the past few years but, especially the past one. From how to love myself more, trust in my gifts and magic, and learn how I can truly help the collective in this life around. My confidence grew and I learned how to use my voice in a more efficient way, and that my number one gift is my authenticity. I learned that my artistic and creative self has been hiding just waiting for the right way to express itself and be let out. 2024 taught me a lot about flexibility and slowing down. Reminding me that amongst a chaotic year and life I can eventually find peace amongst the anxiety of the unknown and be able to cherish the little moments when I go back to my roots , surround myself in silence and be still.

I also learned that I have a lot more healing to go to keep myself in wise mind which allows me to be consistent with the way I want to live my life every single day. I need to be more committed to working through dysfunction, tough times, and hiccups in life (especially with technology) to be more consistent in showing up in my life. I need to be more focused on not being perfect in my progression every single day. But, to instead be willing to just be consistent to see long lasting change. Where my life, my business, my growth, my learning, and my evolution have been blocked and stopped is with me, myself, and I not being consistent with the things I want in life .With not being consistent with the things I know I need to do in life, to reach the highest peaks and bring my dreams into reality. With allowing perfectionism and a need to control block my sight. So, for 2025 I commit to being consistent with myself in an honest and authentic way.

What does being consistent in this year look like to me?

It means showing up for myself and my goals each and every day. Taking action regardless of how I feel on any given day. It means that this year will be the year I build upon the work I have been doing over the last five years to evolve, grow, and alchemize my suffering. I build upon the last year of work I have put in to build my business(this sacred container) and acknowledging the vast amount of progress I have made so far. I will keep doing the things that work and I won’t worry about the rest. I believe that being consistent will help me both personally, spiritually, and NOW professionally. Being consistent will help me let go of the fear of the unknown, of the self-doubt as to whether I can achieve my goal as well as all that procrastination and excuses. Why? because when you choose to be consistent none of that matters, you just keep doing what you’re doing. It makes you accountable to yourself, to your plan. It will also help me be my authentic self, practice what I preach, and let go of the need to be perfect and in control at all times with myself and my world. So, for 2025 I commit to being consistent with myself in an honest and authentic way.

How to use your word of the year?

Now, that you have gone through the steps and reflection to get to your word of the year what do you do? How do you incorporate this word into your life, manifestation and goal setting for the new year waiting to unfold. How do you take this one little word and have it be the corner stone of your dreams coming true, goals being met, and lasting change taking root? That is really truly going to depend on you and what you need. Think about what works best for you. Below are some of the things I have done in the past years you can try. Just listen to that little voice in your head and heart telling you which way to go.

  • My personal favorite, . If you haven’t learned how to create one to transform you year completely check out my guide here.
  • A lot of people like to call them vision boards but, I prefer to use goal boards. Using this term creates a much more urgent sense to complete what is on them instead of making them a some day dream. So, make sure when you create yours for this year your new word of the year you just chose inspires everything on it and is in the center of the board.
  • Are you a bullet journal fanatic like I am? Do you live your life on the pages of that journal? Why not put your world all over it? I do. I add it to the front o f the page and across every single margin so I see it every year.
  • Don’t use a bullet journal then write it on your planner, your calendar, or put on the notepad on your phone or lock screen as a home screen saver.
  • Use your word of the year to be the center of your goal setting mind map. This is one I love to do year after year. I take the word I choose then in the center of a page I write how can I…fill in this years word.. this years number. So for this year it said How can I have consistency in 2025? Then around that question I make boxes for each categories of goals and answer the question for each one. This helps me guide with clarity the goals I should focus on in 2025.
  • Let your word of the year be the guide and center focus of the SMART goals you set for 2025. To learn more about SMART goals and how to set them check out my guide here.
  • , you use for the next year.
  • Another great idea is to create a list of books to read that support your word of the year. If you aren’t a book person then do a list of podcasts, YouTube videos, or documentaries instead.
  • That bullet journal we talked about earlier why not go and pick out 12 monthly quotes that align with your word of the year. use one each month and write it in your bullet journal , on your bathroom mirror, create a phone lock screen, or write it on your monthly calendar page. You can find daily motivation quotes on my Pinterest page to sift through.
  • Are you ready to do some extra introspection and reflection with the new year? Use your word of year to create journal prompts or as you focus with shadow work . If you would like to learn more about shadow work you can purchase my eBook here;  you can book me for a 1:1 session as your guide here; and you can watch my free class previously taught on it through Divination here.
  • Write your word on multiple pieces of small paper and seal them in a jar you decorate to pull out on days when you need to remember your focus for the year.
  • Take your word of the year and write it on sticky notes and place them all over your home to remind you of what is when you need it and you can’t forget it. You could even write it in the inside of your wrist. I have done that from time to time. I suggest don’t use permanent marker or sharpie. I have had it end up on my face by the morning while I sleep through transference. Not fun to try and wash off!
  • Are you more of a person who lives their life using their phone? Then why not take your word and have it on reminders, alarms, or calendar events to go off and be a consistent reminder for you.
  • Write your word down over and over and over again somewhere. Putting your goals which this word is tied to, in writing enhances their tangibility and strengthens your commitment to achieving them.
  • Share your word of the year with friends and loved ones. You can do this in anyway you like. When you Share your goals with trusted friends, family, or a mentor you gain encouragement and accountability. If you need a community to share your word with comment below, comment on facebook, or in my patreon.
  • Lastly, make sure to spend some time in a quiet, calm, and sacred container so you can meditate and visualize what living your life focused on your word of the year will look like, and feel like in the year to come.

Final thoughts

When it comes to choosing your own word of the year, there is no right or wrong way to do it. It’s about choosing one word (you may or may not want to choose a mantra/affirmation/quote instead or to go alongside) that will encompass your intentions for the year ahead. You want it to be your focus, your reminder to be your best self for the year. Your reminder to walk your own unique destined path to help heal the collective and the souls you find on your travels. Perhaps your word will come to you in a flash of inspiration or maybe you keep seeing it pop up as you go about your day. It might come to you quickly or it might be more slowly – you will know when you know. Just follow that intuition, trust yourself, and choose YOUR word. Then set your goals and reach for the stars! Just remember that 2025 can only be better if you choose to make it better. You have to put in the effort to make this year the most magical, and best one yet! What is your new word of the year? Come join me on Facebook or patreon and let me know or comment below!

Come join me the first Saturday of January to revolutionize how you set your goals for 2025. Let me show you hand in hand how to create my personal development plan. You will leave with your entire years worth of SMART goals planned, a way to keep yourself accountable, and have a clear path on how you meet every goal you set. https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/4ZKQ6FXMUGGEJ

Have you been feeling stuck, emotionally unstable, missing joy in your life, or having a hard time connecting to yourself and your magic? Do you want to start the new year from a different headspace? I have the answer for you to start out this new year from a place feeling grounded, present, and ready to manifest your dream life. Come join me for this special one time only two day event teaching you how to integrate the practice of Mindfulness to your magic and life!

What is mindfulness? Mindfulness is the practice of purposely bringing one’s attention to the present moment without judgment. It allows you to move from just existing in life to thriving, get back to wise mind, create a place to heal and grow in, and most important of all, align you with joy while creating a life where you truly thrive! This skill is a core skill in DBT, the therapy that changed my life! To register for this special two day event visit the link below! https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/JY5UBMB2TA27L

Come join me for community, knowledge, and to restore the enchantment of magic in yourself and life today!

Don’t forget to head over to the shop today for eBooks, workshops, resources, and 1:1 services with me!

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About Me : I have been a solitary grey magic practitioner for 15 + years. First and foremost, I consider myself a mystic and seeker of all knowledge. I am dedicated to the restoration, and re-enchantment of Magic in society, across this realm, and in each and every soul I come across in life! I am here to create a container that promotes healing, duality, and raw authenticity. I do this by guiding you on your personal journey to understanding your unique magic and sacred contracts. I facilitate this for you through embracing your shadow, duality and learning to live in energetic balance while not wearing a mask. When you work and learn from me you do so from your “darkness” as much as your “light” and in a way to truly harness and accept it not to just go thru it on the way to your light. But, I teach you how to truly embrace it, work with it, and use it alongside your light as a partner. I hold up a mirror for you to be able to see your authentic reflection looking back. Then have the courage to take the next step and do the uncomfortable but vital inner work to completely remove your mask. By facing all of your past wounds, traumas, and hurts. Allowing you to see both the dark and light within your story and take each chapter and alchemize it into something that is so powerful. your unique internal flame will shine so bright you will always be able to go within and find it on a dark cold night. You will learn how to truly live in duality and energetic balance to allow growth, and alignment with your sacred contracts and purposes. to finally move on and truly let the things that hold you back in this life from healing and manifesting go. To see everything I offer; like personalized shadow work sessions, womb healing, eBooks for you to work through on your own, Tarot sessions for guidance and more! Go to my shop!

© 2025, modgepodgemystic LLC

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A Letter looking up From Rock Bottom

As I felt the life shattering affect of the impact when you hit rock bottom recently; I was reminded of many things. These things I’d Like to write in this letter for myself to remember when I most likely will hit the bottom again and for you. To let you know, you are not alone, to help you shift perspective for survival, and to introduce you to what I believe is your soul.

As I write this, I am still sitting at the bottom of the mountain, after being violently shoved down it. As I tumbled down the slope hitting boulders, ledges, and shrubbery along the way adding more damage with each shocking impact. I sank deeper and deeper into the feelings of despair, hopelessness, and defeat.

When my body, heart, and spirit felt like it quite literally couldn’t take anymore I landed at the bottom of the mountain as a shattered mess, barely breathing, with what I thought was no will left to survive.

When my breathing was ragged, my body was bruised, bones were broken, and my spirit was shattered laying in the dirt with a river of tears streaming by I came face to face with the best part of myself.

The part of myself that is the foundation of who I am. The core of who I am. The tiny bit of myself that has nothing left but the will to fight and survive. The part of myself that can’t be broken down any further. No matter the amount of pressure applied. The part of myself that will drag myself back up no matter how much I am hurt. The part of myself that will adapt to any environment I’m thrown in.

And this tiny bit of myself that I get to be face to face with as I lay broken down, shattered, barely breathing at the bottom of the mountain; I believe may just really be my soul.

Sitting there face to face with my soul at the bottom of the mountain battered, bruised, and broken gave me the companion and the ability to go within and shift my perspective.

A shifting perspective when I landed and got over the shock of the impact was one of the only ways that allowed me to survive and attempt to climb that mountain again.

My soul guiding me to shift my perspective allowed me to truly see my circumstances clearly for what they were.
While I couldn’t change my circumstances. I was hurt, barely breathing, short on hope at the bottom of a mountain, nothing was going to change that anytime soon. But….

I could change my view on them.
I could change how I felt about them.
I could change how I was going to let them affect me.
I could change the lesson they would teach me.
I could change my entire perspective on the path I was going to climb once I was healed and ready to try again
I could take it in and remember that when life seems like its just completely falling apart.

When it feels like you won’t be able to take in one more painful, ragged breath. This mountain you fell down, that shove you were given, every bruise and broken bone you collected as you fell, is just life and the multiverse breaking you to rebuild you into what you were always meant to be.

It’s life showing you another path you should have taken up the mountain instead.

When I shifted my perspective it allowed me to see the potential for growth instead of only the damage I had taken on the fall down.

It gave me the ability to grab the hand of my soul, go deep within and allow the mirror of my shadow to replay the path I had previously attempted and where the fall down the mountain had begun.

Once, my perspective was able to shift the tiny ember of fight, fire, and passion that I didn’t realize had still survived the fall was lit by the warmth of my soul and used to start to rebuild the foundation of who I will be once I completely heal.

That tiny ember of fire being held and cared for by my soul would be the thing that allowed me to survive. And survival was all I could focus on as I looked up laying at the bottom of the mountain. The next breath, the next minute, the next hour, and the next day was what my body, heart, and soul could promise to live for.

I reminded myself that when you are broken, and struggling to breath through the pain it’s okay if survival is all you can focus on. It’s okay if the pain is all you can feel and see. Pain means you are still alive.

It’s okay if survival mode is where you need to be right now, to make sure you keep taking your next breath. Survival mode exists for these times and moments to push us to keep going after we take so much damage we aren’t sure how we will continue on.

Use this time laying at the bottom of the mountain bruised and broken with your soul to shift your perspective, look for a different path you can take on the next climb up, and to allow yourself to heal itself in a whole new way.

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Why Coming Out As A Bisexual Woman, In A Hetero Or Straight Appearing Relationship Was Hard

This month(June) kicks off LGBT PRIDE month! Pride month is a month dedicated to the celebration and commemoration of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender pride.

Those who identify as bisexual are among those to be included this pride month. But, bisexual people often exist in a grey area, simultaneously ostracized by the LGBTQ+ community as not “gay enough” and heterosexual people as not “straight enough.” Others tell them they are just confused, it was or is a phase, and the even more harsh to here from both communities; it’s not real and all for attention. That may explain why, according to one recent study, most bisexual people say their friends and family don’t know their sexuality.

Coming out as bisexual was a very difficult thing to do and I want to take the time to really talk about and shed light on the whys especially on the fact that we struggle to fit into either community, our identities are questioned often, and how if we are in a hetero or straight appearing relationship it diminishes our identities as bisexuals and/or ostracize us from communities.

I used to be one of those in the most category we talked about earlier in the survey. Until 3 years ago a combination between a new type of therapy and Pride month, allowed me to finally open up about my sexuality, my past, and how much being in the closet was really affecting me. I hadn’t expressed to anyone my sexualtiy not even to my husband who at the time I had been with for a decade. No one knew about my brief relationship with a girl in middle school and high school, my sexual hookups with girls, and the deep feelings of sexual attraction and desire for many of my deep friendships growing up.

People were surprised to say the least, and many didn’t believe me and said or asked quite a handful of hurtful things. I had always been in hetero or straight passing relationships in public and I ended up married in one even. It made it even harder for me since I met my husband so young, and have been together for 13 years now as I write this. Like I said, I hadn’t even discussed it with my husband until he was the first one I came out to right before my cousin and best friend. On top of that, I didn’t come out until I was almost 30 years old, at that point many asked me why it mattered now, including myself.

But, the longer I was in the closet and not public and vocal about my identity; the more I didn’t feel authentic. The more I didn’t feel honest. The more I didn’t feel whole. The more I had actually started to have some guilt in my marriage and resentment as well. And I had reached a point that I needed to figure out why I was so afraid to openly express my sexuality when I was usually so authentic about every other area of my life.

There were three huge reasons I had come up with while in reflection. The first was my hetero or straight appearing relationship really causes a lot of issues with my sexuality. Now, this doesn’t mean my husband isn’t kind and supportive or I was worried of judgement from him. The issue is the image my relationship makes others see and how they perceive me and feel about it me in different communities because of it. From my experience your made to feel, when you are in a hetero or straight relationship you for some reason have to almost just give up and hand over identity as a bisexual. You get questions from the LGBT community and the assumptions made that you are a straight when you are seen with your partner. You get doubted and not believed from the ally or straight community as well and even told, well your married now and to a man so how can you be bisexual anymore? Again, like the whole time it was just confusion and you waiting to make an ultimate choice on your identity and you chose straight.

However, my “gay side” and my “straight side” do not compete. They coexist, regardless of my partner’s gender. This is simply my identity and it doesn’t go away because, of the gender or sexual identity of my life partner. When I really realized this myself it helped me to understand that it shouldn’t matter to myself or anyone else that my relationship appears to others as a hetero or straight relationship. I am and always will be bisexual no matter the gender or identity of the person I am married too.

The second reason it was so hard for me to come out as bisexual was the grey area I talked about in the beginning that made me feel really ostracized in either community. Listening to the way others would talk about those who were bisexual both in the hetero or straight community and in the LGBT community didn’t make it seem like a welcoming and opening space for me to be out in. To be honest I still struggle with this today. In general because of being bisexual and the having to always feel like you are defending your identity, what it means in both communities and defending yourself to be included in the safe spaces. To be questioned about the validity of it, was it phase, were you just confused, and even at times being made to feel like it’s asking for attention. AND this is coming from all sides and both communities which makes it seem like being lonely in the closet may be better than having to defend yourself from all fronts at times.

The third reason was the guilt and resentment that I had started to build up in my marriage. Most of this was my fault. My husband had never given me any reason to believe that I couldn’t be open and honest with him. For me, I just wasn’t ready to come out to anyone at all about it and that had included him for a really long time. I would make comments about my preferences in women and how I found some attractive throughout the years but, I never told him directly about my identity. Eventually I started to feel guilty for not allowing him the chance to be a safe space and also for not being fully honest with him and all parts of who I was. When the guilt got really heavy I even at times felt like I had tricked him into marrying someone he didn’t fully know and that felt wrong and unfair. Which made me had to decide what felt worse the guilt about hiding it from him or the anxiety of coming out to him?

The fourth and final reason it was hard for me to come out as bisexual was I experience straight-passing privilege because of the image my relationship portrays to others. This means that most people assume I am a straight woman in a heterosexual relationship. Which does allow me to at times not have to deal with some challenges and obstacles of those assumptions if I don’t want to. Which led to me feeling guilty and like I almost hadn’t earned the right to be in the LGBT community and in queer spaces especially since I had been in the closet for such a long time.

I eventually realized that guilt is a feeling that you invoke on yourself not others so it was time for me to deal with that on my own while remembering that it was something I needed to be aware. Because, when you let that guilt and straight-passing privilege take over it can lead to the erasing of your bisexuality whether you do it to yourself like I did by not allowing myself out the closet for so long or by others making assumptions about your identity no longer existing. I do my best to also remember it’s normal to not always feel confident in my identity. It’s okay to sometimes feel discomfort, after all sexuality is a spectrum that changes as we evolve with it.

To this day I still experience being questioned, I still have to be vocal in public spaces and openly identify myself to feel like I am not allowing straight-passing privilege to erase my bisexuality, and at times I have to still struggle with feelings of guilt when in queer safe spaces and especially during pride month it gets a spotlight shown on it. I do my best to hold onto my bisexuality though and not allow it to be erased because of my hetero or straight passing relationship. Some of the ways I do that is by trying to be vocal and open about my identity, until recently I had a flag in the front window of my home ( it will be replaced), I talk about my identity often with others, and I bring awareness to my relationship and others on my social media when I can. I attend pride events and try to be in queer safe spaces and communities and find ways to bring my bisexuality into my life through shows I watch, conversations with my husband, and into my sex life without cheating.

What I ask of you if you took the time to read about my experience this pride month is if you are bisexual and in closest I hope this helped you feel safer, and seen. I hope it let you know you are not alone and there actually is a much bigger community of others out there for you to connect with. Especially if you are in a hetero or straight appearing relationship. Since, I came out of the closet I have had more than a handful of other women confide in me they identify the same way and I guard some of their doors still. Most importantly remember being bisexual doesn’t mean you shouldn’t find safety and belong in queer safe spaces.

If you are not bisexual I ask that you remember being bisexual isn’t a phase, or confusion for someone you love if that is how they identify. Even if they end up choosing a life partner that has them appear to be in a hetero or straight appearing relationship. It doesn’t suddenly make them no longer bisexual. Please don’t try and erase that part of their identity from who they are. This pride month if they are out of the closet and vocal about it don’t forget about them. Don’t allow them to be overlooked especially if they are in a hetero or straight appearing relationship. Their existence isn’t any less valid in the LGBT community this pride month. Remind them that their relationship doesn’t make them any less valid in the LGBT community and it shouldn’t make them feel that way either or like they have to hide in the closet if they still are.

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I am not my mental illnesses, they don’t define who I am AND because, I live with them they do shape my reality

May is mental health awareness month. For many this points a spotlight on mental health and mental illnesses when they may not always think about it and they seek to learn more. While for others it may be a month to focus on improving mental health, healing, and using skills to create a life worth living while living with mental illnesses. Even yet, this month could be the push someone needed to seek help, treatment, or to go and get a diagnosis for the first time.

For myself it becomes a month focused on reflecting on how balanced I currently am, to check in with how well I am using mental health skills and techniques to maintain a healthy mental state, and to really look at my own personal relationship with my mental health and mental illnesses. While reflecting and really looking at my mental health and my relationship currently with mental illnesses this month was a little different for me than in past years because, I wanted to write about it. I have written and rewritten this post so many times this month because during my reflection process my answer would change. I would write an open letter about the illnesses I live with ( OCD, PTSD, Bipolar, BPD, and a few more) and it just wouldn’t feel whole. I would pick my favorite DBT skills to talk about this month and it wouldn’t feel like enough for bringing awareness.

So, I kept waiting, reflecting and rewriting and after a interpersonal conflict which put me in a really unbalanced and depressed state of mind. Where some things were said that were hurtful had pushed me to think about myself, my reactions, and if my view on reality were causing imbalance and unhappiness in my life. Which lead me to really think about the topic I landed on for this blogpost. The fact that I am not my mental illnesses, they don’t define who I am AND because I live with them they do shape my reality and how I experience the world.

I often forget that my mental illnesses don’t define me. I work so hard to try to raise awareness of these illnesses and how they affect your brain chemistry and makeup. I focus so much on wanting people to understand that these illnesses are not just in your head, they are real and they affect your brain chemistry and makeup. That at times I feel I almost let them become my whole identity unintentionally.

I also forget this when I start to struggle. I start to sink into the unwanted parts of my mental illnesses and I begin to believe that’s who I am and all the negative stigmas that are attached to them. When I feel overwhelmed by my symptoms, I try to remind myself that my illnesses are not me. I have to remind myself that my mental illnesses don’t disqualify me from being a mother, and that they can’t stop me from doing anything. I than remind others of the same thing once I am back to believing it, because sadly not everyone in my life agrees with this. Some believe that just having a mental illness means I shouldn’t even be mother.

While all the above is true and I work really hard to do my best to remember that and to remind others. The other half of this is recognizing that although they do not define me and who I am, my mental illnesses do shape my reality, how I experience the world, and how I interact with others. Some of the mental illnesses I have can never be “cured” and some I can’t be medicated for either. Though I can develop a healthy lifestyle based on therapeutic skills to help live a much more happy, balanced and stable life with them. They will always be apart of my life and my reality.

So, what does that mean and why does it matter? For myself I live with bipolar disorder and BPD which can cause some ping ponging on my feelings, thoughts, reactions, and even at times my beliefs. On top of that you through the extreme anxiety that comes with OCD and triggers from PTSD. This undoubtedly means my perception of reality will be affected by these things in ways others may not have to experience. On top of that it will affect how I interact with others and even with myself. This means I can’t allow myself to believe so deeply that I am not defined by my mental illnesses that I completely forget how they affect my perception and my place in this world. That I unintentionally put myself into denial of their existence and allow myself to not maintain healthy mental health and let my mental illnesses affect myself and my life in unwanted ways. This also means that when I interact with others I have to remember they may not be experiencing reality from my perception. And I ask others to do the same with me.

Whether you chose to read this because you live your life with mental illnesses or you have those in your life you love who do or simply to gain some insight and awareness. The main things I really want you to take from are the following. Living with a mental illness doesn’t define you. It doesn’t dictate who you are, who you can become or what you can accomplish. It may look a little different or you have to go a different path to get there but, they don’t dictate that at all. They don’t disqualify you from any part of a happy, thriving life you dream of. All you have to do is find the skills THAT HELP YOU achieve that. AND; still remember that you do live with them. They will affect your day to day life, how you view reality through perception and how you interact with and perceive others. Don’t allow yourself to forget that and neglect your mental health hygiene and skills and lead to unwanted effects resonating throughout the areas of your life.

Mental Health Awareness Resources
Please note that all of these resources are available at any time of day or night and are all free of charge. If you are struggling or know someone who is, please do not hesitate to reach out. These hotlines are there for the very specific purpose of helping you.

If you are having thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be connected to a trained crisis counselor who will treat you with respect and listen to you. They can help you identify options in your area.
If texting seems more your speed, you can text NAMI to741-741. This will connect you to a trained crisis counselor. They are available 24/7.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline is also available 24/7. You can reach them at 800-799-SAFE (7233). Victims of domestic violence often suffer from depression and anxiety.
Victims of sexual assault often struggle with fear, depression, anger, and anxiety. You can reach the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673).

Favorite Sites For Mental Health Awareness
There are many great websites that focus on mental health awareness. The following are highly recommended.

National Alliance on Mental Health (NAMI)
Harvard Medical School – Has great pages focused on mental health issues
Mental Health America
National Institute of Mental Health
Active Minds – specializes in teens and young adults
Project Semicolon – dedicated to suicide prevention

If you or a loved one are struggling with any type of mental health concern, please reach out to a professional who can offer support, advice, and direction. You are not alone. Millions of other people are facing similar struggles. And millions have faced them and come through the other side wiser, stronger, and healthier. Take the time and effort this May to educated yourself and become more aware of the mental health issues in your range of influence and experience. You never know how or where you can make a difference.

The last thing I will leave you with are some mental health statistics to remind how relevant this is to each one of us!

The following statistics were found at the National Alliance on Mental Health website.

  • 1 in five American adults will experience a mental illness
  • Nearly 1 in 25 Americans live with a serious mental illness
  • 18% of American adults live with an anxiety disorder
  • Almost 7% of American adults live with major depression
  • Depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide.
  • Depression costs the U.S. $193 billion in lost earnings every year.
  • Suicide rates in the U.S. have risen 25% in the last 20 years
  • 20% of American youth (ages 13-18) have a mental health condition
  • Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death in American youth ages 10-24. It is the 10th leading cause of death for Americans overall.
  • The average delay between onset of mental health symptoms and treatment is 10 years
  • Almost 60% of American adults with a mental illness did not receive treatment in the last year.
  • Minorities are much less likely to receive treatment for mental illness
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Who Am I as a Witch and what is my path

Before we get into any of the extensive topics and knowledge I have to share with you on magic, witchcraft, paganism, esoteric studies, occultism, ancient religions and cultures and more.

If you want to know more about the journey I had to get to here you can read about it here in a previous blog post. https://modgepodgemystic.com/how-i-found-my-magical-spiritual-path/

I know right away you are going to say, whoa she is young how can she be teaching anyone.

First check out my about me page, or my review page and go and vet me. I have many students who love learning from me and my perspective, I am very detailed, I know MANY paths, and I teach even things I do not personally agree with so my students can truly pick their own path. I also am teaching alongside amazing, knowledgeable and credible professors as well at Divination Academy.

Second go and watch any of my classes and/or rituals on youtube and read any of my study guides!

They are FREE to all and I encourage you to watch every one on by every professor there but, I have many there for you to use as a resource and to check out who I am!

Now, that we got that out of the way!

Who am I as a practitioner?

I have been a solitary grey magic practitioner for 15 + years.

First and foremost, I consider myself a mystic and seeker of all knowledge. I study from many different sources, paths, pantheons, religions, cultures, teachers and practices. Two of my main patron deities were keepers of the schools of mysteries ( hades & Persephone).

And I am dedicated to becoming one with the multiverse through all esoteric and occult knowledge. I am dedicated to the restoration and re-enchantment of magic into this realm, our lives, and society.

I have practiced and studied from many different teachers and masters in areas such as shamanism, magic(k), witchcraft, religion and spiritual practices.

I focus my studies on being as accurate to the culture and religion as possible throughout history and representing things across many different paths and practices. I study and create my path from the mix of all the things I study thru discernment, intuition, and guidance.

I am a grey magic practitioner.

Which means I work with both dark and light energy and strive to maintain constant duality in my practice and life. I live and thrive in the grey.

I do not view things in the terms of “good” vs “evil” I view everything as energy and as either wanted or unwanted energy. What one person may view as good and evil is subjective to each and everyone of us.

I believe in sacred contracts, and have discovered many of mine and strive to live in a way to fulfill it this lifetime. I’ve done a lot of past live regression and work and continue to do more to this day to unlock more of my past lives and knowledge I have gained through each incarnation. I do this through many way like currently working with a mentor on past life regression therapy, Ive done Akashic record work, studying and worked with auto writing, and astral travel and work as well.

I work with all the dark goddesses and have the ability to channel and invoke deities. I Love the connections I have with many deities and the energy they allow me access to connect to through a different perspective but, I also understand I myself am a goddess and divine being in my own right as well.

My magic is very folk, ceremonial, energy based and elemental based with some chaos magic mixed in and some others. I really do dabble in large variety.

I write every single prayer, spell, invocation, and circle casting personally I use.

I work with many divination tools and practices such as all forms of scrying, tarot, runes, etc.

I work with deity energy, archetype energy, chakras, the collective uncounscious, all forms of nature, other entities such as demons, the fae, and all supernatural entities.

I focus heavily on moon energy in practice and in my daily life and home.

My knowledge is extensive across many practices, topics and paths.

My energy and magick is naturally very healing, purifying and cleansing and I love to provide that to others as it is a key part to my soul contract.

I cant wait to teach you on so many topics from basics in magic(k), to different pagan religions, different paths, and how to fulfill your responsibility of duality as a magic(k) practitioner and pagan.

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How I found my Magical & Spiritual Path

My Journey prior to paganism and Witchcraft

As a wee bitty baby against my will I was baptized in a Lutheran church. I have very strong feelings on baptizing children into any religion and later in life I did perform an unbaptizing ritual and a chord cutting with that contract and deity. After that growing up my family wasn’t super religious until I got to middle school and my family started attending a Baptist church and my mom was remarried. And even than my parents never were devoted Christians. It always felt very surface level from them and that they were Christian for the image and when they needed financial help or support. I was always much more devote than they were and it caused many fights my teen years when I would point out some of their unchristian like behavior.

When I say devote, I mean I brought my bible with me everywhere, I was the girl at the lunch table reading my bible and saying prayers at the public school, organizing see you at the pole for the first time ever in my district and school, leading bible study groups, I had the bible memorized forwards and backgrounds due to awana, sunday school, and other bible study groups, and I went on a mission to the Dominican Republic as well. I was devoted to that religion and faith until that mission, that started to change it all for me and what happened in life afterwards.

When my disenchantment with Christianity began

My mission trip to the Dominican Republic was a turning point in my faith and who I was and who I now have become. It was a trip that caused a lot of mixed emotions for me, anger, hurt, confusion, guilt, shame, and it really began to make my faith in the Christian religion fall to pieces. Going into this trip I was so excited, so proud, and so grounded in who I was and what I stood for. I was so excited to simply go, and provide a service to help others. I deeply care about others especially when they are suffering or going through difficult times and simply wanted to help. I was so excited for the service part and focused on that. Of course I would spread the word of Jesus when I could and when it felt natural but, for me I was there to serve and help with my hands and actions.

Day one of our actual mission work and that all changed for me.

I will never forget being pulled aside after spending majority of the day playing with the kids, digging drenches and moving and tilling land for the basketball court we had come to add to the village our church had been to many times before this one. And being told I was spending too much time playing with the children and not enough time witnessing to the children.

If you know me now or knew me than, you’d expect me to immediately speak up and say “nope, that’s wrong. That’s not why I am here. I will do it my way and that’s it. In a kind way and I am here to serve first and foremost.”

None of that happened.

I got completely quiet, turned and went back to the physical labor part of our trip and that was how I finished the rest of the trip. ( until I got bit by a mosquito and got really sick)

I spent all my free time of that trip in shock/awe that conversation had even happened. I spent my time in prayer, reading the bible, and in reflection trying to figure out what had happened and if that was what I had been dedicating my life too? Had I been crusading for an institution that cared more about how many followers they had, the rules, and who their followers were? Who cared so much more about their deity, than their fellow human beings? Who thought the church was more important than what was simply kind, moral and helping your fellow human? Was this one small group of people, was it my church, was it the whole religion, was it the deity himself?

If you are reading this and at my site because you were apart of Christianity prior to this You probably had a similar moment happen and reflection follow and I am sure you have an inkling of what began to happen next for me.

Disenchantment plus Synchronicity Equals leaving the church

After that trip, I spent a lot of time reflecting and thinking looking all around me. At my fellow church goers, at the religion itself, at the text, at the leadership, and how we treated others. And than the multiverse stepped in and added another thing in my life with the beauty that is synchronicity; I took AP world History at school. That class opened up so many doors for me. I had always loved history but, it was so limited to what I had been taught at that point. And to hear what my religion had been doing globally to mankind for centuries really made me look more. On top of that being taught other religious beliefs from a source outside my church was EYE OPENING. And led to my own study of these religions and belief systems.

I started studying Buddhism, Taoism, Islam, Judaism, and at that time was being taught to me as mythology like Greece, Rome, Persia and Egypt. I would stay after class, and go and find any time I could to study and ask my teacher questions.

By the end of that school year I would no longer have a bible on me, I would no longer be saying prayer at school, and I would be fighting with my parents about forcing me to go to church and study groups. I even got to the point of just out right arguing under my breath passive aggressively out loud during sermons.

I would no longer consider myself Christian. My parents would continue to force me to keep the image up for their sake at church but, I never got baptized in the Baptist church and later would not be married with any religion whatsoever.

So, where did my path go from here?

At first, I didn’t what it was I really believed. I was going back and forth on what I wanted to do.

Did I want to look for just a strict religion or was I looking for more?

Was I looking for more of a way of life something that would be so much; a belief system, morals, religion, purpose, your answer to life and being and more?

I wanted more which is why after awhile the traditional religions I had learned about in school and started to study just didn’t seem to quite fit. Not even atheism which I was for awhile in the middle of it all.

This is how I started looking into paganism, magic, and specifically wicca.

I had never in my life doubted that magic, the occult, or mythical creatures and entities were real and existed. That is a truth I have known my entire life and I never thought it was an evil or bad thing either. I wasn’t a Christian who thought reading harry potter was evil and should be banned. I was an over the top fan actually and those books helped me survive my abusive childhood. But, that is for another post at another time.

I just never before this had thought it was something I was capable of having access too or using.

I thought it was a birthright or you had to be lucky enough to be chosen to be taught something that sacred. I also had zero comprehension of how to actually work with energy at this point so, as I look back it makes sense I had this view.

So, I very shyly and under the radar started checking out books on magic, and wicca at the library and would only read them while hiding at school or in my truck. That year was the first year I ever connected to the moon, and cast my first spell. I stayed in wicca for less than year for many reasons, some being I simply don’t agree with a lot of the doctrine, the person who founded it, and I didn’t want to be forced into a coven and space with others.

For a long time I simply looked into mythology and different ways to connect to the seasons, the moon, and the elements. I learned how to make moon water and would secretly make it on my window sill in my bedroom. But, my stepdad wasn’t really paying attention and my mom was in prison so, I was able to experiment a lot more and start to cast more and study more.

I spent the next 5-6 years really just learning and studying and doing it under the radar as much as I could because I wasn’t sure really yet what I thought and I didn’t know if I was a witch and if I was, was I willing to come out of the witch’s closet especially where I live in Central MN? So, in public I identified as Agnostic During this time I had my first encounter with a deity and met two of patron deities hades and Persephone. I met my first demon and Fae.

After, I got married around 25 I got my first altar in my home, started practicing out in the open. I Finally was able to put a name and image to my spirit guide (kitsune named kana) who had been with me for so long and I began to really connect to Shintoism and study intensely this practice and add a Kamidana to my practice. I started my journey down the path of grey witchcraft and duality at this time as well.

I spent the next 5 years studying many many topics I will do my best to list them all below. But first what do I mean by studying?

I live in an area that isn’t the best for access to resources and we tend to be at least a few years behind others as well. On top of that other practices outside of Christianity are passive aggressively tolerated here. And if you have never felt passive aggressive judgement from a Minnesotan before, its more powerful than peer pressure.

So, due to this I have been a solitary practioner until October of 2023. How I have learned and studied while being solitary ( and having very little money always) is this; I take every single free workshop I can, every free class I can. I get and read every book, grimoire, blog, essay, research paper I can find on a topic. When I say study I look at a topic from the many perspectives; magical, historical, anthropological, cultural and more. I have paid for a few programs for reiki and chakra reading/ balancing, sound healing, astrology, and crystal healing.

After, I feel I have done enough study, I have reached out to some mentors I have made connections to after taking free classes and workshops with them, and I have done the reflection, meditation, and shadow work. I get to the practical work. I plan, I prep, I practice, and than perform it. ( keep an eye out for a future blog post on the 4 P’s of experimenting with your magic) Each and every time it is an experiment grounded in the confidence of your intuition, energy and your own power and divinity.

List of topics I have studied

Many forms of divination- tarot, astrology, runes, fire scrying, mirror scrying, water scrying, and many more

Pantheons/ Religions-Greek, roman, Babylonian, Egyptian, Shintoism, Taoism, Buddhism, Islam, Judaism, Norse, Celtic, Irish, Germanic tribes, Hinduism, Mesopotamia, many “left-hand” path practices and many more

Deities- When it comes to deities I can list some of the ones I work the most closely with but, it’s honestly better to just ask me! Persephone, hades, Lilith, Amaterasu, Loki, Kali ma, Pan, Lucifer, Most “dark Goddess”

Sex magic, goetic magic, demonology, mirror magic, elemental magic, moon magic, crystals, Kundalini reiki, sigils, energy work, sacred contract topics, manifestation, the Akashic record, past life regression, Trauma work, shadow work, liminal work, ceremonial magic, ritual magic, deity work, channeling, meditation, building a sacred space, many “mythological” creatures/entities, hermetics, working with the rays of light, womb healing, and so much more.

I will add to this list as I can remember to add!

Where my Path is at Today

I have been a solitary grey magic practioner for about 15 years now.

And this past year I began attending a Pagan Academy as a student where my knowledge and practice was recognized and I have now become a Professor there teaching many topics, summoning deities for others and hosting rituals including casting circles and calling down the moon.

First and foremost, I consider myself a mystic and seeker of all knowledge. I study from many different sources, paths, pantheons, religions, cultures, teachers and practices. Two of my main patron deities were keepers of the schools of mysteries ( hades & persephone). And I dedicated to becoming one with the multiverse through all esoteric and occult knowledge.

I have practiced and studied from many different teachers and masters in areas such as shamanism, magic(k), witchcraft, religion and spiritual practices.

I focus my studies on being as accurate to the culture and religion as possible throughout history and representing it all.

I am a grey magick practioner which means I work with both dark and light energy and strive to maintain constant duality in my practice and life. I live and thrive in the grey.

I do not view things in the terms of “good” vs “evil” I view everything as energy and as either wanted or unwanted energy.

I believe in sacred contracts, and have discovered many of mine and strive to live in a way to fulfill it this lifetime. I’ve done a lot of past live regression and work and continue to do more to this day to unlock more of my past lives and knowledge I have gained through each incarnation. I do this through many way like currently working with a mentor on past life regression therapy, Ive done Akashic record work, studying and worked with auto writing, and astral travel and work as well.

I work with all the dark goddesses and have the ability to channel and invoke deities. I Love the connections I have with many deities and the energy they allow me access to connect to through a different perspective but, I also understand I myself am a goddess and divine being in my own right as well.

My magic is very folk, ceremonial, energy based and elemental based with some chaos magic mixed in and some others. I really do dabble in large variety.

I write every single prayer, spell, invocation, and circle casting personally I use.

I work with many divination tools and practices such as all forms of scrying, tarot, runes, etc.

I work with deity energy, archetype energy, chakras, the collective uncounscious, all forms of nature, other entities such as demons, the fae, and all supernatural entities.

I focus heavily on moon energy in practice and in my daily life and home.

My knowledge is extensive across many practices, topics and paths.

My energy and magic is naturally very healing, purifying and cleansing and I love to provide that to others as it is a key part to my soul contract.