As I felt the life shattering affect of the impact when you hit rock bottom recently; I was reminded of many things. These things I’d Like to write in this letter for myself to remember when I most likely will hit the bottom again and for you. To let you know, you are not alone, to help you shift perspective for survival, and to introduce you to what I believe is your soul.
As I write this, I am still sitting at the bottom of the mountain, after being violently shoved down it. As I tumbled down the slope hitting boulders, ledges, and shrubbery along the way adding more damage with each shocking impact. I sank deeper and deeper into the feelings of despair, hopelessness, and defeat.
When my body, heart, and spirit felt like it quite literally couldn’t take anymore I landed at the bottom of the mountain as a shattered mess, barely breathing, with what I thought was no will left to survive.
When my breathing was ragged, my body was bruised, bones were broken, and my spirit was shattered laying in the dirt with a river of tears streaming by I came face to face with the best part of myself.
The part of myself that is the foundation of who I am. The core of who I am. The tiny bit of myself that has nothing left but the will to fight and survive. The part of myself that can’t be broken down any further. No matter the amount of pressure applied. The part of myself that will drag myself back up no matter how much I am hurt. The part of myself that will adapt to any environment I’m thrown in.
And this tiny bit of myself that I get to be face to face with as I lay broken down, shattered, barely breathing at the bottom of the mountain; I believe may just really be my soul.
Sitting there face to face with my soul at the bottom of the mountain battered, bruised, and broken gave me the companion and the ability to go within and shift my perspective.
A shifting perspective when I landed and got over the shock of the impact was one of the only ways that allowed me to survive and attempt to climb that mountain again.
My soul guiding me to shift my perspective allowed me to truly see my circumstances clearly for what they were.
While I couldn’t change my circumstances. I was hurt, barely breathing, short on hope at the bottom of a mountain, nothing was going to change that anytime soon. But….
I could change my view on them.
I could change how I felt about them.
I could change how I was going to let them affect me.
I could change the lesson they would teach me.
I could change my entire perspective on the path I was going to climb once I was healed and ready to try again
I could take it in and remember that when life seems like its just completely falling apart.
When it feels like you won’t be able to take in one more painful, ragged breath. This mountain you fell down, that shove you were given, every bruise and broken bone you collected as you fell, is just life and the multiverse breaking you to rebuild you into what you were always meant to be.
It’s life showing you another path you should have taken up the mountain instead.
When I shifted my perspective it allowed me to see the potential for growth instead of only the damage I had taken on the fall down.
It gave me the ability to grab the hand of my soul, go deep within and allow the mirror of my shadow to replay the path I had previously attempted and where the fall down the mountain had begun.
Once, my perspective was able to shift the tiny ember of fight, fire, and passion that I didn’t realize had still survived the fall was lit by the warmth of my soul and used to start to rebuild the foundation of who I will be once I completely heal.
That tiny ember of fire being held and cared for by my soul would be the thing that allowed me to survive. And survival was all I could focus on as I looked up laying at the bottom of the mountain. The next breath, the next minute, the next hour, and the next day was what my body, heart, and soul could promise to live for.
I reminded myself that when you are broken, and struggling to breath through the pain it’s okay if survival is all you can focus on. It’s okay if the pain is all you can feel and see. Pain means you are still alive.
It’s okay if survival mode is where you need to be right now, to make sure you keep taking your next breath. Survival mode exists for these times and moments to push us to keep going after we take so much damage we aren’t sure how we will continue on.
Use this time laying at the bottom of the mountain bruised and broken with your soul to shift your perspective, look for a different path you can take on the next climb up, and to allow yourself to heal itself in a whole new way.
